Fiona woke early the next morning before the sun came up. She dressed, grabbed some last minute things from her bedroom then tiptoed downstairs. Carol's door was closed which meant she was still asleep.
Fiona preferred it that way. A note would be enough.
She went into the kitchen and lay her backpack on the counter island. She had packed her things last night. She had made the decision soon after Daryl had left and she felt a newfound sense of purpose afterwards.
She grabbed a handful of protein bars and two bottles of water, shoving them into her bag. Then she scribbled a few lines on the notepad Carol kept in the drawer.
By the time you read this, I'll be on the road.
Please don't try to find me.
I can never come back here because I can never forgive.
Maybe that makes me a bad person but I'm past the point of caring.
Thank you for everything and for your hospitality.
Her eyes were surprisingly dry as she signed her name.
She opened the front door and shut it softly behind her. The car Negan had loaned her was unfortunately still at the gas station where she had left it that fateful day. But she knew there was always an extra car by the gate for supply runs which would
work just as well.
Spencer was sleeping up at his post by the gate when she arrived at the entrance to the jumped when he heard her start to pull the heavy bar back.
"Where you goin'?" he mumbled, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.
"To the Sanctuary. I need different antibiotics for my arm."
"They'regonna let you in after what went down?"
"I wasn't the one who killed him."
"No. You just fucked him. Didn't realize you were that hard up for some fun in the sack, gorgeous. I would have been more than willing to oblige if only I had known. Hell, I still would be." He flashed her a cocky smile while his eyes scaled her body
from head to toe. "Tainted pussy don't bother me. Or you could just suck my dick. That would work, too."
The sound of that sleazebag calling her gorgeous turned her stomach more than his coarse taunts and caused a white hot rage to bubble up inside of her. But she bit her lip to keep from retaliating.
The whole point was to leave quickly and quietly.
As she pulled the gate back, her breath caught in her throat when she saw Negan's black truck parked outside. For a moment, she expected to see him step out of it, wearing his black leather jacket and aiming that dimple bearing smile right at her.
She fought back the emotions and realized Daryl must have driven it home after he stayed to dig the grave. He had kept it parked outside the compound so she wouldn't see it and get upset at the sight of it exactly as she was doing now.
"Keys are in it," Spencer said when he saw her staring at it, frozen, like she was looking at a ghost. "Please take it. I don't want to look at it anymore."
Fiona broke out of her daze and hurried over to the truck. Once she climbed into the driver's seat, his scent was everywhere and more unbidden memories came flooding back.
Riding back to the Sanctuary that first night he took her from her friends... She had been terrified, visions of rape and all the ways he could possibly violate her racing through her mind... Yet he never touched her... She fast forwarded to the
first time he had picked her up at the gas station and stopped short on the side of the road just to get her so turned on only to torture her by making her wait for release...Then finally, riding with him and grinding on his lap while whispering
dirty nothings in his ear...
That had been less than a week ago.
He was so alive, so happy, so vibrant and full of life.
Now he was gone.
Her hands trembled as she gripped the wheel and she rested her forehead against it, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself. She couldn't cry right now or she wouldn't be able to drive.
Forcing the memories away, she sat up, focusing on the task at hand and started the ignition.
Then she drove off without a single glance back in the rear view mirror.
As soon as the treehouse came into view, Fiona felt another heart wrenching stab in her chest.
She remembered back to the day he surprised her with it. She had been so awed by the beauty and intricacy of it all, and she loved knowing she had been the first of his women to be ever be brought there.
Her eyes travelled up to the balcony where she had what could quite possibly be consideredthe most intense orgasm of her life. Her body ached at the thought.
She killed the ignition then grabbed her backpack off the passenger seat and walked slowly towards the mound of dirt piled at the foot of the treehouse.
Suddenly she couldn't breathe.
Seeing the grave with her own two eyes made it all too real, and too damn final.
She fell to her knees beside it and began sobbing.
Memories started flashing through her mind again, in no particular order, of all the times they shared together. It had been so short lived, yet in those two months, she had gone through a roller coaster of emotions and loved more fiercely than she ever
had before.
He had not only awakened her sexually, worshipping her body like a precious treasure, but he opened her heart in ways no one else had been able to do since the apocalypse hit. And for someone as broken down and angry at the world as he had been because
of his horrible past, he had changed along with her.
He had loved her.
Those had been his last words to her and as terribly heartbreaking as they were, they couldn't have been more perfect. Even though she had known for awhile he felt the same, hearing him say it aloud was the only tiny silver lining she was able to take
out of the tragedy.
"I love you, Negan," she spoke through her tears, running her palm over the smooth dirt. "I love you and I miss you so much..."
It was slowing starting to sink in that she would never again get to feel those strong long arms around her, taste his passionate kisses or hear that voice which always seemed to soothe her, no matter the circumstance. Even on the frightening drive home
with him the night he kidnapped her, she remembered it having such a calming effect on her nerves.
She would never again see that beautiful dimpled smile or hear that hearty chuckle.
She would never again get to lay beside him and make love to him, hearing him call her gorgeous and staring at her like she was the only woman in the world and the center of his universe.
Her sobs grew more intense and she lowered herself onto his grave, lying down with her arms outstretched and her cheek against the cold dirt. She longed to hold him, hear his heart beating, and feel that sense of security she always felt when in his arms.
"I don't want to go on without you... I thought I could... I was going to take off and settle down somewhere new, try to start over... But now... Being here...and knowing you're never coming back...it just hurts... It hurts waytoomuch..."
She curled up in the fetal position and lay there, paralyzed by her grief.
When her tears eventually seemed to dry up and she found herself somewhat clearheaded again, she knew what she wanted to do.
There was no other option.
She was sure of it now.
She sat up, didn't bother to brush the dirt from her face or clothes, and reached for her backpack. Unzipping it, she pulled out the small silver pistol she stole from Carol's house. It was the one she kept handy in the kitchen drawer by the window 'just
in case'. She didn't feel bad about taking it. Alexandria still had a decent armory left even after turning half of it over to the Saviors.
Kneeling beside his grave, she slowly brought the gun up to her temple.
She had nothing to live for now.
She had no reason to get up in the morning and face another day.
Why settle for a life of pain and uncertainty in these dangerous times when she could finally be at peace again? She did believe in heaven, she had been somewhat religious in her past life. So what if there was a chance she could be reunited with her
children up there? And with Negan as well?
It was too attractive an option to decline.
She was willing to take the risk and give it a try.
Worst case scenario, death was just a black oblivion.
It would still be a painless and peaceful existence
compared to the hellshe was trapped in now.
Her finger settled on the trigger and her tears began to fall again.
"Negan," she moaned, "please don't be disappointed in me... I don't want to be a fighter anymore...not without you by my side... I'm not strong like you ... Call me a coward but I just want to end this...I just want to see you and Kate and Owen
again..."
She was distracted by another wave of nausea so fierce that she dropped the gun and scooted away from the grave as fast as she could, vomiting forcefully in the grass off to the side. She retched three times in a row, each round worse than the last.
"You trying to tell me something?" she asked wryly once she had finished,wincing as she wiped her mouth. Kneeling back on her heels, she looked up at the sky. "Is this some sort of sign? Me puking my guts out when I'm trying to kill myself?"
Suddenly, she froze.
Her heart stopped for a brief second then took off at a galloping pace.
She slowly placed her hand over her stomach and, shaking her head, whispered softly, "There's no way..."
It was impossible.
So many years and exorbitant amounts of money spent trying to get pregnant... The doctors had told her she could never conceive on her own. So now, to have done it without medical help AND while on birth control pills?
Impossible.
She keep repeating that word over in her head because the doctor in her could not find any plausible explanation for it.
Yet it stillmade perfect, terrifying sense.
It wasn't the medication screwing up her insides.
She was pregnant. She was certain about it now.
She didn't even need to take a test to confirm it.
She had new life coursing through her veins.
Part of Negan now lived on inside of her.
She was carrying that kind of precious cargo Denise had spoken about and which she had been so quick to skeptically dismiss. Had Denise had an inkling all along? Had she been waiting for Fiona to figure it out on her own? It sure took her long enough
to fit the pieces together.
She and Negan had created a life.
This baby was a miracle on so many counts and would be a living symbol of their love.
Her whole body trembling, she walked back over to the grave, kneeling down beside it.
"Got your message. Loud and clear." She laughed through her tears and was exhausted by the wide range of emotions she was currently experiencing.
She was still so heartbroken that he was gone and would never meet his child, she was terrified at the thought of having to raise that child in this apocalyptic world, yet she was awed by the symbolism and miracle of it all.
Picking up the gun, she turned it over in her hands a few times, clicked the safety, then placed it back in her bag. She wouldn't be needing it after all.
She could do this.
She NEEDED to do this.
She now had a reason to go on.
Her friends had killed him but he had left something behind for her.
Not his infamous bat, nor his leather jacket.
Something so much more powerful and meaningful.
She could only hope the baby, whether a girl or boy, inherited his beautiful dimpled smile.
"I love you," she whispered through her tears, laying back down on the dirt over his grave. "Thank you for this amazing gift."
She was so overwhelmed by her hormones and emotions that she didn't hear the sound of a trotting horse approaching.
"Excuse me? Ma'am? Are you okay?"
Fiona opened her tear-filled swollen eyes and lifted her head off the ground. A young blonde man wearing strange body armor was sitting atop a beautiful chestnut horse.
When she didn't answer, he dismounted the horse and slowly approached her with his hands outstretched to prove he meant no harm. His eyes took in the newly dug grave, her dirty tear streaked face and the gun peeking out of her backpack.
"My name is Cooper... Can I help you with anything?"
She sat up slowly and studied him. Between the armor, the horse, and the fact he seemed well groomed, he had to come from a community of sorts. He also appeared very non-threatening and kind. Rick had always taught her to be leery and mistrustful of strangers
in this new world but that philosophy had turned him into a monster and Fiona wanted to be nothing like him now.
So, for lack of better options, she went with her instincts and decided to trust the man called Cooper.
"I'm Fiona...and I have nowhere to go..."
"I belong to a community called the Kingdom. It's a few miles north of here. Please let me take you back there. You can meet with our King and I'm sure he will find a place for you."
He held out his hand to help her to her feet, and she accepted, wiping her eyes and running a hand through her messy hair to tame it.
He stood a few heads taller than her and she looked up at him anxiously.
"I need a doctor, too... I'm... I'm...
I'm pregnant."
Saying it aloud almost took her breath away.
His eyes widened in shock then grew sympathetic as they looked over her shoulder to the grave before returning to her face again. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Fiona. And yes, we have a wonderful doctor with us. He already delivered two babies this
past year. So you and your little one will be in good hands."
He reached over to pick up her backpack and handed it to her.
She thanked him and put it on her shoulders. After one last wistful glance down at the grave with her hand covering her belly, she touched her lips and blew him a goodbye kiss. Then she let Cooper help her up onto the horse.
As they rode off together, Fiona struggled not to throw one last glance back at the treehouse because she was afraid she would start having second thoughts.
She needed to only look forward now, and keep reminding herself that it wasn't about her anymore.
She was now living solely for their unborn child.
And starting a new life in thiscommunity called The Kingdom would hopefully be the first step in the right direction.
THE END
I always get a bittersweet feeling when I reach the end of one of my fics.
I'm so very grateful to all my readers and followers who, with your words of encouragement, praise and support, were my motivation to complete this story wayyyyy faster than I had expected.
I'm a big music fan,so whenever I write, I tend to find songs that either inspire plot ideas or fit so perfectly with my characters and the plotsI've already written. So my fics usually end up having playlists.
In case anyone is interested, here it is.
Renegade by Daughtry
Love me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding
Unsteady by X Ambassadors
Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis
Broken by Lifehouse
Pieces by Rob Thomas
I'd love to give another go at a new fic. Was thinking of writing Negan's character more like how we see him on tv now since I now have a better idea of what he's supposed to be like. (I started this story after April's season finale so I knew nothing
about him back thensince I don't read the comics).
If anyone wants to throw plot ideas at me PLEASEfeel free because I keep coming up empty. I WANT to write so badly but I'm just at a loss as to WHAT to write.
So help! Please!
Thanks again for accompanying me on this journey. Hope there will be another one soon.
Xoxoxoxoxo
