Chapter 39 Anger

Clarke, Monty, Miller, Harper, Raven and the others were all gathered in the mess hall. Miller was telling Raven about Harper's run in with Apollo, and the two were joking. The group was laughing when Marcus walked up. They stopped the laughter when they saw him. The look on his face, they sensed something was wrong.

"Kane, What is it?" asked Raven. They could tell there was a problem.

"Is it Bellamy, did he wake up?" Clarke asked as she stood to go to medical.

"Wait, Clarke, I need to talk you… to all of you," he said looking over the group. "Sit," he told her quietly.

"Kane, what's wrong?" Harper asked.

"Bellamy's awake, but…there's a problem, I need to let you know, before you see him," he stumbled with his words.

"Kane, just tell us," Clarke said.

"He…can't see," Marcus said.

"What, he's blind?" asked Monty. He shook his head.

"Oh god, He's probably scared. I should have been there," cried Clarke, as she got up to go.

"Clarke wait," said Marcus stopping her. "He needs time."

"He shouldn't be alone right now," she said.

"Octavia's with him," Marcus said. "He's not handling it very well."

Raven hugged Clarke, "He's going to be fine," she said, "its Bellamy."

"I…we think it's better if we wait until Abby has a chance to examine him." said Marcus.

"What's he going to do?" asked Bryan as he looked at Miller, "Blind…what will he do?" Miller put his arm around him. "He's got his friends, we'll be here for him," he said.

In medical Bellamy was on the bed. He had finally calmed down, almost eerily so as he just laid there staring into the blackness. He was clutching Octavia's hand as if it were his life line. His other hand clutched the blanket covering the bed beneath him. His breathing was slow but deep, as he tried to keep calm.

Abby touched Bellamy's arm, and it made him jump. "Bellamy, is me, I'm going to touch your face, you need to relax, I'm touching you now," she said as she softly placed her hand on his cheek. "Bellamy, I'm going to shine a light into your eyes, Let me know if you if see anything." Abby shined a light into Bellamy's eyes. He gave no response. Abby glanced at Octavia. Octavia looked at Abby, and then back to Bellamy. "Bellamy, do you see anything?" Abby asked him.

"Black, I only see black," he answered, his voice barely audible, as a tear ran down from the corner of his eye.

Octavia squeezed his hand with both of hers, as tears streamed down her face.

Bellamy, it looks like the poison has affected the optic nerve. It's still early," Abby said. "Let's just wait a few days and see what happens. I need to wrap your eyes, and give them a chance to rest," she said.

Abby applied gauze pads over each eye, and then she wrapped cloths around his head the keep everything in place. "Don't take these off, I want to protect your eyes, and give the swelling a chance to go down, we'll check them in a few days," said Abby. "Promise me you won't remove the bandages until I say," said Abby.

"He won't," Octavia spoke up. "I won't let him." She said as she squeezed his hand.

"My head hurts," he said. "I want to go to my own room."

Abby gave Octavia an herb mixture to make into a tea for his headache. Octavia held his hands as Bellamy slid off the edge of the bed, and stood. Bellamy clung to her with his right hand. He reached his left hand out in front of him. She walked slowly, as Bellamy drug his feet, afraid with every step he would run into something.

"Bellamy, you need to trust me, I won't let you run into anything, I promise," she reassured him.

He nodded, but instinctively, still held his hand out in front of him.

Abby watched him go, worried that if he didn't regain his sight, he wouldn't be able to accept it.

In the corridor, Octavia led Bellamy to the side wall. "Just hold onto the wall as we go, it should help you," she said. "I have your side, just trust me Bell," she said.

Bellamy nodded "Just get me to my room," he said, his voice strained. "I don't want people looking at me."

Octavia got Bellamy into his room. He lay down on his bed. "Do you want me to get you something to eat," she asked him.

"I'm not hungry," he said.

"Bell, you need to eat," she said. "And I have to make Abby's tea; she said it'll help with your head ache." "I'll be right back." Octavia was still holding onto his arm. He grabbed onto her with his other hand. Octavia looked at his hand, and the expression on his face. She knew he was afraid and angry.

"Bell, I'll be right back, I promise, you're going be fine just lay back and rest." She told him. Octavia left him alone.

Bellamy lay on the bed. He felt so empty and alone. He reached up and touched the bandages covering his eyes. He sat up and reached out as he stood feeling for the table in his room. He tripped on the chair that had been left pulled out, and caught his self on the table. His hand felt for it, the thing he wanted, he found it; the book; Gina's gift, The Iliad. He picked it up and ran his hand across the surface.

His grip on the book tightened, as he turned and stumbled his way back to his bed, finally lowering his way back down. He cradled the book tight against his chest and lay alone in the darkness. Tears held back only by the gauze bandages that wouldn't allow them to escape, as he cried alone in the darkness. Bellamy finally drifted to sleep, exhausted from the emotional stress.

Clarke didn't care what Marcus said. Nothing would keep her from him. She went to the med bay where Abby told her that Bellamy was in his room. Against Abby's advice, Clarke went anyway.

Outside Bellamy's door, Clarke took a deep breath and knocked softly. There was no answer. She slowly opened the door and went inside.

He was on the bed. Clarke held her hand over her mouth to stifle her cries; she didn't want to wake him. He was curled into a fetal position clutching his book; his head wrapped in bandages. The sight broke her heart.

"Who's there…O, is that you?" Bellamy asked when he sensed someone in the room.

"Bellamy, it's me," said Clarke. She stepped forward and sat on the edge of his bed. The suddenness of her movements caused him the jump.

"Clarke?" he reached out to find her, and she grabbed his hand and brought it to her cheek. He felt the wet of her eyes, and wiped her tears away with his thumb. "Don't, "he said softly. She leaned down and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry," she cried.

"Please don't cry," he whispered. "This…this is nothing, I'll be fine," he said.

Clarke couldn't stop the tears.

"Clarke, I know you mean well, but… I really want to sleep, you don't mind do you?" he said. "It's just that I have a terrible head ache, and O went to get me something," he tried to sound like nothing was wrong. In reality he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and hold tight, but not like this. Not when all he felt from her was pity. Clarke was a beautiful, active woman. He wasn't going to strap her down out of pity. He couldn't do that, not until he knew what he was up against. He was angry, and knew if he was blind, then he was done. There was no future for him, he felt cheated, and he didn't want to be a burden if he were blind.

Bellamy's words hurt and he was pushing her away, as if she were a mere acquaintance. She wasn't going to let him shut her out. She wouldn't accept that.

"Bellamy, I'm here to help you, can't I get you some food or something?" she asked.

"No Clarke, O's doing that, I really just want you to go." He finally said. He was beginning to get angry.

The words stung. She didn't understand. "Bellamy, did I do something?" she asked.

"It's not always about you Clarke," he snapped, standing up. He moved forward, reaching out for the table and stumbled on the same chair as he had earlier.

Clarke reached out and took his arm to help him, and he held his hands up, "Don't help me," he yelled. He was embarrassed, and frustrated. His movement made him hit the table, his anger exploded. "Just get out," he cried. "I don't need your pity," he screamed at her.

The words stung. Tears streamed from Clarke's eye, she knew he was mad. She knew it wasn't aimed at her. She knew he was scared, and frustrated, so she gave that to him. "Alright, Bellamy fine," she said, wiping her eyes. "You know I'll be here when you need me,' she said. She walked out, knowing he needed time to process everything.

Alone, Bellamy suddenly flew into a screaming fit of rage; destroying the room. His anger, frustration, fear, all came out on anything he made contact with. He ripped apart his bed, flipped over the table, chairs thrown against the wall. He stumbled and fell hitting his mouth on the edge of his foot locker. He beat the locker with his fists over and over, and then let out a scream of fury. His book where was his book? He needed to find it. He checked the bed, crawling around the room on all fours, reaching out in the darkness. He had to find it, it was his security. He felt the thin mattress, folded against itself half leaning against the side wall along with a tangle of blankets. Desperately searching in the blackness, as tears streamed down his face. He needed the book. Finally he found it, splayed open, on the floor. He grabbed it as if it were his lifeline. Feeling the embossed letters on the cover, he pulled it tight against his chest, and lay against the folded tangle of blankets and mattress. He began to sob, releasing everything in him.

Octavia opened the door to Bellamy's room, balancing the tray holding his tea mixture.

"What the hell," was all she said when she saw the room. It was a disaster. She immediately saw Bellamy slumped against his mattress on the floor. "Bellamy," she said.

He didn't say anything back. He just lay there. Octavia couldn't tell if he was awake or not, he didn't move at first, and she debated whether or not to risk waking him, until she noticed he licked his cut lip. She went into the trashed room and sat down next to him. "I brought your tea," she said. "Abby says it will help with your headache." She took his hand and brought the cup up to it. He held on with both hands and carefully brought it to his lips, drinking it. The tea was no longer hot so he drank it quick and put the cup down.

Bellamy felt the floor next to him, found his book and slowly stood, feeling the wall, as he tried to make his way to the bed. Octavia stood to help him, and he pushed her away, "don't," he said when she touched him. Octavia stood back. He continued on and made his way to his bed. The mattress was gone. It was just a hard metal surface. He didn't care. He just lay down, clutching the book. Octavia stood there unsure of what to do. She began picking up the room. "Leave it," he said, "Just go O."

Octavia stopped she walked over to Bellamy. She took his hand. "Bell, I know you're angry, but…"

"O," he interrupted, "I just want to be left alone… Please," he said, his voice was ragged. "I love you, but I just want to be alone," he said.

She leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I love you too big brother, I'll be back tomorrow." she whispered.

She left.

Bellamy lay on the hard metal bed, not caring that it wasn't comfortable until the effects of Abby's tea kicked in and he drifted off to sleep.

Octavia walked to the bar and saw Monty, Clarke and Harper. "How's Bellamy doing," asked Monty?

"How would you expect?" she asked. "They took his sight. He saved King Roan, and look at how they paid him." She said.

Clarke thought about it. "I'm going to have a talk with him," she said.

"Clarke, he doesn't want to see anyone right now," Octavia said.

"Not Bellamy, I want to talk to King Roan," she snapped. Clarke was pissed.