Chapter 52
"I have decided to stick to love...Hate is too great a burden to bear."
-Martin Luther King Jr.-
"Do we really have to go there?"
"God, you're such a kid sometimes." I was in a grumpy mood as it was because I hadn't gotten a lot of sleep the past week and Will's refusal towards the dinner with his mother wasn't really helping.
"Just put on a decent shirt so we can go, I don't wanna be late." I grabbed my heels and carried them downstairs where I ate a leftover piece of pizza until Will came too.
"I thought she invited us for dinner? As in food?" He laughed a little.
"Shut up." I smirked a little against my will.
"I can't believe she lives so close yet you've never even ran into each other at the supermarket." If Will said it was walking distance it really couldn't have been far because he always wanted to drive me everywhere.
"I don't know if I'd recognize her." Will shrugged his shoulders.
"Are you excited?" I asked rather cheerfully again, taking a deep breath.
"No. It's going to be a complete and utter disaster and I can not promise that I will just smile through the entire conversation." He looked over at me and smiled the smile I loved most.
"It's just one evening." I patted his chest. "She has a right to know about this."
He didn't answer.
I slipped into my shoes when we got to the doorstep. Will looked like he needed a moment to gather himself.
"It'll be fine." I assured him again.
"What do I say?" He nervously hitched up the sleeves of his button down shirt.
"Hi mom, I'm glad we're doing this, how have you been? By the way, this is my pregnant fiancée, who isn't even really my fiancée, JJ."
"Sounds like a plan." He fleetingly kissed my cheek and rang the doorbell.
I handed him the bottle of wine I'd found in his basement when I heard footsteps coming closer. I briefly stroked his hand before a dark haired woman in her late fifties to early sixties opened the door.
"William." She cheered, shaking his hand. "And you must be-"
"Jennifer." I completed her sentence. We shook hands as well before her eyes inevitably went down to my unmissable belly. She didn't say anything though.
"Please, come in." She led the way.
Her house was bright, cold, bare, not new but not very old either, modern. I noticed only a few photos on the wall, one of them was definitely Will as a child.
"Please, take a seat." She gestured towards the dining room. "Would you like a glass of wine?"
"No, thank you." We said in perfect unison.
She smiled at me uncomfortably and I could tell that she wanted to make a comment.
I watched her watch Will as he pulled the chair up for me, then himself. She sat down opposite to us. A moment of awkward silence followed.
"I'm so happy you could make it this evening." She said politely, shaky. "It's a pleasure to meet you." She turned to me.
"It's great to meet you too." I agreed. Wondering if she expected me to say that Will had told me a lot about her. Which he didn't.
"So, how did you two meet?"
I looked over at Will but he made no effort to answer so I did. "We worked together on a case." I stuttered.
"Oh, you're a cop too?"
"I'm a detective." Will's ego said through his teeth.
"Oh right. I'm sorry." She uneasily smiled again.
"Well I'm neither. I work for a special unit of the FBI." I bit my lip.
"Wow. How long ago was that?"
"About 2 years." I lied a little, it was only circa 1.5.
"Oh." She said surprised.
Will and I raised our eyebrows. Was it really that socially unacceptable to knock someone up after 2 years? I wondered how she'd feel if she knew we weren't really engaged.
"I'm sorry. I just thought... Because he never mentioned you on the phone."
"It was kind of difficult." I defended him. "Because I live in Virginia and he's here so we didn't really tell anyone until we knew what this was going to be."
"You're not wearing your ring." She pointed out.
A flash of heat went through my body. Had I really forgot to put one on? I felt like I was being interrogated.
"My fingers are a little swollen I didn't wanna risk having to cut it off." Thankfully I had prepared a nice speech which wasn't even deceptive.
"And this was planned or-"
I opened my mouth and closed it again, shocked that she really didn't stop with the accusations.
"It wasn't a mistake, if that's what you're implying." Will butted in.
"I wasn't-"
"Really? Because it sure sounded like you were."
"Will." I rebuked him even though I had heard the undertone in her voice too.
"No, JJ." He turned his head away from her. "I haven't seen this woman in 10 years and the first thing she does is reproach us for your pregnancy."
"I didn't mean it like that." She repeated.
"I know you didn't." I tried to comfort her although by this point I was sure she did.
"You're two responsible adults. I'm sure you'll find a solution for the... situation."
I regretted having told her about the location issue.
"Situation? And it's not called finding a solution when it's your own idea. But we did indeed. And I'm moving. But before you start giving yourself too much credit: I'm not moving because I feel guilty and I have no desire to compete with your lacking qualities as a parent. I'm not even moving because I don't want my son to grow up with a single parent like I did. I'm moving because I actually wanna be with him. Not to mention her."
"William, I swear I didn't mean that."
"Why did you leave us?" The unavoidable question.
I guess I knew he would ask sooner or later, I had just been hoping he would wait until after dinner.
She made an apologetic gesture.
He stood up. "Why. Did. You. Leave?"
"I only wanted the best for you."
"And you think it was best for an 8 year old boy to grow up with a single dad that worked more than any other's and not even a letter that so much as explained his mother's absence?"
She had no response to that.
He turned away.
"Please don't leave like this." She begged.
"Why did you order us here tonight?"
He held out his hand, I took it quietly and got up from my chair as well.
"I thought so." He raised his eyebrows once when she hadn't answered.
She followed us to the door. I let go of Will's hand, watched him walk away and turned around to face his mother one last time.
"I'm really sorry. I didn't want it to come out like that."
Being sorry isn't good enough, I thought.
"He's just like his dad, you know," She said, looking down at her hands. "He raised him well, though."
"Thank you." I said and I didn't really know for what.
"Jennifer." She called me back.
I looked at her.
"Good luck. Motherhood is the greatest gift in life. Don't take it for granted." She forced a smile.
"I won't." I murmured before I almost ran after Will.
"Do you think I'll ever see him again?" She called after me.
I stopped. "I really hope so." I admitted and left.
"What was that?" I demanded when I found him waiting around the corner, leaning against a tree on the sidewalk.
"10 years. 5 minutes and the first thing she does is judge you?"
"She didn't mean it like that." I pleaded for her. Although I felt exactly the same way, I decided that somebody had to be the responsible adult.
"Then how did she mean it?" He asked.
"Maybe she just couldn't handle the situation?" I raised my voice. "Maybe she spent the past 10 years figuring out how to make your relationship work again and then you just show up with a woman you never mentioned and she's fucking 6 months pregnant." I almost screamed by then. "How would you have reacted?"
"Not like that. Are you on her side now?"
"No. I am not. But for once I am not on your side either because your behavior was ridiculous and that exit was unnecessary. I know why you'd think that and I understand why you wanted to walk out on her like she did on you but don't you think we're a little too old to be playing games?"
"You know that's not true. I didn't even wanna go there to begin with. I knew it'd be like this. You made me go because of you and your desperate need of harmony and peace. Well guess what, we can't all have such perfect families as yours."
Oh wow, now it was about me. "I never said that and I'm sorry I thought I was doing you a favor by arranging this. I thought I was acting in your best will but apparently I wasn't." I admitted my mistake, hoping we could just forget about it because I already felt the tears in my throat again and the last thing I wanted to do was cry. Besides, the baby kicked and made me too happy to keep on arguing.
"I was only defending you in there too." He sighed.
"She's your mother."
"No." He turned his face away. "A mother doesn't leave."
And then I saw it in his eyes. He still blamed her for everything that went wrong. All this time I thought he was just proud and didn't really didn't care about her but he did. And all he wanted was harmony and peace but unless he knew what exactly he was supposed to forgive her for, he couldn't do it. And as long as she wouldn't tell him, he would always assume the worst: that she simply left because she didn't love him anymore.
"Hey." I took his face between my hands, forcing him to look me in the eyes. "I'm sorry."
He nodded the tiniest bit.
"I'm sorry that I was being egoistic, trying to fulfill my image of a perfect family."
"Good. Because I can't give you that." He apologized.
"But this IS perfect." I moved my hands to the back of his neck. "I would never ask for anything more."
He placed his hands on my waist.
"And I don't need a mother in-law! I have a mother and that's more than enough work."
He giggled a little.
"You." He said, removing a strand of hair from my face, making it sound like an apology, an accusation, a declaration of love and an angry exclamation at the exact same time.
"You." I agreed and leaned forward to kiss him.
"Why are you crying?" He wiped a tear off my cheek after I'd pulled away. Damn, happy make ups always made me emotional.
"Because we left before she had a chance to serve that casserole." I shrugged my shoulders.
He kissed my forehead before we made our way home. "I don't really enjoy you yelling at me." He sighed.
I let my head fall on his shoulder. "It was quite fun, though. We should do this again some time."
He let out a laugh. "Now how about sweatpants, slippers and McDonald's drive through?" He suggested.
I linked my arm with his in response, as a sign that I wouldn't leave his side again.
