A/N: So I was half way through writing this chapter when I decided I wanted to explore this a little bit instead. So the plans I had for this chapter will now be in the next chapter. I should have it up soon seeing as it's already half written. As always thank you for the reviews and let me know what you think. Enjoy!

Chapter 36

Alex closed the magazine she was looking at and tossed it back onto the coffee table. She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. She didn't need to turn her head to know that Olivia was watching her. "I know you're watching me."

Olivia carefully reached out and took the blonde's hand in her own; she could feel the tension in her body. "You're tense."

Alex turned to face her wife "Yeah well I really don't want to be here." She was about to pull her hand away but she knew that would only make them both feel worse, and she would be lying if she said she didn't need her wife's touch.

Olivia squeezed her hand tighter "I don't want to be here anymore than you do but we both agreed that we need to talk to someone just as much as Serena does." She reached over and gently ran her thumb along Alex's cheek and smiled when Alex leaned into the touch "If you don't feel up to it today we can see if they can reschedule."

Alex laid her head back against the wall and sighed "No, it won't be any easier next week than it is today. May as well get it over with."

They were sitting in a waiting room for their appointment with their therapist. It was now November and it had been months since their daughter was attacked, and while Serena had made great improvements in her recovery her parents where finally collapsing under the weight of what had happened. The final blow came when Serena had a slight meltdown on Halloween. It had been the first time she'd broken down or had a flashback in months.

Serena and Halyn had begged their mothers to allow them to have a sleepover on Halloween. Alex was even more shocked when their daughters' and few friends they invited asked them to stay and watch a couple movies with them. "Come on it'll be fun!" Serena begged "Its movies that you guys probably remember they're old movies from like when you two were young."

Olivia pulled the teen to her "Are you trying to say we're old?"

"If the shoe fits." Halyn shrugged causing both her mothers' to laugh.

"This movie is still as stupid as the first time I saw it." Olivia whispered in her wife's ear as the movie Ghoulies came on.

"Hey this one scared me the first time I saw it." she grinned "Of course I was younger than you when it came out."

Olivia laughed and shook her head "Shut up."

They were startled when Serena called out "Oh my God Mom that actress looks just like you!" she said as she pointed at the screen.

Alex's eyes widened "Oh my gosh she does Liv."

Olivia stared at the screen for a second "No she doesn't."

As the character the girls insisted looked like Olivia was being killed Alex leaned over and whispered "And not only does she look like you she's a screamer too."

"Shut up." Olivia said as she blushed slightly. Next up was Carrie and Olivia especially enjoyed watching it, only because Alex had always been terrified by it and curled up against her through the movie.

"Mama that movie wasn't scary." Serena said.

"Yes it is." Alex and Halyn said at the same time.

After several movies Alex and Olivia left their daughter's and their friends to their sleepover and headed to bed. "I used to love sleepovers!" Alex said as she was changing into her pajamas.

"I never had one."

"What?" Alex asked as she turned to face her wife.

Olivia looked at her skeptically "Really Alex? No way I was inviting someone to stay the night with my Mom."

"Did you ever go to a sleepover?"

"Once but I was only friends with the girl who invited me, I didn't like the other girls."

Alex leaned over her for a goodnight kiss before settling down in bed "Well we're just going to have to have one."

"A sleepover? Alex I'm almost sixty and you're not far behind me. I think we're a little too old to be having a sleepover."

"You're never too old Liv."

"Mom, Mom!" Halyn whispered while trying to wake her mother.

"Huh?" Olivia startled awake.

"Serena had a nightmare. She's locked herself in the bathroom."

"What?" Alex asked as she woke up.

"Serena had a nightmare."

Olivia sighed as she climbed out of bed "Okay we'll take care of her." She walked down the hall to the bathroom and began knocking on the door "Sweetie? Open up please."

"Just leave me alone. I'll be okay in a while." The teen called out.

"Serena you know it doesn't work this way." Alex said as she leaned against the door. "You promised us if you were upset you would talk to us. So come on out and we can talk."

Serena walked from the bathroom and wiped her tears "I'm so embarrassed."

Alex wrapped her arm around her and led her to their bedroom "Don't be, those girls downstairs have stood by you since the beginning. They are not going to look at you any differently." She sat down and pulled the girl closer "So what caused your nightmare?"

She handed her phone over to her mother "This was posted just a little while before we went to sleep."

Olivia took the phone and looked at the picture on the screen, immediately her blood began to boil. On the screen was a picture of a guy pressing a girl up against the wall, underneath it the caption read 'what Serena Cabot calls assault I call a good time.' Below that was another comment 'She should consider herself lucky Luke chose her. I'd give my right arm to have him feel me up.' Olivia looked up and met her wife's angry gaze. They both took a deep breath to calm down before talking to their daughter. "Did this cause your nightmare?"

"I dreamt that he was trying to rape me and I was trying to scream but no one could hear me."

"He will never hurt you again." Alex said as she ran her fingers through her hair. "Do you want to sleep with us tonight?"

Serena laughed lightly "I'm fifteen and my friends are sleeping over, yeah sure I'll sleep with my Moms'."

"Hey it doesn't matter how old you are you will always be our baby. If you want to sleep here it's more than okay and I'm sure your friends won't think any less of you."

"Okay."

They settled her into bed before heading downstairs. Like they thought the girls' friends were worried about her and were fine if she didn't feel like rejoining the party. Olivia also took the opportunity to find out who was in the picture. "I'm turning this over to Det. Harrison first thing in the morning. If nothing else they could maybe get them for harassment."

After that night Alex and Olivia finally broke down. After months of trying to be strong for their daughter they had finally hit their breaking point. Alex would spend most of the day crying once the girls left for school. Seeing her usually strong wife break down was what finally broke Olivia, which led her to punching the wall in the shower one night and nearly breaking her hand. It was after that their children sat them down; they had noticed something was happening with their mothers and they couldn't stand by. They urged their mothers' to talk to someone and get help, which led them to where they were now. They had been seeing a therapist once a week for a month and as much as they both hated admitting they needed help they both knew it was exactly what they needed. That didn't mean it got any easier going for an appointment.

They stood and walked into the office when their name was called. "So ladies, how has it been since our last session?"

"A little better." Alex sighed.

"Olivia?"

"I'm good."

Dr. Reynolds knew her patients were still battling with what happened to their daughter. She had tried to push the couple to no avail but she felt they were at the point that with a little push they may finally have a breakthrough. "I know we've touched on this before but I want to know what bothers you the most about what happened."

Alex's head snapped up and the doctor could see the anger flashing in her eyes "What do you mean what bothers me the most? Our teenage daughter was attacked!"

"Yes she was, but there's something about it that bothers you more than anything. And until you get to that issue it's going to continue to eat away at you."

Olivia suddenly broke "It's my fault!" she cried.

Dr. Reynolds made a few notes "Olivia it's not your fault this happened, but I am curious as to why you think it is your fault."

"I told them they could stay the night at their friend's house. If I'd just stuck to my guns and told them no they would've never ended up at that party." She leaned forward and rested her face in her hands as she continued to cry. Alex slid closer to her and wrapped her arm around her.

"Olivia you had no way of knowing their friend would ask them to sneak out to a party." She leaned across the table and placed a comforting hand on the brunette's arm "Olivia how many people through the years have you told that it's not their fault their child was attacked?"

"More than I can count."

"Exactly it is the attackers fault not your daughters and certainly not yours." She was about to turn to Alex when she broke as well.

"I failed as a parent."

"How did you fail?" Dr. Reynolds asked as she continued to make notes.

"I failed because I wasn't there to protect her. I was off in the Hamptons celebrating our anniversary." She wiped her tears before continuing "I was having sex with my wife while my baby was being sexually assaulted."

Even though it was Alex who voiced her concern of failing as a parent Dr. Reynolds could tell by the look on Olivia's face that she was feeling the same way. She gave them a moment to calm back down "Let me ask you this, if you had been at home when this happened would you still feel like you failed as parents?"

"If we'd been at home she would've been at home and not at that party." Olivia said while wiping her tears.

Dr. Reynolds knew that what she was about to ask could possibly blow up in her face but she knew she had to ask it "So let me ask you this. Is it her friends fault for convincing them to sneak out? Is it her fault that instead of saying no she snuck out?"

Olivia's head shot up "It is never the victims fault!"

"And it's not the victims family's fault either." She said in a gentle tone. Inwardly she relaxed when she noticed her patients relax a bit. "Alex, Olivia I know you think you've failed your daughter but you haven't. This proves that you're human and to me it shows that you are great parents. I would be worried if you weren't this upset. It is beyond obvious to me that you are loving and caring parents and only have your children's best interest at heart." Both ladies nodded. "You both worked with SVU if you were working Serena's case what would you say to the parents?"

Olivia sniffled and cleared her throat as she thought about her response "I would tell them that it wasn't her fault that she was attacked. I would tell them that it wasn't their fault that some pervert chose her as his next victim. I would tell them to get her help, to show her all the love and support they could."

Dr. Reynolds smiled "And that's exactly what you're doing. It's okay to break down and cry sometimes. I know you want to be strong for your daughter but it's important to know that you don't always have to be the strong one." She looked at their conjoined hands "You two are the strongest couple I've ever had pass through this office and I know you will work past this."

They continued to talk until their hour was up. As they made their way from the office Alex quickly ducked into the restroom, she had been fighting the nauseous feeling ever since she admitted to feeling like she failed her child. She was grateful when Olivia followed her and held her while she was sick, it reminded her of when she was pregnant and Olivia would hold her hair and rub her back. After the spell passed, and she took a moment to rinse and compose herself, they headed toward their car. The car ride home was silent, both lost in their thoughts. When they pulled in the driveway they sat there holding hands. "She's right you know."

"I know." Olivia said while running her free hand through her hair. "It's just so hard. I mean how many times have we been on the other side and told parents they are not to blame? It's a different story when we're the parents."

They walked into the house and were in each other's arms before the door had barely closed. They held one another and cried as all the emotions from their session finally escaped. Alex turned her head and buried it in her wife's neck and inhaled her scent, even after twenty years it could calm her faster than anything else. "I know in my mind that we didn't fail as parents, I just can't convince my heart."

They went about the rest of the afternoon and were relieved when they heard their daughters walking through the door. Both girls were laughing hysterically and it made both women feel better to hear how happy the teens were. "How'd it go today?" Serena asked as she began making herself a snack.

"Rough but I think we're making progress." Alex said with an almost forced smile.

Serena looked between the two adults and could tell that they were emotionally drained. She sat her glass down and walked over and wrapped her arms around both women who were standing next to each other. She pulled back and looked them in the eye "I'm going to tell you what you've been telling me for months; it's not your fault." both ladies began to tear up "I know you think it's your fault or you suck as parents." This caused her mothers' to chuckle. "But that's not true. You two are the best parents anyone could ever ask for. If it wasn't for you two, well all of you, but you two especially I would've never made it through this. Thank you. You guys are the greatest." She leaned in pulling them both in for a hug.

After a minute Serena pulled away and she and her sister sat down at the table to do their homework. Alex breathed a sigh of relief, she knew her daughter didn't blame them but hearing her say it made her feel even better. She looked to Olivia and knew she was thinking the same thing. She knew it would still be a while before any of them moved past it, this was something that would stay with them the rest of their lives, but for the first time in a while Alex knew without a doubt they were going to be okay.