Scene 37
Savin' the World Before Honeymoonin':
a Ghost and a Devil
Jake spins around at the voice and hugs Tigress.
Jake: Ya scared me. I thought for sure you'd died.
Tigress: No. It would've been more obvious if I'd died.
Jonathon: B... B... But you were dead. I made sure of it.
Devil: Are you Tigress?
Tigress: The one and only.
Devil wheels out into the open.
Devil: So it's true. You are immortal.
Tigress: Well, yes. Ack! Jake, you're crushin' me! Let go, ya moran!
Jake: Uh... (puzzled) sorry.
He lets go and backs away. Jonathon lowers the gun.
Jonathon: How'd ya do it? By killin' hundreds o' people, attractin' the attention o' the grim reaper, and then makin' a pact with him to atone for your sins?
Tigress: Hell no! If that were the case, then the famous serial murderers throughout history would still be alive.
Jonathon: Then what did ya do to obtain immortality?
Tigress: Humph. Immortality's overrated. Ya watch your host body grow old, die, and ya see them enter the world of the dead. Then ya wake up in a newborn babe's body. Ya experience the same things over and over. Ya get so sick o' it that cha really wanna die but cha can't. No matter how many ways ya die and heal, it still hurts like hell. Plus the fact ya always have ta share a body. Ya never get one ta yourself again. Then there's the memory. Ya remember every single one o' your lives which is even worse cuz you have ta multiply each host body by the number of times you "died." I can only live cuz I'm emotionally dead. It's not for someone like you, Ghost Boy.
Jonathon: I'm not doin' it for me!
Jake: Then who are ya doin' it for?
Devil: That would be me.
Jake: Who are you anyway?
Jonathon points the gun at Jake again.
Jake: Whoa. What did I do?
Jonathon: How dare you...
Devil puts up his hand.
Devil: Please, my little Ghost. Of course they wouldn't know me. Even your girlfriend's wonderin' the same thing. She just won't say it.
Jonathon puts the gun back down.
Devil: I am the real Devil Knight.
Jake: So you're the mastermind of this whole rotten scheme?
Devil: No. I didn't even learn about it till we came here and met the former Queen Kate of the Vampires.
Jake: My mom? Where is she?
Tigress: Hold up Tiger.
Kate Anderson walks in and curtsies to her son and daughter-in-law.
Jake: Mom, what're ya doin'?
Tigress: Calm down, Tiger. It's perfectly appropriate considerin' how she's no longer royalty.
Jake: Huh? Why are ya suddenly callin' me Tiger?
Tigress walks to stand right in front of him and slaps him across the face.
Jake: Ow. What the hell was that for?
Tigress: Next time ya do somethin' as stupid as drinkin' my blood, you should make it less obvious!
Jake: What does that have ta do with...?
He jumps back because Tigress is swinging her claws at his head. She continues to swing her claws and he keeps dodging.
Jake: Tigress, that's not fair. I don't have any weapons.
Tigress: Hah. You don't need any weapons, Tiger.
Jake stops and when she comes again, he grabs both of her wrists.
Jake: My name is not Tiger.
Tigress struggles but no matter what she can't break away.
Jonathon: Are you two done with your lovers quarrel?
Tigress: I'm not fightin'. I'm provin' a point. Retract.
The claws disappear and so Jake lets go of her. She rubs her wrists.
Jake: What's wrong?
Tigress: What do ya think, you idiot? You're too damn strong.
Jake: Wait. Aren't you...?
Tigress: The strongest person in the world. I was. Dracula, get your shitty grim reaper ass here now.
A black and red cloak with a hood materializes in front of Tigress and shocks everyone else. From the bottom appears bones and where the face would be appears the palest face ever acompianied by red eyes and fangs. The sythe appears and the arm that's holding the sythe is bones while the other arm is flesh.
Dracula: If you're gonna call me, pick one. I mean, how is this funny?
He opens the cloak to show his legs of bone and bone waist but then his upper body is flesh except for the dominant arm.
Tigress: I think it suits you. Or would you rather I have said it the other way?
Dracula: HELL NO!
He closes the cloak and hits Tigress squarely on the head with his fist. Her eyes well up and she holds her head.
Tigress: Dammit. Ow. That's the second time today. What did I do to deserve gettin' beaten up today? First Tiger, now you.
Jake: My name's not Tiger!
Tigress: This is all your fault, Dracula. Why didn't you prevent him from drinking my blood? Now Jake's just like me.
Dracula: Sure he's a Tiger but he's not an official Tiger.
Tigress: That makes no sense. He gained my speed, strength, and my weapon knowledge as well as my regeneration and immortality. How is he not a Tiger?
She draws her claws again and smiles evilly again.
Jonathon: Blood? I just need him ta drink your blood and then he'll be immortal?
Jake: Huh?
Tigress seizes her chance but just like before Jake senses her and dodges. She's caught by Dracula.
Tigress: Let me go Dracula.
Dracula: Listen to me Tigress. He's not immortal yet. You'd kill him if ya did that.
Tigress: Retract.
The claws disappear and she stops struggling.
Tigress: What do ya mean by that?
Dracula: Unlike me, he stopped. Not only that, but he stopped after two sips.
Tigress: What does that have ta do with anything? He'll do it again.
Dracula: I highly doubt that. Isn't that right, King Jake?
Tigress turns and stares at Jake. He gulps and starts backing away.
Dracula: King Jake, what're ya so scared of?
Jake: She'd kill me if I said it.
Dracula: I'm pretty sure that's impossible considering how you're stronger and quicker than she is. Well, if you won't talk, I'll just show her.
He pulls out an iPad.
Jake: What's with that?
Dracula: All the better to prove my point with, my dear.
Jake: What? Are you supposed ta be the wolf?
Dracula fools around for a few seconds then turns the iPad to the gathered folds. He enlarges the picture. There's Jake looking thoroughly disgusted with his "meal."
Dracula: I'm pretty sure he won't try your blood again, Tigress.
Tigress's serious expression changes to overjoy then back again. She turns towards Jake who gulps and proceeds to cover his face with his arms. She grabs his wrists and brings one hand to touch her breasts and the other to her butt, then she starts making noises. Jake quickly opens his eyes and falls over in surprise.
Jake: Wah! Wha... Wha... What are you doing?
Tigress: Givin' you a treat. Ya don't like it?
Jake: No! Cuz it's not Crystal.
Tigress: Oh. So, you want Crystal ta do that? Interesting. Very interesting.
She turns her back to him, puts her hand on her chin, and starts pacing. Jake blushes.
Jake: Th... Th... That's n... no... not wha... wha... what I m... meant!
Tigress: Although, that's impossible. She's a virgin and naive to a fault. I mean, that's one of her good points too... Oof.
She's pushed to the ground by Jake. She jumps up and dusts herself off.
Tigress: Jeez! Just cuz I was badmouthin' your wife, doesn't mean ya can hurt me.
She turns to face him. His left hand is on the ground and the stump on his arm is bleeding profusly. He falls down and starts holding the stump as he screams in pain. Jonathon is standing over Jake with a sword.
Jonathon: Damn. I missed.
Dracula: You're losin' your touch, Tigress.
Tigress: Not at all. I was ignorin' the kid tryin' ta cut off my arm. But now, I'm mad.
Before Jonathon realizes it, the sword's been torn from his hand and is at Devil Knight's throat and Tigress's opposite claws are on Neyeli's throat. Neyeli tries to move but...
Tigress: Neyeli Jorgan, stay.
Neyeli becomes as stiff as a board and gulps.
Tigress: So which one first, Jonathon? It's your choice. Your girl or your father figure.
Jonathon whirls around, pulls out his gun again, and points it at Jake.
Jonathon: You hurt either and he's toast.
Tigress: You already decapitated him. So I was asking which one ta return the favor on.
Jake stands up slowly and Dracula puts his shoulder under Jake's good shoulder for support.
Jake: Tigress, I'm fine.
Tigress: What kinda joke is that? You're definitely not okay.
Jake: It's jsut a hand. I can live without it.
Tigress: How much more idiotic can ya get?
Dracula: You're both right. You can live without a hand but you're in major pain that can be fixed. Tigress, relax. I'll coach him through it.
Tigress: Until he's fine, I will continue with this.
Dracula: Alright. I understand. Jake, relax. Don't fight the urge you're feeling. Embrace it. Let it flow through you, making you whole again. That's right.
Jake closes his eyes and his arm starts to regrow until it's whole again.
Tigress: Retract. You can move now, Neyeli Jorgan.
The claws disappear and Tigress hands the sword to Devil Knight as Jake opens his eyes.
Jake: Wah! What the heck?
Tigress: That's certainly different from me.
Dracula: You and I do it one way cuz we're immortal. I told cha he's not immortal yet.
Jonathon: Enough.
He presses a button and the room fills with gas. The gas starts to go out the window but the damage had been done. Kate Anderson and Jake are passed out and captured in two different cages. Dracula had disappeared and Jonathon shows a triumphant smile.
Jonathon: I won. Now, for some immortal blood.
He turns towards a cage that should have Tigress in it but it's empty. His expression changes to one of confusion.
Tigress: So, you still haven't given up? What a pity.
Jonathon looks up and gasps. He sees her spinning down the chain like a pole dancer would. When her dominant leg is on the top of the cage she safely uncurls her inner leg and stands there with her dominant hand pushing against the chain.
Jonathon: Ha... How?
Tigress: Well, I suppose havin' a pole-dancin' host does come in handy.
Jonathon: Tha... That's not what I meant! How are you still awake?
Tigress: You're not the only one prepared. I always go into my battles prepared.
Jonathon: That doesn't answer my question.
He takes out an AK-47 and starts shooting it off at her but she seems to fade into the darkness. He shoots the entire back and right walls to oblivion. When he runs out of bullets, he throws the weapon down.
Jonathon: How do ya like that? Hmmm? There's no way anyone could've survived that.
A rope starts pulling on his neck from behind. He starts making slight choking sounds. Tigress puts her face right up beside his, smirks, and then whispers in his ear...
Tigress: Ya missed. Jonathon, just because ya wanna save Devil Knight you're doin' all this. It really doesn't make any sense. Besides makin' someone immortal does not stop the cancer. He will die. And even when he's reborn, you won't recognize him. So, give it up.
Jonathon: Ack. I will ne... never give up on my father.
He stabs her right under the ribs, making her loosen her hold on the rope. It falls to the ground as she takes a few steps back.
Dracula: I told you you were losin' your touch, Tigress.
She grits her teeth.
Tigress: That's due to the blood loss.
Dracula: I know.
Jonathon is coughing greatly now and takes out the remote. He presses a button and the cages lift off the ground then burst out the window. The two cages start swinging and then are cast out into the ocean away from each other. Tigress looks around and notices Neyeli's and Devil Knight's horrified faces as Jonathon runs out of the room. She nods her head towards the door and Neyeli grabs Devil's chair and wheels him out after Jonathon. Tigress puts her finger in her ear as she spreads her wings and lands on the beach.
Tigress: Beta, Omega, do you copy?
Rick: Omega here.
Mandy: Beta here.
Tigress: Commence operation. Three bogies comin' your way. One hostile, two friendly. Hostile first. All systems go.
She takes her finger and the communicator out of her ear and draws in her wings.
Tigress: I'll take away the pain of the knife, so don't show that to Crystal but show her what happened to Jake and her mother-in-law. Please, Fortune.
Fortune: Understood.
Tigress closes her eyes and a few seconds later Crystal opens her eyes.
Crystal: I don't have much time.
She kicks off her heels, takes out her claws and shreds the remainder of the dress and stockings. She throws off all the gear except for the claws and dives into the ocean. The tail grows and she starts looking frantically. She spies her mother-in-law and swims to the cage. She slashes the cage open then bubbles come out of her mouth and the claws disappear. She picks up her mother-in-law and swims out of the cage. She swims back to the surface and sets her mother-in-law on the beach. She dives down again but she can't find Jake's cage. Bubbles come out of her mouth and dolphins swim up. More bubbles and the dolphins turn. The scene changes to the dolphins and Crystal looking at Jake's cage. Crystal show the claws and rushes towards the cage. By this time, he looks really bad. She slashes open the cage, then bubbles come out and the claws disappear. She grabs him and swims to shore as fast as she can but she can't make it. She puts Jake on one of the dolphin's backs and Jake's eyes open. He's about to open his mouth when she puts one hand over his mouth, kisses his cheek, and then says something in his ear. Now he starts thrashing, trying to make it impossible for them to leave so Crystal takes her hand off his mouth and bubbles release from his mouth and his eyes close. Bubbles come out of Crystal's mouth and the dolphins turn and continue towards the shore. Crystal closes her eyes and starts to sink.