[A/N: WARNING:Consumption of food/drink while reading the next two chapters could result in choking, burning yourself, spills, dropped food on your keep and general irritation caused by excessive laughter induced by this chapter and it's nonsense and OOCness. You have been warned. Also, this chapter is for Meegbefresh who asked me to keep these two chapters in this series while I was rewriting it.]

A week after school began it was the first Hogsmeade trip of the New Year and I was walking down to breakfast with Neville who I felt like I hadn't spoken to in ages.

As we walked downstairs, we ran into Adrian and Melanie, who were laughing.

"What's so funny?" Neville asked.

"You mean. . . You didn't do it?" Melanie asked.

"Didn't do what?" I asked.

"The pictures of Snape plastered all over the Great Hall," Adrian said.

"Why are there pictures of Snape plastered all over the Great Hall?" Neville asked, slightly repulsed.

"I don't know, but someone used a permanent sticking charm on them, and he's pretty mad," Adrian said.

"We all thought it may've been you, Hannah because you were with him when he was ice skating," Melanie said.

"There are pictures of him ice skating stuck to the walls of the Entrance Hall. He's already rounded up Draco, Kassia, Danielle, Kaitlin, Emily, Ron, Ginny, Harry, and Hermione to question them," Adrian said.

"He's looking for you now. I'd go to his office if I were you," Melanie said.

I shot down to Snape's office, abandoning my friends on the stairs. Inside sat each of my friends that were with me on New Year's Eve.

"Hannah, did you put all those pictures up?" Hermione asked.

"No. I haven't even seen them. I was with Neville this morning," I said.

"He's pissed," Kassia said.

"So none of you took the pictures either?" I asked.

"No. We didn't have a camera, remember? Besides, we wouldn't be stupid enough to hang them up around the school. We'd save them and use them as blackmail in the future," Kaitlin said.

"Wow, you have the same mentality as Fred and George," Emily said.

"Well, someone had to be there to take those pictures," Draco said.

"But we were the only ones who were there from our school," Ginny said.

"None of this is making sense," Hermione said.

". . . Hey, do any of the Muggle-born students live in London? Someone who may've been there and seen him?" Emily asked.

"I asked everyone I knew who lived in London if they were going to the carnival. Most of them were going to be out of town and the rest weren't going," Hermione replied.

"You don't think that, like, Veronica or Lupin took those pictures?" Ginny asked.

"After all the times those guys have yelled at us for acting immature, they wouldn't do something like this," Harry said.

"Well Sirius might've but he was practically losing his mind over not having a camera," I said.

The door to the office opened and in stepped a very angry-looking Snape. He glared at me.

"I didn't do it," I said before he could even open his mouth. "And I have no idea who did it."

"We really don't know Professor, honest," Hermione said.

The door burst open, and Dumbledore rushed in. He pointed at Snape.

"Severus, quick! Do something manly! There are pictures of you ice skating all over the school," Dumbledore said.

Snape sighed. "I know, Headmaster."

"Do something manly." Dumbledore conjured up a dictionary. "Rip this is half."

"Diffindo," Snape said.

Dumbledore sighed. "Quit acting like a bitch, Severus. Rip the damn book in half."

We all exchanged glances at Dumbledore's sudden use of profanity. He repaired the dictionary and handed it to Severus.

Snape held it and tried to rip it in half, but it was a dictionary so he obviously couldn't do it.

Angered, Dumbledore took the dictionary and shouted "Rip things in half!" and tore the dictionary into two clean chunks.

"Holy Merlin flying a Nimbus 2000 backwards!" I shouted as Dumbledore dropped the book on the ground.

"Break stuff in two!" he said. He pointed his wand at a desk and snapped it into two pieces. Everyone looked up at Dumbledore in awe as he left the room repeating "Rip things in half! Break stuff in two!"

We followed Dumbledore down the to the Great Hall, where all the Snape pictures hung.

All the teachers seemed unusually energetic today. It was a bit scary. Dumbledore went to the Hufflepuff table and glared at them all.

"BREAK STUFF IN TWO!" he shouted.

He tapped the table with his wand and it snapped in two right down the middle. All the Hufflepuffs screamed and scattered.

Suddenly all the teachers in the Great Hall went crazy "ripping things in half" and "breaking stuff in two."

"ANARCHY!" McGonagall shouted.

Flitwick stood on top of the staff table, conjured up an electric guitar, and started to play a heavy metal riff.

"Can we like. . . go to Hogsmeade now. . . I'm frightened," Kassia said.

"Uh. . . yes," Snape said. We all left for Hogsmeade, as did many other students.

"What the hell was that?" Emily asked as we started towards Hogsmeade.

"I don't know. I've never seen so much chaos," Hermione said.

"It was scary," I said with a shudder.

We approached Hogsmeade where we could just make out an arguing Tonks and Lupin, with Sirius, Dana and Veronica trying to be peacemakers. They stopped when they saw us.

"Why are you guys so freaked out?" Veronica asked.

"Yeah, most of the students I've seen come through here looked like they were running for their lives," Dana added.

"The school has gone to hell. Our teachers are insane," Ginny said.

"It all started when someone posted pictures of Snape ice skating all over the Great Hall. He called all of us down to his office to question us. But then Dumbledore runs in and tells Snape to rip a dictionary in half," Danielle said.

"Why'd he have to rip a dictionary in half?" Tonks asked.

"Because he needed to do something to restore his manliness," Ron said.

"Yes, and Snape couldn't, obviously-it was dictionary! Dumbledore takes the dictionary and rips it in two. Suddenly he's running through the school shouting, 'Rip stuff in half! Break stuff in two!' And when he gets to the Great Hall, he chops the Hufflepuff table in two," Kassia said.

"And suddenly all the other teachers join in, and Flitwick's playing an electric guitar-." I began.

"A guitar?" Lupin asked.

"Yes, and then McGonagall shouted 'Anarchy' as she broke the hour glasses," Harry said.

"It was, quite honestly, the most horrifying thing I've ever seen," Draco said.

". . . That's absurd," Sirius said walking away.

"But, it's true," I said, following him. "Yes, it's all a bit far-fetched, but it's true. I swear."

Sirius turned and looked at me.

"This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," Tonks said.

"Everything surrounding our lives is one big absurdity, if you haven't noticed," Hermione said.

"Severus ice skating," Kassia said.

"Yeah, and Hannah and Draco getting engaged. That was weird and unexpected," Danielle said.

"Lupin dressing up as Morpheus for Halloween last year," Draco said.

"If you didn't know they were true for a fact, you wouldn't believe any of those things," Ginny said.

"This is true, I swear," Harry said.

"Flitwick playing the guitar?" Lupin asked.

"Honest," I said.

The four adults exchanged glances and sighed.

Pansy came running up the road, screaming, with Sabrina, Kristen, Blaise, Crabbe and Goyle.

They stopped when they saw us.

"You! You're an Auror right?" Pansy asked, pointing at Tonks.

"Aye," she replied.

"Then get to that school and stop whatever the hell is going," Blaise said.

"Whoa, whoa. What is going on? Really?" Tonks asked.

"The teachers are psychotic. They're all 'rip things in half' and Flitwick's got this archaic music playing on the guitar," Sabrina said.

"I fear for the poor little first and second years," Kristen said.

"Even Peeves high-tailed it out of there," Pansy said.

"Wait. You're telling the truth?" Lupin asked.

"Duh!" Ginny said.

"Only sane person around is Snape, and he's trying to rescue all the students," Sabrina said. "I do hope he's alright."

There was a small explosion, coming from the school. We all jumped and looked up at it.

Tonks turned her back on it.

"Maybe if I pretend it doesn't exist, it'll all go away," Tonks said.

"You're an Auror. You have to do something," Sabrina said.

"I can't act on something this big by myself. I'm liable to be killed. Besides, that would go totally against protocol," Tonks said. "It may be my job to walk blindly into a dangerous situation to help others, but that is just absurd."

"Look, you kids go enjoy Hogsmeade. We'll see what we can do. . . if anything," Veronica said.

"We'll Apparate down to the ministry. You stay on your watch," Dana said. Veronica and Dana Disapparated.

Our group slowly dispersed.

"You wanna go?" Draco asked.

"Yeah. You go ahead. I'll catch up," I said.

"I'll be at Madame Puddifoot's. I didn't get to eat breakfast amidst all the chaos," Draco said.

Draco and I walked to the little teashop and sat down in front of the fireplace.

"How's your first week back been?" Draco asked.

I shrugged. "I feel like I'm in a tizzy with everything going on. Between teaching and studying for my seventh year exams and my NEWTs, I feel like I'm losing my mind."

"You look tired," he said.

"I am. All I do in my free time is sleep. I sleep when I don't even mean to," I said. "This morning, I woke up in the common room under a pile of herbology notes."

"Then just slow down a little," Draco said. "You don't need to kill yourself over this you. You've got six weeks until NEWTs. You're gonna do great."

The door to the tea shop opened. In walked Professor Dumbledore.

"Think he's back to normal?" Draco asked.

"I certainly hope so. Otherwise someone might call him incompetent and then they'll have to place me back into the care of Tonks," I said.

"Hey! Hannah!" Dumbledore said. He made his way over to us.

*What is he doing?*

"Mind if I join you?" he asked.

"I'm kind of-."

"Great. Thanks. They serve any good brandy here? I usually go to Rosemerta's," Dumbledore said.

"It's mostly just coffees and teas," Draco said.

"You'll probably want to go to the Three Broomsticks," I said.

"Nonsense," Dumbledore said. "I'd much rather sit here and make sure you two aren't doing anything promiscuous."

*Oh God. . . kill me. . . smite me now.*

"Uh. . . no," Draco said.

"You know, Mister Malfoy, I don't think you and I have had proper time to chat about Hannah," Dumbledore said.

". . . Not that I can recall," Draco said.

"Well, I think you are laboring under the impression that it is only your former professor, Lupin, and also Sirius who will take it upon themselves to, for lack of a better word, punish you for hurting Hannah. This assumption, however, is wrong. You see, Hannah is like a daughter to me. I taught her to walk and talk and read and write and, with a lot of difficulty I taught her to use the toilet."

*Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.*

"My point being, if you do hurt Hannah. . . I will make you pay. . . I'll have ways of making you see the error of your ways and when you do see them. . . you'll beg me for your death. . . I'll fill your life with misery and woe. . . the dark places of you mind will be plagued with horrible nightmares and visions that won't leave your head. Ever. Do I make myself clear, Mister Malfoy?" Dumbledore said, deadly serious.

I sat there, mouth agape, as he spoke to Draco.

"Crystal clear, sir," Draco said.

"Good then. Oh, look! It's stopped snowing. I think I may just fancy a drink at the Three Broomsticks. See you later," he said. He got up and walked out of the shop.

"Oh. My. God. That did not just really happen," I said.

"Hannah, it's-"

"I thought maybe because my parents were no longer with us maybe I could avoid one of those moment where your parents show up and completely embarrass you. . . I was wrong," I said. "Leave it to Dumbledore to prove me wrong."

"It's alright," Draco said.

"No, it's not alright. He just said he'd fill your life with misery and woe. Dumbledore said that and he's pretty much-"

"Not a liar and the greatest sorcerer in the world," Draco said.

"Yeah. . . that," I said. I ate the last piece of bacon on my plate. "Can we leave, please?"

"Of course," Draco said.

We walked out of the tea shop and down the streets.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked.

"Someplace where they won't find me," I said.

". . . We could always go to the Shrieking Shack. . . even though it's haunted," Draco said.

"Hardly," a voice said. There stood Lupin.

"Hello," I said.

"Why so glum, chum?" he asked.

"Dumbledore just. . . it's a long story. I'll tell you later," I said.

"Right, well, like I said, the Shrieking Shack isn't haunted, Draco," Lupin said.

"Really?" Draco asked.

"Yes. When I first started school here, they planted the Whomping Willow over a secret passage out of the school that led up to the Shrieking Shack. Course, then it was just an old house," Lupin said.

"Well why'd they do that, plant the willow I mean?" Draco asked.

"Well this is before the Wolfsbane potion. So I'd go under the Whomping Willow every full moon to the shrieking shack to transform," Lupin said. "That's why they heard the screams. You see, cut off from anyone who I could 'attack', I kind of attacked myself and that's where all the rumors came from."

"Oh. . . is that why you've got all those scars?" Draco asked. Lupin nodded.

"Now, the shack doesn't shriek much these days, though you'll surely find the place in bad condition. Broken chairs, claw marks on the walls. It's terrible," Lupin said.

"I learned something new today," Draco said.

"Yeah, I guess so," Lupin said.

Tonks marched over.

"I'm going home and taking the rest of my shift off," Tonks said angrily.

"Why?" Lupin asked.

"I'll tell you why. . . Dumbledore is a cruel, evil man. He walked up to me and said 'Boy, Tonks, you sure have let yourself go, and stop frowning, dear. It'll only make you uglier.' I don't need to take this," Tonks said.

"Tonks-"

"No. He said uglier, implying that I was already ugly," Tonks said. "I'm leaving."

Tonks disapparated away.