The Raiders' Cave (Tulip)

We reach the raiders' cave by evening, and I slump onto the ground, with relief at not having to walk any longer.

'Get up,' my mother hisses down at me.

I look at her, she's still standing.

As is everyone else.

I'm too tired.

'You'll get into trouble,' she says. 'They haven't said we can sit.'

'I don't care.' I pull my boots off, wincing at the blisters of my feet.

And then I feel my hair being grabbed, and I'm dragged to the nearby cave, where I'm thrown at the feet of an old woman.

I look up at her.

Her hair, what she's got left, is white, and bits of her scalp show through it. She smirks at me with a mouth full of rotten teeth and eyes that look different ways.

I stare at her.

'Get up.'

I stand on trembling legs.

'What's your name?'

'Tulip.'

'Tulip?' she laughs. 'What sort of name is Tulip?'

'They call their people after the things of nature,' a younger woman says behind her.

She's wearing a brown tunic, and her face is dirty.

She looks tired.

The woman slaps her. 'Did I say that you could speak? Hey Zar, did I?'

'No.'

'No what?' she slaps her again.

'No Mistress.' She lowers her head and looks at her bare toes.

The old woman snorts and then turns around to look at me. 'I can't call you Tulip, that name is just ridiculous. From now on, you will be named Zor.'

'But…'

She grimaces and steps closer so I can smell her rancid breath. 'Don't ever try to argue with me slave, or you'll regret it.'

'Don't argue with her,' Zar mouths behind her.

'I'm sorry,' I say to the old woman. 'But I'm not a…'

'Are you trying to argue?'

I shake my head.

'Good.'

And then she punches me in the face.

And sneers at me.

'I'm Zerennia, and I am your owner,' she says. 'At least I am for now. Though if you do not obey me, or are an unsatifactory slave, then I will send you to be a target practise slave. Or worse. Do you understand?'

'Yes, but…'

'Zor…' she warns, pulling her hand into another fist.

I don't say anything, just watch her.

I feel blood dribbling down my cheek from my mouth.

'And you've hurt yourself,' she says. 'Let me look.'

She grabs the back of my hair and forces the dirty fingers of her other hand into my mouth.

It tastes rank.

'You have good teeth,' she says. 'Wish I could pull them out and put them in mine.'

I shudder.

'Though if you do disobey me, I might just pull them out anyway. Now, how old are you?'

'Thirteen.'

'And have you started your periods? Are you a woman?'

'Yes, this last winter. I was late in starting. Mother said…'

'I don't want your life story,' she says.

'Oh.'

'Are you strong? You don't look strong.'

'Not really.'

'Either you are or you're not. Which is it?'

'I'm not.'

She snorts. 'And what skills do you have?'

'I…'

'Yes?'

'I can sew.'

'Are you good?'

'I'm okay.'

'Just okay?'

'My mother said I am all fingers and thumbs.'

'Right.' She frowns. 'Well, not going to let you sew anything then. I don't want my clothes to look all wonky, they'd just mar my beauty.'

I stare at her with shock.

Beauty?

Her?

She growls, having seen my look of incredulity.

'Do you not think I'm beautiful?' she demands.

'I…'

'Well?'

I see Zar behind her nodding her head, urging me to say that the woman is beautiful.

But I just can't.

'No.'

'What?'

'You're not beautiful. You're old.'

'Excuse me?'

She steps closer to me so I can smell her hot breath. It smells of rancid meat and rot.

'I said you're not beautiful. Maybe you were when you were younger but now, you're just a dried up hag. I am beautiful. And I'm not a slave. I'm the main young woman of this year's summer meeting and I will not allow you to talk to me like…'

'You won't allow me?' she asks, spittle flying from her mouth and hitting my face.

I raise a hand to wipe it off, but she smacks it down.

'You won't allow me to talk to you like I am?'

I nod.

And gulp.

Stand nervously.

Waiting for her to hit me.

Thump me.

I also stand defiantly, staring into one of her eyes.

The other is looking the other way.

She laughs. 'You've got spirit girl,' she says. 'I give you that.'

I let out my breath, which I didn't know I was holding.

It's going to be okay.

'You've got spirit and I'm going to enjoy breaking it.'

'What? But I'm…'

'Yes, I heard you. You're the main young woman of this year's summer meeting, and obviously think you're something special. Well, I can tell you, here, you're not special. You are nothing. Just a slave. And you will soon learn your true place in this life.'

I glare at her.

'You are a slave. My slave. You'll either learn to accept that or you'll be sorry.'

'Sorry? How will I be sorry?'

'You'll see.'

She shoves me toward Zar.

'Get her cleaned up. I can't stand the stench of her anymore.'

I think she just called me smelly.

This dirty, horrible woman said I smell.

I open my mouth to object, but Zar pushes me out of the cave.

'Are you stupid?' she asks.

'Excuse me? Did you just call me stupid?'

'Yes, I did. Now, come on. We need to get you washed. I'll take you to the river.'

'I do not bathe in the river,' I say. 'My father had a large bowl, big enough for me to sit in, carved out for me. I always bathe in that.'

'Well it's not here,' she hisses. 'You'll have to make do with the river.'

'But…'

'Come on,' she urges me. 'We have to hurry.'

'Why?'

'Because she'll beat the both of us if we take too long.'

'Oh.'

'Come on then,' she pushes me along. 'You wash, and while you're doing that, I'll get you some a clean tunic.'

'Okay. I guess. Just as though I am the only one at the river. I need my privacy you know.'

She snorts.

And then I see the river.

Filled with the naked bodies of my people.

As they too are made to wash.

In the full glare of everyone else.

I stop walking and shake my head. 'I am not going to…'

'You don't have a choice.'

'I always have a choice.'

'Not anymore Zor.'

'I'm not called Zor,' I say, whipping around to glare at her. 'My name is Tulip. Only call me Tulip.'

She shakes her head. 'I can't. It isn't safe. If she hears me…' She shudders. 'You have no idea what she's like.'

'Well, I won't respond to Zor,' I say defiantly. 'How would you like to be called a name that isn't yours?'

She sighs. 'You think you're the only one who's suffered? I've been a slave for three years now, since the raiders came to my cave. Most of my people were slaughtered, they only took the young ones. Since then, I've lived with a number of different mistresses and masters, and all of them called me something different. I've been known as Zam, as Zat, Zolla, and now Zar, but that's not my name. Only I know my name. The others of my people, if they are still alive, have forgotten. My name isn't Zar, or any name that the raiders come up with. The name the Zelendonii of my cave announced on my naming day was Jalana.'