Chapter 52: Full Partners
As I lie here in bed, with my warm boyfriend wrapped around me, I think about the day I've had. My restless mind wanders back to the file Jim Gordon brought to me today. It really was as Gordon said. The file said my mom committed suicide; plain old mundane gun to the side of the head suicide. No grand shootout or heroic deed; just a depressed woman who orphaned her young daughter for some unknown reason. Every time I try to think back to that night my mind only returns to the simple things. It was raining, there was a gunshot and there was blood. I ran out screaming before I even checked if my mom was OK. What kind of kid does that? Reading that brown file that Gordon dropped off was the most anti-climactic thing in my life. All these years of building up the story in my head, and it comes down to one word written in a box on a file; suicide.
Bruce shifts slightly behind me rousing me once again from my thoughts. I give out a huff of frustration at my insomnia and pry my eyes open and glance around the room. Through a gap in the curtains a slice of moonlight strikes across the room lighting it up as I look around. I feel Bruce's fingers adjust as his hand rests possessively over my stomach. Despite my insomnia I feel a smile tug at my lips at how cuddly Bruce is when he's sleeping. I pay attention to the focused breathing of my boyfriend as his warm breath rolls over the nape of my neck and over my shoulders. His breathing is too controlled; he's pretending to be asleep.
"You awake baby?" I whisper into the dark room.
"Yeah" he whispers back as he leans in and presses a soft kiss to my bared shoulder. "Can't sleep".
"Me either" I whisper with a half-hearted chuckle. "I... keep trying to remember the night that... that my mom killed herself".
"And?" he mumbles into my ear as I feel him press his forehead against my shoulder.
"Just flashes. The usual. The leaky roof, holding my ears when the gun went off and then blood everywhere" I say quietly as I lean back relaxed into my boyfriends soothing embrace.
"That's fairly normal" says Bruce sadly as my mind flashes to the night in the alleyway.
"Did... did you ever think about it... you know? Killing yourself?" I ask hesitantly.
"No" says Bruce firmly as I feel his fingers press stronger into my stomach.
"Not even when... when your parents were killed?" I ask.
"No. Never" he answers quietly.
"What did you think about?" I ask as I try to make sense of how my mom ended up killing herself.
"Finding the man with the shiny shoes" answers Bruce calmly. "Did you ever consider it? On the worst days when you were on the street?"
"Nope" I answer frowning. "I just... sort of kept going". A soft silence fills the room as Bruce presses a soft kiss to the side of my neck. I don't understand how my mom could have really killed herself. It just doesn't make sense to me. "Do you think she's alive?" I ask Bruce softly.
"Maybe. I don't know" he answers honestly. "It should never have been a sealed case, it raises questions".
"I need to find out" I say rolling in Bruce's arms and looking him in his warm brown eyes. "I... have to know".
"I'm going to help" whispers Bruce as he smiles warmly at me. "Full partners remember" he says reminding me. A smile pulls at my lips as I look into my boyfriend's eyes.
"I love you" I whisper happily despite the bitter topic.
"I love you too kitten" he whispers back as he leans in and eases his lips against mine as our lips move in a slow peaceful rhythm. I angle my head slightly and lean back letting Bruce do the work as he moves over me slightly. Bruce's hand runs up and down along my spine, leaving tingling in its wake. I feel the warmth of Bruce's breath roll over my cheeks as his lips work slowly but insistently against my own. I let my hand wander down from Bruce's shoulder and along his side before resting on his ass. I give my boyfriend's ass a soft squeeze making his lips pause for a moment. Slowly Bruce eases back and looks at me. Even in the darkness his eyes shine; but not with the passionate intensity from our make out session earlier today, but with adoration and love. I love the different ways Bruce's eyes look at me; sometimes with love, sometimes with passion.
Bruce rolls sideways slightly and pulls me flush against his side as we snuggle down again. I rest my cheek against Bruce's chest and listen to the soft rhythm of his heartbeat. Slowly we intertwine our legs as I finally feel ready for sleep as tiredness tugs at my eyes. I feel Bruce's hand play idly with my hair as he lets out a soft sigh as he relaxes into the mattress.
"Hey Selina. Tell me about your mom" he asks quietly.
"Why?" I ask softly, wondering why he'd want to know.
"I... just want to know" he says, speaking almost to himself as much as to me.
"Well; She... she had the same hair as me. She used to sit behind me at night and untangle it for me" I say smiling as I remember her fingers in my hair. "And she had this stupid laugh... but it always made me smile". I close my eyes for a second and try to recall my mom's face; but I keep coming up with a blank face with curly brown hair. "I... I can't remember her face" I admit quietly.
"Do you have a photo?" he asks quietly.
"No. I never thought I needed one" I say. I shuffle myself around trying to get comfortable as I nuzzle my cheek into Bruce's chest. I press my lips over Bruce's heart and leave wet kiss before glancing up into his eyes. "You don't have to help if you don't want to" I mutter quietly.
"I want to" he says seriously as he looks me in the eye.
"You really did mean full partners when we made that deal didn't you?" I ask stifling a giggle.
"Of course I did" says Bruce indignantly as he grins at me. "Besides... you were right. You've got me wrapped around your finger anyway".
"Hmm. True" I tease with a matching grin. "But I think I'm wrapped around yours too".
"Is that a bad thing?" he asks quietly.
"Nope" I say pressing another wet kiss to Bruce's chest. "I can live with it". I close my eyes and nuzzle my cheek into Bruce's chest as I let the day's emotional turmoil slowly burn away. When I think about it, Bruce has had me wrapped around his finger as long as I have had him wrapped around mine. I guess we were doing the full partners thing long before we made it official. Bruce's breathing even out slightly as I listen to his heartbeat slow its rhythm. I can feel the fog of sleep rolling in around me as I let out a contented sigh. If I get to end my day's sleeping next to Bruce like this, I can deal with anything that comes. Life is easier when you have someone to trust and love I guess. And with both of us watching each other's backs we can tackle anything that comes our way. I let me and Bruce's love fill my mind as my breathing slows and the fog of sleep rolls in further. My last thoughts before sleep takes me are of feeling safe and loved in Bruce's embrace.
Bruce and Selina will most likely return.
