*Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.

*Author's Notes: I'm back with chapter 38 of 'Lost in the Fight' and I'm not even sure how to describe this one. Let's just say it's one of my very favorites in the story and leave it at that. I don't want to give anything else away.

Thank you all so much for reading 'Lost in the Fight' and for sticking with me and my story for so long. It means the world to me to have such wonderful readers and friends. I consider myself truly blessed. You are all awesome.

Thank you, over and over again . . .

I hope you enjoy the chapter. ;) CJ

Chapter 38 – Darkest Before Don

Leaning his carapace heavily against the only open corner of his room, Donatello let his weary body slowly slide down the wall supporting him until he felt the cold, concrete floor underneath him. Drawing his knees towards his chest as best he could with the rather ungainly splint still secured to his fractured leg, he tightly wrapped his arms around his shins. He then pulled all of his limbs close to his body, tucking himself into somewhat of a ball.

Feeling as though everything was starting to close in on him, the wounded turtle buried his face into the crook of his right elbow in an effort to hide himself away from the world around him. As he did so, he unconsciously started to rock himself back and forth with his heels.

When he realized that the effects of whatever medication his brothers had administered to him to alleviate his pain were rapidly starting to wear off, the wounded turtle let out a long, ragged breath.

He wasn't sure just how much time had passed since he had returned to the lair, or even since he had entered his room, for that matter. The rather traumatic events of the evening had caused him to lose any sense of accurate time. His eyes drooped with fatigue, but he didn't know if that was due to the late – possibly early – hour, the overexertion from his trip outside of the lair, or a side effect of the pain killer his brothers had given him.

Another knock came at his door, but yet again, he didn't respond.

There was no questioning his brothers were persistent. They hadn't wasted any time following him to his room once he had left the laboratory. Just a few moments after he had closed his bedroom door, a series of knocks had sounded out, accompanied by voices gently saying his name and making requests.

"Donnie, open the door, bro."

"Come on, Donnie. Let us in."

"Donatello, please. We just want to talk to you."

Luckily for the genius turtle, even in his distraught state, he had been of sound enough mind to lock his door upon entrance to his bedroom, or else his brothers would have barged in by now.

The commotion outside the door started to all but fade away, but Donnie knew his brothers were still out there plotting. Every so often, he could hear the faint sound of what he assumed to be whispering, reminding him that they hadn't given up yet.

He wished they would . . .

Just like he had given up . . .

The injured turtle hugged himself even tighter and pressed his face deeper into his bent arm, stubbornly trying to fend off the tears that were threatening to come. He refused to let himself fall to pieces. Especially not with his brothers standing right outside the door. It was bad enough that they had already witnessed him just about lose it back in the lab. After that disaster, there was no way in shell he could face them. Not now. Maybe not ever. Hence the reason why he hadn't bothered to respond to any of his brothers' knocks or pleas, using his silence as yet another means of locking them out.

Besides, he knew if he was foolish enough to let them inside of his room, they would just stare at him with nothing but pity.

Ugh! Not the pity stares. It's like saying 'I'm sorry you're a pathetic loser' with your eyes.

Donnie so could not stomach those looks right now. They were hard enough to stomach on an ordinary day . . .

The sound of whispering outside his bedroom door snapped him out of his thoughts, but he noticed that the voices were purposely being muffled to keep him from hearing what was actually being said. There was no doubt in his mind that his brothers were up to something. Something that would most likely result in him having to repair the door when they were done.

Rolling his eyes out of sheer habit, Donnie found himself wishing that he wouldn't have chosen his bedroom as a hiding place, but his other options at the time had been about nilch to none.

Normally, his lab would've been his first preference to seclude himself, but it was already occupied by the very same brothers he was trying to get away from. His only other alternative would've been to leave the lair, but logic told him that he wouldn't have made it very far with a busted leg and three capable ninjas on his tail.

And so, Donnie had chosen to lock himself inside of his room due to obvious physical and time constraints. The problem was, he was now faced with the harsh reality that there was no means of escape, which made an involuntary shiver slink up and down his spine. The situation was uncannily similar to one of his many recurring nightmares where he had been locked away in Shredder's dungeon with no hope of getting out.

His bedroom normally made him feel protected, but right now, it was making him feel trapped.

When he closed his eyes, he could see the bars of that awful cell that haunted his nightmares. He could hear the bone-chilling sound of Shredder's voice resonating in the back of his head.

"It seems your brothers felt you were too much of a burden and they didn't want you any longer. They asked me to take you off their hands."

Donnie squeezed himself into an even tighter ball, trying to make himself as small as possible. He became vaguely aware of the fact that his whole body had started to tremble.

Then, nightmare Leo joined in on the tormenting.

"It's better this way. You're . . . you're a liability to us now. We don't have the time or the resources to take care of you all the time."

The voices inside of Donatello's head were growing louder and louder by the second, easily drowning out the voices of his brothers on the other side of the door.

"We don't need you anymore, okay! There! I said it!"

"Face it, Donnie! You're completely useless to us now and the last thing we need is your deadweight dragging us down any further."

Donatello felt the warm sensation of teardrops against the skin of his arm. Lifting his head up, he hastily wiped the moisture away from his eyes with the back of his left hand, clearly ashamed of himself for being so weak.

You have to keep it together. You can't let your brothers see you like this . . .

Peering up at the door to his room through misty eyes, Donnie squinted to focus his vision just in time to see the door handle begin to jiggle.

His brothers were trying to break in.

Regardless of the overwhelming feeling that everything was caving in all around him, the thought of his three brothers conspiring to force an entry still managed to bring a small smile to Donatello's face. He remembered the last time his siblings had picked the lock on his door. He had been absolutely furious with them for invading his privacy, not to mention he had had to replace the whole locking mechanism after Raph had gotten through with it.

Donnie's small smile widened into a smirk.

No matter how bad things got, his brothers were always there, whether he wanted them around or not. They were a constant presence that had always made him feel safe and sound. More than they would ever know.

Another memory came flooding back to him. This one of a much happier time . . .

"Ahhh! I wanted to watch a sci-fi classic! How about 'Freak-eared Bat Zombies from Planet Zunt?' We haven't seen that one in for like ever!"

Leonardo was quick to bat his youngest brother's incoming hand away from the wooden crate that housed their vast assortment of cinematic treasures.

"Sorry, Mikey, but you got to pick the movie the last couple of times. It's definitely my turn to pick and I'm feeling like a good mystery." Plunging his hand down inside the crate, Leo seized hold of the VHS tape he wanted to watch and held it up for all to see. He then hurried over to the television set to insert the tape into the VCR before his brothers had a chance to start voicing their objections.

Choosing a movie on movie night always proved to be far more difficult than necessary.

"Uh-uh! No way, dude! No mystery movies! Not with Donnie! Remember when we watched that 'Sixth Sense' movie with him?" Mikey groaned out, raking his hands down his face in theatrical fashion.

Raph rolled his eyes before growling, "Don't bring that up again!"

"Hey! It wasn't my fault I figured out the so-called greatest twist ending in movie history only a few minutes into the film! How was I supposed to know it would be so obvious?" While Donatello jumped to his own defense, he threw his hands up in the air for added emphasis, nearly knocking his bowl of popcorn over in the process.

"Nothing's a twist ending with you around, Brainiac! If we're watching a mystery or anything that involves some kind of solving or thinking, then you have to swear to keep your big mouth shut or I'll pound you into next Tuesday!"

Nervously rubbing the back of his neck, Donnie let out a timid, little giggle, hoping that Raph was just joking around.

He wasn't.

To further stress his point, the hotheaded turtle aimed an intimidating forefinger in his brainy brother's direction. This caused Donnie to shy away from the unfriendly gesture and inch closer to the side of the couch that his oldest brother had settled onto.

"Cut it out, Raph!" Worried about potentially breaking his concentration, Leonardo kept his eyes glued to the television set while he scolded his brother. The oldest turtle's thumb was presently holding down the fast-forward button on the VCR remote as he whizzed through the half dozen previews preceding the film. With expert timing, he released the pressure on the button at the precise moment the last preview wrapped up.

It was as if Leonardo had seen that very same preview at least twenty-seven times before and had the whole thing memorized, to the point that he knew exactly when the preview would end and the movie would start. The truth was, he had only seen it eleven times.

Just as the opening fanfare and studio logo for the feature film tremulously appeared across the TV screen, there was a surge of bright light. A moment later, everything went black, save for the soft glow of a few emergency lights and the occasional streaks of luminosity flickering down from the thunderstorm raging on overhead.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" There was an uncharacteristically whiny tone to Leo's voice, demonstrating his mounting frustration.

Equally frustrated with the situation, Mikey was fighting off the strong urge to drop down on his knees and scream out 'why' to no one in particular. Instead, he opted to go with a senseless 'I told you so'-type of remark. "See! I told you we should have gone with the sci-fi flick!"

Raph grimaced just out of spite. As usual, his baby brother had followed no actual pattern of logic to come to his asinine conclusion. The little twerp had just spewed forth some random thought from the incomprehensible vacuum between his ear slits, better known as Mikey's brain.

"What the heck difference would that've made? The power would've still gone out, shellhead!" It was painfully obvious that Raph was disgusted. Even in the scant lighting of the room, they could all see the emblematic scowl rutted into the temperamental turtle's face.

"You don't know that for sure, dude!"

"No, but I do know that you're an idiot!"

"Yeah, well takes one to know one!"

A low growl could be heard rolling around in the recesses of Raph's throat, instantly followed by a death glare.

Seeing the murderous look in his second oldest brother's fierce, green eyes, Mikey gulped so hard everyone could hear it, even over the storm thundering above.

Raphael was about to launch a verbal counter-offensive when Donnie attempted a cessation of hostilities.

"Hey, guys, let's not get all worked up about it. I'm sure the storm just knocked out the power." Pushing himself up off the couch, the genius turtle went to go check out the situation. Partly because he was curious, but mostly because he knew it would only be a matter of seconds before one of his brothers asked him to go fix things anyway.

Not wanting to get roped into Raph and Mikey's juvenile battle of insults, Leo got up off the couch as well and followed Donnie out of the room.

In under two minutes, the purple and blue clad turtles returned to the common area of the lair. Unfortunately, the power did not return with them.

There came a harmonic "ahhhhh" from Raph and Mikey.

"Sorry, guys, but there's nothing I can do about it. It's just your standard, run of the mill power outage," Donnie announced while he carefully placed several lit candles down on the floor. He then plopped back down onto the couch. "It looks like the storm knocked out the power to about half the city."

Hearing this, Mikey's eyes widened in despair.

"Oh man! This bites! No TV? What are we supposed to do without the TV?" The look on Michelangelo's face suggested that he was nothing short of devastated. It was as if he honestly believed that he was physically incapable of entertaining himself without the aid of a television set.

Clearly, Mikey wouldn't have lasted more than five minutes prior to the invention of electricity . . .

Seeing how dependent his youngest brother had obviously become on the TV, Leonardo considered threatening to limit the amount of time Mikey could spend watching television, but the leader quickly thought better of it. He figured that was his father's territory. There was no sense in Leo being the bad guy any more than he already had to be. Not only that, but if he rationed Mikey's TV time, that would surely come back to bite him in the shell when it came time for him to watch his own favorite shows. Plus, without the TV to preoccupy Mikey's time, the orange-masked turtle would most likely drive all of them nuts and it would only be a matter of hours – maybe minutes – before Raph strangled him.

The sound of Mikey whimpering informed his brothers that he was still impatiently waiting for an answer to his question about what they were supposed to do without the TV. Finally, it was Donatello who offered up a response.

"Well, the garbage cannon on the Shellraiser could use an overhaul. Last time we fired it, I noticed the trajectory was off. It was pulling a little to the right. It might just need to be sighted in. Or – " the word 'or' dragged on several seconds longer than seemed necessary before Donnie continued on with his next suggestion " – we could all spend some quality time together scrubbing down the Patrol Buggy. The handle bars and seats are still sticky from when Mikey 'accidentally' sprayed that two-liter bottle of pop all over the place. I haven't had any time to clean it up yet. What do you guys say? Huh? With the four of us and a little bit of elbow grease, we could get the inside looking spic-and-span in no time flat." Laying the enthusiasm on extra thick, Donnie did everything he could to make his proposition sound more enticing, even though he was about ninety-nine-point-nine percent sure that his brothers would just shoot him down anyway.

He was right.

Naturally, it was Raph who did the shooting down. "Sounds boring."

The current lack of lighting in the lair permitted Donnie to roll his eyes without detection. It wasn't like he didn't see that answer coming from a mile away, but it was frustrating just the same. That just meant he would be stuck cleaning up his baby brother's mess, yet again.

"How about we do a little skateboarding?"

"Not in this storm." Leo's instant rejection of Raph's idea earned him a bitter glare from his already irritated brother, but the leader just ignored it. "Come on, guys. We shouldn't have to rely on television, inventions, or skateboards so much. When was the last time we just sat down together and had a nice chat?"

"Chat? Seriously? Did you just say chat? Who even says that anymore?"

"Actually, Raph, the term chat has recently been revitalized thanks to the Internet. Chatting is now widely known as the real-time exchanging of text or video-based messages online that – " Not surprisingly, Donnie was not allowed to finish what he thought was a helpful and informative response. Raph apparently wasn't in the mood to hear it.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you, Professor Dork-tionary. Either way, I don't 'chat.'"

Leo fixed a glower on Raph before speaking again. "The point I was trying to make, was that it would be a nice break from the norm if the four of us were to just sit here and have a meaningful conversation for once."

"Whatever."

There was a lengthy silence that followed Raph's last word, which was rather ironic considering Leo had just gotten done suggesting they all have a meaningful conversation.

As expected, Mikey was the one to bring the peace and quiet to a grinding halt.

"Hey, do you guys like ever think about stuff?"

"Stuff? Could you possibly be any more vague, dipstick?"

Michelangelo blew out a heavy sigh over Raph's response, seemingly exasperated by the fact that his big brother couldn't read his mind.

"You know, like if we ever found a way to be human. What would you do?" As soon as Mikey finished posing his question, he reached for another handful of popcorn and began shoveling it into his mouth at an alarming rate.

The three oldest turtles stared wide-eyed at their baby brother, not sure how to respond. They also weren't sure how Mikey could fit so much popcorn in his mouth at one time.

"Well, I know what I'd do. I would be the most famous skateboarding champ ever! All the kids would wanna grow up and be just like me. I'd have my own TV show and clothing line and a smokin' hot supermodel girlfriend. Oh, and I'd grow my hair out really, really long so I could have those dreadlock thingies or maybe even a mullet! That would be off the chain." There was no possible way for Mikey to contain his excitement over the mental image now playing in his head. He even started tossing his head back and forth, pretending to flip his imaginary hair over his shoulders.

Raph shook his own head from side to side, seemingly annoyed by the conversation, but then, he shocked his brothers by being the next to participate in the flight of the imagination.

"I would get the most decked out motorcycle money can buy and go wherever the road takes me."

"Ah, a regular rebel without a clue."

Not at all pleased with Leo's snide remark, Raph folded his arms across his chest to show his irritation while he leaned his shell against the back of the couch.

"No way, dude! Instead of a bike, you should totally buy one of those food trucks and cruise across the country in it!" Mikey practically sang out the words, as if the mere thought of his brother owning a food truck was pure heaven. In his mind, he could taste the free samples and it was making him super hungry.

"Why the shell would I do that?"

"'Cause . . . if you're gonna go wherever the road takes you, you might as well have your meals on wheels, bro. And then you don't have to worry about road rash or helmet hair. Plus, food trucks are all the rage right now. I can already picture it. You could call your truck 'Raph's Righteous Ribs' or 'Turtley Awesomundo Tacos!'"

"Uh, Mikey, if Raph is supposed to be human in this scenario of yours, why would he call his truck 'Turtley Awesomundo Tacos?'" The genius turtle arched an eye ridge out of curiosity.

"Oh . . . right." Pushing the tips of his forefingers together, Mikey scrunched up his face in deep thought.

"And let's not forget the fact that Raph has zero people skills, which makes him a horrible candidate for owning and operating a business," Leo insightfully added, raising a forefinger of his own.

"Okay, for starters, you know I can't cook to save my life. And then, there's the fact that this is the stupidest argument ever! A food truck is nothing like a motorcycle!"

"Sure it is, bruh. They both have wheels, they're both vehicles, they both run on gas, they both have – "

"Drop it, Mikey, or I'll drop you! I'm not driving a food truck! Ever! End of discussion!"

Another prolonged moment of silence engulfed the room, and once again, Mikey was the one to spoil it.

"What about you, Leo? What would you do?" Picking up a throw pillow and squeezing it tight, Mikey eagerly leaned forward to give his oldest brother his undivided attention like he was a little kid awaiting a parent to tell him a bedtime story.

"Oh, I don't know. Call me old-fashioned, but I wouldn't mind just settling down and starting a family of my own. You know, go out and get a steady job . . . or maybe start my own Dojo. I could buy a house, find the right girl, have a couple of kids."

Listening to Leo profess his dreams of mending white picket fences, mowing the lawn, and walking the dog was just about enough to make Raph throw up. All of this sugariness was giving the hotheaded turtle a serious toothache.

"Why call you old-fashioned when I could just call you a dork? And you think I'm the one without a clue? Could you be any lamer?"

"Don't knock a dude's dream, bro. Not cool," Mikey said in that surfer dude way that only he could effectively pull off.

"Raph, there's nothing wrong with the pursuit of the traditional American dream. The hope for prosperity and happiness is not an uncommon goal. The very notion that wealth and success is achievable by anyone living in this country is quite inspirational and dates all the way back to the Declaration of Independence."

"I take it back, Fearless. You're old-fashioned. Donnie's the dork." Reaching one hand up, Raph massaged his left temple with his fingers. His brothers were making his skull hurt.

"Speaking of Donnie, we haven't heard his response yet. What would you do if you were human, Donnie?" Little did Leo's brothers know, he had just made the perfect transition into someone else's turn. He was still plenty embarrassed by Raph making fun of him and he was looking for any opportunity to take the spotlight off himself.

In response to his oldest brother's question, Donnie just shrugged his shoulders and muttered, "I'm not sure. I guess I've never really given it a whole lot of thought."

With that said, the room fell silent yet again.

Donnie's three brothers stared at him with an assortment of baffled expressions, waiting for him to continue speaking, but a full minute came and went without a word. They soon realized that their brainy brother had no intention of elaborating on his response. As far as Donnie was concerned, he had already given his answer. His turn was over and done with.

"You've gotta be kidding me! That oversized brain of yours has never once thought about what you would do if you were human? I'm not buying it." There was more than a hint of cynicism in Raph's tone as he spoke.

Again, Donnie just shrugged his shoulders in response. He then casually reached down into the bowl of popcorn sitting next to him on the couch and lobbed several popped kernels into his mouth while his brothers continued to stare at him incredulously.

"What?" Donnie held his hands out in front of him to signify that he was confused, acting as though he didn't have the faintest idea what his brothers were staring at him for.

Leo's eyes narrowed into a skeptical squint. "Come on, Donnie. You honestly haven't thought about it?"

"No." As he straightened up his posture slightly, Donnie felt his muscles starting to tense up. Maybe that was because he suddenly felt as though he was on trial and his brothers were accusing him of perjury.

"Now I know he's full of it! You can't tell me you haven't thought about you and April riding the Shellraiser off into the sunset together." No sooner had the words left Raph's mouth when the unsentimental turtle put his hands up to his throat and feigned gagging as though he had become physically ill over what he had just said.

"I guess I was under the impression that this particular role-playing exercise only pertained to our future career aspirations, not our romantic ones. N – Not that I think about April romantically . . . because I don't." Donnie tried to downplay what he had just said, but failed miserably. He had begun to dig a hole, and then, he proceeded to dig that hole deeper and deeper. "I mean, I think about her a lot . . . but . . . but not in that way. It's not like she's my girlfriend or anything. Well, she is a girl and she is a friend, so I guess that technically makes her my girlfriend, but she's your guys' girlfriend, too. Okay, that didn't come out right at all. What I'm trying to say is that April . . . she's just . . . No, that's not it. April is . . . Okay, I'm not even sure what I was trying to say. Is – Is it getting hot in here?"

Luckily, the darkness hanging over the lair masked the red shade that now glowed bright on Donnie's cheeks.

"Geez, don't hurt yourself, Brainiac. Sorry I brought it up." The corners of Raph's mouth coiled into an arrogant smirk while he watched his genius brother get all self-conscious.

In the meantime, Donatello's eyes scanned the room for something – ANYTHING – that might lead to a subject change. When nothing jumped out at him, he decided to improvise.

"Uh, the power's been out for quite a while now. Maybe I should go get the backup generator out of my lab." Pushing himself up to his feet, Donnie was about to head for his lab when Mikey's shrill voice ceased his forward momentum.

"Wait! We have a backup generator and no one thought to mention this until now! We could've been watching TV this whole time?" The orange-masked ninja sullenly placed his hands on his hips, clearly beside himself with anger over his genius brother's startling revelation.

"Mikey, the backup generator is for emergency purposes only." Little did the youngest turtle know, Donnie had actually written those exact same words in permanent marker on a label that he had affixed to the top of the generator.

"Dude, no TV is an emergency! You know I can't live without it!" Once he reached the word 'know,' Mikey's hands flew up to cover the top of his head as if the sky was going to start falling at any moment.

Donnie's only response came in the form of a facepalm.

Raph, as to be expected, was a bit more vocal about it.

"You've lived without a brain all these years! I think you can live without the TV for one night!"

"Hey!"

When his baby brother's whining conveniently provided him with a temporary distraction, Donnie turned and attempted to make his way towards his lab, but he only managed to get a few feet away from the couch before a hand grabbed him by the elbow.

The genius turtle spun back around to see it was Leo who had nabbed him. Donnie hadn't even realized that his oldest brother had gotten up off the couch. That was one of the downsides of living with a bunch of highly-trained ninjas . . .

"Not so fast, Donnie. You can get the generator after you've answered the question. Now take a seat."

"But I – I did answer the question! Besides, I think getting the backup generator up and running is a little more important than sitting around playing games. No offense."

"Sit down, Donnie." The tone of Leo's voice made it all too clear that what he had said wasn't a suggestion. It was an order.

Still, Donnie failed to sit down as instructed. Sometimes, he could be even more stubborn than Raph.

"With all due respect, Leo, I'd rather not. I'd feel a lot better if I was doing something to get us prepared in the event that this power failure turns out to be a long-term thing." Feeling he had provided his brothers with a reasonable enough excuse, Donnie pulled his arm free from Leo's grasp and was about to walk away when his hotheaded brother abruptly put an end to his plans.

"Sit your butt down, Brainiac!"

Not wanting to suffer the wrath of Raph, Donnie immediately plunked down onto the couch without further dispute.

Leo stood there, staring at all three of his brothers in disbelief, not quite sure which one he was the most disgusted with right now. Donatello for not listening to him, but listening to Raph without question. Raphael for barking out orders like he was the leader of the team and having no trouble getting Donatello to follow those orders. Or Michelangelo for eating a bunch of his popcorn when he wasn't paying attention.

Deciding they were all equally deserving of his disapproval, Leonardo gave each of his brothers a stern look, but not one of them seemed to care. It was either that or perhaps they hadn't been able to see his expression on account of the power outage. At least, that was what Leo was trying convince himself in order to make himself feel better about his brothers completely ignoring him.

"Okay, I'm sitting. So what was the question again?" While Donnie posed his inquiry, he leaned back against the couch and crossed his arms resentfully. There was no mistaking that he was pouting over being forced to participate.

"Oh, like we're supposed to believe Mr. Photographic Memory here doesn't remember the question." Now it was Raph's turn to cross his arms resentfully once again.

Feeling a little left out, Mikey crossed his arms as well, but not out of resentment like his two big brothers. He was just doing it to fit in.

In the meantime, Leonardo hadn't even noticed that all three of his brothers had struck the same pose. He was more interested in why his genius brother was trying so darn hard to avoid their conversation. "You know the question, Donnie. What would you do if you were human?"

"And the answer is still I don't know. Can I go now?" The response came out much gruffer than what they were used to hearing from their most passive brother.

"No, not until you give us a real answer. And don't try to tell us you haven't thought about it before, because we all know you that you have. So . . . what would you do if you could be anything you wanted? Think about it, Donnie. You could be a rocket scientist, a member of Mensa, a famous inventor, a nuclear physicist, a world-renowned writer, the CEO of a major company, a brain surgeon, a college professor – with your intelligence, the possibilities would be endless." It sounded as though Leonardo had put a great deal of thought into what Donatello could be. Evidently even more so than Donnie himself had.

"Yeah, dude! You could be like one of those mad scientists, all shell-bent on taking over the world! Or you could be a Noble Peace Pipe Winner!"

Unlike Leonardo, Mikey clearly hadn't given what Donatello could be a heck of a lot of thought. But then again, thinking things through had never been one of Mikey's strong points.

"Okay, first, it's 'Nobel Peace Prize Winner,' Mikey, and second, if I could be anything I wanted to be, why on Earth would I choose to be a mad scientist? You know that 'mad' means insane, right?"

"Uh, yeah . . . I totally knew that, bro," Mikey lied, poorly.

"And if you guys insist on dragging this whole thing out, my answer is none of the above. I was telling you the truth when I said I don't think about stuff like that. For starters, it's not scientifically possible for me to be human, so thinking about what I would do if I was human would be highly illogical? Remember, we're mutated Red-eared sliders, not humans like Master Splinter. If we were given a batch of retro-mutagen, we'd simply transform back into Trachemys scripta elegans." When Donnie noticed his brothers' puzzled stares after he reeled off their species' trinomial name, he dumbened things down a notch for those in the room not familiar with taxonomy. "In other words, we'd turn into regular, semi-aquatic terrapins. Just like we were when Sensei purchased us from that pet store."

Raph curled his upper lip into a sneer and said, "Man, you really know how to suck the fun out of everything, don't you?"

Donnie rolled his eyes before continuing. "My point is, I don't spend a lot of time contemplating 'what-if I were human' scenarios because I don't see it as value-added." Even though Donatello was trying his best to pass his answer off as just facts and nothing more, Leo could see the contradictory signals his genius brother was unwittingly giving off. Donnie's eyes were darting back and forth as if he was nervous. Not only that, but he was drumming his fingers against his thighs and gnawing away on his bottom lip. These were all sure signs he was hiding something.

"I don't believe that, Donnie. I guarantee you think about it more than you're letting on. And why wouldn't you? Out of all of us, you're the one who would stand to gain the most from being human."

"How do you figure that?" Donnie asked, raising an eye ridge quizzically, curious to know just what Leo had meant by such a statement.

"Well, your IQ is probably right up there with Einstein or that Stephen Hawking guy. Maybe even higher, but we'll never know because you're stuck down here in the sewers. You're forced to hide away from the world when you should be out there changing it. If any of us are truly being held back by our mutation, it's you Donnie." As Leo lowered himself down onto the couch beside his smartest brother, the leader's face fell into a remorseful frown. He truly looked saddened by what he had just said. That's because he was.

Ever since Leonardo could remember, he had despised the fact that they were all forced to live underground, but he really, really despised the fact that Donatello was forced to live underground. Leo had often thought about the amazing things his gifted brother would be capable of if it weren't for their strange circumstances. He hated that Donnie's immense talents and brilliance were limited by their unacceptable physical appearances and their lack of resources.

Yes, Leo was well aware that his genius brother had accomplished and created many extraordinary things despite their living conditions, but the leader in blue also knew there was still so much untapped potential inside of Donnie just waiting to come out. Leonardo had always wondered what kinds of astonishing things his second youngest brother could do if he wasn't forced to work out of the sewers using mostly recycled and broken down parts from junkyards. Just how much more could Donnie achieve if he wasn't hindered by his mutation? As Donnie's big brother, Leo wished he could improve their quality of living so that his brainy brother could have the opportunity to do the incredible things he was meant to do. Leo would do anything to make the world a better place for Donnie's genius to shine, not be hidden away in the dark, dank New York City sewer system.

Little did Leo know, his negative vision of the world and their circumstances was far different than how Donnie viewed things.

"Held back? If that's how you think I feel, I can assure you I've never thought of myself as being held back or being stuck. The way I feel is quite the contrary." Even in the darkness, Donnie's brothers could see the resolve wash over their intellectual brother's face.

Leonardo was slightly taken aback by the tenacity that was suddenly pouring off Donnie. It was as if what Leo had said had flipped a switch inside of his genius brother. Donatello was acting like a totally different turtle than just moments before.

"I – I guess I just always thought that you, of all turtles, probably regret our lot in life the most because you could be so much more if you were up there." Leonardo reached out and placed a hand on top of his brainy brother's shoulder, giving it a good squeeze as if to suggest he was there for him and it was okay for Donnie to tell him how he really felt.

That was when Donnie did tell Leo how he really felt, but what he revealed was not at all what the oldest turtle was anticipating.

"Honestly, down here has always been enough for me. Even if I could, I wouldn't change anything about our circumstances. All those things you listed off that I could be doing if I was human . . . I don't want to do any of that stuff, because it would mean I would have to be away from you guys. No prestigious job or title is worth that. The fact of the matter is, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about what I could be doing, because I'm already doing exactly what I want with my life, and that's fighting beside you guys every day. What I want is to be with my family . . . always. I wouldn't give that up for anything in the world. You three and Sensei are everything to me. You guys . . . you mean more to me than life itself." Despite the fact that a pesky sob had been dead set on interrupting him while he was trying to tell his brothers how he felt about them, Donnie had somehow made it through the whole confession without stopping to swallow, which was quite an impressive feat.

When Donatello looked around, he could see his brothers' eyes were all fixed on him. The realization made his cheeks flush with embarrassment once again. He certainly hadn't intended for all that personal information to come spilling out, but once he started talking, it had been like a snowball effect. The words had just kept rolling out of his mouth uncontrollably, and before he knew it, he had said more than he had meant to. A lot more than he had meant to. After all, he was supposed to be the shy, reserved one, not the tell-all, straightforward one.

Humiliated beyond measure, the turtle in purple was seriously contemplating making a break for his lab and locking himself inside until he could invent a time machine to go back and undo the last five minutes or so.

Before Donatello could decide on whether or not to flee the scene, Mikey pushed himself up off the couch and rushed over to his brainy big brother. All the while, the youngest turtle kept shaking his hands out in front of himself as though he was trying to dry freshly applied fingernail polish.

Donnie cringed, not liking where this was going. Mikey looked like he was about to spontaneously combust with emotion. No good ever came from that kind of reaction.

"OMG, D! That's like the most beautifullest thing I've ever heard anyone say," Mikey gushed out, enveloping Donnie in one of the most haphazard hugs of all times.

Fighting off the natural urge to correct his baby brother's improper usage of grammar, Donnie humored Mikey and awkwardly patted him on the arm as the orange-masked turtle squeezed him from the side. Mikey hummed in utter content while he continued to hold onto Donnie for dear life and cuddle up against him. The brainy turtle grimaced, just hoping that the hug would hurry up and end before Raph decided to start poking fun at them.

It didn't . . .

"Are you sure it's not the lamest thing you've ever heard?" The red-clad turtle asked with his usual deadpan finesse, earning him a 'shut up, Raph' glare from Leo.

There was no mistaking that Leonardo was ticked off. That's because he realized that part of the reason why Donnie was so self-conscious about sharing his inner emotions or telling anyone when something was bothering him was because of stupid comments like the one Raph had just made.

Upon seeing that his older brother was disgusted with him, Raph simply shrugged his shoulders, not the least bit concerned.

"I think what Raph was trying to say in his own special way, is that your answer was the best one of the night, Donnie." Glaring at his hotheaded brother for a few more lingering seconds, Leo then shifted a proud gaze on Donatello. The oldest turtle pressed his lips into a warm smile and gave his smartest brother's shoulder another good squeeze, being careful not to interfere with whatever it was that Mikey was trying to do to poor Donnie. It looked more to Leo like a wrestling hold than the hug it was probably intended to be.

To say Mikey could be a bit overzealous at times would be a severe understatement.

Donnie smiled sheepishly back at Leo, and all of a sudden, Mikey hanging off him didn't seem quite so humiliating. The brainy turtle finally stopped trying to remove his clingy brother and just let the younger turtle finish assailing him with affection.

A huge grin stretched across Leonardo's face as he watched his two youngest brothers. He was tempted to pry Mikey off Donnie, but his baby brother didn't appear to be hurting his genius brother. That and it was almost too cute to ruin the moment.

"We all feel the same way about you, Donnie. I hope you know that. And thank you for being the only one brave enough to say what you did. Sometimes, we forget to take the time to remind each other how much we really mean to one another and to say how important our family is to us." It had sounded as though Leo was reading scripture straight out of the book of Splinter.

Raph was just about to start mercilessly harassing Leonardo for his cheesy motivational speech when the lights came back on. The return of power instantly derailed the red-masked turtle's train of thought and incidentally spared the fearless leader from another onslaught of verbal abuse.

"Well, it's about freakin' time! If we would've done any more of that sharing and caring crap, I would've puked all over the couch."

"We love you, too, Raph."

"Yeah, yeah, Brainiac."

Although Raph had tried to act all apathetic, Donnie could see that the edges of his temperamental brother's mouth were ever-so slightly curved upwards into a thin smile. The genius turtle knew that that barely detectable smile was the closest he was going to get to Raph saying 'I love you, too.' The main thing was that the sentiment was there, and that was good enough for Donnie.

Once Mikey finally released his hold on him and Leo started the movie back up, Donatello curled up on the couch with his half-eaten bowl of popcorn in his lap and a huge grin plastered on his face. He was perfectly content in the knowledge that he had the best three brothers a turtle could ever ask for. Sure, they all drove him crazy sometimes, but nevertheless, they were still his greatest gift.

That night seemed to Donatello like centuries ago in light of everything that had happened since. That feeling of closeness and fulfillment seemed so very far away and it felt as though that kind of happiness was now out of reach, never to be ascertained again.

If Donnie could go back to that particular moment in his life, he would do so in a heartbeat. Truth be told, he would go back to any other moment in time before all of this had happened.

"What I want is to be with my family . . . always. I wouldn't give that up for anything in the world."

One would have thought that such a fond memory would have made Donatello feel better, but in all actuality, it couldn't have possibly made him feel any worse.

So much had changed since that night.

So many things were different now.

Donnie's eyes drifted to the hideous scar on his shoulder, scrutinizing over it with profound sadness. Tears clouded his vision as he lifted up one hand and traced his fingertips over the jagged edges surrounding the void in his carapace. The hole was wide enough that he could insert his finger and touch the marred skin underneath his shell.

The damage was irreversible.

He could see it. He could feel it.

He would never be the same.

"I'm already doing exactly what I want with my life, and that's fighting beside you guys every day."

Now that the bandages and the sling weren't there to hide his injury from plain sight, Donnie could see the extent of the destruction Grizzgore and Tiger Claw had inflicted upon his shoulder. The scar was like a tattoo, forever reminding him of that night. In the back of his mind, he could still see his captors attacking him without compassion. He could still feel his own bo-staff piercing his body. He could still smell the blood and the burnt flesh.

That repelling scar on his shoulder reminded him that everything he had ever fought for and trained for was now lost. In the blink of an eye, his wish to always fight beside his brothers was gone.

"You know you're not the strongest fighter out of all of us."

It was all gone.

He had always been the weakest fighter, but now, he couldn't fight at all.

"I can't babysit you all of the time!"

All Donnie had ever wanted to do was be more like his brothers. He just wanted to make them proud and bravely fight beside them, come what may. So long as he was with his brothers, that was all that mattered to him. But now, one bad decision had taken it all away. One fateful night had ruined everything.

Just like that, he had lost the ability to fight.

"If you can't handle yourself around one Foot Soldier, then . . . "

He was nothing but a liability now. He couldn't fight. He couldn't fix things. He couldn't do anything right.

"All this time we were waiting around for you to fix things, we could have been doing it ourselves."

His brothers didn't need him. Not anymore. Not ever again. Everything he knew . . . everything he had been . . . everything he wanted . . . It was all lost. All because of some stupid fight between him and his brothers.

Donnie's entire body started to shake uncontrollably with long, racking sobs.

It was too much. It was all just too much.

He swathed his arms around himself and buried his face against his knees. For the first time since his capture, he couldn't hold back his anguish. It all came flooding out like a dam had broken. Alone, in the confines of his room, he finally fell apart. As his whole world collapsed around him, he couldn't stop himself from crying convulsively. He wasn't strong enough to stop the tears anymore. He wasn't strong enough to pretend like nothing was wrong. He wasn't strong enough for them.

He never had been.

To be continued . . .

*Author's Notes: It probably goes without saying that the next chapter is extremely emotional. It's also extremely long. I may have to break it into two parts. We'll see.

About this chapter . . . I have to admit that this is my very favorite flashback in the story, but maybe that's just because Donnie is my favorite turtle and I'm a bit biased. What do all of you think? Which of the brothers' flashbacks was your favorite? Oh, and just so you know, there is still one more flashback scene left to go in this story. One member of the family hasn't had his turn yet . . . ;)

As always, please take a moment to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on 'Lost in the Fight' or any of my other stories if you are enjoying them. I really would love to know if you like them and I always enjoy hearing from all of you. Plus, it would be nice to know how many people are still with me 38 chapters in.

A big thanks to everyone who read and reviewed my latest 'TMNT Shell Shot' last week. I really appreciate it.

Thank you all very, very much for reading. Take care. CJ ;)