When the Storm Breaks
By Hazelmist
A/N: This chapter's should've been cut but I'm too upset. THANK YOU TO NANNYOGG123/MYKELARA for finding ALL the stupid mistakes I made and always putting up with me, and PGILMOUR75 for taking the time out of her crazy schedule to find even MORE stupid mistakes. And THANK YOU to those of you still reading that left kudos/comments/reviews.
EOW 4.18.13. I never thought that either of you would die that young.
Chapter 37: Escaping the Storm
For Alec, the days passed slowly, one day blurring into another one.
For Ellie, the days flew by, and there was never enough time.
Fred's grandmother took one look at the damage Fred was capable of doing, and insisted on taking Fred for the week. Ellie was so grateful that she hugged her, and Anne laughed. With Fred no longer underfoot, Ellie could finally finish what she'd started a couple of weeks ago with Alec. She tried not to think of Alec with his shirt sleeves rolled up, his hair sticking up in all directions and his face flushed from the heat and the physical exertion; arguing with her over music; laughing because she didn't know what the mysterious object was in the back of her cupboard that turned out to be some sort of fancy blender; kissing her until she forgot that she was upset with him for dropping a heavy box that she told him not to pick up. She had memories of him plastered all over the walls of the ugly cottage that had never become home. She almost broke down when she saw the empty bedroom. But she didn't. Together with Lucy, Ollie and Tom, they packed up everything in two days and transported it to the new house in Edgewood. And Ellie foolishly hoped that she could move on as easily.
Her new job was another welcome distraction, but Alec was there too. On her first day, DI Worthington reminded her again that it was Alec's recommendation that had made Worthington's decision to hire her. She bluntly told Ellie not to make her regret it.
As soon as her first shift ended, Ellie took out her phone and called Alec for the first time since he'd left Broadchurch.
He didn't pick up, but he rang her back later.
"What's the matter?" he asked, obviously alarmed.
"Nothing," Ellie assured him.
"Do you need something?"
"No."
"Then why are you calling?" Alec sounded puzzled. Ellie suddenly realized that the only times she'd ever called Alec was when she needed or wanted something from him. She'd made up plenty of excuses to talk to him, but ultimately it came down to a selfish need, even if it was merely to keep the loneliness at bay.
"Today was my first day and I wanted to-" Ellie halted because Alec was coughing. "Are you alright?"
"'m fine."
"Alec, are you really alright?" Ellie asked, her heart aching. She wanted so badly to be able to see him. Talking through a mobile wasn't enough for her.
"Just tired," Alec replied and she could hear the weariness in his voice. "How'd it go?"
Ellie started talking and she couldn't stop. She told him about Worthington, and the new people she'd met, and the new house, and Ollie flirting with the pretty next door neighbor, and Tom almost breaking the other next door neighbor's window with a football. And she told him about Fred and his explorations of the new house and his fort of empty boxes. Alec had always been quiet, but he seemed quieter tonight and distant. He still asked all the right questions and chuckled in all the right places. She'd missed him so much in that short span of time, but the second coughing fit reminded her that it was going to get worse, and he'd continue to get further and further away from her.
"Sorry," he apologized, when it petered out. "Keep going," he yawned.
"Am I keeping you up?" Ellie queried, eyeing the clock over the stove. It was only half past seven.
"No," Alec lied.
"I'll let you go," Ellie said. "You should get some rest-"
"No." There was an edge to his voice. "Keep talking."
Ellie's mind went blank. She couldn't focus on anything other than the raggedness of Alec's breath. She hadn't noticed he'd been steadily getting worse, because she'd been chattering so much.
"Alec-"
"Ellie, please," Alec pleaded with her. "Go on." Ellie heard a frightening wheeze on the other end that she didn't like.
"Alec, go take your medication," she urged him.
"I already did." Ellie's blood froze, because Alec had told her the same thing after he had an attack on the bench outside of the restaurant. The drugs weren't working.
"Alec, go get Iris and make her take you to A&E, or I will get in the car right now and break every single fucking traffic law to get to you. I'll kill you myself if you don't make it to the hospital-"
Alec barked a laugh that sounded more like a gasp. The spasm was worse this time, but shorter because he was so breathless.
"'s not that bad," he assured her. "Besides they told me I was fine." Ellie felt the iciness in her blood, reaching all the extremities of her body.
"You – you went to the hospital?" she stammered.
"This morning," Alec admitted.
"And you didn't tell me?" Her voice was shrill and her panic went unchecked.
"Why would I tell you?"
"Why wouldn't you?" she snapped. "I care about you and I worry about you all the time-"
"Then stop because I'm not going to call you every bloody time I black out-"
"I can't turn it off," she snarled. "I know you thought that you could sleep with me and leave, and then I'd move on and completely stop thinking about you. But that's not how it works for a human being with a heart-"
"Maybe that's why mine's failing, because I didn't really have one to begin with," Alec interrupted her, harshly. "I never would've slept with you if I knew that you'd badger me for the rest of my life. I didn't even want to-"
Ellie hung up on him. He called and texted her several times, but she ignored all of them. A couple of days later, he showed up at her work, looking like a shell of his former self. Ellie was tempted to walk right past him, but he was clever enough to show up when everyone was at their desks and to pretend that he was there to visit her boss. DI Worthington was thrilled.
"Richardson, your old DI's already checking up on you." Worthington clearly had no idea that Alec had more than a professional relationship with her. With Alec's inept social skills, it was sometimes hard to fathom him having a personal relationship with anyone. "I'm sure it's been a long time. Why don't you two catch up?" Worthington's mobile went off so she missed the significant look that passed between Alec and Ellie. She excused herself and then closed the door to her office, leaving them awkwardly standing in the middle of the busy CID.
"Can I buy you a coffee?" Alec asked hesitantly after a long silence. He was clean-shaven and dressed in a suit and tie again, but he looked so different from the man that had been her boss. He wasn't even the same man that she'd seen less than two weeks ago.
"Fine."
Ellie didn't want to create a scene, so she restrained herself from glaring at him, slapping him, kicking him in the balls or snogging him senseless. They walked out together into the grey muggy afternoon of another sticky day. The IT guy grinned and waved at Ellie, and Alec waited until he went inside the station before he apologized.
"I'm sorry."
"You should be," Ellie told him, even though Alec looked so miserable that it was hard to stay mad at him. He shoved his hands into his pockets and bowed his head. They strolled toward the coffee shop up the road. Ellie wanted to loop her arm through his, but she was too upset. It wasn't about Alec's slip of the tongue; it was about the unfairness of it all. She was angry that she was losing him and angrier that Alec was determined to disappear.
"I'm surprised you got your head out of your arse and came out of exile," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I needed to talk to Worthington," he lied, tugging at his ear.
"That's bullshit." Ellie glowered at him as they paused in front of the coffee shop. "You only wanted to see me," she accused him.
"Of course I wanted to see you. That's the bloody problem, Ellie," he snapped and raked his fingers through his overgrown mane. "I shouldnae be here. You're rebuilding your life and I'm ending mine-"
"Stop talking like that!" she interrupted him.
"It's the bloody truth!" he spat. "For god's sake, Ellie, why can't you see it?" he hissed through clenched teeth. "I'm on so many drugs now that I don't know what day of the week it is, and I'm still blacking out and taking it out on you." Ellie was momentarily stunned and Alec swore under his breath. He rubbed the shadows beneath his tired eyes and propped his hands on his hips.
"I'm sorry," he apologized to the pavement between them. "I came here to apologize and to try to make it up to you," he said, lifting his head to look at her. "But we can't keep dragging this out. This has to be the last time."
"We'll see about that…" Ellie challenged him to fight her on it. Alec frowned, but he was too tired to argue with her.
"Do you want coffee or not?'
He opened the door for her and she swept past him. He wouldn't let her order for him or even think about paying. Ellie smirked, knowing that he must've drunk the fuchsia tea she'd made for him at the Traders. They sat down on the bench out front. After several minutes of silence, the tension became unbearable for Ellie.
"This is the worst date I've ever been on," Ellie informed him. Alec stared at her and then put down his tea. Reaching into his suit jacket, he pulled out something that fit within his fist.
"Hold out your hand," he urged her. Ellie did and Alec pressed something soft and fragrant into her palm.
It was a rose.
"Had to snap off the stem or Worthington would've noticed..." he explained. "But it reminded me of you."
The rose was orange, her favorite color, but the tips of the petals were the same shade of pink as the last flower he'd "wooed" her with by ripping it out of someone's garden. The blend of the two colors reminded her of a sunset or a sunrise. It was one of the prettiest flowers she'd ever received. And that was a high compliment, because despite turning out to be a monster, Joe had been very good at picking out flowers, when he remembered.
"Did you steal this too?" Ellie asked with a lump in her throat.
"No." Ellie looked up at him. His eyes seemed so much larger and emptier in his haggard face, but there was the tiniest hint of a spark. "I didn't have wee Fred to use as an excuse to raid a garden, so I actually had to buy one," he complained. Ellie laughed and Alec's lips curved into the ghost of a smile. She kissed his cheek.
"Thank you."
"I didn't want you to think that - that I didn't care," he stuttered as their eyes locked. "I wanted to take you on a date. I'm not a heartless person. I still have a heart," he reminded her. "But I don't want you to be there when it stops."
"I know," she said, even though she didn't agree with him. Alec stretched out his arm across the bench behind her. Ellie gradually leaned into him, until her head was on his chest and his arm was curled around her shoulders.
They sat there together beneath that grey sky without saying anything at all. It was a hot day, and Ellie was fatigued from all the lifting and running around she'd done over the past week. Alec smelled of rose petals and a soap that wasn't from a hotel, but still familiar enough to lull her into a false sense of security.
"Worthington's probably wondering where you are," Alec murmured, kissing her head.
"We've got nine months to catch up on."
He chuckled. Worthington obviously had no idea that they'd kept in touch until they couldn't go weeks or days without seeing each other.
"She'll kill me if she ever finds out," Alec sighed.
"I don't think that's something you have to worry about," Ellie pointed out and rested her palm over his ailing heart. "Your secret's safe with me." Her voice trembled and she clenched the rose in her fingers. Taking a deep breath, she added, "Besides, I'm a bloody good detective. I'll prove to her that I could've gotten the job without you."
"Yes, you are and you will," he agreed. Ellie knew that he wasn't just flattering her. Alec had faith in her and had realized what she was capable of, long before she knew it herself. "I'm proud of you," he whispered. Ellie blushed but the heat stayed there, burning behind her eyelids.
"You need to go back to work," he mumbled into her hair, but made no move to get up or release her. They'd gotten closer, too close for someone that was worried about favoritism and professionalism, but Ellie didn't give a damn. She would've stayed there on that bench within the circle of his arms for the rest of his life if he'd let her.
To their surprise, Alec's mobile rang first.
"It's Worthington," he surmised.
"Don't answer it," Ellie pleaded with him.
"Ellie," Alec groaned, "It's only your third day at your new job."
"And you're here," she whispered, her voice breaking.
"You can't skive off work," Alec chided her, his voice sharpening. He let go of her and Ellie sat up beside him.
"If you're going to die on me then I want to spend as much time with you as possible," Ellie told him fiercely.
"And I don't want you to put your life on hold for me," Alec retorted. They glared at each other and he answered his phone.
"Hardy. Yeah, I'm still with her," Alec said to Worthington without taking his eyes off of Ellie. "We had a lot to catch up on," Alec explained. Ellie snorted and Alec held a finger to his lips. She couldn't hear Worthington but Alec's gaze had softened. "Do you need her back now?" he inquired and absentmindedly adjusted one of the hairpins restraining her curls. "Well, I was – I was going to brief her on Sandbrook," Alec lied and touched another hairpin on the opposite side of her head. "No, I think she deserves the whole story. And I don't think we'll be seeing each other again…" He tapered off and Ellie's breath hitched. Worthington's reply was lost in the static as Alec gently removed the metal hairpin that had been digging into her scalp. It fell between the slats of the bench as he unleashed some of her ringlets and rubbed away the sting with his thumb.
"Okay. Thanks, Worthington." Alec looked away from Ellie, ending the call and tucking the phone into his pocket.
"Come on," he said and got up from the bench. Ellie sighed and they walked back to the station together. It wasn't very far and Ellie dragged her feet the whole way. Alec stopped her right before they reached the building.
"What do you want to do?" he asked, shyly.
Ellie was perplexed until Alec interlaced his fingers with hers.
"I've got a lot to tell you about Sandbrook…" He lifted his brows and waited for her to catch up with him.
"How much time is that going to take?" Ellie wondered, glancing around and nudging him toward the employee parking lot.
"Oh, I expect it's going to take a while," Alec predicted and added, "And Worthington has an appointment so she won't be back for the day…"
Ellie stopped dead in her tracks and Alec's lips twitched.
"I'm under strict orders to keep you for the rest of the day," he said, squeezing her fingers. Ellie towed him to her car and ordered him to get in.
"Ellie, this is it," he warned her as she put the key in the ignition. "After today we can't-"
"Fine," Ellie dismissed him. She was wearing him down bit by bit, but Ellie was well aware that Alec would have to leave eventually. She didn't like to think about that, so she didn't. Not today.
Ellie was so distracted by Alec that she took the wrong turn. By the time she noticed it, they were hopelessly lost. Alec was the one who figured it out. When he discovered that he was right, he teased her mercilessly. Ellie finally pulled the car over and told him to shut up.
She didn't know where they were, but she didn't care. She reached over the console and grabbed him by the lapels of his suit jacket
"You're mine," she told him and then she gave him a kiss to prove it. Alec was breathing too hard for her to take them where she wanted to go. But the message had been understood.
"Trust me, Ellie, I'm not straying," he chuckled and coughed, leaning back against the passenger seat with his eyes closed.
"You might meet an attractive nurse…" she hedged. Alec snorted and loosened the knot in his tie. Opening his eyes, he rolled his head to look at her.
"You might meet someone too," he probed, studying her. "Maybe you've already met him…" He'd said that to her before, when she was "dating" Geoffrey. Ellie wasn't even sure she would call it that because she'd been too overwhelmed by her growing attraction to Alec, and it had been Lucy's interference and encouragement anyway.
"Who knows," Alec said, shrugging. "Maybe you and Dirty Brian-"
"God, no," Ellie groaned and Alec sniggered. He sobered quickly though.
"I mean it, Ellie," he told her, clasping her arm. "I want you to move on." The air was too heavy and suffocating in the tiny vehicle and they were both aware of the clock on the dashboard, even if the car was currently off. "I don't want the night at the Traders or today to be a mistake," he said, searching her face. "I don't want you hanging onto something that's already dead, and I don't want you dropping everything for me."
Ellie surged forward and kissed him. Alec was silenced and trapped in the small Toyota with her, but he wasn't complaining. Far from it. She got the blasted noose off his neck and he tore all the pins out of her hair. The console was an annoying barrier between them and Ellie got out of the car.
"Where are you going?" Alec asked, gasping. Ellie slammed the door shut and went around the vehicle. He opened his door, but Ellie shoved him back inside and got in with him.
"What are you – oh." Alec was a lot more cooperative when he figured out what she was doing. It was too cramped, but they adjusted the seat, and Ellie had just enough room to straddle him and snog him senseless. Alec's cough kicked in before she could forget herself, and push him further than his heart would allow. Ellie was forced to crawl out of the car and hunt for the bottled water in her purse. Alec didn't let her see the pills, but she knew that he took them.
Once he'd caught his breath, they decided to keep driving. Ellie spotted signs for a park that one of the other parents at Tom's tryouts for the football team had mentioned, and Alec liked the idea. They pulled into the empty parking lot and got out. The sky was overcast, but it didn't look like it was going to rain anytime soon. Besides, they weren't going very far. Alec couldn't.
There were little wooden signs advertising a couple of hiking trails through the woods, but they wouldn't be going down any of those paths. They barely made it to the main clearing where there was a weathered picnic table that was missing a bench. The tabletop was filled with carvings of hearts and initials of young lovers that hadn't had been broken yet. Alec planted his hand on the splintered wood and winced when a piece got stuck in his palm.
"I think I'm dying," he quipped, when she insisted on fussing over it.
"That's not funny," Ellie snarled and ripped the splinter out of his skin with more force than was necessary.
"Blimey!" Alec hissed and cradled his hand to his chest. "Thank god you're not going to be my caretaker."
Ellie punched him in the arm.
"Ow!"
"You're such an insensitive fuckwit," she cursed him and stormed off toward the lake that was within sight of the picnic table.
She kept walking until she reached the water. It was a muddy murky brown, still swollen with all the rain they'd gotten in the aftermath of the heatwave. The lake was so different from the ocean she loved; so small and insignificant in comparison to that endless Atlantic. Ellie imagined that it was less than a mile to the opposite shore. In a few weeks the place would be crawling with tourists and outdoor enthusiasts. But today it was deserted and it was just her and Alec.
Ellie kicked pebbles into the water until the idiot finally joined her, trudging down the gravelly bank to meet her. She was sorely tempted to kick him too, but he already looked like he'd taken a beating. Ellie had enjoyed tousling his hair, rumpling and wrinkling his pressed suit, and tearing off his tie and the top two buttons of his Oxford. But Alec had been beaten down by forces greater than her and the untouchable shadows beneath his eyes were darkening.
"I used to take my daughter to a place like this," he said, crouching beside her and sifting through the pebbles by their feet. He selected a smooth, flat stone and examined it. "I taught her how to skip rocks." Standing, he skipped it neatly across the water multiple times. They gazed out at the water and the widening ripples he'd created with one small stone. A sudden gust of wind disturbed the surface and the rings were lost amongst the new waves that formed in the wake of something stronger.
"It's nice here," Alec remarked and stooped to scoop up another rock.
"It is pretty," Ellie conceded. And the scenery was pretty; but Ellie had grown up on a beach, and her heart would always be there amongst the sand, and the cliffs and the roar of the waves.
"You miss Broadchurch already," Alec observed, squinting at her. Ellie looked at him as he passed the pebble from one hand to the other. She was well aware of his fear of the water, but apparently that phobia didn't include lakes. He seemed more at home here in this environment and seemed to be aware of the fact that she wasn't. Once again, Ellie was reminded of how they were such different people, or at least they had been before someone they loved and trusted had broken them.
"Do you like Edgewood?" he asked.
"It's nice," Ellie said truthfully. "But it's not home. Not yet." Ellie wondered if it would ever be home, or if it would be like that cottage that had sometimes been so empty, and hollow, and echoing with ghosts that she hadn't been able to leave behind in the happy home she'd shared with Joe. Other times the place had rang with laughter and most of her happiest memories there had involved her boys and Alec. Ellie thought of the small table with four chairs, and the chair that had become and perhaps always would be Alec's, long after he was gone.
"Do you want to see the house?" Ellie didn't know how far they were from it or how much time they had left, but Alec shook his head. It was like he knew that as soon as he stepped over that threshold, he'd contaminate it with his presence. She'd never be able to forget him, if he left even one footprint on that shining hardwood floor. And yet Ellie was willing to take that risk and longing to take him home with her.
"Oh, come on, Alec," she whined, "The boys will be home in a couple of hours and we can-"
Alec flung the rock into the water and it disappeared with a splash, much further than she would've expected from a man that was terminal. His chest heaved and he turned to her. Ellie saw the answer in his eyes.
"I already said goodbye to them," he said.
But he hadn't said goodbye to her. Ellie dropped the subject because she didn't want to hear it. The confession and the unspoken words drained him. He slumped down on a flat rock by the lake and Ellie squeezed in beside him.
"Do you want to talk about Sandbrook?" she finally asked.
"I was lying," he reminded her. His fingers tiptoed up her spine as if he'd already memorized where the vertebrae were.
"I know that, Alec," she said. "But I wasn't sure if you wanted to talk…?"
Alec's fingertips paused at the collar of her blouse.
"You've got the file," he pointed out. "But Ellie, I already told you everything that's not in there."
Their eyes met and Ellie remembered that although he hadn't repeated a single word printed in that casefile, Alec had probably confessed more to her than anyone else. He slid his hand behind the nape of her neck.
"Did you want to talk about something else…?" he asked, kneading the muscles there that were tight and achy from all the moving and the stress of new beginnings. Ellie shrugged.
"Do you?"
Alec shook his head and focused on massaging the hurt from those strained tendons with his dexterous hands. Ellie suppressed a moan and wondered why DS Vicky Williams would ever let this talented man go. He was full of surprises and he was making it harder and harder for her to let go. But unlike Alec's ex, Ellie didn't have a choice. They listened to the wind rustling through the leaves in the trees around them and the sluggish flow of the lake until the shadows lengthened and the air grew chillier.
"Come on." She took him by the hand and together they trekked through the woods to where she'd parked in the lot. Alec reached for her door and held it open for her. The clock on the dash flashed when she started the car, revealing a day that was slipping and sliding away from them.
"Do you want me to drive you home?" she asked, even though she suspected that it was a far drive and would probably waste their borrowed time together. "Or I could take you home with me," she offered again hopefully. Alec gave her a long look and Ellie thought for a moment that he might cave. He didn't.
He redirected her further north, but toward the coast instead of Sandbrook. They squabbled over the GPS, but managed to get there with enough time to grab something to eat. It was less than fifty miles from the serene lake, but it was a whole different world. The smell of salt and seaweed was in the air, a crumbling seawall guarded them from the perils of the stormy ocean below, and a colony of noisy gulls surfed in the wind and flocked to the rubbish bins to fight over leftovers. Alec took her to a reputable fish and chips place and ordered something fishy that wasn't fried, but he didn't seem to be enjoying. He'd barely touched it.
"I hate fish," he admitted, wrinkling his nose and poking at the white fillet with his fork.
"Then why are we here?" she sighed.
"Because I love you," he confessed, rolling his eyes. Ellie choked on her fried fish and Alec looked up at her, paling.
"Are you alright?" he asked anxiously.
"Fine." Ellie coughed and sucked down her drink. Surely, she must've heard him wrong. "Sorry." She cleared her throat and focused on cleaning her plate. "You were saying?"
"I don't like seafood," he repeated and gave up on the fish altogether. He dumped it into the rubbish bin and stole a handful of her chips.
"Alec!" she cried. "Those are mine! You're not even supposed to be eating those!" she exclaimed.
"Oh, shut up. I'm already in heart failure," he retorted, but he returned some to her plate and walked off with the rest of them. Ellie couldn't even finish those chips, because she had to toss her plate so she could chase after the bloody moron. She caught up with him by a rickety wooden staircase, leading down to the beach.
He was on the phone, rattling off an address, and Ellie knew he was calling for a car to take him the rest of the way home.
"You've been here before?" Ellie asked, once he'd hung up. Alec nodded and looked beyond her at the little shack that served surprisingly good fish and chips.
"I took Keira here a few times," he recalled. "She used to love fish and chips." He turned his back on the place and that happier memory, warily eyeing the treacherous old staircase before starting his descent. The stairs were steep and had obviously been battered by too many storms. Ellie was afraid he'd fall but he managed the steps, and the wooden staircase was a lot stronger and sturdier than it appeared. He held out his hand to her, helping her down the last few steps.
"When's your car coming?" she asked him, gripping his hand.
"We've got some time."
They meandered toward the foaming water and the waves slamming against the beach. The wind tore at her hair and the ground vibrated ever so slightly with the forces of nature around them. The ocean was loud in her ears and the moist sand was like sludge beneath her shoes, eroding with every changing tide. The lake had been quiet and peaceful; but this place was so much more alive, and it was familiar, so achingly familiar. It hadn't been two weeks since she'd left, but the last time she'd been to the beach was when she saw Alec, before the storm clouds had broken open and she'd dragged him to the Traders. And the time before that had been with Alec too, with fireworks exploding overhead and sparks flying between them.
"I know it's not Broadchurch," he said hesitantly and leaned closer to her to be heard over the roar of the ocean, "But we didn't have enough time…" His words touched her as his lips grazed the shell of her ear. The spark was still there in the tickle of his hot breath and the stroke of his hand, sending a tingle down her spine and spreading to the tips of her fingers. Ellie wondered if anyone else would be able to provoke a reaction like that or if it was something unique to Alec. She'd loved Joe, but it had been over a decade since she'd experienced the excitement of a "new" relationship. And they were already nearing the end.
"I love it," Ellie confessed as if it was another gift he'd thoughtfully chosen for her, like the rose she had in her purse that she could smell on his shirt and suit jacket. She cuddled up to him and Alec enveloped her in his arms. The wind coming off the ocean whistled in her ears; but Alec had positioned himself so that he was blocking it, shielding her and keeping her warm.
They weren't paying attention to the rising tide and a wave broke on the sand by their feet. Water sprayed them and slopped up the hems of their trousers. Ellie shrieked and Alec groaned. He'd caught the brunt of the wave. His socks and shoes were soaked and filled with the briny water and the wet sand that he despised.
"This is why I hate the beach," he sighed, scowling and pulling up the drenched hems of his trousers to reveal his skinny white ankles. Ellie tried not to laugh, but Alec heard her snigger.
"You're laughing at me," he accused her. Ellie shook her head, but he looked so pissed off and out of his element that it was comical. "You think that this is funny, Miller?" His eyes narrowed and Ellie snorted. "I heard that." He stabbed a finger in her direction and Ellie stumbled back a step with a giggle.
"I'm not laughing," she insisted and started to laugh. "Honestly." She held up her hands in front of her, backing up. Alec suddenly lunged for her, catching her round the waist and almost knocking her down.
"Alec!" she squealed as he pulled her into ankle-deep water. She smacked his chest, but she was laughing too much to do anything more. The water curled around her ankles and licked up the hems of her best pair of slacks. But Alec was laughing, and Ellie didn't care that they were sinking slowly and steadily into something that could drown them both. Her shoes got stuck in the quick sand, but Alec grinned and kissed her until all that noise and thunder was lost in the heat of his body, the inexplicable strength in his wiry arms and the old battered ticker that was still stubbornly ticking in his chest. It fluttered beneath her palm and Alec had to stop.
"You alright?" Ellie asked as he rested his forehead against hers, and the rest of the world assaulted them like a wave flooded a beach. He nodded and clung to her until the small episode passed.
She hauled them out of the undertow before it pulled them into its swirling current. They splashed out of the water and climbed the incline of the beach with squelching shoes and their arms around each other. Alec kept stumbling and would've fallen if Ellie hadn't been there to support him. The beach was a little rocky and his shoes were waterlogged and unsuitable for the terrain, but Ellie knew that it was a lot more than a pair of shoes. He could try to hide it from her, but she knew him better than anyone else now. She sat him down on one of the rocks at the base of the sea wall. It was the same size as the one by the lake but more jagged and rough. Ellie liked how it was sprinkled with grains of sand instead of the dried dirt that had left stains on her clothes. Alec seemed uncomfortable, but after two more pills, he relaxed.
"Maybe the next man you meet will be a beach person," he chuckled and coughed into his hand.
"Will you stop saying that?" Ellie tipped his head up to look at her. "It's just you and me right now. There's no one else." Alec blinked and then he held out his hands to her. Ellie thought he was asking her to help him up, but he tugged her closer until she was standing between his legs.
"Ellie, I want you to be happy," he told her again. Ellie's eyes filled with tears.
"Alec, I am happy."
He let go of her hands and his fingers curled in her blazer; slotting themselves into the notches in her rib cage as if he'd memorized and catalogued the location of every bone in her body and could still find them no matter how many layers of fabric she wore.
"You're a bloody liar," he whispered with a wry smile. He kissed her cheek and then the other one. Ellie felt the softness of his windswept tangled hair against her face and neck as he rested his chin on her shoulder.
"You never got a haircut," she noted and Alec snorted.
"It'll be my top priority," he assured her, "Right up there with suing the store that banned me and Fred and writing you three into my will," he told her, dead serious and Ellie almost believed him. "I need to ensure that Fred inherits every rock on Iris' property to complete his rock collection-"
"Don't you dare," Ellie threatened him. "He's already got a million." Alec sniggered and rubbed one of his hands up her spine.
"What would Tom get?" Ellie asked, curious.
"He'd probably want my credit card so he could max it out at the local pizza place." Ellie chuckled but Alec warned her, "Wait until he turns fourteen. You'll go broke trying to keep your fridge stocked." Ellie knew he was right and she wasn't looking forward to it. Alec brushed a kiss over her neck and Ellie wondered…
"What would you leave me?"
Alec froze. Then he gently pushed her back so that he could look her in the eye.
"My heart."
It was such a cheesy line, but coming from Alec Hardy it didn't sound the same. Ellie swatted his arm. "You donate all your organs and I get the shitty heart that's too damaged to be a viable match for anyone," she complained, struggling to maintain the façade.
"I was actually hoping that you wouldn't reject it," Alec said, looking away and scratching at his jaw.
"I'm not," Ellie told him, recapturing his attention. "But I need you to keep it, right here." She pressed her palm to his chest. "I don't want it to stop."
"It will stop," Alec reminded her ominously. "Soon."
Ellie didn't contradict him, but she squeezed his shoulder and helped him to his feet. They climbed the staircase, Alec going first with Ellie steadying him with a hand on his back.
"Did you like today?" Alec asked as they sat on the seawall, waiting for his cab. "I mean was it – was it alright?" Ellie frowned at him, confused.
"The date," he clarified. "I wanted to take you on a date, but this is the first and only time, and I know I didn't plan it but-" Tears welled in Ellie's eyes again as she observed how nervous he suddenly was, and how he'd clearly tried so hard to make it everything she'd wanted.
"You're crying," he realized, his eyes widening. "Christ, I fucked it up, didn't I?"
"Yeah, you did," Ellie conceded. "You haven't asked me on another one."
"I don't think I can do that," Alec admitted, biting his lip.
"Fine, I'm asking you out."
Alec opened his mouth but Ellie clapped a hand over it.
"We can say goodbye then, because I don't think either one of us are ready to say it tonight." It was a hard thing to swallow, but Ellie was willing to bank on the fact that Alec couldn't do it right now, and that he wouldn't be able to let go until he could.
And she was right.
But she wouldn't find that out until the damage was done.
"Alright," Alec agreed reluctantly. "But I get to say when."
Ellie nodded because it was more than she had hoped for. She could try to talk him out of it when the day arrived, because she somehow knew that Alec would keep that promise.
"And Ellie," he said, reaching for her hand as a cab pulled into the parking lot. "You have to move on. Don't wait for it. There's no guarantee I'll even make it-" Ellie cut him off and collared him for one more kiss. Alec was rendered speechless. For one second, the shadows, the weariness and the pain were gone, and the only thing in his eyes was a reflection of her.
"Ellie, I-"
He never got to finish because the driver honked at them. He slid off the seawall and held out his hand to her. Ellie took it and walked him to his cab. Alec turned to her and Ellie saw a few small words written in his gaze and in the softening of his facial features. She still wasn't ready to hear them. And Alec knew it.
"Call me when you're home," he whispered instead and hugged her.
"You better get a haircut," she threatened him and combed her fingers through his mussed hair. "Or I'm taking you to McDonalds for our date."
Alec laughed and kissed her forehead.
"I'm choosing the place."
"Fine," Ellie huffed and prodded his arm. "But you're paying."
"I'll get the bloody haircut."
"You're still paying," Ellie told him
"Then we're going to McDonalds," he quipped.
"Knob." Ellie shoved him toward the cab and she glimpsed the shadow of a grin as he fetched up against the side of the vehicle. Sniggering, he opened the car door.
"See you, Miller."
"See you soon."
Alec got into the cab and Ellie didn't watch him leave. It made it easier for her to convince herself that they'd meet again. The day was waning and her boys were waiting for her at home with their grandmother. She stole one last glance at the cracking seawall that had withstood so many storms and decades, and the distant horizon beyond it. And then she went back to her car and drove away with the echo of the waves crashing on the beach and Alec's laughter still ringing in her ears.
A/N: Three years ago, I was locked in a building. It was one of the saddest and scariest days of my life, but I'll never forget it. April 15th was National Organ Donor Awareness Day (US) and the anniversary of the Boston Marathon Bombing. Please, please, please at least consider becoming an organ donor or donating blood. Chances are at some point in your life you will need one of those things or someone you love will need it. If you take away ANYTHING from this story, I hope it's that.