An Emotionutty Cartoon
starring
Minerva Mink

Minktales

Episode XXXVI

"Olivia Strikes Back"

A Long Time Ago, in a Forest Far, Far Away...

The log house, pond and
surrounding woods had just
been acquired by our captivatingly
beautiful heroine, Minerva Mink.

Meanwhile, the vengeful
Olivia Otter, obsessed with
destroying Minerva, sends
sci-fi robots after her in
an effort to finish her for good.

These robots, unfeeling
creatures of metal and circuits
could spell the end for
our mink heroine, struggling
to find peace in her life...

Minerva Mink placed the pot with the dirt in it by the window and carefully planted the seeds inside, pushing them down, and covering them over with her gloved fingertips, then carefully began to sprinkle water over them.

Suddenly, there was an enormous crash that shook the whole house, jostling Minerva's large, golden mop of hair as it did so, and causing her to look around in alarm. After only a moment, however, she picked up the seed packet, and looked at it a little more carefully. Then, suddenly, something appeared at the window that was big, dark and had three glowing, red spots on it. Minerva blinked a few times as the robot studied her contours with its computers, then she gave the robot an admiring smile.

"Target acquired. Capture in progress."

"I'll bet you say that to all the girls." Minerva said seductively, and in only a moment, the robot's normal one and zero readout started to change. Suddenly, there were spaces in its coding, where, instead of numbers, heart-symbols were appearing. They became more and more frequent, until the symbols completely composed the coding, and the robot simply froze up, refusing to move any further.

"I love how those older Phillips robot models always lock up when they're done." Minerva said with a grin, as she moved the potted seeds to a small end table nearby.

A couple hours later, more robots arrived, but those ones were a little different. Minerva was a bit surprised, as her front door slid up into the ceiling, and looked outside, to see that a small robot, closely resembling a garbage can had inserted a thin rod from its body into a port on the side of the door.

"Huh." Minerva muttered, "I never noticed that port before, but I guess it makes sense..."

Immediately, the small robot started chirping and whistling, then eventually fell over on the grass; a large cloud of smoke escaping from its top.

"Behave yourself Emtwee." the other robot, which accompanied it said, "I am Ceeyaerrlee; human, cyborg and mostly robot. I am fluent in over eight million forms of... uh... communica... uh... cation."

"You're cute." Minerva said to the large, tall, gold-colored robot, built in a roughly humanoid design.

"Th-th-thank you madam..." the robot replied, "But I'm not really interested in ladi-in lad-in lay...dee..."

"Oh?" Minerva asked it, stepping closer, and moving her finger around the swirly design on its chest, "Are you... sure?"

"Ee-nee-err-lee-YEE!" the robot screamed, falling onto the grass, to join its comrade, as Minerva swiftly turned the port in the side of the door back the other way, causing it to slide back down again, then opened the same door by the doorknob, and stepped back inside.

"Eight million forms of communication..." Minerva joked as she closed the door behind her, "but not the one form the poor guy needed."

Not too long after that, Minerva was sunbathing next to the pond, when there came a series of loud crashes, filling the forest with noise and commotion. Quickly taking off her sunglasses and putting down her mirror, Minerva swiveled at the hip, to get up off the lawn chair she'd been sitting on, and headed over in the direction that all the other animals seemed to be running away from. Then, through the upper canopy of the trees, a massive, four-legged robot burst out into the open, knocking one of the trees down as it went, which fell into the pond.

"Oh!" Minerva exclaimed, agitated, "Look what you've done!"

Then, Minerva opened both eyes and looked sideways at the robot, her unnatural charm pouring forth in its direction, as she said, just loud enough to be heard over the din "Bad robot. Bad, bad robot."

At once, the big robot collapsed, its legs giving out under it. What was the point anymore? Minerva Mink didn't like it. Just as the lights in its eyes were about to go out, however, Minerva walked up to the great big robot's head and said, "Oh, there there. I have people I can call to fix that. It's no problem. I suppose you're not such a bad robot, really."

The imperial walker was absolutely thrilled. Getting back to its feet, it leaned all the way over, towards Minerva, and gave a short, joyful whine as she stroked its metal chin. Then, Minerva Mink bent forward, and gave the robot a kiss on its shiny nose, and pushed its chin up just slightly as she did so, but the strength had left it, and the entire hundred-ton monstrosity fell right into the pond with a huge splash.

Not long afterwards, as Minerva finished drying out her rugs, which had been absolutely soaked by the waves created when the walker had fallen into the pond, she heard a knock at the door.

Once more, Minerva opened it, to find about five hundred men in white armor carrying ion blasters, and facing her from outside.

"Pardon me, miss." One of the stormtroopers said, "But we need you to come with u... uh... guhguh! Come with me now, and never leave me again!"

"What're you talking about?" the one next to him asked, "I saw her first!"

"We all saw her at the same time, you blinking liar!" one near the back exclaimed in a clear British accent.

"Did not! Did not!" shouted another.

Minerva Mink yawned, examining her nails, as clouds of dust were kicked up all across the forest. A few blaster shots were heard, but mostly, the stormtroopers seemed to have forgotten they even had blasters, and after about five minutes, it wouldn't have mattered anyway. They were all out cold.

"Well, I guess I'd better start cleaning up." Minerva said sadly, grabbing a broom and a trash can, "Whenever these big crowds come to visit, they always leave so much garbage behind..."

About an hour later, Minerva heard her doorbell ring, and sighing, opened the door again. There stood a very tall, imposing figure in black armor, that covered his entire body. He looked so tall, dark and mysterious, that Minerva felt just a little attracted to him in some ways.

"I have been searching for a mink," the tall, dark man said, "and you are her."

Then, raising one hand, and positioning it midway between his face and hers, he said, "You will come with me to the space cruiser."

For a moment, Minerva felt the words echo in her mind, as if some cosmic force were commanding her to do his bidding, but she smiled again after a moment.

"I will come with you to the space cruiser." Minerva echoed, "But first, there's something I think you ought to know."

"Oh?" the tall man asked, "And what would that be?"

"Well, you've come to the wrong place." Minerva said with a charming squint in her eyes.

"I... have come to the wrong place." the tall man said.

"I'm not the mink you're looking for."

"You're not the mink I'm looking for."

"I can go about my business."

"You can go about your business."

"But if you're sure it's what you want, you can come with me."

"Yes. I will come with you."

Minerva cheered happily, and leapt into the great, big man's arms, kissing him right on the face mask, although all that metal and plastic wasn't the same as actual lips. It only helped to add to the mystery.

Suddenly, there was a bolt of lightning, and Minerva and the dark figure turned to look at it, to see Olivia the otter, dressed in a black robe.

"Your failure disappoints me, Lord Fazer." Olivia said angrily, then glared at Minerva equally hard, and said "Now, Minerva Mink, you will die."

Then, raising both hands, Olivia shot bolts of electricity at Minerva, which struck out from many different directions, causing Minerva to leap upward with a small section of her dress in flames.

"Funny." Olivia muttered, "It never started fires in the movie..."

"I find your lack of real scientific knowledge disturbing." Lord Fazer said, then lunged forward, and grabbed Olivia by the neck in one hand.

"Hey, you don't happen to have some kind of energy reactor around here, do you?" Lord Fazer asked as Minerva finished putting out her dress fire.

"Well, uh..." Minerva muttered, "Kinda. It's just a little one, out back, just in case we have a blackout, but I don't go around broadcasting it."

"Good enough." Lord Fazer replied, then quickly carried the squirming Olivia towards it, and a few moments later, Minerva heard the sound of a very disappointed Otter plummeting hundreds of feet into the ground.

Olivia was charred. She was embarrassed. She was disappointed, and she'd failed, but as she ordered herself to be brought back aboard her star cruiser, still in her restrictive casts and bandages, she heard the news.

"One of our probe droids has returned!" a young lieutenant exclaimed.

Olivia leapt with joy at the thought. Had she captured that Mink, even despite everything?

"Have it brought here!" she exclaimed, and in moments, the probe droid was in front of her.

"Open up and let's see what you found." Olivia commanded, and so the probe droid opened up, and the entire room was filled with a white gas that soon covered everyone in the command chamber.

"Having fun, Mart Fazer?" Minerva asked the dark-armored figure, who sat next to her in her car at the drive-in.

"I have never had so much... fun... in my life." Fazer replied, "But are you not afraid that Olivia may pursue you again?"

"Well, maybe she will, later." Minerva said, taking another bite of her popcorn, "But not while she's frozen in carbonite."

The End

Minerva: "Well, that actually turned out pretty good. I had fun, anyway, and on the next Minktales, I'm back in my own real life. There's a poor, young jogger, running through the park, who thinks he's no longer attracted to women, and I'm just the woman to bring him around. I'll see you then!"