Author's Note: Whoo, finally, I'm back! Sorry again for the delay, but damn was I busy. I was gone for three whole days, then I was working in and around the house the rest, and now my computer won't stop dieing on me! It has to be on life support (plugged in all the damn time) and I'm almost ready to throw it at the wall. Once again I'm sorry for making everyone wait, but it couldn't be helped. There's a little David and Kai in this episode, so hopefully that'll make up for the long wait. Enjoy! Read and review, please!

Disclaimer: I don't own Blood +.

Blood -

Episode 36

Mismatched Emotions

It was night in London once again (geez, that's the third or fourth time I start the chapter off with that). A thin mist of fog dimmed the streetlights and made the city thrum with an unearthly glow. Upon one of the many high walls of the city, a single Diva poster could be seen, advertising the upcoming opera for the psychotic blood-sucking bitch.

Saya stood before the poster, glaring at it.

"Diva…" she growled deep in her throat, seething with hatred. Slowly her hand slid to her pocket and withdrew…

A permanent marker.

"Hahaha…hahahahaaaa!!" Saya laughed in triumph as she began doodling on Diva's photographic visage, giving her a Viking helmet and long braids. She was in the middle of making her appear fatter when she was rudely interrupted.

"Hey!" A night watchman snapped, hurrying over with his flashlight. "Whaddaya think you're doing?! That's a fifty dollar fine, girly! I sure hope you-"

"Oh, you want some of this to?!"

"Waaaaugh!"

"Run!!" Haji screamed in warning. "For the love of all that's holy in this world, RUN!! She's still on her period!!"

"I am NOT!!" Saya hollered, turning on him. Haji blinked.

"I…changed my mind," he stated. "Can you kill that guy instead of me?"

"Too late!!"

"Fuhhhh-!!"

-The Next Day-

The next day, when the sky had brightened to show a shining sun and puffy white clouds, events were taking place at a huge mansion with lovely flower gardens and trimmed hedges. Inside the beautiful estate, Amshel stood facing a fireplace (has the fool learned nothing?), berating a stubborn-looking Karl standing behind him.

"What is your main objective?" Amshel asked steadily, and Karl perked up.

"To…kill Saya?" He answered.

"No. Listen. You are to-"

"Slaughter Saya?" Karl corrected. "Murder her? Exterminate her? No?" He held up a thesaurus. "I'll get it eventually. Ooh, here's a good one. Am I to decimate-"

"SILENCE!!" Amshel bellowed in rage, cutting him off. "Silence, I say! The eyelashes command it!!"

"…What?" Karl asked after a moment.

"Er…nothing." Amshel cleared his throat and gazed at the fire. "Anyway, survey says the answer to that was 'protect Diva', not 'kill Saya', alright? So be a good boy…girl…thing, whatever the hell you are, and just forget about Saya, alright?"

"Damn you!!" Karl hissed, whirling on his heel and storming off in a huff. He paused at the door and glared back at Amshel over his shoulder. "Oh, and by the way," he snarled, "your pants have been on fire for the last thirty seconds."

Amshel looked down to see his privates once again ablaze.

"SON of a-"

Outside the mansion, James was having just as much trouble dealing with Diva (normal form), who wanted to go for a ride but refused to board the rapper's pimped-out limousine.

"I'm NOT getting in there," she stated, frowning at the spinners on the wheels and rap music blaring from the speakers. "It's full of spilled vodka and whore-fleas."

"No, it isn't," James assured her firmly. "Not anymore, anyway, I just had it sent to the cleaners. Now please, get in!"

"I refuse!" Diva turned her nose up in the air and sniffed disdainfully. James sighed and decided to use drastic measures.

"Look, Diva!" He pulled out a Saya-doll and waved it in the air temptingly. "It's Saya! Get the sister! Get her!" He quickly threw the doll into the limo and moved out of the way as Diva roared like a T-rex and leapt for the doll, slashing it apart with her claws and devouring the cottony insides with relish. Slamming the door shut, he hurried to the driver's seat and took off down the road, spitting up dirt and stones in his wake.

"James, I want to sing!" Diva stated, having had her fill of the Saya-doll.

"Then go on American Idol!" James grunted, watching the road. "And it's 'Lil' J', if you don't mind."

"No, take me to the Covent Garden!" Diva begged. "And I do mind."

"Look, how about I take you to my studi-"

"COVENT GARDEN!!" Diva screamed.

"ALRIGHT!!" James screamed back, then slammed on the gas and sped off.

-Later-

James and Diva arrived at the large opera-house, a massive white building with a wide stage and rows of seats for the audience. As Diva dashed inside with James in tow, Nathan popped up out of nowhere and squealed with glee.

"Eee! James, you came to see me!" He sang, skipping up to the black man and throwing his arms around him. Pressing his face against one side of James's face and his hands against the other, he smiled. "Mmm! Look, we are a backwards oreo!"

"GET OFFA ME!!"

"James, watch!" Diva's voice called from above. James looked up just in time to see Diva (now back in little-Riku form) leap from a high balcony near the ceiling and come hurtling down. Gasping in fright, the rapper/chevalier jumped forward and narrowly caught her before she hit the floor.

"Don't do that again!" James chided her. "You scared the hell out of me!"

"James, watch!" Nathan's voice echoed from above. James and Diva looked up to see Nathan jump from the very same ledge…and smash into the ground below with a dull thud.

"…What was that supposed to accomplish, exactly?" James asked after a moment.

"You were supposed to catch me!" Nathan hissed, staggering back to his feet.

"You said watch," James pointed out, then added, "and you really expected me to?"

"Hurry up and bleeping sing, Diva!!"

-Meanwhile, at Gray's House-

At Gray's quant little house in the countryside, things couldn't be more normal. Gray was busy making crack while the two kids annoyed the hell out of him, demanding to know where Kai had disappeared too (since causing him physical and emotion pain was their prime source of entertainment).

"Where's Kai? Where's Kai? Where's Kai?" The kids sang, dancing around Gray as he sat on the couch.

"Will you brats shut up?!" The old man finally exploded. "I'm trying to make crack- er, I mean, the magical powder that makes money appear, so be good and stay quiet, okay?"

"Okaaay," the children reluctantly agreed.

BAM!!

Suddenly the door slammed open, and Monique barged in.

"Alright! Which one of you pee-filled meat-bags pissed on my shoes?!" She demanded, dividing her glare between Javier and Nahabi. "Which one?" The kids stared blankly back at her, unanswering.

"Um," Gray interrupted with a polite cough, "I think that was the dog…"

Monique smoldered with barely-contained rage and hatred.

"One of these days…" she rasped out in a whisper. "One of these days…" she slowly backed out of the room, the door clicking shut after her.

"…What a psycho." Javier stated.

-Elsewhere in London-

Back in the busy city of London, David, Louis, and Kai were observing the Covent Garden, watching for any sign of Diva. The two men waited in the car while Kai ducked into a store to get some drinks, then skipped back to the vehicle and plopped himself into the passenger side seat.

"I asked for a Mega-Gulp, bitch!" Louis snarled, snatching away his tiny can of soda. "Gawd I miss America. Oh, and by the way," he told Kai, "you run like a girl." Kai stared at him quietly.

"…Am I a pretty girl?"

"I ain't even answerin' that." Louis slowly turned away and fixed his gaze on the nearby opera-house. Kai shrugged and held out a covered cup with a straw to David.

"Here's you…air…" he said uneasily before the skinny man grabbed it from him and began sucking on it like a dieing fish.

"My favorite!" David cried joyously.

"…Man I wish you were still a drunk." Kai sighed heavily, then turned back to look at the building. "So, how's it look?"

"They're certainly organizing an opera," Louis explained, draining his can in one gulp. "We'll have to stake out the place. Which means-"

"Gotcha," Kai interrupted, pulling out a pad of paper and making a note. "I'll go inform all the Mcdonald's to back their trucks up here."

"Why you little shi-"

"She take my mo-ney! When I'm in need…yeah she's a trifflin'…friend in-deed. Oh, she's a gold digger…way over town…that digs on me!"

Kai and Louis stared obscenely back at David, who blinked and looked down.

"Oops! That's me."

-Later, with David…-

Later that same day, David sat waiting in a crowded subway once again, reclining on an uncomfortable bench and flipping through an Anorexia Weekly magazine. He didn't have long to wait, as Mao (followed by Okamura) came barging into the station, shoving people out of her way and approaching David like a ship at ramming speed.

"Wh-" she began.

"For the love of God, you soul-sucking wench, I do NOT know where Kai is!!" David exploded on her. Mao froze in her tracks and stared at him with wide eyes.

"…Actually," she said in a small voice, "I was gonna ask why Louis's phone is always busy."

"Oh." David paused. "Because the ho's be callin' him, okay? Sheesh." He sat back down on the bench and tossed a look at Okamura. "Have you learned anything?"

"Yep." Okamura leaned on the wall and cleared his throat before beginning the longest and most boring monologue in all of Blood Plus. "The two sponsoring companies are Cinq Fleches Pharmacy and Goldsmith holdings," the skuzzy reporter began. David and Mao had already started losing interest. "Lately Cinq Fleches has expanded to making military rations and military base field preparation." Now Mao and David were playing patty-cake. "They have contracts with the US military, every country in NATO, and several others." David had taken the shoelace out of one of his shoes so he and Mao could play cat's cradle. "The Goldsmith's are well-connected with the defense industries. Blah blah blah…"

At this point, even the fic author lost interest and filled in the rest of his boring speech with 'blah's.

"Blah, blah, blah, blahdee blah.. So, to sum it all up," Okamura finished, "we think you should check out their research facility for the food manufacturing division, as you might find some clues there. …David?" He paused when no-one answered. "David? Hello?" He turned to find both David and Mao sprawled out over the bench in catatonic comas. "Oh, come on! It wasn't that boring!"

Yes. Yes it was.

"You all suck." Okamura frowned and glared at the two, wondering how to rouse them. It took him two seconds. "Sexual Chocolate."

"Hello?" Mao's head snapped up. "Louis? You get my messages?"

"Huh?" David's head jerked up. "Louis? We got a mission, partner?"

"Yeah, you do. Here." Okamura handed David several suspicious-looking photo's, one in particular catching David's eye. In it, a Frenchman with glasses smiled and winked at the camera, his vehicle inches away from plowing into a telephone pole. David's eyes narrowed as he regarded the picture curiously.

"This man…" he whispered, peering closer, "…I sure hope he's wearing his seatbelt."

-Still Later That Same Day-

David, Louis, and Kai were now parked outside the large, suspicious research facility Okamura had suggested they check out. It had been decided that David would infiltrate the building in disguise to gather more information. The skinny agent sat in the car, wearing a long white robe and glasses to make it appear he was a scientist. That is SO scientist…ist? I dunno, but it's racist to scientists! How rude!

"Here's your new ID," Louis told him, leaning back and handing him a small plastic card. David took one look and nearly whipped out his gun to shoot it to death.

"This isn't gonna work," he told Louis bluntly, who frowned.

"Why not?"

"It says my name is Vanilla Stick." David stared at Louis. "Which makes me Dr. Stick."

"It has a nice ring to it!" Kai butted in. Louis back-handed him across the face.

"They're never gonna fall for this." David stated.

"Oh, I know." Louis responded. "Have fun!" So saying, he opened the door and kicked David out of the car. Seeing as the doors were locked and the glass was bullet-proof, David had no choice but to enter the research facility under the guise of his new identity, the doctor…Vanilla Stick!

Inside, David wandered around the huge building, successfully passing off as one of the many scientists. His luck turned sour as two young doctors halted in the hall and called to him.

"Excuse me, sir?" One of the young doctors asked. David stopped and glared daggers at him. He didn't get the message. "Do you know where the crapper is?"

"Um…" David's mind grasped for anything scientific. "Delta, gamma, beta? V…vagina?" He stood frozen, then turned and bolted to the end of the hall.

Elsewhere in the facility, a certain annoying Frenchman watched the scene play out on the security cameras.

"That man…" Mr. Argeno muttered, eyes narrowing as he studied David's face. "Where DID he get those sexy glasses?!"

After many stops and starts, not to mention moments of weakness where he sobbed like a baby and sucked his thumb, David was finally able to locate the facility's Zone Z, the most secret and secure section of the entire building. David entered, finding…

"Ooh, they're so pretty!" A tourist cooed, taking out a camera and snapping a photo of the huge, creepy tanks filled with humanoid shapes.

"Everyone gather round!" An excited father said, recording everything on tape with his camcorder as his family milled about the area, oblivious to the horrific abominations taking place in the room. A crowd of Asians (I offer a pre-emptive apology to all Asians who may or may not have been insulted by this) also hustled around the room, talking to each other in their ethnic tongues and begging the staff to take pictures of them with their families. David rolled his eyes at them all and muttered under his breath.

"Friggin' idiots…"

-Meanwhile…-

As David was busy infiltrating the research center, so other people were busy…being stupid, really. Diva stood on the stage of the Covent Garden opera-house, belting out Flo Rida's 'Low'.

"Shawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans, and the boots with the furrrrr! The whole club was lookin' at herrrrr! She hit the floor…next thing you know…Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low!!"

"Awww!" Nathan groaned in complaint. "I wanted her to sing Cher!"

"Wait your turn, homo!" James snapped at him, still DJ-ing the beat for Diva's song.

"Oh, no, you di-in't!!"

-Back With David-

David, still being 007 (because that's literally how much he weighs), snuck around Zone Z, trying to find information or clues or perhaps a Gameboy, he was getting pretty bored. Anyway, during his search, he found a very familiar sexy female scientist, her back facing him as he entered a small lab.

"For the last time," Julia drawled, eyes glued to a microscope sitting before her, "I am NOT having sex with you, Dr. Collins. And if it's Mr. Argeno, that goes for you, too."

"…Hi." David said quietly. Julia whirled around in her wheely chair and stared at him, eyes wide.

"D…David?!" She gasped in surprise. "I…hardly recognized you, what with your glasses and jacket and absolutely nothing else."

"Nice to see you and your tits, too," David returned wryly.

"Don't you try and sweet-talk me!" Julia shot back, rising from her chair and storming up to the thin man. "What are you doing in such a place, anyway…" she leaned in close, peering at his ID. "…Dr. Vanilla Stick?" She paused for a moment, blinking rapidly. "Ohh, GOD, that makes me so horny."

"I'm here to se the Goldsmith's aquarium," David interrupted, gesturing at the large tanks with floating people.

"So, what do you think?" Julia played along, raising an eyebrow.

"Needs more fish, less humanoid bodies," David answered bluntly. "Now tell me, why are you still here, working for these chumps?"

"I still wonder what Chiropterans are," Julia answered in a quiet voice. "I…I want to know- oh, who am I kidding?! I don't care about crap like that anymore! Take me, David! Right here and now!" She turned to a nearby table, swept off all the laboratory instruments with an arm, then flung herself on. Just as she did, the door to the lab opened and Van Argeno sauntered in, followed by two armed guards. He paused at the doorway.

"…Am I interrupting anything?" The Frenchman asked awkwardly, staring at Julia lying prone on the tabletop and David standing close by. "Unless…there's room for one more?"

"NO!!" Julia and David shouted together.

-At the Covent Garden-

Back at the Covent Garden, Saya and Haji (bout time they showed up!) rushed into the Opera room, only to find both its stage and audience chairs empty.

"See, we're too late!" Haji growled, throwing his arms up in the air. "This is all your fault because you had to pee!"

"Shut up!" Saya snapped back, blushing. "This place is freaking huge! How was I supposed to know where the bathrooms were?!" The two continued bickering as they climbed the stairs and walked out onto the stage, where they couldn't help but do a little more of a Tango atop the shining floor. Just as they were finishing up, the curtain behind them rose, revealing a dimly-lit, sad scene that was obviously meant to be a rendition of the tower and surrounding ruins where Diva had first lived.

"Nice to meet you," a voice interrupted. Saya and Haji whirled around to find Nathan smiling at them from several feet away. "I'm Nathan Mahler, one of Diva's Chevalier, and- ooh, you are a cutie, aren't you?!" He broke off, eyes sparkling as he gazed rapturously at Haji. "I wonder why Solomon said your face looked like a baboon's ass with hemorrhoids? Oh, I could just eat you up!"

"You…" Haji hissed, recovering his senses, "you sick, sick man! Oh! Oh, hell no! You are goin' DOWN!!" As he leapt for the homosexual, a voice stopped him short.

"Sayaaaaa!" Diva sang from across the room, standing on one of the many balconies and waving her arms in the air. "Hey! Hey, how are- eeeeeek!" She quickly lost her balance and fell to the ground.

"…Anyway," Nathan continued after a moment, "here's your opponent! Come on out!"

From inside the stage set of ruins and towers, a huge, hulking form emerged. A chiropteran, covered in spikes and thick, iron-like skin stepped out into the light and sniffed at the air. Who on earth could that be? It could be anyone! For all we know it could be Santa Claus! There is just no way to possibly know who that-

"…Dawg."

I shouldn't have asked.

-Back in the Lab-

"Nice to meet you, Dr. Stick," Mr. Argeno was saying, confronting David in the small lab. "Can I offer you some crack?" He held out a crack-candy to David, who frowned.

"Can I offer you…" he replied calmly, "an ass-whuppin'?!" He leapt forward, grabbed Mr. Argeno's hand, then twisted him around, holding the Frenchman before him like a body shield, one arm cinched tightly around his neck. "Alright, no-one move, or the Frenchy gets it!!" He grabbed the pen from Mr. Argeno's shirt pocket and held it threateningly at his throat.

"A pen?" Mr. Argeno scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Seriously, what can you do with that?"

"I…I…" David stuttered, the guards closing in around him. "I'll write on his face!! I'll do it, I swear!!"

"For God's sake, listen to the man!!" Mr. Argeno shrieked in panic, going pale. The guards backed off uncertainly.

-Aaaand Back With Saya-

Saya and Haji were now in the midst of battle with James, who was proving to be a truly worthy foe. His iron-like skin made it nearly impossible to cut him, while his strength and speed easily matched that of Saya's. After shoving her back with a particularly nasty shove, the chevalier paused and tried to think up an appropriate rhyme.

"C'mon, ho, I'm kicking yo' ass, um, I thought you had mo' class? No, no, I can do better. Hey, what rhymes with 'gangsta'?"

"Mother-bleeper!!"

"…No it doesn't."

"Just quit rapping and fight me!!"

Diva, meanwhile, was quickly becoming bored with the spectacle, sighing loudly and yawning. After a few minutes she stood up and made to leave.

"Don't eat the driver!" Nathan called after her retreating form. "…But Mario Lopez is fine."

"Whee!!" Diva dashed off, smiling with glee. Nathan turned back to watch the rest of the fight. Saya and Haji were still having no luck with the tough-skinned monster, and things took a turn for the worse when he ran Haji through with a spiked claw.

"Si…siiiiiiiix…" Haji gurgled, slowly raising his blood-soaked notebook and tallying another mark. Geez, what is it, a freakin' requirement in all major battles?!

"Saya, I'll save you!" A voice echoed through the theater. Saya froze.

"Oh, shi-" Was as far as she got before Kai (the idiot popped outta nowhere!), being stupid once again, shot at the lights above the stage and brought them crashing down on James…and Saya.

"Oops." Kai coughed, lowering his gun nervously. "Um, er, you okay, Saya?"

"Nice goin, ass-bite!!" Saya shouted from under the wreckage, proving she was indeed unharmed.

"Hey, thanks!"

"Shut up, both of you!!" James roared, bashing up from the twisted ruins of the stage lights. Grabbing Saya, he threw her violently against a wall, then dashed over for the finishing blow. Nathan leapt in the way, however, stopping him.

"Nathan, what are you doing?! Get out of my way, let me kill her!" James growled. Nathan ignored him, instead gazing down at Saya, bloodied and bruised.

"Saya," he said quietly, "this is no way for you to die. I'll prepare for you a fitting stage for your death. And if you don't like it…" he glared back at James. "I'll kill you!!"

"Yeah…well…" James backed away uneasily. "You're ugly!" He turned and dashed off, sobbing like a girl.

"See you!" Nathan smiled at Saya, blew a kiss at Haji (who nearly killed himself out of revulsion), then waved goodbye as he also departed. Haji quickly hurried to his mistress's side, where she pulled open his shirt and went to sink her teeth in his neck.

"Hey Saya, you okay?!" Kai cried, rushing over and totally ruining the moment. "Do you need- holy crap! Get a room, you two!"

"Shut up!!" Saya and Haji barked together, then also departed from the scene, leaving Kai all on his lonesome. The poor, stupid thing.

-Back at the Research Facility-

Alarms blared and warning lights flashed all over the facility as Mr. Argeno raged and ranted, furious at being treated so rudely by David.

"How DARE he do this to me?!" He snarled, a thin moustache curling up from underneath his nose and angry cartoon eyebrows frowning down from his forehead. "Find him, find him!! I'll make that bastard pay!!"

"Sir, are you angry?" Mr. Argeno's assistant asked, barely holding back peals of laughter at his boss's new facial hair and eyebrows. "Because you sure look angry!"

"FERME LE BOUCHE!!"

-Outside the Facility-

Outside the panicked building, Kai and David met on the street, grunted at each other, and slipped into the car, sitting side by side in the backseat. Louis looked up from the driver's wheel and grinned at their image from the rear-view mirror.

"You two," he chuckled, "are so much alike." David and Kai scowled at him.

"Drive the car, fatass."

-Episode 36 End-

Disclaimer: I don't own Blood +.

Author's Note: Whoo, done. This one's up early because I was lucky to get the time to work on it, and felt bad for the lateness, but the next one will be updated at the usual time – next Sunday. Also, if anyone was offended by James's 'homo' remark to Nathan, just tell me and I'll gladly punch myself in the face several times as punishment. And if you can't remember Kai's girly run in the beginning, for the love of God, go back and watch that part. Seriously. Thanks for reading, review please!