XXXVI - Therapy
"So, Maxine... sorry Max, how have things been since our last session?" The woman, middle-aged redhead with steel rimmed glasses looked at her from the chair across the small coffee table. Max was sitting on a black denim sofa, toying with the crutches that laid on her laps.
She shrugged not really caring for being in that office. "It was okay."
It was only the third session with Dr. Amelia O'Donnell, and Max still didn't like that she had to see the woman. It had been a week since she had tried to slit her wrists and the first day at school since the events. Before she had been discharged by the hospital, a psychiatrist had come to talk to her, more like evaluating her, and had decided she should consult. She had of course refused, trying to oppose her parents, Joyce even Chloe. Until her mom had threatened to take her back to Seattle, a threat her mom had found effective and used more than once. The choice of therapist was hers, and it had taken a couple days before she had her first tryout session with the woman who worked at the Arcadia Bay VA.
The woman gave a soft smile at her obvious lack of interest. "Okay then, how was class today?"
"Max!" the cheerful call from the small blonde felt warm as Kate ran to meet her on her first day back at school. The girl had leaned and hugged Max tightly while the pink haired girl sat in her wheelchair. "I'm so glad to see you! I was so scared!"
"I'm sorry, Kate! I ..."
"I so sorry I couldn't help you Max... I wish I could help you more." The girl moved back softly her face sad and Max could see the ghost of what had happened in Kate's eyes.
"It was not your fault, Kate! You helped me! It was me!"
Kate smiled softly. "Let's forget about it, Max." Her voice showed some worry as she moved to push Max toward the classroom. "Everyone's waiting for you Max!"
Her friends had all come to greet her when the small blonde had pushed her in the room. Their greetings had been warm, filled with relief to find her back. But behind their smiles, Max could feel their concerns, their fear that she would relapse. Every words they used kept away from what happened, as if it was the biggest elephant in the room.
Strangely, it had been Victoria that had been the one acting as normal as usual. It had been strange to see the tall blonde come to greet her. Victoria had kept some distance, not hugging her like Dana or Juliet, but she had been genuine when she had said she was glad to see her in better shape.
She hadn't been back for a couple hours when she saw the first picture. Taken by one student, the picture of Max crying in Chloe's arms, her wrist bleeding through the punk's tight grip, had been shared through the school. Max had originally wanted to blame Victoria when she found out, but Kate and Dana's recounting of how the girl had kicked the wanna be paparazzi from her room and tore the jocks hard as they had started to tease and bully Max - almost punching them with her broken hand - had forced Max to accept that Victoria had somehow changed.
The teachers had not be that much better, taking gloves, giving her less work. It had been rather annoying to be singled out as if she was somehow unable to do the work. Max had not liked it one bit. She wanted to be treated normally, to just move on and not be reminded of the nightmares and incidents all the time by the very efforts made by others to accommodate her difficulties.
Max pursed her lips. "They either treat me like I'm made of crystal and am about to crack, or like I'm a freak."
The woman, a psychiatrist working at the local VA rolled her eyes in sympathy with the small girl. "Well you know you did scare quite a few of them. It's normal they feel awkward around you, at least for a while. The others, I would not put too much attention on them, concentrate on your friends."
Max groaned softly. "I know..."
Max sighed. "Things are so strange... My friends are avoiding every difficult subject... Victoria, the girl that had been bullying me since the first day of school, is protecting me..."
The councilor tilted her head on the side. "Are you upset that she is protecting you?"
Max shook her head. "I'm not sure, I would think it would bother me if I was the only one she was watching over. But she seemed to be even more protective of Kate. It's so strange... Like the world is upside down."
"I suppose it could be true." The woman raised a hand. "You and your classmates have experienced some traumatic events, between you being shot and the discovering of your teacher's crimes. Sometimes, these things make people look at their life and makes them change." She moved to reset her glasses on her nose. "A bit like you, Max. You were changed by the events."
Max shook her head. "Not really."
The psychiatrist looked her a moment. "Max. You changed your clothing style, you got piercings, changed your hair cut... Do I have to give more?" She looked at the girl. "Everyone gets changed by our experiences."
Max crossed her arms and looked away, not willing to discuss this part of her life yet, choosing deflect the question. "Still I wish they would just treat me normally... It's hard to not think about... stuff... when everyone around you makes so much efforts to avoid mentioning it. Pretty much have the opposite effect. I mean, those obvious avoidance kinda makes you think about it even more, like the elephant in the room you know... You don't talk about it but well it's fucking ginormous and you can't stop seeing it. while if you talked about it, you may be able to make him leave..."
Doctor O'Donnell nodded. "I can understand. Have you tried to talk to them about it? Maybe if you breached the subject they would be less awkward about it?"
Max pursed her lips. "They'll want explanations I don't want to give."
"What about your photography classes? Any progress?"
Max shrugged. "Not really. May have a new teacher after Thanksgiving, but not been confirmed yet."
Max sounded uncaring and uninterested in the topic and Amelia decided to move to another topic. "Okay, let's move on. How are things with the Madsen's? Have you found your marks with the Sergeant's family?"
David and Joyce had come to pick her up the evening of the day she woke up, taking her to the Price house. With the Doctor's insistence, the school support and Vanessa Caulfield renewed threat of coming to take her back to Seattle if she refused, Max had moved in with them, sharing Chloe's bedroom. The dinner had mainly been spent talking about Maxine's plan for the rest of the week, for which she had none, beside working on the assignments her friends had told her about, even if apparently the teachers had decreed she didn't have to; but then she didn't want to let the gap get too big and risk graduating one year later.
At some point the topic came to the next morning's schedule, Joyce explaining she had the late afternoon shift and would be there to prepare them a great breakfast - which had made Max salivate in advance - and Chloe pointing she had an appointment at 10 but offering to take Max with her if she wanted to 'nerd out at a game store'. The most surprising part had been David explaining he had a group therapy meeting at the VA at 9 and offering Max to join him. Max had tried to decline, saying she doubted she'd been welcome as she was not military, but David had pointed out that being a gunshot victim she probably shared the same kind of trauma as the people in the group, besides the therapist was also working with civilians. Thus, her first day's schedule had been planned. Breakfast with Joyce's delicious pancakes, group therapy with David and then hanging out at Fantas'ynk with Chloe and Steph.
The rest of the week had been similar. Max having actually found the group therapy interesting, and the Veteran having accepted her as a kind of fellow wounded slash mascot - being the only girl and aged to be either their girlfriend or daughter - Max had accepted to come to another group session and also to try individual sessions with Dr. O'Donnell. So, she had fitted those session among the homework, hanging out with Chloe, relaxing in front of the TV.
All in all, the house had been nice, despite the rough persona that characterized David, and the only issue might have been the lingering awkwardness with her roommate.
"Awkward, tensed sometimes considering how things are between Mr. Madsen and Chloe, but nothing much to add." Max shrugged the question not really one she had even thought about.
The woman tilted her head, obviously having expected more details. She seemed to think a moment before talking. "And with Chloe? How are things going with her?"
Max clenched her jaw a moment having hoped to avoid this.
Chloe pulled back from the kiss. "I... Always loved you Max... since we were kids..." She looked down blushing at the girl that was half sitting in the hospital bed.
Max remained stunned, surprised at the kiss and the words, looking at her friend for a moment. "I... did too..." She breathed softly.
After a brief moment of silence, Chloe looked at the pinkette, thinking softly. "Max... I trust you and if you say it is what happened to you then, I'm sure it happened."
Max' lips trembled softly her voice a bit shy as she asked. "Really?"
She took a deep breath as she saw the girl eyes growing somber. "I... Well, you have to admit it sounds so strange, so impossible Max..."
Max clenched her fist as a surge of anger had rose in her. "Chloe! I swear to Dog! I..."
Chloe reached placing her palm on Max' cheek. "Max! Please wait!" She looked in Max' eyes. "I'm with you okay! And I know you! I believe in you Max!" She started to caress the girl's cheek with her thumb. "I've seen how bad your nightmares get, Max... And it makes sense that a lot of bad things happened to you Max... I don't remember those events, so I can't really be sure, but I believe in you, Max..."
Max nodded, her face still showing a bit of angst at the doubt she still feels in her friend's voice. She was about to protest when the nurses interrupted them and the discussion was never really finished.
The rest of the week had left Max perplex. Chloe and she had been relatively close, spending a lot of time together, spending the nights together Chloe holding the smaller girl, they even exchanged kisses. But despite that, there was some uncomfortable distance between them. It was not as Max had expected. All their kisses since the first one had been chaste, as if Chloe wasn't completely sure about her feelings. The punk girl had also been extra careful in her touches and Max was confused at the contrast with the usual blatant and crude innuendos.
"we are great! Everything perfect!" Max responded with too much enthusiasm.
The therapist could not help but catch the discomfort in Max' voice. "Max..."
Max sighed at the tone used by the woman. "Too much?" Dr. O'Donnell nodded her lips curling slightly. "I dunno how we are... I love her and ... I know she loves me too... At least she says she does... It's just... it feels like we're not progressing at all..."
The psychiatrist quirked an eyebrow. "How so?"
Max groaned not really wanting to talk about her intimacy. "I dunno. I think it's... just not as... vivid as I expected."
Amelia nodded. "Well awkwardness could but just because you are trying to find your marks as you transition from the friends you were to your new relationship."
Although Max wasn't completely certain it was just that, she acquiesced, having no desire to expend on the topic with a stranger.
The therapist took a look at her small notepad. "Okay. On a less, pleasing topic... How were your nightmares?"
Max bit her lip nervously. "They got... They are not as strong as before the medication you gave me last time... But they are still there."
Doctor O'Donnell made a few notes. "Are they still about that time in the bathroom?"
Max nodded, trying to not avert her eyes as she made a less than complete response. "Mostly yes... The... playing varies, but the end is still the same..."
The therapist pursed her lips and nodded. "Well, you only started taking it a few days ago, so the treatment needs a few more days to be completely effective. We will see if things are better next week." She took a few notes before looking at Max. "What about anxiety? Any incidents?"
Max started to bit her nail a bit. "Well, a few sometimes... Mainly when a place is too crowded... I had some kind of anxiety this morning when I started to think about how people would see me after ... You know... But I managed to keep it down."
And let's not talk about how I go Full Max Panic if I wake up and Chloe isn't beside me.
"You used one of the technics we discussed?"
"Yes... It helped distracting me from what was frightening me."
Max was glad when she finally escaped from the therapy session. While she admitted that the anti-anxieties and the use of a small medicinal hookah had helped her deal with the worst of the panic attacks and nightmares that had haunted her, Max still didn't like talking about her problems to a stranger. The therapy also added a new cause to her anxieties - talking about the traumas of the week that wasn't without actually telling what those traumas were or when they occurred. Not really something helping her sooth her psyche.
Max carefully wheeled herself toward the parked truck, watching the blue haired girl that leaned on the passenger door, smoking a cigarette as she played on her smartphone. She pursed her lips a bit, hesitating a moment. "Hey!"
Chloe rose her head, smiling awkwardly at her before she leaned, her moves stiff and hesitant, to give a soft kiss on Max' lips. Max tried to press the kiss further but Chloe moved back scratching her head.
Dog Chloe!
"Hey. How was therapy?" The punk asked as she opened the passenger door for Max.
Max stood from the wheelchair, carefully using her crutches to move toward the truck as Chloe started to fold the chair.
"Same as last time... Lots of questions, not many responses... You know I can't really tell everything to her!"
Chloe smiled as she put the chair in the truck's bed. "I know Maximo! I know! But I'm happy you're trying anyway."
Max nodded biting her lip, part of her wanting to mention how distant Chloe seemed to be since she left the hospital. She sighed softly while Chloe moved around the truck to climb in the driver's seat. "What's the plan this evening?"
Chloe smiled. "Well, I'd say dinner at Two Whales? Then I can either drop you home or you can come with me at the shop while I work on a friend's tattoo."
Max pondered a moment. "Steph will be there?"
Chloe frowned a moment. "She should be. Why?" She said with a bit of a bite, a slight jealous tone in her voice.
Geeze Chloe! You're the one holding me from afar and you bark as soon as another girl is mentioned!
Max shrugged. "I had a few questions about some game."
Chloe looked at Max a moment before she started up the truck and backed it up.
A/N:
And here is Chapter 36. I tried to give an overview of the remainder of the week from Max point of view as a series of flashbacks during one of her therapy session. But I found myself struggling because I didn't really know what to tell during this period.
Now for the awkwardness between Chloe and Max, it won't last long no worry, but I wanted to make Chloe act like at the beginning of BTS, if you make take quiet girl, intimidated by Rachel radiance. Besides, I think after loosing Rachel, and almost loosing Max, Chloe would be apprehensive and keep some distance at the beginning fearing that Max may leave her again maybe?
I'll try to do another chapter before my trip. If I can't You will have to wait at least till the end of next week.
Hope the chapter still good for you. and cya next episode