Summary of Events: Dessie is locked up in a cell on the Ikustaka's ship. She has just discovered the existence of C-Hidan and vows to kill him.

Chapter Thirty-Seven: A Loving Reunion

Dessie

I can see him before me. That face… those purple eyes, usually filled with Jashin-worshipping violence but now soft and tender (Blargh!)… that face, belonging only to my Bloody Hottie now worn by some stranger who doesn't even swear… I will kill him. I can see the knife on the floor, its edge sharpened to perfection. I can see the gun, loaded and dying to be smoking. I can see the rope, fitted perfectly for his neck. This Hidan can die, right? Bloody Hottie is immortal, but this is a different Hidan, the Hidan from this reality… It's a mortal sin! There can be only one! Even in an alternate reality there can be only one Hidan. I will travel to them all. Every single ultimate reality and kill every single other Hidan until only the Bloody Hottie remains. I will kill them all.

"Dessie!"

My heart twitches. How dare he use that voice! How dare he imitate him!

The footsteps draw closer. Boots on wood. And then, he comes into view. The same silver hair, the same purple eyes – but it's all a lie.

"You," I snarled.

The fake Hidan looked mortified. "Eh?"

"You." I repeated stubbornly.

"Yeah. Me. What about it, bitch?"

"Why aren't you dead yet?"

Hidan blinked. "Fuck. Have they brainwashed you?" He pulled the scythe off his back and, with one easy swing, sliced the bars of the prison to pieces. He stood in the hallway, staring at me.

I stared back.

And then sprang.

Arms outstretched, I reached for his throat. Hidan ducked at the last second and I slammed into the bars of the cell opposite.

"What the hell, bitch?" shouted Hidan. "Are you insane!"

"You will die!" I howled. "How dare you! How dare you! Warg is evil! Evil I tell you! But you walk around shout praise Warg like some dumb idiot!"

"Since when have I praised that shitty god?" asked Hidan. "His followers tried to kill me!"

I charged again. This time Hidan caught me by the wrist and twisted it around.

"Go ahead and break it," I snapped. "It'll heal in seconds."

"I know," said Hidan impatiently. "I've been immortal for years. You've been an immortal of months." He squeeze my arm and then threw my onto the floor with a painful whack. "Don't think you've become the fucking master already, you shiity ungrateful apprentice!"

I froze.

…

…

…

System rebooting.

"HIDAN!"

My arms acted on their own, wrapping themselves tightly around his neck and refusing to let go even though my brain was screaming Run away! Run away! He'll probably end up molesting you or sacrificing you to Jashin!

"Hidan!" I cried again (traitorous mouth). "Hidan! Hidan! Hidan!"

"Eh?"

"Where have you been? Why were you all messed up? Did you kill Yuriko? You didn't kill Aram, did you? He's pretty cool. The Crow is gone, but you can kill him too. He's annoying. Hidan! Where're the others? Hidan! Are they alive? They'd better be alive! I'll kill you if they aren't. Hidan! And this time I mean it! Jashin! I haven't sacrificed to Jashin in days! Hidan! We need to go on a killing spree!"

Hidan blinked.

"Well, say something?" I howled.

"Bitch!" snapped Hidan. "I'm still recovering from your multiple personality disorder!"

"I can't help it!" I screamed. "You were praising Warg the other day!"

"To hell I was!"

I didn't say anything. I stared at him, unable to believe it. Those eyes… They were filled with the same violent, mass murdering hatred that they usually are! That face – fuck, shit, hell, bitch – every other word a curse! Hidan! Bloody Hottie! He's back!

I kissed him.

Hey – it's not like we're dating or anything… So don't get any ideas, readers.

Then, I hopped out of his arms and sprinted up to the deck.

The light of day almost blinded me. I raised a hand to cover my eyes and squinted out across the deck. Konan and Itachi stood out their, their eyes scanning the area. When they caught sight of me their expressions changed (well, Itachi's stayed the same, but I'd like to think his expression changed when he saw me).

"Dessie!" cried Konan, hurrying over excitedly. "Who found you? Was it Hidan? Did you have a romantic reunion?"

"Where'd the go?" I asked.

"Who?"

"The Ikustaka."

"Oh. They jumped off the ship right after we arrived. You should have seen Yuriko. She went ballistic at Hidan and then kissed him. She probably mistook our Hidan for C-Hidan."

I wasn't listening. Without so much as a pause, I sprinted towards the edge of the ship, launched myself from the railing, and dove deep into the water of the cove.

Being immortal is a funny thing. I can't die underwater, but I do need to breathe. So, as I swarm through the depths in the direction of the stairs entrance, my lungs began to feel the tightening pain. I was suffocating. But I wasn't dying. There's a difference.

The water was silent. Filling everywhere. My arms fell into a rhythmic stroke and my legs kicked desperately. Before long, my hands touched the rough stone of the wall and I pushed upwards, gasping for air as I resurfaced. I was next to the wall with the bottom of the stairs only a little ways away. I swam over and clambered up the slimy, damp steps.

JoJoJoJoJoJo was, apparently, the one who had carved the steps from the wall. It had been a birthday present to Yuriko since she was sick of having to crawl through the tunnel and take a rowboat ashore if she ever wanted to visit a nearby town. The steps jutted out three feet from the wall and were moss-covered at the bottom where the water lapped against with the rising and falling of the tide.

I sprinted up the steps, not caring if I slipped and fell (immortality makes one careless). My goal was somewhere up ahead. They were somewhere up ahead.

I reached the top of the stairs, and stepped out into a vast, green pasture. The grass had grown high, almost reaching my shoulders. It concealed the cove well and, if someone was wandering through the pasture he would not see the cove until he practically upon it.

However, the concealment did not work the other way around,

In the distance, I could see the remaining members of the Ikustaka hurrying through the grass. Yuriko, in her kimono, Aram, still blindfolded, and him.

"Stop!" I screamed, my voice falling still on the pasture. "Stop! Halt! Stop!"

I sprinted through the long grass, stumbling and ripping clumsily. The Ikustaka did, surprisingly, stop. And, as I approached, tearing grass from its roots in my haste, Aram called out, "Shouldn't you be with your rescuers?"

"Maybe she wants to stay with us," said the fake Hidan sarcastically. "Because she loves us so much."

"I don't know about you," said Aram. "But Dessie loves me a lot. We were lovers in a past life."

"Don't spread shit around," I snapped.

"I can see the love," muttered the fake Hidan.

"Shut up!" I howled at him. Suddenly, I raised a hand and pointed in the direction of Aram. "You can go. I have no quarrel against you. In fact, I kind of like you. Go."

Aram stood there mutely for a second. Then, after some consideration, he turned around and left, weaving through the blades of grass that only came up to his waist.

"Aram!" cried Yuriko. "Where are you going! Aram!"

"Sorry, darling," said Aram. "I'm not getting involved in your lovers' quarrel."

"It's not a lovers' quarrel!" Yuriko and I screamed in unison. "Hidan does not love that whore!"

Aram threw back his head and laughed. He did not stop walking, however, and he left us to our own devices.

"Crazy guy," muttered the fake Hidan. "I knew we shouldn't have hired him."

Yuriko was ignoring the fake Hidan and had turned her full attention to me. She drew her sword and pointed it in my direction. "Prepare to die."

"In your fucking dreams, whore."

Yuriko charged.

I reached for my spikes, but, at the last second realized they weren't in their usual place. They had been confiscated by the Ikustaka when I'd been taken captive… which meant that I was facing the fake Hidan and Yuriko completely unarmed.

… Not one of my brighter moments.

I leapt out of the way and Yuriko's sword came crashing through. She swung her sword back as she passed by and I raised my arms at the last second, managing to get away with only a deep red wound across the backs of my forearms.

Inspecting the wounds, I licked away the blood and, after a moment, the cut healed itself and the wound disappeared leaving blood as the only witness to its existence.

"What the heck?" said the fake Hidan.

"You dare to challenge me unarmed?" cried Yuriko.

"Yeah," I said, almost forlornly. "But, bitch, I'm . I bet I can outlast you"

Yuriko's eyes narrowed and, raising her sword. "Let's see you outlast me when I cut off your head!"

She leapt forward, sword singing as it flew through the air – crashing down towards my beautiful head.

Clang!

Sword and scythe met midair.

Yuriko almost dropped her sword. She leapt backwards to join up with the fake Hidan. I glanced in the direction of my savior. He looked extremely pissed off.

"What the hell is this?" he asked, pointing wilding in the direction of Yuriko and the fake Hidan.

"There's another you," I explained. "One that doesn't swear."

"Impossible," declared Hidan stubbornly. "Swearing is the reason behind my whole existence."

"I thought that was Jashin."

"To be a Jashinist one has to swear."

"Where did that rule come from?"

"I made it up."

I sighed and slapped the palm of my hand against my forehead. "Don't make up rules to our religion as we go!"

"Why…" whispered Yuriko. "Where are there two Hidans?"

I scowled and turned to her. "There're aren't two Hidans. There is my Hidan and there is that fake over there who only pretend to be Hidan."

The fake Hidan twitched. "Don't call me a fake. I'm not a fake – he's the fake!" He pointed at Hidan.

"Did you just call Hidan a fake?" I asked, tilting my head to the side. "Did you really point your fake finger at Hidan and call him a fake? Do you want to die?"

"Oh?" Hidan smiled. "This is getting fun. Bitch."

I turned to look at him.

He pulled one of my spikes out and tossed it to me. I caught it and turned to face the fake Hidan. Raising the spike, I regarded him carefully and smiled. "Sorry about this, but life's a bitch and they call her Dessie."

"What?"

I jumped in the air and plunged the spike towards his chest.

Unfortunately, the fake Hidan was not as much of a pushover as I would have hoped. He was armed with a knife and, as I tried to stab him to death, he parried my blows and even offered a few in return.

A lot of people compared fighting to dancing. It's a lie. Fighting is just that. A giant slug fest with lots of blood, guts, and gore. And someone always dies in the end. Thankfully, that can't be me.

Hidan (the real Hidan) and Yuriko were fighting to the side of us. Hidan was screaming and laughing like a madman, trying the get a slice of Yuriko's skin and the blood that comes with it. Yuriko was doing a good job of blocking him, but she was being pushed back. Sooner or later, she would have to fall.

"Jashin will feast on you tonight!" cried Hidan elatedly. "He does love young maidens!"

"I don't think she's a young maiden!" I shouted back. "When I met the whore and the fake for the first time, they were getting frisky in the captain's quarters!"

"Blergh!" Hidan made a sound of disgust. "Fake me – your taste is fucking awful!"

Hidan swung his scythe and – at that moment – Yuriko gave in under the scythe weight and collapsed to the ground. Her sword flew from her side, lost in the tall grass of the pasture.

The fake Hidan froze in horror.

That was his mistake.

He lost the slug fest and my spike sank deep into his heart.

After that, everything happened in slow motion. The fake Hidan's eyes grew really wide. His legs collapsed beneath him. Yuriko screamed. He reached out and arm to her. She tried to catch him. She missed. He fell. Face first. Into the dirt.

Yuriko howled.

"Asshole," I said dully. "There can only be one Hidan in existence. The rest can go to hell."

"You bitch!" screamed Yuriko, clutching the fake Hidan's body to her non-existent chest. "I'll kill you! I'll kill you! You! You! I'll kill you!"

"That's nice," I said.

She grabbed hold of the fake Hidan's knife and sprung to her feet. She didn't get any closer to me when a blast of fire filled the air. I probably would have been burnt to a cinder if Hidan hadn't pushed me out the way. I landed roughly on the ground, my right shoulder practically being yanked out of its socket. I lay on the ground, moaning and groaning, until the fire blast seemed to have subsided. I staggered to my feet, wincing at the pain in my right shoulder.

Amongst the flaming grass, Yuriko was no where to be found.

"Where'd they go?" I asked.

"The rest of the Ikustaka showed up," said Hidan grouchily. "They took the fake me too."

"Fuck. I wanted to kill the whore."

"Me too," said Hidan. "Damn. Jashin's going to be pissed."

"We can go on a killing spree as penance," I said.

A demonic smile spread across Hidan's face. "Sounds like fucking fun."

A/N: I'm holding you to our bet. I've held up my end of the bargain - now you hold up yours.

Hidan and Dessie reunion for you romantics. And the death of C-Hidan, which you all were waiting for. Don't worry, the Ikustaka will return. Dundundun.

Review, or you'll be a part of Hidan and Dessie's killing spree.