By the Riverbank
When Allie returned to Caras Galadhon, Frodo was already among their group, gathering their things and packing them with a somber face. She saw him but did not go to him. If he saw her right now, he'd know something to be amiss. She needed some time alone to think about the things she had seen in the mirror. She had to forget them now. That was the only way she could still find the courage to go forward.
"Pippin, where are you?" she asked out of habit.
"Allie, I'm here…"
Her eyes regained focus at the forlorn tone of his voice. "What's wrong?"
The auburn wolf trod out of a patch of trees. His green eyes were shining with panic and sadness.
"I… I can't turn back anymore. It happened last night as I slept. This is it, Allie. This is me now."
That had the effect of an icy shower. She advanced towards his shivering shape. She didn't know what to say or do except bury her fingers in his fur and rest her forehead against his.
"Oh, Pippin. I thought you still had some time left…"
"I thought so as well, but... truthfully I saw this coming. Lately, I've felt strange being in my hobbit body, as though it had become light and… immaterial. Some mornings, I even wake up as a wolf even though I went to sleep as a hobbit. We all knew this day would come, Allie. It is a miracle I have retained my hobbit form for so long."
The quiet resignation in his voice made her heart ache. Pippin sensed her anxiety and licked her cheek. "I will live with it. After all these years, I have learned to be happy being a wolf. The others in the pack are my family. It is just harder than I anticipated because I have met Merry again. He will be devastated."
The wolf saw the fear in Allie's eyes. "Allie, you have to keep strong. You might still have years left. Do you remember what Councillor told us? He has served four Queens already, and the second one has managed to retain her human form for twenty two years."
"It's already been nineteen years since the day I was bitten," she stated with wide eyes. "And with the Ring so close… I don't know, Pippin. But right now it is not about me. What can I do for you? Do you want me to tell the rest of the Fellowship?"
Pippin's eyes turned sad. "I don't want to tell them, but as the ninth companion, I have an obligation to let them know."
She stared into his green eyes for a moment longer before hugging his thick neck with all her strength. Then, she turned to face the others, who were still going about their packing business. She demanded the attention and then gave the news. Merry immediately let out a cry of grief and rushed over to Pippin's side, clenching a hand to his fur.
"Impossible!" he cried out. "Why so soon? Why? Oh, Pippin! It feels like I'm losing you a second time!"
Merry started crying, and Pippin licked wistfully at his tears, his green eyes imploring him to stop. Merry fell silent, but he buried his face in his wolf friend's fur. "Regardless of what you are, we will stay friends forever, do you hear me?" came his muffled voice.
The auburn wolf rubbed against him with a small whine.
Frodo trudged over to Allie's side. They looked at each other but did not say anything. They were both thinking a day would come when they would face the same ordeal.
"Allie…" Frodo started.
"We should be packing," she cut him off, and then walked to their travel bags still strewn about the floor of the talan. She started rolling up Frodo's blanket to stuff it into his bag, but her fingers felt stiff, hindering her progress as she tried to lace his bag closed.
Frodo knelt down beside her and seized her hand.
She jerked it away from his as she continued struggling with the bag. "We should hurry. The others are already done packing," she said as she rotated away from him.
"Allie, stop." He grabbed her hands again and forced her to face him.
Allie stared hard at the messy ball that the blanket had become. Frodo pressed a hand against her back and drew her into a soothing embrace. She leaned into him. "I'm scared," she confessed in a small voice. "I don't want to lose what I have found with you."
"It will be all right," he said as he gave her back gentle pats. "We will figure something out, I promise."
"It is time to go," Haldir prompted them from a few feet away.
The two hobbits parted slowly, almost reluctantly. He gazed at her questioningly and she gave him a firm nod.
"Let's go," she told him.
The Company left Caras Galadhon and walked among the woods, guided by Haldir, until they reached a small river undulating among the giant roots of the golden trees. The Elves of Lorien had allowed them to borrow their light boats to pursue their journey upon the water. They would make faster progress, carried by the currents of the Anduin.
A white boat in the shape of a swan glided close. Galadriel stood upon it, resplendent in her white dress, to bid them farewell one last time. The Elves clad them with soft, yet resistant Elven cloaks, garb usually reserved for their own people. Galadriel walked among them, giving each of them a small parting gift so they would always remember the time they had spent in these woods.
To Frodo, she gave the light of Earendil, the Elves' most beloved star. "May it be a light for you in dark places, when all other lights go out," she whispered, her blue eyes soft.
"Thank you for everything, Lady Galadriel."
In front of Allie, Galadriel paused for long seconds. The hobbit stared at her feet, afraid to see anger in Galadriel's eyes. She had broken her mirror after all. Instead of admonition, she felt light fingers on her chin and stared up into kind blue eyes of the Elf Queen.
"Can I have your necklace for a moment?" Galadriel requested.
Allie wordlessly passed the chain around her neck and handed over the half moon pendant. Galadriel took it in the palm of her hand and blew softly on it. Then, she handed it back.
"I have conferred upon it some of the light that protects our people. May it keep you safe. I have no other adequate gift to offer you, for the most precious one is already within you." She pressed her palm to Allie's chest. "The love you bear for the Ring-bearer, always remember it. It shall pull you back to the light."
Allie did not understand the meaning of her words, but nonetheless felt the warmth of their sincerity. "Thank you, Lady Galadriel. I am deeply sorry for your mirror."
Galadriel stood back. Her eyes had become unreadable once more. "It was not your doing. Farewell now."
"Farewell," Allie replied.
The rest of the Fellowship was already embarking upon the three light boats when Allie approached the side of the river. Pippin gazed with longing to where Merry was seated, but his wolf form could not fit on the boat.
"You don't need to go any further if it's too hard for you," Allie said.
The auburn wolf shook his head. "I'm a part of the Fellowship, and I'm also your Protector. I know you intend to go to the very end, so you better bet I will too."
Allie swallowed down the lump in her throat. "Follow us from the river bank, then."
"I will. And Allie…"
She looked at him.
The wolf pawed at the earth, like every time he had a request to make of her. "Please stay with Merry for a while and try to cheer him up."
He didn't often ask her for any favors, so this she granted him readily. Pippin, relieved, turned tails and vanished in the wild bordering the riverbank without a backward glance. Her heart went out to him, but she didn't know how to ease the emptiness he must feel.
She went to Frodo to inform him of the situation, and he gave her a small smile, telling her to go ahead. She thus climbed on top of the boat after Merry and Boromir, while Frodo and Sam sat with Aragorn. On the last boat came Legolas and Gimli.
The boats took off, gliding smoothly over the calm waters.
Allie saw Haldir waving at them from beside a big tree, and she waved back with a pinch of sadness, wondering if she'd ever see him again.
Soon they left the woods of Lothlorien behind and reached a fork in the watercourse where their river joined the wider course of the Anduin. Allie heard Boromir grunt behind her as he worked the oar to turn their boat left in order to engage themselves onto the rapid currents of the larger river.
Merry was wrapped in a moody silence in front of her. She stared at his back for long seconds as their boat glided forward.
"Merry?"
She had spoken his name in a quiet voice, but he still startled as though she had screamed it out loud. He turned two wide brown eyes on her.
She pointed down toward the waters rushing past and said, "Do you remember when I stole the ferry?"
A light of recollection lit up in Merry's eyes, but he didn't smile. "Pippin and I rode on it many times afterward, along with Berilac. Soon we could go all the way to the other bank and then back. We competed to see who could make the round trip in the shortest time. Those were good times, weren't they?"
She nodded, letting her fingers glide across the water passing them by as the boat advanced.
Merry cast his somber gaze upon her. "I know you understand how I feel."
Allie's eyes glided to Aragorn's boat for a fleeting second, but she remained silent otherwise.
"Isn't there a way to reverse the process?" he asked, though without much hope.
Her features did not change when she replied, "Not that I know of."
"What will become of the two of you?" She knew he was alluding to Frodo. "You love each other, don't you? But that will have to end one day."
Allie really wished Merry hadn't brought this up. "I know."
Merry clenched his fists. "Doesn't that anger you? This feeling of impotence… of leaving everything up to fate. Sometimes you wonder what good you could possibly do in the grand scheme of things when you are so little."
He hung his head down low. "I regret leaving the Shire now. I only thought of having an adventure like old Bilbo, but instead I found out about loss and am now faced with things I can't control. What good am I in this Quest when I can't even save my own friend? I'm just the extra baggage that you have to drag along. I mean… I can't even fight to defend myself and need to depend on others for my survival. I will only slow you down."
Allie was stunned by the bitterness in his voice. She didn't know he had felt this way.
Surprisingly, it was Boromir who answered. "Even the greatest warriors carry feelings of impotence and doubt sometimes. It is not something you should be ashamed of. What you need to strive for is a way to overcome those thoughts. Train your mind, young hobbit. Firm your resolve."
He worked the oar with renewed strength, his eyes set forward.
Merry sighed. "Then perhaps I should take some more sword lessons too."
Boromir nodded as though that was what he had wanted to hear. "That's the spirit! I can help you with that."
Allie placed a hand upon that of her friend. "Merry, no one ever thought you were extra baggage. You always manage to cheer us up even when things are looking dire. Don't underestimate the importance of that."
Merry had a weak smile. "Really? I didn't know my jokes were that effective."
"Yes, they are the very best. Brooding is unlike you. Do you remember what you told me by the cave of lilacs? Brandybucks are strong folk. We shall not be deterred by so little, not you nor I. "
Merry flashed her a sincere smile, and his posture straightened up. He raised his fist and Allie bumped hers against his with a small smile.
"Yes, I do have to live up to my name!" Merry exclaimed with a new glint to his brown eyes.
Allie knew he was still depressed over Pippin, but knowing Merry, he should be able to get over it soon and return to his jovial self. He and Pippin had always been able to look at the world in an optimistic manner no matter the circumstances.
Even after Pippin had become a wolf, he had not lost that trait. He was the most lighthearted and idealistic of their group. Informant always grunted that Pippin was too trusting to be Protector and wondered what the Blood was thinking when it had designated him. Allie knew Pippin's way of protecting was not physical. He had protected her heart and her humanity all these years. Without him, she would have become another ruthless wolf and would never have managed to keep her hobbit self to this day. She owed him everything.
She was pulled out of her thoughts by a log floating behind their boat. At first she didn't pay it any attention, but the way that it glided faster than the current suddenly made her frown. She pulled on Boromir's sleeve and pointed.
The Man of Gondor looked back grimly for a few seconds. "Something has been following us since Moria. I overheard the Elves saying it has been loitering at the edge of Lorien, near the place we entered the woods."
"Does Aragorn know of this?"
Boromir's lips twisted up in a sneer at the mention of that name. "Yes," he answered quite abruptly. "After the creature was first spotted in Moria, Gandalf spoke of it with Aragorn first, of course."
"Why do you get along so badly with Aragorn? You two have much in common."
"We have nothing in common! My main concern is for my people and my city! Everything I do is for their sake. I am merely the Steward's son, but I would gladly give my life to protect Minas Tirith if it ever came to that. But Aragorn! He is… he could be much more than a simple Ranger if he were not so afraid to take responsibility for his heritage. He could bring hope to my city and do more for the people than I ever could, but instead he chooses to remain in the shadows while death knocks on our door."
He splashed the water with his oar, but then straightened again as a terrible calm overcame his face. "I thought I could convince him to make the right decisions, but now I see my father is right. A true warrior does not rely on others; he makes his own decisions and treads the path he's paved for himself."
"I understand the love you have for your city, Boromir. But a true warrior consults with his commander before taking any action," she cautioned him.
"Our commander is dead. He fell in Moria."
Worry gnawed at her. Boromir seemed intent on not recognizing Aragorn's leadership.
Aragorn chose that moment to signal that it was time for a break as he worked to direct his boat to the riverbank.
Boromir narrowed his eyes but followed the other two boats nonetheless.
They had already travelled a great distance, more than they ever would have made by foot in the same amount of time, so the morale of the group was good.
Allie searched for Frodo's familiar mass of dark curls, and smiled when she spotted him already on land. She found herself missing him even though she had last seen him in the morning, and unease gripped her as she wondered whether it were healthy to feel this way. She didn't want to end up like her father. She understood his nature now; he had loved his wife too much, to the point where she had become life itself to him. When she died, his soul seemed to have died along with her, leaving behind an empty carcass that contained only hatred and anger for the rest of the world.
Love had consumed him and the loss of love had turned him mad. No matter what, she could not let that happen to her. But how exactly did one retain one's sanity after the passing of a loved one? She could not, refused to think, of the eventuality of Frodo dying.
She shook herself out of those morbid thoughts as their boat bumped against the sandy shore. She jumped down onto firm land to stretch her limbs.
Aragorn's boat was already pulled up higher on the riverbank, and the Ranger busied himself gathering kindling for a fire, along with Frodo and Sam.
Allie marched toward Frodo and relieved him from the load of firewood he was carrying. He smiled at her in thanks, and just seeing that smile made her flustered. She hurried to turn away.
After the fire was lit, she sat among the Fellowship to eat her meal. She listened to them converse quietly about the road to take. Their voices mingled into a soothing and droning sound as she chewed on her food. No one was paying her particular attention, but she allowed her gaze to travel to each of their faces: the gracious Legolas, the proud Gimli, the fearless Aragorn, the passionate Boromir, the vibrant Merry, the loyal Sam. And of course Frodo, the one she loved. She was so used to eating and living among wolves that this felt out of the ordinary, but not in a bad way.
After their meal, they resumed their water trip. For the afternoon, she mounted with Frodo and Aragorn. She had looked forward to this because she had matters to discuss with the Ranger.
"Who is following us?" she asked without preamble as Aragorn pushed his boat away from the shore.
Aragorn's eyes pierced through her. "It took you some time to notice, my friend."
Allie grunted at his rebuke. "My mind has been… on other things."
"It's Gollum," he informed her. "He's been tracking us since Moria."
Frodo jumped at this. "Gollum? The one Bilbo met?"
Aragorn sighed. "I had hoped we would lose him on the river, but he's too clever a waterman."
Allie gave a snort of disdain. "He will have to go up to shore some time to rest and hunt. I will order my wolves to kill him then."
To her dismay, Aragorn shook his head. "I spoke to Gandalf about him when we first saw him in Moria. The Wizard seemed to think Gollum has yet a role to play in this, for good or for evil."
"Mostly for evil, I bet. We could save ourselves a lot of trouble by killing him now!"
Aragorn turned his piercing eyes onto Frodo. "And what do you think of all this, Frodo?"
The Ring-bearer was thoughtful for a moment, and then said, "I still do not understand why my uncle pitied him enough to spare him. If he becomes a threat to our Quest, then I suppose we would have no other choice but to kill him."
Allie was nodding vigorously at this. "He will get no pity from me if he ever dares to cross our path, that's for certain!"
Aragorn shook his head at her vehemence. "Do not be so quick to dispense death and judgment, my friend. I would have agreed with you, if not for Gandalf's warning that Gollum's role in this is not yet over. We do not know how the wheels of fate work. If Gollum is killed before his time, it might lead to disaster."
"You speak too much like Gandalf to my taste now, Aragorn," Allie grumbled. "I thought you didn't believe in fate, only in your own strength."
"I have to believe in it now," he answered with a distant look.
Allie knew he thought of Arwen. He had asked her to go to the Immortal lands with what remained of her people, but in his heart, he still hoped there would be a turnaround in fate that would allow them to see each other again.
On both sides of the river, tall trees grew in thickets, their green canopy extending far over the land. A flock of birds disrupted the silence by taking their flight, cawing madly.
Aragorn looked among the trees with concern.
"Allie, are your wolves following us on the western shore?"
"Yes."
"Have they reported anything unusual?"
She frowned. "No. Pippin is leading them. Hunter and Informant have gone ahead to scout."
"Ask them to go back."
She uncrossed her arms. "Go back where?"
"Go back towards Lothlorien, following the river. I want to make sure no one is following us."
"If someone is following us, my wolves would have spotted them by now."
"The wind is blowing north. It could easily hide their scent. Do as I say, Allie."
Allie's eyes shone silver as she communicated with her wolves. "For your peace of mind, I have asked some recruits from Informant's unit to retrace their steps. But you might worry unnecessarily, Aragorn."
"It is better to be safe than sorry."
Allie felt pretty confident in her wolves' ability to keep her alerted to any dangers. They had never failed her up until now.
However, that night, as she lied in the dark with her eyes strained to the starless skies, apprehension grew in the pit of her stomach. Her mind kept wandering to those images from the mirror. She barely had time to think about them during the day, but now that everything was quiet, every image came back to her as clearly as though they had been imprinted on her retina, seeming more frightening than ever in the encompassing darkness of night.
The white wheel weighed heavy on her mind. It was a very peaceful scene, if she had to use a word to describe it, so she didn't understand why her hair stood on edge every time it came to mind.
Why had it broken the mirror?
The mirror only shows what is of this world… Galadriel's voice drifted into her head.
She sat up, shivering, and shook her head to get rid of her fear. Everyone seemed fast asleep, but she could make out Frodo's silhouette still sitting by the side of the water.
She hesitated for a moment, but then strode to where he sat, pausing behind him without disturbing his contemplation of the dark currents.
Frodo knew of her presence, but did not turn around. After seeing Allie in a cage in Galadriel's mirror, he couldn't allow her to implicate herself further in the Quest. They had promised each other to stay together, but things had changed.
He looked up from his feet when he felt her sitting behind him with her back against his. Her warmth reached him even through their cloaks and layers of clothing. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to lean his head against hers.
"Do you believe in other worlds?" her voice asked from the darkness.
"The Immortal Lands?" he asked, and then continued before she had time to answer, "I do. I've seen the Elves march toward the harbor to board their ship. There is such a place close to the Shire…"
Allie shook her head, and he fell silent.
"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about… worlds that are different from ours. Imagine a world with different constellations, a world with no Shire, no Lothlorien, and no Immortal Lands. A world with no Ring and no war, where everyone can coexist in peace. Do you reckon such a world might exist out there? Do you reckon there's a version of ourselves in that world? Perhaps that Allie would never be bitten by a wolf. She would meet Frodo. They would fight at first but then would fall in love and go on to live happy days… build a house together… grow old together…"
She bit her lip, embarrassed by the words coming out of her mouth. She was not a child anymore to be uttering such nonsense.
She waited for some sort of mockery from Frodo, some sort of rebuke, but when he did speak, it was only to say, "So even in that world, Allie and Frodo fight a lot when they first meet?"
Before she could respond, he added in a light voice, "How about a world in which, from the moment Allie sees Frodo, she falls for his irresistible looks and charming personality. After she chases after him all day, he finally agrees to go on a date with her. She puts on her nicest dress and bakes him cookies as she waits for him after school. Then, they savor them on their secret tree platform."
She couldn't help it; she laughed out loud, making her back shake against his, and he cracked his first real smile of the day.
"Is that what you have been fantasizing about ever since we were kids?" she teased with horror in her voice. "Me baking you cookies?"
He cleared his throat. "I'm joking."
She turned around, giggling, and wrapped her arms around his waist as she rested her chin on his shoulder. "Do you mind if they are burned? I have not cooked in years."
Even in the dark, she saw the point of his ears turning red. "It was just a joke!" he exclaimed. "For the record though, I'd eat them if you ever do it."
She suppressed a laugh as her fingers played with one of his buttons. "How very gallant of you, but you still haven't answered my question," she whispered, her breath warm in his ear, making him shiver from head to toe.
She could almost see the wheels in his brain turning as he tried to recall what question she had asked. Finally, he answered, "No, Allie. I can't even fathom the existence of other worlds when there are still so many things in this world I don't understand."
He rested his hands on hers. She lied against his back, taking in his scent, a mixture of Elven fabric, wild grass and the enduring traces of the Shire that always seemed to linger on him.
"Why do you ask me this?"
"I thought it would be unconventional enough to distract you from whatever is bothering you," she murmured with her face half buried in his cloak.
Frodo startled. He had truly forgotten about his problems for a time. He even felt his stomach grumbling, demanding food. The realization made him chuckle in stunned relief. He made to face her, but she let out an unhappy sound and tightened her hold around him.
"I like your back," she confessed in a low voice.
They sat still like that for many minutes, just breathing. A memory drifted into Frodo's mind, and he smiled. "When we were kids, you hugged me like this once, after I told you the story of the cursed girl."
"I remember. Was that when you first started liking me?"
Frodo jerked up straight, happy she couldn't see his blushing face. He decided to be romantic. "No. I have always liked you."
"Liar," she replied without missing a beat. "You hated me when we first met. 'Who is that dirty, wild little lass?' is what you thought."
"That's because you hated me first! You used to glare holes into my back. And you took such pleasure in making me angry, don't even deny it."
She didn't. "And I stole your strawberry with cream. And I hid your homework! I know. I'm sorry I was such a brat to you."
"As long as you know it," he grumbled.
She leaned deeper into his cloak and took one of his hands in hers, lacing their fingers together. "You did some terrible things to me too when we were waging our war in Buckland. I must admit trying to outsmart you has always been the highlight of my day."
Frodo kept silent, but deep down he agreed. She had contributed to some of the most memorable days of his childhood. They had grown up together, faced individual and common hardships together during an important time in their growth as individuals. Due to their shared experiences, she had become a part of him, and he a part of her. Perhaps that was why he could never forget her, for you could never forget part of yourself.
"I never hated you," she added a moment later, her eyes wide open in the dark. "You might laugh when you hear this, but when I first saw you from afar, I was very intimidated by you."
He did laugh, as she expected. "You, intimidated by me?"
"I know how it sounds, but it's true. I vividly remember this one time toward the beginning of my first summer in Buckland, I was looking out of the window of my smial, and I saw you standing in the storm outside my window. Back then, I was sneaking out of my house in spite of my father's warnings, but I was pretty confident about not being found out. But, something about the way you looked as you stood in the rain that day… it gave me the feeling you would be able to see through everything, that you would find me. And that scared me."
He turned to face her, and this time she let him by removing her arms from around him. His eyes were gleaming with a deep intensity. "And I did, didn't I? I found you."
She cocked her head to the side. "Technically, Merry and Pippin found me first, but yes, I suppose you did find me in your own time."
His blue eyes held hers as he asked, "So when did you stop being scared of me?"
She pulled her eyes away from his with difficulty, and then opted for a light-hearted tone to say, "Oh, rather fast. You remember the first time I dared you to climb a tree and you couldn't? You looked so funny! I knew then that I had nothing to fear from you!"
Frodo forced himself to exhale. "Let me rephrase that. How about…when did you start thinking about me as someone… well, special?" he finished as he tried to keep his gaze on hers, hoping the night would hide his blush.
She pointed a finger to her chin. "That must have been when I sneaked up on you as you were playing make-believe games by yourself. You were pretending to be a pirate. That's when I thought: he's special, all right."
"I said special! Not peculiar!"
"So you do admit your own behavior was peculiar at the time?" she asked in triumph. "I could never make you admit it back then."
Frodo tried to think of a comeback but couldn't. He had forgotten how it was to get into a verbal argument with her. He sighed in defeat and decided to be mature about this. He knew she was purposely not telling him what he wanted to hear. "Allie, why do you always break the mood like this?"
"What mood? You can't possibly mean the one where we exchange embarrassing confessions, can you?"
He sighed. "Aren't lasses supposed to like this kind of things?"
"Sorry for not being lassy enough for you, mister." She crossed her arms and just gaped at him.
"You are impossible!" he exclaimed and rotated away from her.
Allie scrambled in front of him, bending over to peer at his face, but Frodo refused to acknowledge her presence. She watched him pensively, wondering if he really was mad, but then her lips stretched into a knowing smile. Taking her time, she went on all fours in front of him to be at face level.
"Are you mad, Frodo?" she inquired with a sweet blink.
Frodo crossed his arms. His eyes fleeted to her face, but then looked away again in moody silence. She shifted closer on her hands and knees, leaning forward like a feline while a rather seductive smile decorated her lips. The next time Frodo's gaze shifted to her, it stayed.
He couldn't help but stare at the way her body moved under the moonlight; at the way her blonde hair cascaded down her shoulders. His earlier disappointment all but vanished as his heart started storming in his chest and a lump grew in his throat.
She edged closer still until her face was a mere inch from his. "Are you mad, I said?" she repeated in a whisper.
Frodo forced himself to find his voice. "Whatever you are doing, it is not going to work."
"No?" she edged even closer until their noses were touching.
Frodo drew in a small breath, feeling as though the air around him had begun to sizzle, making a bead of perspiration grow at the top of his temple. In spite of himself, he leaned in to close that last inch between their lips, but she pulled back just enough to evade him.
"Are you mad?" she asked for the third time.
Frodo forbid himself from caving in. Two could play at this game.
"Yes, I'm mad," he countered as he let his finger slide down the side of her face.
Allie pulled back, surprised by his initiative, but Frodo did not give her the opportunity to draw back. He let his finger continue its path down the side of her neck. Allie's eyes fluttered close for a second, before she opened them again.
She was now staring at Frodo with astonishment and desire. Even in the dark, Frodo could see how her pupils seemed darker than usual as she looked upon his face.
He rested his palm against the curve of her neck, sneaking it beneath the heavy mass of wild curls. He gave her neck a gentle pull, drawing her to him. "I am mad, but you can make it go away."
Allie steadily shifted her body forward again.
Frodo saw a flash of grey orbs before her lips were crushing his. He kissed her back hungrily, a hand running through her hair. He thought finally being able to kiss her would satiate the fire her teasing moves had started within him, but that fire just burned hotter as her lips moved against his.
She tangled her hand in his black curls and pulled him closer. Frodo dipped his head to plant a series of small kisses along her neck. She let out an involuntary cry, which made Frodo shiver with pleasure and want. He claimed her lips again, pressing forward until she lay upon the riverbank with him on top of her.
He paused to take in the sight of her hair sprayed out beneath her like a sheet of gold. Her lips were red and slightly parted, and her chest heaved up and down as she looked back at him with naked desire.
He wanted her too, then. He wanted her so bad it ached.
"Allie…"
She placed a finger against his lips, silencing him. Her finger traced the contour of his mouth, slid down his chin, down his neck to the half moon pendant peeking from its chain. Her eyes filled with wonder, as though she were seeing him for the first time. And perhaps she was, for she had never seen him looking quite like this, his hair ruffled and messy, his eyes so blue and bright, his lips swollen from kissing.
"Yes," she said to his silent request.
His hand trembled as he caressed the side of her body, coming to rest on one of her breasts, soft under her leather suit.
She seized his Elven clip, shaped like a leaf, and undid it with fingers that were not quite steady. His cape fell off his shoulders and to the ground in a heap of dark green.
Frodo bent over to kiss her as she fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. His reason was screaming at him that the other members of the Fellowship were asleep just a few meters away, that the gravel and small rocks of the riverbank must be uncomfortable, but then her palm against his bare chest chased away those thoughts as though they were mist.
Allie sensed his desire. She pressed her mouth against his and kissed him deep. Frodo dug his fingers into the coarse sand of the riverbank, trying to contain the wave of feverish longing coursing through every inch of him.
Where this could have led, neither of them knew, for the Ring suddenly dangled out of his shirt.
The air filled with silent vibrations. Allie couldn't hear them, but she could feel them, like nails scratching on a chalkboard inside her mind. Her eyes snapped open and she squirmed away from Frodo, crawling out from underneath him. Her blood roared, angry and disgusted at this intrusion.
This time, Frodo knew right away what went wrong. He seized the Ring and put it back behind his shirt, keeping his fist around it to hide it from view. The vibrations and dark whispering faded. Allie's shoulder's sagged in relief.
Frodo peered into her face. "Allie? Are you all right?"
"Yes," she answered when she got her breath back. "Yes, don't worry."
"It's happened again?"
She nodded with wide eyes. "Yes. Just like the day on the tree. The Ring was calling out to someone, or something."
From the corner of his eye, Frodo saw Boromir turning on his heels and leaving. Utter embarrassment consumed him as he wondered how long the Man of Gondor had been watching them, and what he would have witnessed had the Ring not interrupted them. Another thought coursed through his mind at Allie's words. The Ring had been calling out to Boromir. He was sure of it now. "Boromir was close by, watching us."
Allie froze. He saw embarrassment flicker across her face, followed by anger and dread.
Frodo shuddered, the burden of making his choice once more casting its heavy mantle upon him.
"What should I do, Allie?" He passed a hand through his messy hair. "If I stay with the Fellowship, the Ring will destroy them all. Galadriel warned me of it. The right thing to do would be to leave them. To go to Mordor all by myself. But…"
Allie clenched his arm, hard. "I'm going with you."
He shook his head, his mouth set in a harsh line. "No, Allie, the Ring affects you too."
"It will make me transform into a wolf, but that is insignificant. It has no hold over me, or any of the other wolves. It won't persuade me to take it for myself, like it might others. I will never betray you, Frodo." Seeing his hesitation, she added, "Besides, you need a guide to go to Mordor, and I know the way."
Her grey eyes were shining with determination, and her mouth was set in a firm line. He knew she would find him even if he decided to go off by himself. Besides, they had promised to stay together, no matter what.
"Fine, we will go together," he relented. Relief still washed over him that he wouldn't need to do this alone.
Allie smiled brightly as though they were going to a fair place instead of Mordor.
"Don't look so happy!" he chided her.
Her gaze glided down to his half opened shirt. Thoughts of another nature monopolized her mind, and she found herself blushing to the roots of her hair. Feeling self-conscious, she turned away from Frodo and rearranged strands of hair back in place.
Frodo also buttoned up his shirt as fast as he could, his movements jerky and nervous.
An awkward silence stretched between them, before she stood and dusted off her leather suit. "I uh… better go and get some sleep. It's another long day tomorrow," she said, not quite looking at him.
"Yes," he let out, cringing at his speedy response. "Yes," he repeated more slowly. "Let's get some sleep."
She left without further ado, and Frodo followed after her, feeling his cheeks burn. He was very much shocked at himself. He had never been one to act on impulses alone, to let his feelings cloud his reason. Back on the riverbank, it was as though his body had not been his own.
He watched her walk in the dark in front of him, her hair swaying at each step, and felt a remnant of desire stir up within him, but he quenched it down. Now was not the time to be distracted by such matters, and this was not the right place. He wanted their first time to be in some place warm and special, some place where no Ring would come between them.
But would such a day really come? the pessimistic part of his mind mused.
Would there ever be a day without a Ring and a Dark Lord? Would Allie still be in her hobbit form? He should love her while he still could. He stole another glance at her, but her back was unreadable and did not give him any answers.
That night, they slept next to each other, but not quite touching. He could feel her hand an inch from his, but he dared not grab it, lest his body took over again.
Allie squirmed beside him, and then turned her back to him to force her eyes to close. She needed to stop thinking about what had almost happened. She needed to get some sleep now if she were to be alert tomorrow. Now was not the time to let such primitive needs drive her actions. She forced herself to relax and to count sheep inside her head.
After a certain time, she must have succeeded in falling asleep, because she dreamed.
Allie often took pride in the fact that she was rather fearless when facing the dangers life threw at her. Ever since she was a little girl, there were few things that managed to keep her scared for long. She did not mind the darkness; she forgot about the fright of ghost stories fairly quickly; she loved storms and considered insects as part of the normal fauna of nature. The wolves had scared her for a time, but now they were family, and together they could bring down any enemy. She had been scared of taking responsibility for the pack once upon a time, but now leadership was as normal as breathing.
But even she had a chip in her armor, and that chip was her father. He was present in her dream that night, as big and menacing as she remembered him from her memories.
She was working an arid field under a beating sun, while her father watched her in silence from the shade of their old run-down smial in Buckland. She felt weak and thirsty, and the heat was so intense it blurred the scenery around her.
"Water…" she murmured.
She yearned to go into the kitchen and drink directly from the jug, but she dared not with her father there, looking at her with his black eyes. To her despair, he rose from his spot and came toward her in giant strides.
"You were thinking bad thoughts," he said in an accusing voice.
"No, father, I wasn't!" she cried out desperately, though knowing how futile denying anything would be.
Her father's eyes looked like endless wells of darkness, and she screamed and kicked as he seized her by the hair, dragged her to the smial, and threw her inside the dreaded closet. A gaping hole lurked inside, and she fell through in spite of her best efforts to cling to the doors.
"Please, father! No!"
"Hell awaits!" her father grinned, his face drawing further and further away as she fell.
She was really starting to think the hole led to hell itself when her feet contacted the ground. She looked around at the dark cell she found herself in.
A door opened behind her, and a single ray of light fell on the scrawny form huddled in the corner. Her mind shouted at her to run away, but she inexorably advanced toward the crouched figure. She cried as she did so. She was so afraid, and yet she couldn't stop.
She reached him and touched a hand to his shoulder. The creature's head swiveled on its neck and her father's emaciated face appeared, his hollow eyes bearing into her.
"Look at what you did to me," he said in a guttural voice. "You let your own father rot in darkness for years. I was right about you… right about you all along. You are a monster. You were never meant to be born!"
"You will pose a bigger threat to the company than the weapon of the enemy," he added in Galadriel's voice.
Fear filled her heart. "No… no… stop…"
The creature with her father's face pursued in a voice that was neither male nor female, "You are an abomination. You will lead your loved ones to death, just like you led to mother to hers. Jessamine, oh my poor Jessamine. She is craving company, but what company? Oh, I know. The Ring-bearer will be joining her. He will die in the most horrid fashion. Your path is paved with rows and rows of tombs."
Hollow laughter filled the space of the dark cell.
Allie crouched down on the cold floor and pressed her hands against her ears, screaming to drown out the voice of the creature. It had her father's voice again, and she recognized the words flung at her as the last thing her father said before Bilbo and Saradoc took him away from her life. "You monster! You killed my wife! You ruined my life! If you don't receive punishment now, one day you will! Mark my words!"
Punishment.
Being a wolf was her punishment.
Her father had cursed her that day.
Her fear for him became rage. She leapt on that vile looking creature and circled his throat with her hands. "I hate you!" she screamed with all her strength. "I hate you! I hate you!"
"Allie!"
"You cursed me! It's all your fault! I'm going to kill you!"
"ALLIE!"
Her eyes snapped open as a few tears rolled down her cheeks. She blinked, and made out the dying embers of their fire. Her eyes shifted until Frodo's concerned face entered her field of vision. He knelt beside her, clenching her wrists. "Calm down… It was just a bad dream. Just a dream."
She blinked again and tried to regain a semblance of calm.
A dream.
Relief washed over her. Her father was not here. He was not back.
She pressed a hand to her mouth, muffling a cry. Frodo rested a soothing palm against her burning forehead, making shushing sounds. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I dreamed of my father," she found herself confessing in a tight voice. "It's been years since I last thought of him. I'd all but forgotten him, if not… well, if not for seeing him again in Galadriel's mirror."
He withdrew his hand and she met his shocked gaze.
"Y-you looked into the mirror, too?" he stuttered.
His moodiness suddenly made sense to her. She sat upright. "What did you see, Frodo?" Had he seen the same things she had? Had he seen her grinning with death in her eyes? Had she seen her bleeding on the dark floor? Had he seen the white wheel?
He debated for a moment whether he should tell her, but then took a steadying breath and confessed, "I saw you in your wolf form. You were in a cage among Orcs. You were injured but the Orcs kept on taunting you. "
She waited, but he didn't say anything else. "Is… that all?"
Frodo frowned when she let out a bitter chuckle. "Allie! This is no laughing matter! I don't want that to befall you!"
She shrugged. "I have seen worse things awaiting me."
Horror filled his eyes. "What kind of things?"
Allie met his eyes for a fleeting second, and then reluctantly recounted the things she had seen. She was not surprised at all by his reaction.
"I take back what I said before," he said. "You can't come with me. I won't let you walk straight into that future!"
"What if those things befall me precisely because I decide to be a coward and retrace my steps? No, I'm going to forget about what the mirror showed me and just make decisions based on the present. Right now, what my heart tells me to do is to continue forward, forward, and always forward. We will destroy the Ring, no matter what! That's the end of it!" Her expression bore no room for argument.
Frodo let out a weary sigh. "You will follow me no matter what?"
"To the end of the world, if I must." She clenched his hand, hoping he would see how much she meant it, and hoping he would stop demanding her to stay behind.
The sun was rising over the forest now, its rays crawling across the river until it reached their figures sitting beside the gnawed bark of a tree. The morning light revealed the tears pooling in his blue eyes. Tears of woe, but also of gratitude.
Tenderness overwhelmed her at the sight of them. "I will not let you face this alone, Frodo. Don't you know this by now? I will never let you be alone."
For a few seconds, he didn't trust himself to speak. He brought their clasped hands to his forehead, and thought long and hard. Finally, he looked up at her with renewed determination. "Then let's go to Mordor, you and I."
"Let's go to Mordor," she echoed his words with nothing but resolve in her grey eyes.
I'm sorry for the delay, but here it is finally! Sorry, real life caught up big time this week and I didn't really have time to come on the website. Besides, I re-wrote parts of this chapter like a billion times. Ugh, I don't know, I hope you liked it.
Mallory: Oh GAWD, you ARE alive. I really missed you and was wondering where you had gone to! I'm so glad that you were still reading the story, and enjoying it! After I wrote the whole confession part, I actually thought about one of your earlier reviews mentioning how you were looking forward to the day where Allie would realize that love was good. And I thought: "well, it's done! I wonder whta Mallory thinks!" ha! but yes, I'm ecstatic that you liked it. I really had a kind of sadistic fun writing the mirror scenes lol. Well, the Lord of the Rings is supposed to be dark, so I need to plan the future accordingly. Although, what I have in mind for this story is quite... different. As I watched the LotR movies or read the books, it almost struck me how many things turn out for better by chance, or fate, or whatever you might call that. So what if some of those things don't happen or happen differently? What then? Yeah, I just want to explore all that. The father LOL, well he's about 50 yes XD. As you can see, he's not really present physically (yet). But the mirror showed him to her, and that will mess up her poor mind for a while. Oh, I understand the staying up till the little hours of the morning because of homework. I've been there too! Good luck on your studies. I'm glad my fic can be a distraction away from all that brain-work. I hope you will get the chance to drop a few words soon, cuz they really make my day! :) Thank you so much for everything! xoxo