Intox 39

Our entrance to Biology was a cause for gossip. We arrived late, together because we hadn't been able to time it correctly. Judging from the shocked look on Mike's face and how Jessica's face was glowing with the promise of gossip, our absences at lunch had been noted. The teacher stopped his lecture to ask us for hall passes and marked us tardy when neither of us had one.

Bella cowered behind me as I led the way to our table and set out our books. She stumbled, and I yanked her around into her seat before she fell. The teacher was talking but they were still staring. I scanned their faces with a blank gaze, noting which ones were most likely to accost Bella. We opened our notebooks and began copying notes dutifully, and I hoped they would do the same.

I was wrong. Bella's blush blossomed into a fiery scarlet beside me; she could feel the judgmental stares, too. My pen broke under my fierce grip, spilling black ink across a notebook I'd finally put to use. I muttered a curse and let the mess seep, my mind hovering protectively over Bella. I was ready to punch anyone who taunted her, to wipe out a crowd of jilted lovers, to blot out the eyes of anyone who stared…

God help me now.

My emotion clouded my head and made me unreasonable. I could smell her – could smell everything from her shampoo to the peppermint candy she'd eaten on our way to class because there was no time to brush her teeth. I craved that smell, the way it tickled my nose and sent enough chills running through my nervous system to make me remember that I was a man. It wasn't enough that I'd spent such time in close proximity with her; I needed more time, infinite time to smell her hair and to hear her breathing beside me.

I focused on the lesson but it was useless. My God, I'd never craved anything as badly as I did this! I repeated our conversations over in my head, honing in on her face and the smile with which she spoke. I analyzed her voice and her hair and even the way she clicked her shoes together while she ate. Oh God, Oh God, I was obsessed. I was sick.

We went our separate ways after class, but a reflection of her stayed in my mind. I felt more absent-minded than usual, nearly forgot my backpack on the floor after the final bell rang and headed in the wrong direction before turning myself back toward the car.

Alice noticed my strange behavior first. As usual, she'd figured it out before me and had had time to process the consequences. Now that I was in on the joke, too, she couldn't stop grinning at me. Every few minutes she craned in her seat to look at me with a smile as wide as Texas on her angelic face.

She had never seen me so smitten, she claimed as we trailed behind Edward into the house. At first she'd been upset but now she was just worried that my gentlemanly judgment would take a beating when it came to Bella Swan. She grinned and I, too dazed to protest of be embarrassed by her behavior, put up with the teasing all night.

Edward finally demanded to know what was so funny after I walked past the stove and upset the pasta pan, sending waves of boiling water and noodles across the floor. Alice burst into laughter while I, cursing vehemently, tried to scrape the steaming strands back into the pan before Esme returned to notice. My brother was not so amused.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing… yet." Alice gave me a mischievous look and burst into giggles again.

He frowned and looked at me suspiciously. I scooted around the kitchen with dishtowels under my feet, poured more water over the noodles and then returned them to the stovetop. Esme would never know and the floor was clean.

"Nothing's going on Ed," I said, knowing he found the informal title irksome. "I'm just having an exceptionally good day today. First good day in a long time."

There, he'd seen it. Sincerity. On most of my "good days" in the past, I'd barely managed more than a snide comment in his direction. This was a full sentence dripping with sincere goodwill and happiness. What more could he want?

Nothing, as it turns out. He retreated in confusion and left Alice and I to our afterschool snack.

I took a walk after dinner to catch up on the cigarettes I'd forgotten to smoke earlier. The air was pleasantly chill and the rain misting. I walked with my hood up and let the cigarette dangle from the corner of my mouth as I tromped through the forest toward nowhere in particular. It was peaceful, but something was nagging me about Alice; she'd once been set against me even talking to Bella, and I needed to know why she'd changed her mind so drastically; I needed that affirmation. I returned home in need of a shower and a candid conversation.

I showered first. The water that rushed out of the showerhead was hot enough to steam, covering the mirror and transforming the room into a soup. I could have opened the vent but anonymity suited me more. I hated the sight of my body. Looking at myself had become a chore and, after Maria'd had her way with me, damn near impossible. The water burnt, but it was better than looking at my flaws while I scrubbed myself clean.

I wrapped a towel around my waist and entered the empty hall in a poof of steam. Despite myself, I looked to see whether anyone could see me. My self-consciousness had blown out of control since we'd moved here from Alaska, but I'd loosened up and could now trust my family not to be too judgmental.

Changing still took precedent, though. After Bella's premature appearance on Saturday I was paranoid. I didn't hesitate to change into pajama pants and an undershirt that hid most of my scars. The track marks were fading, fitting in with the other pale marks running up and down my arms. I was pleased.

Alice's door was shut when I moseyed over to it, but that was common. I knocked and entered.

"Jazz!"

"Fuck!" I spun and she shouted for me to shut the door. I did but ended on the wrong side.

Her room smelled fresh, as if she kept the windows open or there was a tree growing inside. I stared fixedly at a small imperfection in the paint, mentally replaying the sight of her smooth skin and bare breasts before I could stop myself. Goddamnit! Sometimes I hated being a man.

"Oh my God." Alice's groan turned into a chuckle. "Did you see anything you liked?"

My breath was tight. As a man I was obligated to like it but as Jasper I had to lie. So I said nothing.

"Oh you don't need to be so uptight about it," she teased. "Don't be an Edward!"

That got me to snicker. "I am so sorry," I said without turning and launched into a rapid explanation that she cut off by telling me to shut up.

"It's not like I've never seen you without your shirt on, Jasper," she said, "and you were more embarrassed then than I am now. So get over it and give me your shirt."

She was right, of course. It had taken me a week to talk to her again the first time she saw me shirtless. I'd threatened to kill her dog if she told anyone about it. The dog was a scraggly little mutt we'd found half-dead the year before; it had taken the both of us to persuade Carlisle not to just put it down and since then we'd babied it mercilessly. Alice told Carlisle, but I hadn't killed the dog. It got hit by a car three days later while we were at the hospital with Rose, and I had had to tell Alice. I remember her sobbing in my arms while I repeated "it wasn't me" like a broken record; I was terrified of losing both her and Rose at the same time.

I saw her in the corner of my eye, her arms folded across her chest. I looked away and pulled the shirt over my head. She snatched it and announced decency after ten seconds. I looked; the shirt that had been tight on me was monstrously large on her petite frame.

"I never knew you had a tattoo." My brain had apparently shut down.

She raised an eyebrow and smirked. "You've never seen me topless before."

"I had a serious question for you…" but I couldn't remember it. I blinked hard to clear my head. Alice scooted through the doorway with promises of returning "in a sec" and told me to make myself comfortable.

Yeah, as if that was possible now.

I walked across her room and flopped down on the bedspread. The thing you should know about Alice's room is that it's big. She's claustrophobic and used to have panic attacks so, when Esme designed the house, she made Alice's room especially open. Alice got panel windows and tons of open space – or maybe it was because she was so tidy and my room was crammed with useless shit.

One might assume on first glance that it lacked personality, but they'd be wrong. It was simply her style. The colors were cheerfully bright and arranged to be inviting. It was a sophisticated and airy look that she'd helped Esme design.

She returned while I was staring at the ceiling. Her breath was minty and her face fresh. She sat next to me by the headboard and curled her knees beneath her. Absently, she ran her fingers through my mussy hair.

"You want to know whether I'm actually happy for you."

I nodded without meeting her eyes.

"I am."

My apprehension eased. Alice never lied to me; she was telling me the truth, but I still didn't understand.

"I thought about it, Jazz," she answered softly before I could speak, "and I thought that maybe your being happy now outweighed anything that will happen in the future. What makes you happy makes me happy, and I like being happy… so I'm happy for you."

We were silent while I meditated on her revelation. She couldn't know how her words reassured and convinced me that I would not be alone while she was nearby. I sighed a happy sigh and smiled.

"I can't believe we ate that pasta," I said finally.

She snickered. "The heat probably killed everything."

Esme poked her head in while we were laughing and raised an eyebrow at us. I sat up quickly, but she didn't come out and say anything. Instead, she said, "You have a bed of your own to sleep in, Jasper. I suggest you use it."

I understood the dangerous implications of the tone. In an instant I was up and brushing past Esme, shouting a quick "goodnight" back in their direction as I headed down the hall. I wondered whether Carlisle would be lurking in the shadows to question me about girls and relationships and all sorts of bullshit, but he wasn't. That was a relief.

I pulled a new shirt on before climbing under my blankets. It took me twenty two and a half minutes to fall asleep, during which all I could think of was Bella Swan.

A/N. Thanks for your patience! Once again I've managed to update. I'm so proud of myself!

Give me a review (anonymous allowed) to let me know your thoughts and your anticipations on the upcoming chapter. The reviews are like holding carrots in front of a donkey. A stubborn, lazy donkey who doesn't like to do her work in a timely fashion. =D