Awakening

Chapter 25

Hope/Fear?

Senior Year; May, 201-; the Night before Prom

"In most of the fires I've investigated, it's usually the smoke that kills. All it really takes is one good lung full and it's good night. That wasn't the case in the gymnasium that night. The fire moved too quickly and something prevented evacuation. Most of the victims never had a chance. We won't know for certain until the autopsies are complete, but given the location of the bulk of the bodies and witness statements, I suspect that few of them died of asphyxiation. I've heard some of the survivor's accounts of what happened – and saw for myself what happened in the rest of Chamberlain – and I'm still having a hard time believing it. I can't believe one girl did all of this."

- Informal press statement issued by Roger Crandall, Oxford County Fire Marshall.

5:35 PM

Tomorrow's the day. God help me! Please, please, please give me the strength to get through this! Please don't let me embarrass myself… or Tommy.

It wasn't the sort of formal prayer that Carrie typically recited, but she thought it wouldn't hurt to ask for a little extra help. She had been finishing up her homework when the swirling fog of emotions and worries overwhelmed her and made it impossible to concentrate. No matter how hard she tried to pretend otherwise, her pace quickened every time the thought of prom crossed her mind. It was simultaneously thrilling and terrifying – and not at all conducive to focusing on her assignments. In fact, Carrie had spent most of the day walking around in an oddly pleasant sort of haze. She knew her classmates were staring at her and whispering, but she didn't care. They had plenty of reason to do so, too.

'Did Tommy actually ask HER?'

'Is she blackmailing him or something?'

'Are Tommy and Sue fighting? Is he trying to get back at her?'

'I hope she wears a sack over her head.'

'I just hope she bathes…'

Carrie recalled and dismissed their words with a smile. None of it bothered her, at least not the way it used to. Although she had always been aware of the prom, she never seriously considered the possibility that she'd attend. Part of her had wanted to, but it had never been more than an idle daydream. Things had changed, though; someone had asked her and she was going. Every single mental alarm she possessed – and she had acquired quite a few of them over the years – was blaring, but none of that really mattered. Once she had gotten over her initial fear and trepidation, Carrie had warmed up to the notion and finally saw it for what it was – an opportunity.

Everything seems different now. Somehow, everything seems new, she thought to herself as she glanced over towards the closet in the corner of her room. Unlike the one in the kitchen, this closet didn't hold any unpleasant memories or feelings for her. This one actually held hope; hope in the form of a handmade prom dress. I can't forget what they've done to me, but I can move forward. I can change.

Ever since that one gym class the week before had set the ball rolling, the rate at which Carrie changed and grew barely let up. It was startling how often she found herself doing things she wouldn't have thought possible. The old Carrie never would have spoken back to her mother, or stood up to Hargensen and her clique, but over the past couple of days she had done just that. Even the mundane cruelty that she was subjected to seemed trivial.

It's amazing what a little flexing can do for a girl's self esteem. I hardly noticed it when the middle schoolers shouted things at me on my way home from school today. I used to dread passing by them, but this time I didn't care! Not even Tommy Erbter and his friends were able to get under my skin…

Normally, the walk home from school was a lot like running a gauntlet for Carrie. In addition to her fellow high schoolers, she had to cope with the kids from Lincoln Middle School and a pack of neighborhood brats led by Tommy Erbter. On good days, they'd just hurl insults at her. On bad days, though, they weren't above throwing chunks of ice or pine cones at her. They were relentless.

Come to think of it, Tommy Erbter didn't actually say anything to me today. He's usually the first one to ride after me and call me names. Maybe he's afraid of me now? That might not be such a bad thing. As angry as I was, I still don't think I would have had it in me to actually hurt him. He doesn't need to know that, though. Now that we both know I can do it, maybe things will be different…

Things are different. I'm different. I'm not the same girl who'd cry over being called names. I'm not the same girl who would blindly fall for every trick her classmates could think up. I'm no longer going to let myself be victimized. The girl people threw tampons at is dead and gone. I am different. Tomorrow night will be my chance to show everyone that I'm not afraid – that I'm just as good as the rest of them.

"Things are going to change," Carrie said softly. "Everyone is just going to have to accept that. Even Momma…"

She already thinks I'm a witch and she's furious over the prom, I can't imagine what she'd do when I try to leave tomorrow night. What if she wants to meet Tommy?

Carrie shuddered as countless disastrous outcomes raced through her mind. Momma had made her opinion about boys perfectly clear, and there was no telling what she was capable of. Earlier on, in between classes, Tommy had mentioned that he would have liked to meet her mother, but Carrie had quickly put a halt to that idea. At the very least, Tommy would be sent packing and she would be mortified. The worse case scenario didn't bear thinking about.

Still, he was brave enough to drop off the corsage. That was so kind of him. Maybe Tommy really does care…

Tommy.

Tommytommytommy…

THUD

"Oh, sugar," Carrie winced without turning around. One thing she had learned over the past week was that she was prone to occasional involuntary flexing when she was stressed. She didn't know exactly what had moved, but she suspected that it might have been the chunk of amethyst that was sitting on top of her dresser, next to her water-colors. In the stillness of her room, the sound was thunderous. For several seconds she sat motionless, waiting for the sound of rapid footsteps thundering up the stairs.

Nothing happened.

Carrie slowly turned around. Her assumption was correct; it was the piece of amethyst. She took a deep breath and felt the adrenaline leave her system. She was stressed out enough without the threat of the prayer closet – or worse – hanging over her head.

Momma's been really unpredictable lately. Ever since last Friday, she's been on edge. She might find a way to stop me.

What would she do?

When I told her about Tommy asking me, she threatened to send me to the closet, but she didn't go through with it. She was afraid of me – of what I can do. I wasn't going to hurt her, but she didn't know that.

"I don't want her to be afraid of me," Carrie murmured to herself as she levitated the deep-purple gem back into its proper place. "I love her, but things can't stay like this. This is my chance to finally have a real life… even if it's only for one night. I won't let her stop me. Not this time."

I have to do this. I will do this. For myself. For Tommy.

I have to do this. I'm not afraid! I'm not afraid! I'm not-

"CARRIE?" Her mother bellowed from the first floor. "DINNER'S READY!"

"I am afraid," Carrie whispered as she pushed back from her desk.

I am afraid!

5:45 PM

"The best advice I can give you about chaperoning is to avoid it all together," James McGovern shrugged and took a sip of his coffee. "It's a headache more than anything else."

"Thanks," Rita Desjardin said ruefully, "that's really helpful."

They were the first two to show up for Principal Grayle's obligatory pre-prom debriefing. It was Miss Desjardin's first time chaperoning a school event, and the administrators at Ewen High decided to throw her in the deep end. The past two work weeks were filled with stern, almost ominous emails from the school administration about all of the possible contingencies that might come up. Rita remembered enough about her own prom to have a working concept of what to expect – and it didn't fill her with confidence.

"Morton's heading it up, this year. Just follow his lead. There's really nothing to it," McGovern continued. "All you have to do is make sure no one does anything stupid or dangerous. Some of them will either show up drunk, or try to sneak booze into the gym. Most of the night will probably be spent keeping an eye out for that sort of thing."

Yep. That definitely sounds familiar. Knowing my luck, I'll end up stuck in the ladies' room holding some girl's hair as she gets sick.

"A year or two before I started here, some students got into a fight and the police had to be called. I doubt we'll have a repeat, though." McGovern shrugged again. "You really shouldn't worry too much about it. Say, do you think it's true?"

"What?"

"Do you think Carrie White will actually show up? Is Ross going to go through with it?"

Rita bit the inside of her lip. If it hadn't been for a chance encounter with Carrie earlier on in the week, she probably would have found out about it the same way as McGovern had – as a rumor that came too late to act on. As it was, she wasn't even sure that knowing in advance did any good.

I tried to talk them out of it. I don't think Tommy Ross would hurt anyone. I doubt he'd have it in him to do anything mean. Then again, who knows? I never would have thought Sue would be the type to corner someone and pelt them with Tampax and maxi pads, either.

"Yeah," Miss Desjardin said softly as some of the other teachers filed in. Mr. Fromm made straight for the coffee machine while Mr. Ullman slid into a seat next to her.

"Hmm. It might turn out to be an interesting evening after all," McGovern said with a wry half-smile.

6:15 PM

"So, she's going to go through with it?" Norma Watson asked once more. "Wow, I never would have thought she had it in her."

Frieda Jason nodded as she took a sip of her iced coffee. The two were occupying a booth at Kelly Fruit. Most of their classmates tended to congregate at Starbucks, but the coffee was better – and less expensive – at Kelly Fruit. Norma, like everyone else a Ewen, had already heard about Tommy Ross taking Carrie White to the prom. That particular piece of gossip had spread through the student body faster than the Flu in February.

"Yep. Carrie White is going to be there and Tommy Ross is her date." Frieda hoped she still sounded patient. She, like everyone else in their clique, was used to Norma's semi-neurotic need to confirm things over and over again. On any other day, Frieda probably wouldn't have been bothered in the least, but she had been bombarded by questions about Sue almost nonstop and her patience was wearing thin.

Even the 9th graders are asking about it. At this rate, Sue's going to have to get herself a publicist…

"And Tommy's really OK with it? Did he say anything to George?" That too, was a question Frieda was starting to tire of. George Dawson was Tommy Ross's best friend, so it stood to reason that he'd be privy to all sorts of gossip.

"Tommy's fine with it. He thinks it's a great idea. So does George, for that matter."

"OK. Wow, absolutely nothing could go wrong with this," Norma checked her phone for the fifth time since they've sat down. "I know Hargensen isn't going to be there, but the rest of the Ultras will. I'm not sure if I'd be brave enough to show up."

I doubt I'd be brave enough, Frieda thought as she absentmindedly examined her lavender acrylic tips. George had to twist my arm to get me to say yes to going to the prom and we've been dating for ages. I was – and maybe I still am – afraid of what Chris or Emily Bourne might say or do to me. If it wasn't for him, I'd probably be picking out something to binge watch instead of going out.

"It'll be fine! There's going to be tons of adult supervision," Frieda said with a smile that felt hollow. She knew that Chris's friends were all perfectly capable of being obnoxious without Hargensen being present. For her, it was definitely a case of been there, done that. "Besides, everyone will be so busy doing their own thing that they probably won't even notice Carrie."

Although part of her was genuinely happy for Carrie and proud of Sue for doing something principled, she couldn't quite shake the feeling that there was more to the story than what she was seeing. Something felt odd about the whole situation.

"Y'know, Tina and Wilsons are trying to get people to vote for her for prom queen."

"What? Why?" Frieda had heard something in passing, but had written it off. It made more sense to her that, with Sue's friends would have rallied around Helen Shyres or Jessica Upshaw instead.

"I don't know," Norma leaned forward and lowered her voice. "Rumor has it that they're doing it as some sort of protest. I guess they want to show how much of a joke Prom is since her highness isn't allowed to attend. Who knows what they're really thinking, though."

"I'm going to vote for her."

Norma made a ghastly sound as she nearly choked on her iced-latte.

"S-seriously?" Norma croaked as she tried to regain her composure. "You're going to vote for Carrie?"

"Why not," It was a spur of the moment decision and Fried hadn't thought out an explanation. "I mean, I was going to vote for Tommy anyway. Besides, it wouldn't hurt to let Carrie have at least one happy memory from high school. What's the worst that can happen? She isn't expecting to win, so it's not like she'll heartbroken if she doesn't."

"What if she does, though?"

Frieda shrugged: "Then she gets a cheap crown, a bouquet and a couple of gigabytes worth of pictures taken. She goes home thinking that some of us might actually view her as a human being, and maybe even smiles for a change. I think it'd be nice."

"It would be better than having to hear Jessica Upshaw brag about winning it for the rest of the term," Norma nodded. She still didn't look entirely convinced. "I don't know. I was going to vote for Myra Crewes…"

"C'mon," Frieda sighed. "You've always talked about ending bullying and helping the less fortunate, and believe me; you won't find anyone less fortunate than Carrie. Wouldn't this be the perfect opportunity to do something really nice for someone who needs it?"

"I don't want to hurt Myra's feelings, though."

"Myra didn't even want to be on the ballot in the first place. She thinks it's a glorified popularity contest."

"Fine. Count me in," Norma said. "Maybe Carrie does deserve a shot at happiness."

"It really is the right thing to do," Frieda smiled again, but this time there was genuine confidence behind it. It felt good to do the right thing, even if it only meant that she could honestly tell Carrie that she voted for her. Sometimes, little gestures like that could make all of the difference.

8:00 PM

Tomorrow night is going to be all about me, Jessica Upshaw thought to herself as she gently hung up her dress. It's going to be my time to shine.

As far as she was concerned, everything was perfect. Her gown was absolutely gorgeous – and very, very expensive. Her nails were done in a dark reddish brown polish that wasn't yet available on the market, and after her appointment tomorrow afternoon, her hair would be equally flawless. Her afterparty was going to be amazing, and the one real obstacle in her way to being crowned queen was out of the picture.

Watching Hargensen getting taken down a peg or twenty in front of the whole school was definitely a bonus. Life really is good. I wish I could be a fly on the wall of where ever she ends up parking herself tomorrow night.

I almost feel bad about Sue Snell missing out on it, though.

Although Jessica didn't have anything against Sue, and actually respected her to a degree, she was thrilled that she was no longer attending prom. Sue was probably the only other candidate on the ballot that had a chance at winning, and with her gone, the race was hers to lose.

Besides, Chris made the whole thing as much about herself as it was about Snell. With the way she was campaigning, you'd think she was the one who was going to be up there on that stage instead of Sue. She was basically using Sue as a prop – as a tool to get more attention. I, for one, would never do that to one of my friends. Then again, I don't know why I'm surprised. Attention whoring always seemed to be one of Hargensen's talents.

A brief twinge of doubt crept up through Jess's backbone. Hargensen was loose cannon, and it wasn't that much of a shock that she'd do something to get herself banned, but why on earth would Sue back out of her senior prom? Chris might have co-opted her nomination, but that didn't mean that Snell didn't want to be queen. Jess could distinctly remember Sue going on and on about how much she was looking forward to prom, and how she'd love to be crowned prom queen. In fact, Sue was probably the only person at Ewen who wanted to be prom queen as much as she did.

I still remember the look on her face when her name was read off during morning announcements. Why the hell would she throw it away?

And for Carrie White?

That was the biggest mystery of all. Although Sue's reputation as a do-gooder was well deserved, there were very clear limits to teen altruism. Jess would understand it if Snell had opted to spend time actually being nice to Carrie, but to send her to the prom with Tommy Ross was just too much of a stretch. Sue and Tommy had practically been attached at the mouth ever since they started dating, and it was unthinkable that she'd even contemplate turning him loose with one of her friends, never mind the resident freak. No one could be that nice. Something was definitely going on.

But what?

There's a fine line between compassion and martyrdom. Why would Sue give up going to the prom? Why on earth would she talk Tommy Ross into taking Carrie?

It can't just be because of a guilty conscience, can it?

Jessica shook her head and shelved the thought. Whatever Snell's motivation might be, it didn't matter. She was going to have the time of her life.

9:30 PM

Do I really want to do this? Tina Blake thought to herself as she gently stroked her pet bunny, Cinnamon. She's my friend - my best friend. How can I say no to her?

"I can't say no to her, can I?" Cinnamon, apparently lacking a suitable answer, limited her reply to nose-wiggling. "She's been there for me when no one else was. She's always stuck up for me. I-I can't let her down."

She was lounging on her bed with only her desk light illuminating her room. She technically wasn't supposed to have her rabbit on her bed, but it was a rule her parents seldom enforced. Tina always found it comforting to have her pet close at hand when things were stressful, and she was definitely stressed out. It wasn't simply a matter of her fretting over an upcoming event – although she had a couple of those on the horizon as well; it was something much more ominous that was causing her to freak out.

I have to choose. I have to either say yes and go through with what I've been asked to do, or I have to back down. Either way, I'm going to have to take whatever consequences are going to come my way. The only real question is which will end up being worse?

As much as she wanted to avoid the subject, she knew she had to make up her mind. It wasn't the first time that Tina had been put in an awkward position because of a friend, but the stakes were much higher this time.

No matter what I do, I'm going to end up in trouble. If I back out, I'm going to lose my best friend – probably the best friend I've ever had. If I go through with it, I'm probably going to ruin my future.

Goodbye college. Goodbye decent career. Goodbye everything.

"You don't realize how easy you have it," Tina whispered gently to Cinnamon as she stoked the patch of fur between her ears. "All you have to do is remember to use your litter box and not chew on any wires and everything will be fine. You know, I really mean it when I say I'll love you no matter what."

I'm going to have an eventful day tomorrow. Let's see; Nails and hair with the Twins, Helen and Heather at 4:30. Group pictures at 7. Election rigging at 9:30. Assault and battery some time after ten, followed by an AV display that'll give new meaning to the phrase public humiliation.

Tina closed her eyes and sighed. Things shouldn't be this complicated. Graduation was right around the corner and tomorrow night was prom. The prom. She should be happy and excited, not terrified and nauseous with worry.

I should be sleepless with excitement over prom. Instead I feel like I'm about to walk out on stage naked. I feel sick.

She played back in her mind what Chris had told her about the plan, and the more she thought about it, the more frightened she became. This went well beyond nasty phone calls or midnight toilet papering. It was more than just some silly prank; this sounded downright criminal.

Pig's blood. God. What the hell is she thinking? What the hell am I thinking?

"What the hell have I gotten myself into?" Tina sniffled. "I'm willing to help. I was even willing to the prom with that creep Jackie Talbot so that Billy wouldn't back out, but this?"

Tina knew that if they ended up getting caught – and that was a distinct possibility – they wouldn't have to worry about detention or demerits. Tina was positive that whatever consequences they'd face if things went wrong would make Miss Desjardin's detentions seem like a walk in the park. That was only half of the equation, though. Chris was the other part, and in her own way, was even more frightening.

Chris will hate me if I back out. It won't matter to her if we've been friends forever, or if we grew up together as if we're sisters. I don't want her to hate me. I don't know what I'd do if she did. It won't matter what my reasons are, Chris will still view it as a betrayal, and she'll hate me for it. Just like Sue…

Sue. Tina still liked Sue and sincerely hoped that there would be some sort of reconciliation between her and Chris. Deep inside, she knew that was probably never going to happen – especially if they went through with this crazy plan of theirs.

Chris thinks that Sue chose Carrie over her. She views Carrie as threat and that's why she's doing this. She believes that if she can publically destroy her, she'll be able to reclaim her place and win Sue back. I know Chris thinks things will just go back to normal after all is said and done. She's acting like it's one of those silly, stupid arguments we'd have as kids where we'd yell at each other and forgive and forget just as soon as it was out of our systems.

That isn't going to happen. Not this time.

I could care less about Carrie White, but I'm afraid Chris is just going to make things worse for herself. But what can I do about it? This isn't something I rationalize my way out of. My best friend won't listen to reason. As far as she's concerned, I'm either with her or against her.

No matter what happens, I can't lose Chris. I just can't. If it wasn't for her, I'd be lost. I'd be like…

I'd be like Carrie.

Tina squeezed her eyes shut tightly as a fresh wave of queasiness swept over her. She promised herself that she'd do whatever it took to keep what was left of her group of friends together. If that meant going along with Chris's insane plan, then so be it.

I don't want to be alone. I need my friends.

I'll do whatever I have to do.

10:06 PM

Tommy sat on the edge of his bed, the soft breeze emanating from the open window helped wick away the residual dampness from the shower he had just taken. His shoulders and back, which had been aching all afternoon, felt better.

Did I pull something during practice, or is it just tension?

In the past, Tommy would have felt silly admitting he was nervous about anything, let alone a school dance. Social worries such as popularity and image seldom crossed his mind, and he typically went through life with the confidence of someone who knew that their status was fixed and secure.

Is that it? I don't really care that much about what people think. I mean, my friends – my real friends – will be there for me regardless. George, Roy and Dave all basically said so. I trust them. As for the others… well, who cares? Graduation is less than a month away. What do I have to lose?

If that's not it, then what is it?

Sue. I don't want to let Sue down. I think I get what she wants me to do and why, even if it does sound nuts. This is important to her. I'm not sure I've the whole picture about what happened between her, Chris and Carrie, but I do know that she's hurting. If this is what it takes to make her feel better, then I'm all for it.

It wasn't just Sue, though. There was something about Carrie that made him anxious in a way he couldn't articulate. It was as if a strange mixture of déjà vu and static electricity would sweep over him whenever she was around.

It's weird, he thought as he took a deep breath. The faint smell of his neighbor's rosebush wafted up to him. I've known her since elementary school, but I really don't know anything about her. I might have been nice to her from time to time, but I don't think I've ever made the effort to get acquainted with her.

And here I am, about to take her to the senior prom. This is nuts.

Tommy had tried to talk to Carrie on a couple of occasions in school, but she always seemed so uncomfortable and apprehensive that he felt guilty forcing the issue. He could tell that she still had doubts about his intentions, and he couldn't really blame her.

I can't blame her for thinking I was trying to trick her. If even half of what I've heard is true, than I can understand her having trust issues. Sue was definitely right about one thing, though. I think she might actually have a crush on me.

He couldn't help smile to himself. Once again, Sue was right. Sue always seemed to be right about this sort of thing.

I was completely oblivious to it. I kind of wish Sue was there to see the look on Carrie's face when I dropped of her corsage. Not only was she blushing, but I think she might have actually smiled. I think it would have made Sue feel a little better about herself to know that she had a positive impact on Carrie for a change. I think Carrie really does like me.

"Oh, crap," Tommy's heart began to beat faster and he suddenly felt light headed. He had thought about might have gone wrong, but only in a vague, theoretical sense. Things were different now and the reality of those hypothetical what-ifs suddenly crashed down on him.

What if Carrie gets the wrong impression? What if she thinks this is more than just some sort of goodwill gesture? What if I say or do the wrong thing? What if something goes wrong? I know a couple of the guys on the football team used to pick on Carrie, but would they actually do anything to her?

What if I let her down?

What if I let Sue down?

Tommy took a couple of deep, cleansing breaths as he reigned in his emotions. Sue had faith in him, and he would do his best.

"I just have to make sure I don't let them down. That's all."

2:49 AM

'Did you feel it? Did ya? You liked it, didn't you?' Chris Hargensen shuddered as Billy Nolan's words danced through her head. It was the third time he had asked her that evening, and on each occasion she struggled to fight off a feeling of revulsion. Every now and then, she would glance over to the bed, now cloaked in shadows, where Billy was sound asleep. The faint light cast from the streetlamp outside of his apartment gave the scene an eerie, dreamlike feel that made Chris feel even worse.

No. No I didn't like it, you creep. You didn't ask, and if you had, I would have said no. I'm on the pill, but holy shit! What if I wasn't? You should have asked.

It was the third time the two of them had slept together, and this occasion was just as unpleasant as the last two. Chris had promised him that they'd do it after the prom, but that plan was obviously no longer viable. Things had changed, and so had his expectations. In fairness to him, he had helped her a great deal over the past couple of days. If it hadn't been for him, Chris suspected that she'd be sitting in her room, stuffing her face with junk food and crying. Thanks to Billy, she now had a plan in place; an honest to god workable plan that would set everything right. He had come up with the idea and sniffed out where to find the blood. He had done the hands-on prep work that she was unwilling to do. He was giving her the opportunity to reassert her place in the social hierarchy.

And all it cost me was my self respect and dignity. Who am I kidding? It's been a hell of a long time since I've had either. What's the point of all of this? It isn't like I can shout from the gym rooftop that it was me that yanked the cord.

"The people who need to know will know," she muttered to herself. Although Chris expected that she'd be on the list of suspects, she knew she wouldn't be the only one. It would probably take months before Grayle and Morton to sort through the evidence and figure it out. By that time, she'd be at Oberlin, with her reputation intact and Carrie White nothing more than a distant, unpleasant memory.

Carrie….

I hate her. I hate, hate HATE her. I finally have a way to get back at that bitch for everything she's ever done to me and my friends. It would all be worth it just to make her sorry for once.

Wouldn't it?

Chris settled deeper into the worn material of the recliner. Like everything else in Billy's apartment, it smelled faintly of pot and cheep beer. Ever since he had told her what he had done out at old man Henty's place, she has wavered back and forth between giddiness and preemptive regret.

What was it he kept saying? Pig's blood for a pig? I still can't believe he did it.

Billy did, though. He had gotten the blood and rigged the bucket over the stage. Chris had said that she wanted to find a way to get back at Carrie, and Billy had provided her with just that.

He expected something in return for helping me out. If I hadn't willing slept with him, he would have forced me. He would have… would have…

She shunted the thought away as she peered out into the darkness. Chris knew that sooner or later she'd have to deal with Billy by either dumping him or running off and cutting ties. For now, she had too many other things competing for her attention.

So, what's the next step? I yank the cord and Carrie gets put back in her place. Simple, right?

What if I get caught? What if someone gets cold feet and blows the whistle ahead of time?

What if I can't go through with it? Can I really do this?

What if someone other than Carrie ends up winning anyway? I've called in some favors, and Tina and the Twins have been helping out, but that doesn't mean something can't go wrong. I wouldn't mind tipping the bucket on Upshaw, but I don't think I'd want to do it to someone who didn't deserve it.

In the light of day, her plan – their plan – looked as if it would actually work. Now, though, with the late night gloom closing in around her, Chris wasn't so sure. There were just too many things that could go wrong – and the consequences would definitely be severe if she did screw up.

Too many people already know for me to back out. Tina probably wouldn't care. Hell, I think she'd be happy if I changed my mind. But what about the Twins? They figured out that something was going on and I had to let them in. And then there's Billy and his friends…

Chris knew several of Billy's friends before they started dating, and her opinion of them was almost entirely dismal. They were little more than a disgusting collection of goons and cretins, and under other circumstances, she wouldn't be caught dead associating with them. Now, she no longer had a choice. They all knew about the plan, and would probably expose her if she got cold feet.

Besides, what kind of message would it send if I couldn't go through with it? Even if no one else knew, I would. Could I live with the fact that I chickened out? I wouldn't be able to stand knowing that I had a chance to reclaim my place and was too much of a coward to take it. I wouldn't be able to stand knowing that Carrie got away with everything

"All I have to do is pull that rope," she whispered to the darkness. "That's all."

"Mmm," Billy groaned. "Whatcha say?"

"Nothing."

"You up for another round?"

Chris felt her gorge rise, but refrained from saying anything as she walked sullenly towards the bed.

Notes: After writing (and rewriting) Freak four times, I've decided to shelve that chapter and move onto Hope/Fear. I've worked some of the elements from that chapter into this one.

I was kind of hoping to fill in some of the gaps left by the novel and movies about how the various characters felt right before the disaster. We know what they were doing, but we aren't given too much insight into their emotions or thoughts.

Slimy Billy made a comeback (along with his less than chivalrous attitudes towards sex.) There's a throwaway line in book about how Chris suspected that Billy would have raped her if she didn't consent. I thought it would be interesting to explore some of her reaction to that.

The book placed the Prom on a Friday night, but the movies were a little less specific. In my experience, a lot of school dances were held on Saturdays. I thought it (at least to me) would make more sense to have the Ewen High dance on a Saturday.

Rabbits can be trained to use a litter box. I figured Tina would probably prefer a house rabbit to an outdoor hutch.

Next up is Loyal? – which is Vicki-centric and overlaps with the start of the prom disaster. I'm still trying to work out how to post it.

If anyone has any suggestions for deaths, etc. Let me know. I already have a lot of it worked out, but I'm open to input.

Thanks again! ~ Trish.