forensic: suitable for a law court

In retrospect, Kaldur should've known better than to "chill out" with Robin and Wally. But he had just finished writing his monthly report to the queen and his weekly letter to Tula. He had practiced his magic diligently until he had perfected every spell in his small repertoire. Kaldur had swum a few hundred laps in the Cave's pool and even walked Wolf for Conner. He had even tidied up his already immaculate room, straightening the pencils on his desk laboriously.

Days without missions were boring.

"Would either of you like to spar?" Kaldur asked hopefully as he entered the living room to find Robin and Wally lounging on the couch and watching TV. Neither looked up.

"I would really love to, Kal, but…" Wally sighed dramatically. "Doesn't that require exercise?"

"Not to mention effort," Robin piped up beside him.

Irritated, Kaldur picked up the remote and shut off the TV with a sharp click. This was how all of their conversations seemed to end. "Do you two ever shut this infernal contraption off?"

"Meh, I prefer not to," Robin said, shrugging. "But since living with Batman has taught me the finer points of being a therapist, what's wrong?"

Kaldur shrugged. "Sorry. It's just that I fear that I am being plagued by…boredom."

Both younger teens blinked up at him. "Is that all?" Wally asked, exasperated. "We can totally provide you with entertainment." He whipped out a package of note cards. "I even happen to have brought my conversation starters."

"I thought you bought those to try and pick up girls…"

"Well, shut up, Rob, no one asked you."

Kaldur, intrigued, sat down on an overstuffed chair next to the couch.

Wally cleared his throat. "How would you get rid of a dead body?"

"You really bought these to pick up girls."

"You can't prove anything."

"Hmmm…" Kaldur murmured thoughtfully. "Is this assuming that you were the one who killed the person?"

"Well, if you get caught getting rid of a dead body, it's sure as hell gonna look like you killed them," Robin pointed out. "Throw that sucker into a bathtub full of lye."

"And after that?" Wally asked, raising an eyebrow at his best friend.

"What do you mean 'after that?' Don't you think that will take care of itself?"

"Dude, you're still leaving way too much evidence," Wally argued. "Drain the lye and grab everything that didn't completely dissolve. The murderer is always caught from some dumbass mistake."

"Touché. Set everything on fire afterwards, then."

Kaldur idly scratched his head. "I feel that much more planning is necessary for a task such as this."

Wally sighed. "Yeah, that's why serial killing is such a hard job. Gotta buy all your crap waaay ahead of time, far away from where you live and work. All at different times, at different places. You can't have an identifiable connection to the person you kill, not even some petty little spat that happened years ago."

Robin whistled. "We're scary good at this."

"The best heroes make the best villains," Kaldur offered brightly. He topped off the vaguely ominous comment with an evil laugh. "Mwhahaha!"

Robin and Wally stared at him incredulously.

"I was joking."

"Oh, good!" Wally said, breathing a sigh of relief. "Seriously, evil Kaldur would be the worst."

"Your plots would be very devious," Robin conceded.

Kaldur shrugged. "That would never actually happen."

They laughed, and because irony was a bitch, they would all remember this stupid little conversation years later, with identical amounts of regret and nostalgia.

I'm back! Sorry for the wait, guys. Couldn't find inspiration on this one, but no matter. Carry on, my wayward sons!