Hello hello, everyone! Enigma's finally back after being in a sugar coma for about... I'd say 28 hours? Not bad for Halloween, right? Anywho, after scaring the life out of young children in a haunted house, visiting grandparents and doing a crap load of homework for school, I finally found the time to update! Unfortunately there's no action in this one (Bad Enigma! Bad!) BUT! I do have an idea for the next chapter, which will be more progressive in the storyline, so please do enjoy while I set up for the next one. I promise you it's not that bad a filler. Pinkie swearzies :3 please read and review by the way. For some reason my ability to write is getting sloppy o.o don't know why...

I hope everyone enjoyed the ending from last chapter. C'mon! That idea is golden! X3

As usual, I don't own Kingdom Hearts! If I did, Sora would've been a bona fide pirate! X3 the image won't leave my head and now I can't stop laughing!

38. Struggle

As a child, everything around me seemed so big. From the way the gentle palms swayed and how the sands danced with the wind's soft caress and fell into the mountainous dunes that piled high in the courtyard outside; such things, like the beautiful trill of newborn Amenome or the tiniest speckled bug taking its first flight, held a touch of wonder I couldn't bring myself to fathom. Something my mind would take in and make the curiosity in my eyes glimmer ever so slightly. My little mind would race with all sorts of possiblities and ideas as to why the sun would shine brightest one day, and rain the next. Why some insects tickled the skin while others made it itch and burn. Why, just the smallest little crack in the stone would make my imagination wander into different worlds and realms of all sorts, and what it would find brought a plethora of stories and oddities only a master storyteller would believe.

Fairies controlled the winds and made flowers bloom.

Large white whales circled the island and spouted precious rain from its blow hole.

Evil nymphs hid in the walls and made cracks in the stone just for fun.

Everything, I believed and still do, has an answer. But it was when I grew older and wiser that the answers became less glamorous. Part of me, I would guess, loss that sense of wonder I grew up with as a child, and the world around me became as obvious as black on a white canvas.

The fairies had vanished.

The white whales melted away.

And the evil nymphs eroded with the worn cement.

I lost what made my world fun and found myself drowned in a world built on structured realism. The sand lost its gold sheen, the ocean breeze grew cold and uncomfortable, and it appeared the world around me became profane. Black and white, not a speck of color in sight for there was no deviance around to be investigated. I had everything figured out.

Well, all except one thing ...

Every night as mother would carry me to bed with warm kisses and soft words, I would gaze into the deep blue abyss and stare absent-mindedly at the tiny lights that hung elegantly on their perch. They would twinkle, shimmer, and shine; glow with such radiance, they would outshine the moon with their collective luminescence. They were beautiful and they were plenty. There wasn't a chance in Chronos I could possibly count them all. And when I asked dearest mother what they were, she'd only smile, nuzzle my hair affectionately, and whisper sweetly into my ear.

"I believe they are the spirits of those who have passed on, my sweet. And that light you see there... That is the light from their hearts shining down on us, giving us a beacon through the darkness. They will always be there for us. For me, your father, and you, to guide us in our most troubled times."

Young as I was, that sentence never made as much sense as it does now. But it brought me comfort in a world where everyone and everything roamed in pairs. I was too young to understand such things like friendship and love, husband and wife; but deep in my heart, I felt an emptiness start to grow. While every other child ran off in pairs or groups, I was the one who stayed close to my parents who were afraid of losing me in the crowd. And when I wasn't outside being fawned over by my parents, I was inside with my books and stuffed lamb, studying to my heart's content. I was isolated in my own world surrounded by another that requires social interactions and bonds. Friendship was a foreign concept I found hard to comprehend, and that alone made the hole in my chest grow deeper.

But every night, as my mother tucked me under the sheets and whisper sweet words into my ear, I'd look into the darkness and smile at the brilliant bright stars gazing down upon me with the warmth of their hearts filling any doubt I had in my mind. They'd be with me to guide me through my troubles and shelter me in their warm glow.

... My eyes would then widen at the brief streak of light that sped across the sky, followed soon by many others.

"...Mommy!"

The silverette watched with a contemplative look on his countenance as a faint shiver erupted from the once statue-like Neoshadow that took roost on the mainmast of the infamous Black Pearl. He gazed at the creature in curiosity, observing how its body would come to rest soon after and then start to move its long antenna in a variety of shakes and twitches, the sound of quiet clicks occasionally breaking through the ocean winds to his ears until all fell silent once more.

Never before had his mind been so at peace with watching the source of his troubles so immersed in their own thoughts, so unresponsive to most anything around it. Since commandeering the Black Pearl and setting sail to Isla de Muerta, Mavis (or Visma, perhaps, for the boy hadn't a clue which was in control), had made herself comfortable on the mainmast, first conversing with Kairi and Anolani for a short while, then making her climb up the flag pole where she would sit for nearly an hour without so much as moving the slightest. It intrigued him how the smallest movement would make him jump in anticipation and hopefully catch a glimpse of what sort of war could be going on within the depths of her mind. It was a spectacle to him. A marvel, a wonder in itself for he could never figure out what she would be thinking. Her actions were brash and often times her voice would become so dead, one would doubt the young princess had any emotion left in her heart.

But Riku knew. He knew there was so much more to her than the airs she put on. He had seen it for himself. In her eyes, and most definitely in her tears; it worried him greatly that he can only comprehend the complexities of her feelings through her tears. They were mere droplets of her frustration, her sadness, the overall confusion she felt as she drowned deeper into the unknown. Fragments of her sorrow that which seemed untreatable, the wounds afflicted long before he could step in and stop them from becoming infected. Quick glances at what was truly hidden underneath.

'I don't get it...,' Riku sighed softly, leaning over the railing with his aquamarines dropping with the sudden weight of his thoughts. There was so little to get from her. It didn't really help that she was adamant about avoiding his presence; what could've caused this change, he hadn't a clue, but now he seemed all that farther from finding out the truth. He let his frustrations loose onto her without trying to first figure out what could've been wrong, and presently he was regretting the moment he decided to open his big mouth. 'I just don't get it...'

It was when he felt at a loss when the sprightly voice of the Chronos Cay guard drew him away from delving deeper into his own confusion, her sing-song tune and peppy one-two step brightening the dreary, dull atmosphere.

"Yo ho! Yo ho! A pirate's life for me!" Anolani sang with a delightful grin gracing her cheeks as she ascended the wooden stairs with coordinated turns and twirls, eventually coming to an end after reaching the top. It was hard to believe the raven was threatening to shoot him just an hour ago.

Riku turned his head away from the girl's dance routine to the swirling dark colors crashing against the ship's side, hoping to go unnoticed. He wasn't up to facing Anolani just yet, knowing well enough that the guard was keen on keeping her death threat. Surprisingly, he found himself caught under the girl's arm just minutes later with his face firmly planted against her cheek and shoulders uncomfortably hunched with her tiny frame as he exchanged with her an awkward look.

"Come on, gramps! Sing along why don't ya?" She grinned, the light in her eyes bright with glee, "It's no fun singing without a partner!"

"W-What!?" Riku quickly pulled away and stared flabbergasted at the guard, who simply tilted her head with an innocent grin, "What are you talking about?"

"Pirates sing in groups, right? So it only makes sense for you to sing with me! It'll be just like the movies!"

'I seriously doubt that happens in real life,' Riku sighed inwardly, but kept his opinions silent while the raven scanned the ship, determined to find more people. Why spoil her fun?

She glanced up at the white clad Heartless with a look of expectation and called joyfully with a wave of her hand, "Mavis! You can join too! We need all the people we can get!"

The silverette felt a shiver run up his spine when a pair of empty green orbs fell upon the two, and froze under her gaze. Mavis turned her head sharply towards the small gathering, her chilly stare moving from one figure to the next, uninterested. When Riku met her eyes, he saw a visible flinch rack her monstrous frame and watched with a sense of longing as she vanished from the mainmast, blending into the deep shadows of the ship. Strangely, his heart sank as the Neoshadow faded away below deck.

Anolani pouted and crossed her arms with a whine, "Party pooper!" She leaned on the rail and rested her chin in her palm, appearing worn out, "Man, why is everyone being so boring? I get things are serious and all, but c'mon!"

Riku stifled a laugh and settled with a small smile instead. Indeed the silence that took over the ship was suffocating. With Sora steering and Kairi helping with the navigating, there wasn't enough light or noise to drown out the quiet. Mavis certainly couldn't provide any entertainment, so the only two left to themselves were Riku and the guard.

"Not everything can be fun and games," Riku said off-handedly, returning to his spot beside her and facing the vast sea determined to avoid her piercing red eyes, "Things change, and every once in a while you've got to prepare yourself for what's to come. There's no time for fun anymore." Even under the inquisitive eyes of the raven haired girl, Riku felt himself pulled into memories he had once believed were so long ago.

All those sword fights on the beach, the dreams of other worlds, all of it's not just talk anymore. It's become so much more so quickly. Thinking back, it all seemed like child's play to the silverette. The fates of the worlds seemed to weight down heavily on his shoulders along with the rest of his troubles, and he bowed his head to ease the melancholy that came with it. "None at all."

"Hmm...," Anolani tilted her head slightly and eyed the boy's profile with light scrutiny, "Why aren't you up helping Sora out with the navigating? No offense, but I doubt sailing to Isla de Muerta would take an hour's journey, and I saw Kairi twist that map fifteen times in the past eight minutes."

That time Riku couldn't hold back a snort, "You counted?"

"Shut it. When you get bored, you become desperate for entertainment. At least something to keep your mind at ease," Anolani lowered her hand and stared into the dark expanse of clouds further ahead, "After all, it was the first thing I remembered since waking up."

"In Chronos Cay, you mean?" Riku held a look of interest, "I remember you mentioning that."

"Yep! Can count to a thousand and back. Whoop-de- frickin' doo...," she said with a bland sense of pride in her tone, twirling her hand and openly mocking the fact while rolling her eyes in contempt, "But for some reason, it always kept me busy," she chuckled and rubbed through her hair, pausing a moment to scratch her antenna, "I remember I used to count aloud, but I dunno why I did it. It just... helped fill the quiet, you know?" She smiled at the silverette, "At least until I met Mavis and her family. Then I just did it whenever I got bored. Mavis was weirded out about it at first, but she said she got used to it after a while."

"Did she... ever mention why?" Riku asked delicately, afraid of ending up on the receiving end of the girl's temper. He managed to get her mad once today, and he'd rather not do it again for the sake of his life.

Best to tread lightly while Anolani was still tame.

Said girl shrugged and slouched over the wooden rail appearing exasperated, "Of course not! She's not exactly an open book. She isn't the type to mention much of anything unless you ask directly, and even then she'll find a way to worm herself out of answering."

"Oh..."

"But that's just how she is," Anolani sighed and a soft smile grew across her gentle countenance, her mind and body filling with warm nostalgia, "She might not look it, but she's actually pretty selfless."

"Yeah, I've noticed," Riku thought aloud, remembering the many times she sacrificed herself for everyone's safety. Anolani quickly dismissed it with a wave of her hand.

"I mean in a different way dude," Anolani said, a look of dead seriousness hardening the softness of her face, "A lot of what she does, how she acts and thinks things through is almost always for the good of others," she lowers her head and fights to contain the growl building in her throat, "She treats herself like some kind of martyr, and I hate it that she just takes every blow without thinking of the consequences that come with them. She already has too much on her plate. So many different burdens that she doesn't have time to be selfish, to have wants or even her own happiness.

"Waking up everyday looking like the dead, it's a miracle she can get a full night's sleep with what's going on in her head alone."

"She has trouble sleeping?" Riku asked, more worried than curious.

Anolani shook her head in frustration, "As a kid, yeah," she crossed her arms and rested her back against the rail away from the salty sea winds, "As a guardian of time and memory, she has the innate ability to find and retain her earliest memories, as far back as her very first birthday. But," the young guard tightened her hold around herself and her face became twisted with a mixture of sadness and anxiety, "Because she's a direct descendant of Father Time, she also receives memories of those that came before her. Their memories become hers. It's one of the reasons why she was locked up most of her childhood. She's a living history book of Chronos Cay Island, an encyclopedia of her ancestors. No way the advisors wanted her out and about just waiting to get kidnapped."

"The way she is now, I doubt that's even possible," Riku smiled a bit, just imagining the ferocity of the mauve's voice and the sparking of her fists as she faced a group of men in black ski masks. The whole scene was just comical, "Mavis is too stubborn to become a damsel. Besides," Riku stood straight, a scowl corrupting his features, "how can you say she's selfless when most of her decisions were based on what she believed was the right thing to do? She automatically deems everyone else an idiot while she herself doesn't even know what to do! That sounds pretty selfish to me! Arrogant is what it is!"

"You're assuming she's right, Riku. You're confusing intelligence and logic with arrogance and being cocky."

Riku shot a queer glance at Anolani, "What...?"

"Mavis is a sheltered child, I must remind you," her gaze drifted to the murky clouds that hung superimposed on the full moon, shielding its ghostly wisps and shadowing her scarlet orbs in darkness, "Therefore a lot of her actions are for the sake of keeping herself in the right and to satiate the overwhelming confusion she holds inside her. In simplest terms, she's lost to what her actions could do to those that are connected to her because she's never had to deal with that before. To have people not only care about her but each other as well. Those bonds aren't so easily understood. In a way, she's still a kid. Only this time, because she's older and wiser, she's more willing to sell herself out so she wouldn't have to suffer the repercussions and get punished for not doing so earlier. She's more willing to sacrifice herself so other people can be happy."

"Like a kid behaving for their parents," Riku thought a loud, now overcome with a sense of enlightenment and understanding, "But Mavis is stronger than that. She wouldn't let herself be used, at least not knowingly."

"You're right. But that doesn't mean she can face the world without getting hurt," the raven closed her eyes, "Mavis was a very isolated kid, even after I came. They kept a very tight leash around her neck. She wasn't as social, as outgoing with other people except when around me. As far as I know, I was the only one that could get her to laugh. She could never understand what it meant to have friends, to be with people her own age. I doubt she even understands what love is. It's a foreign concept to her, the one thing she can't find an answer to, which was why she refused to even acknowledge its existence."

"'Was'?"

"Yes, 'was'," Anolani raised her ruby red eyes towards the boy at her side, her face void of emotion, "She's learning from you all. Sora, Kairi, and you; all of you test her. You challenge her, make her feel things she's never felt, make her do things and deal with situations she's never been in before, and it's because of that, Mavis has become a much more open person. She's happier. You all gave her a chance to actually be a teenager. And once that's taken away," she bows her head as her face darkens, filled with fear, "...that's not something I'm ready to face."

Riku looks at the girl, trying to comprehend the hidden meaning behind her words, the sudden wave of fright that overtook Anolani's heart and framework. What the guard had explained to him, every word that came from her lips was so hard to imagine. The mauve, so strong-headed and fierce, now appeared that much more frail in his memory. They way she slept as much as she could between missions, how she'd be completely frozen in time, her eyes vacant while her mind raced, it all seemed to click. Now all the events leading back to when they first met, it all made sense. Why she was so against being friends in the first place, why she preferred solitude over their company...

Mavis was raised to be sheltered and alone. She expected nothing from them. Not their hearts, their friendship and support. Nothing.

"Kairi told me what happened between you two," Anolani spoke up after a brief pause, startling the boy. He noticed the sharpness in her eyes and the authoritative edge her voice had taken. He was no longer speaking with Anolani, but the warrior within, "She also told me why Mavis acted out the way she did."

"She did?" He said, anxious to know the reasoning behind the mauve's harsh words.

"Everything I do is for a reason, Riku. That's all you need to know."

'What reason could there be?' Riku became frustrated with that one sentence and waited anxiously for Anolani's response.

The annoyance on her face became prominent, an obvious sign that whatever it was Kairi had said had annoyed her to a great extent. Though there was the fog clouding her irises, a deep sadness that lay underneath.

"I'm not allowed to tell you exactly what's up with her. That's for Mavis to tell you herself," she finally said, refusing to meet his gaze, "However..., there is something you must know, and I'll be sure to let Sora know as well so he isn't left in ignorance."

Anolani looked straight into his eyes and explained, "When this is all over..., when the world's are back to normal and it's time for us to go back home, Chronos Cay will vanish in three days time. And when that happens, we will never see each other again. We'll be gone forever."

'... W-What!?...' Riku's heart leaped and pounded with uncertainty, completely floored by this news. He grasped the railing and attempted to regulate his breathing, but the words just kept coming, and the reality of it seemed all the more real. Anolani and Mavis will be gone forever. She'll be gone forever... he'd never see her again. See her clouded green eyes, hear the sharpness of her voice or feel the sting of her bolts whenever she was angry or annoyed. He'd never see the softness of her smile, the pain in her tears, hear the tenderness of her voice whenever she consoled him and vanquished his anxieties. That would be gone the minute their mission was finished. All that's left would be the memories and moments they shared, but it wasn't enough for the silverette to replace the actual girl that somehow wormed her way into his heart.

'Why is it... I care so much about her now?' The thought plagued him. Why? Why was she so special? Why was the mere mention of her leaving them, no, leaving him so unbearable? The mauve was rude, violent, blunt in every sense of the word, and she'd take any moment in time to insult his intelligence. So why did he care so much of that fact that she would disappear from his life? Those moments they shared, when they both found comfort in each other, it shouldn't have been enough to have him begging her to stay and yet, the silverette wouldn't deny the pull he felt towards her.

She had become a part of life, a valuable piece of his heart he couldn't bear to lose once her time here was up.

Anolani, seeing the conflict in the boy's expression, spoke sternly, "Tell me, Riku. And I'm asking not as a sister," she approached the boy with heavy steps and crossed arms, her face taking an aggressive turn, "I'm asking as a concerned soldier. A warrior sworn to protect Her Highness from whatever harm should come to her...: Do you care about Princess Mavis?" She stopped few feet in front of him and waited silently for his reply.

'Yes,' the answer came quick in his mind, but the word refused to leave his lips in fear of what was to come from the stone-like soldier in front of him. It wasn't an easy question to answer when his emotions were on the fence. What he felt for Mavis was difficult to describe. It was hard to tell if this was simply caring about a dear friend or something much greater, and his heart couldn't make up it's mind between the two. However, it came as a surprise when the red eyed guard's lips curled into a small grin and the anger in her eyes melted away into that of pain filled sorrow, and she placed a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder. A brief sign of respect.

"Good answer. Not everything has an exact answer, so silence is sometimes the best way to go. It shows that you're thinking it through instead of going on impulse," she backed away a few more feet and continued, "Be patient with her, okay? She's just upset. Afraid of losing whatever connection she has with everyone. Mavis will try to distance herself from you, but you're gonna have to be the one that sticks by her. No matter how she pushes, let her know that you won't stop caring for her, even when she's gone."

When her words slowly sank into his mind, Anolani turned away and made her descent down the stairs, a heavy aura seeming to engulf the poor girl in its dark shadow. Riku had gained a newfound confidence in himself then, and raced to the top of the steps just before Anolani could go below deck.

"Wait! What about you?" He calls towards her, catching the loneliness in her eyes when she faced him.

"What about me?"

"Don't think we're only gonna miss Mavis," Riku smiled at the girl below, "You're our friend too. Don't forget that."

Anolani stared at the silverette for several heartbeats before letting a giggle escape her lips, "So does that mean you'll sing with me!?"

Riku grinned and shook his at her childish behavior, "I think I'll pass!" And left to assist his companions at the wheel.

Anolani whined and pouted for a minutes, and then let a broken smile stretch her cheeks. Downtrodden, she strolled towards the captain's quarters, a heavy feel of regret and sadness settling in her chest. It wasn't that she doubted her friendship with them. They were her dearest, best friends; almost kin to her. Like a second family. And she was happy her little sister had made so many new friends that she can count on. It gave her a sense of pride over her little Mavis, and Anolani couldn't be more delighted.

However...

"You say that now. But who knows what lies ahead for me," she whispers solemnly, the constant burning in her heart turning fierce. She clutched her heart and let a single tear slid down her cheek, hissing slightly at the fire licking away at her chest.

Her true fear lie within the shadows of her heart. The cloak that hung over it, threatening to devour her entire being and banish her from existence. Anolani was losing herself to the darkness ever so slowly, and there wasn't a chance in Chronos she could fight it off for much longer. The pains, burns, aches, and sudden screams she'd hear in her mind were molding into her own thoughts. Its thoughts were becoming hers, and that itself had her terrified.

"When the battle's a done deal, I may not come out the same person."