A/N: Thanks for the amazing reviews everyone! I hope you enjoy this chapter, and happy Grey's day!

Chapter 37

It had been a week since Meredith's car accident and surgery, a week since she had lost the baby, and it was time for her to be released. Derek was supposed to meet Dr. Springer in Meredith's room in about twenty minutes, sign the discharge papers, and take her home. And he was terrified.

When he had come to her room after she woke up from her surgery and found her crying, he had held her for hours. She had cried herself to exhaustion, eventually falling asleep in his arms. And while, for a few minutes, he was extremely happy to be holding her again, he had to let her go, and had moved to sit in a chair next to her bed rather than lie there with her. He still wasn't sure where he stood with Meredith at the moment, and he hadn't wanted to confuse her or push her into something she didn't want.

But though he had taken a step back, he still hovered, just not in an obvious way. He stopped in to check on her a few times a day, usually between surgeries and checking on patients. And though the brief, stilted, awkward conversations made him cringe in comparison to the way they used to talk, he was happy she was getting better. He slept in her room every night; slipping in when she was asleep and leaving each morning before she was awoken by early morning rounds, cherishing the moments he had with her.

He didn't know where he stood with Meredith. He wasn't sure if she wanted to come home with him, or if she still wanted space, so he had given Addison a heads up the day before that he might be paging her to take Meredith home with her. She had scoffed at him and rolled her eyes, saying it wasn't going to happen. This had made him feel a little better, but Derek refused to be excited about having Meredith home in case it didn't happen. He glanced up at the clock in his office, sighed deeply, and moved towards Meredith's room.

When he arrived at her room, he found Dr. Springer already there waiting for him. He greeted the doctor before his gaze shifted to Meredith, who was looking up at him, giving him a slight smile. He returned her smile warmly, his eyes scanning her body appreciatively. It still baffled him how easily she could make sweatpants and a tee shirt look sexy, but then again, he always found her incredibly hot. When he moved back up to look at her face, her smile was gone, and her expression unreadable. His smile fell from his face as he remembered that he didn't know where his marriage stood, so maybe he shouldn't stare. Instead, he turned towards Dr. Springer. "How is she doing?"

"Everything looks good," the woman smiled. "She's almost ready to go home. However, Meredith's stitches don't come out for another week, and I don't want her overexerting or overstretching in case they tear. Is there anyone to stay at home with her for the first week?"

Meredith's head whipped towards Derek, her eyes wide. He knew she didn't want to stay here any longer, and he wanted to help her out.

"We've got it covered," Derek said firmly.

Dr. Springer scribbled something on Meredith's chart. "All right then, I'm going to drop the discharge papers off at the nurses' station for you to sign when you're ready, and you'll be good to go. Good luck with everything Meredith."

Meredith and Derek murmured their thanks, and were left in silence as the doctor left. Neither one knew what to say to the other, but Derek thought it might be best if he got straight to the point.

"Do you want me to page Addison?" Derek said abruptly, wanting to know what was going on in Meredith's head.

Meredith's eyes narrowed in response. "Why would you page Addison?" she snapped hotly.

"Well I wasn't… I didn't know if you were going to stay at home or with her, so I told her I would page her to take you home if needed," Derek said carefully, not wanting to assume things one way or the other.

Meredith's eyes widened, and she looked hurt, "You don't want me to come home?" she asked, tears welling in her eyes.

"No!" Derek said quickly, moving towards the bed where she was perched. "Of course I want you to come home! I've missed you so much, and I want you to come back so badly. But I don't want to force you into something just because you're hurt and need help for a while. I don't want you to come home if it will only make you miserable and unhappy."

Meredith shook her head adamantly. "I want to come home," she said. "You…I just… I want… I need to go home," she stuttered. "You'll be there right?"

Derek's expression melted into a smile. "As long as you want me," he promised.

"I do," Meredith responded quickly before turning red.

Derek nodded slowly, his smile fixed on his face. "Alright, well I'm going to sign your discharge papers, and then I have to go tell the chief that I'm taking a week off. I'll be back in about twenty minutes okay?"

Meredith nodded her consent and Derek left her room, still grinning. After a brief conversation with the chief and signing Meredith's discharge papers, Derek rushed back to her room, finding Meredith already in her wheelchair, looking down at her lap.

"Ready to go?" Derek asked, grabbing a bag he had packed for her that was sitting on the bed and moving behind the chair.

"Yup," Meredith answered, still looking at her lap.

He knew Meredith was embarrassed about being wheeled around the hospital, so he tried to make their journey as fast as possible. As they neared the entrance of the hospital, Meredith turned to look at him.

"So, are we hailing a cab or taking the subway today?" she asked.

"Neither," Derek answered, causing Meredith's brow to wrinkle in confusion. "I drove to work today because you were getting discharged."

"Oh," Meredith said softly. "You didn't have to do that."

"I know I didn't, I chose to," Derek said simply.

"But still, it's such a hassle," Meredith responded. She was right, it was a hassle. They each had a car, but they spent about ninety-five percent of the year sitting in the parking garage next to their building. Both Derek and Meredith found it very inconvenient to try and drive around the city when they could walk or take the subway cheaply enough, or hail a taxi if the trip was long; with all the traffic and the difficulty parking, it just wasn't worth it. The only time they ever drove was to visit Derek's family in Connecticut. However, Derek felt that for Meredith's trip home from the hospital, she deserved the privacy and comfort she couldn't get in the subway, or even a taxi.

"I know, but you're worth it," he joked. Meredith gave him a small smile before turning away once again.

Stopping right before the glass doors signaling the exit; he stepped in front of her and squeezed her shoulder. "I'll be right back," Derek promised as he ran to the garage to get his car.

When he pulled around front, he saw Meredith talking to someone on the phone, and decided to wait in the car until she was finished, not wanting to interrupt. As Meredith hung up, he stepped out, grabbing her hand to help her onto her feet.

"Who was that?" he asked, hoping she wouldn't think he was being nosy.

"You're mother," Meredith answered. "She just wanted to make sure they were letting me leave today. She wants to have lunch with me within the next couple of weeks, and she told me to tell you to find something else to do that day, because apparently it's going to be a girls day," Meredith rolled her eyes at the end of the sentence but laughed, which made Derek smile.

"Well, if you're going to be with my mother, I suppose I can stay away for an afternoon," he replied, helping her into the car.

Their car ride was silent. Meredith stared out the window while Derek concentrated on navigating through the streets. He could tell that Meredith was getting more agitated as they got closer to their apartment, she started ringing her hands more and more, seemingly unable to sit still. After Derek parked, they slowly made their way to the lobby and into the elevator.

"So," Derek said as the elevator doors closed. "I can have Addison bring by your stuff if you want. "I know you have some clothes left here, but I'm sure you took all your favorite stuff when you…" Derek trailed off, not wanting to finish the phrase. It still hurt that she left him, even if it was just temporary, but he also didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable or unwelcome.

"Umm, that would be nice. Thank you," Meredith said softly, turning away from him. Derek cursed himself silently; he shouldn't have brought it up. He knew he had just hurt her, and that was the last thing he wanted.

Derek unlocked their apartment and let Meredith enter first. She walked in slowly, surveying the apartment as she went, as if trying to see if anything had changed. After finishing her tour, she moved towards the hallway where there bedroom was, turning to Derek.

"I was kind of hoping to take a nap for a little while if that's alright?" Meredith asked, looking at him with hesitation.

"Of course you can," Derek said quickly, trying to ignore the fact that his heart was sinking. He had hoped that now that she was back, she would want to talk. He tried to remind himself that she had just had surgery and lost a baby, which was a lot to process, and they could put off talking for a few hours. Derek forced a smile onto his face as he continued. "You can do anything you want."

"Thank you," she said, turning around and moving towards their room. As he watched her, the problem of sleeping arrangements popped into his head, and he decided that if they wouldn't talk about important things right now, they could at least talk about that.

"Mer?" he said cautiously as he followed her, stopping in front of their bedroom door. "Uh, you can have the bed, I can keep sleeping in the office," he said, hoping he sounded smooth.

"No, you don't have to do that," Meredith responded, looking a little scared.

"Well, I'm not going to let you sleep on the pull out couch in your condition," Derek scoffed.

Meredith gave him a small eye roll, but when she spoke, her voice was soft and timid. "No, I was um…I was thinking that , if-if you wanted to, that is, we could sh-share the bed." She quickly looked down, as if afraid of her reaction.

Derek tried to control the grin threatening to break out on his face. "Oh, okay. As long as you're sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure," Meredith nodded.

"Then it's fine by me," Derek smiled, reaching around Meredith to open the door for her. "I'll let you sleep."

"Thanks," she smiled gratefully.

"You're welcome. Have a nice nap."

"Thanks," she breathed before entering the dark room and shutting the door.

About forty-five minutes later, Addison stopped by with Meredith's things.

"How's she doing," Addison asked as Derek led her into the living room.

"She's alright, she's sleeping right now."

"Have you guys talked about anything yet?"

"No, not really," Derek sighed.

"What?" Addison asked incredulously. "How have you not talked to her yet? Are you guys going to pretend that this thing never happened? That you never cheated on her, that she didn't get pregnant, and that she didn't lose that baby?"

When Addison mentioned the baby, his chest tightened. Even if he had only known for a few hours, losing the baby hurt him so much, and he couldn't even imagine what Meredith was going through right now.

"No, we aren't going to pretend like nothing happened," Derek hissed, trying to not wake up Meredith. "But she's physically and emotionally drained, she asked if she could take a nap, and I let her. I know we have to talk about all of this, I know this is a huge mess, and we will sort it out. But I don't want to push her right now. She just got home after losing the baby and being gone for weeks, so I want to make her comfortable before we go dragging ourselves through the mud trying to work everything out."

Addison opened her mouth like she wanted to say more, but then closed it, clearly changing her mind. "Fine, sorry I intruded," she nodded, moving towards the door.

"Addie?" Derek said, and Addison turned to face him. "Who else knew about the baby?"

She gave him a sympathetic smile. "I think just Cristina and Izzie."

Derek nodded. "Did she want to keep it?" He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to that question, but he knew he needed to know, even if he didn't want to. It would change how he approached the situation with Meredith, if he knew whether they were ever going to be a family.

"Derek…" Addison began. "That's something you should ask Meredith."

"I know," he said. "And I will too, but Addison, I need to know now. It's been killing me, and I need to know. I don't want to wake her, but I can't wait much longer to find out."

Addison looked at him with pity. "She never nailed down what she was going to do," Addison said slowly, choosing her words carefully. Derek felt tears well up in his eyes, assuming the worst from what she had said so far. "She was waffling between getting rid of it and keeping it," Addison continued. "But, I'm almost positive she was going to keep it. She took care of herself, cutting out coffee and eating right. She kept saying she wasn't sure what she was going to do, but I could tell she would keep it. She loved the baby, and even if it wasn't planned, that baby was very much wanted by her." Addison gave him a sad smile. "So, don't forget to let her grieve a little to, because I'm sure she's heartbroken."

Derek nodded, tears threatening to roll down his face. "Thanks Addie," he said softly.

She nodded and let herself out, leaving Derek standing in the living room. He collapsed on the couch behind him, leaning his head in his hands. He cried quietly, letting the tears roll down his cheeks. He hadn't wanted to cry before because he hadn't been sure that he would have had the chance to be a father even if the baby hadn't died in surgery. But after what Addison had told him, he knew; he would have been a father. Even if Meredith didn't want him anymore, they would have been parents; he would have had a child.

He let himself cry for about twenty minutes, and when he finally was done, he looked around the room. Noticing Meredith's duffle bag and backpack sitting on a chair in the living room, he decided to bring it to the hallway by their room so he would remember to give it to her when she woke up. As he placed the bags by the door, he heard a sob come from inside. He waited a moment, and then heard another. She had been crying, and he hadn't known for how long. Addison's voice rang through his head let her grieve. He wanted to help her in any way he could. He grabbed the doorknob and turned it tentatively, hoping that Meredith hadn't locked him out again. But the door opened easily, and he stared into the dark room. Meredith was lying in the fetal position, her back turned towards him, and she was crying, a lot.

"Mer," he said quietly. "Are you okay?"

He watched her shake her head and let out a muffled "No."

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, stepping closer to the bed.

Meredith didn't answer for a minute. "The baby," she moaned, and gasped as another sob racked her body. "Our baby is dead!"

"Oh Mer," he sighed, sitting on the bed and running his fingers through her hair once; she didn't protest.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"No," she responded sadly.

"Do you want to take your mind off it?" he asked, wanting to try anyway to make her feel better.

"No," Meredith said firmly.

Derek's heart sunk a little. He wanted to help her, but he didn't know how. Maybe she didn't want him here, he thought. Maybe he should leave her alone.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" He asked.

She didn't respond immediately, but after a few moments her body shifted. "No," she whispered.

Derek smiled sadly at his wife's back before lying down next to her. His body curved into Meredith's so that he was spooning her, and he wrapped his arms around her stomach, squeezing her gently so as not to hurt her incision. Almost desperately, she grasped his hands, holding them tightly as they continued to hold her. He kissed the back of her neck and continued to let her cry, knowing that they would talk about everything once they had started to mourn their baby.