Disclaimer: Not Mine
Weight of the World
Chapter 48
It was only with courage and determination that allowed Hermione to walk into Lily's private Head Girl room. Normally, she'd be bursting down the walls to get to her grieving friend, but she felt guilty and she was half-afraid that Lily would see right through her and all the blame would be placed on her. The logical side of her brain told her, quite rightfully, that she was being ridiculous, but it seemed to be overruled by her nerves, which had been thrown into overdrive about ten hours ago and she only recently had the strength to move from the bed and out of Sirius' arms.
He demanded that she sleep with him on the couch tonight and she readily agreed – she didn't want to be alone tonight, when the dreams would run rampage on her unconscious mind. She was scared for life. Sirius agreed to wait for her downstairs but if she was more then an hour then he was coming up for her.
She stared at the sobbing girl laid on the bed, her back to the door as she clutched something precious and Hermione had to swallow to regain her Gryffindor Bravery and she coughed quietly, alerting the red-haired girl to her presence.
Lily whipped her head around, staring blankly at Hermione for a second before her face crumpled in on itself and some more tears slid down her face. No matter what torture Hermione had gone through, she knew that it didn't compare to this. She didn't loose a loved one. She sat hesitantly on the bed and gently touched her best friends' shoulder and watched as Lily pretty much fell apart in front of her eyes.
Lily launched herself into Hermione's embrace and she sobbed into her collar, staining the white fabric with her salty tears. Hermione shushed her, offering comfort – it felt strange to be the one giving reassurance as lately it seemed to be her that was severely in need of it.
"Merlin, I'm being s-s-so pathetic," Lily gasped and Hermione tightened her grip, saying without words that in no way was she being pathetic and Lily hiccupped, sniffling.
They stayed that way for awhile, for how long, Hermione wasn't so sure, but her arm was beginning to sting something awful and her eyes watered up slightly in pain and, when Lily moved backwards from Hermione's grasp and she instinctively cradled her marred arm close to her, thankful that Lily didn't seem to notice.
"Thank-you," Lily whispered, brushing her tears away from her face, "I was wo-ondering…I-I know this seems improper, but her f-fu-" She could barely get the word out and Hermione smiled in support. "Funeral is soon and, Well, James will b-be there and Sirius, b-b-but, I could use a girlfriend there, you know?" She stammered through her tears.
"Of course." She smiled and stood shakily, "I'll send James up, yeah?" She asked, heading for the door and Lily nodded frantically.
On the staircase outside, she almost bumped into Kara, who was heading slowly up the stairs, Super Hero clutched tightly to her chest.
"Hermione," she nodded and Hermione nodded back, smiling at her, pleased that the pain in her arm had lessened significantly. "Is she okay? It's so sad." She said sympathetically, one hand stroking Super Hero's green scales.
"She's okay. Is James still down there?"
"Oh yeah, he's almost as torn apart as Lily – apparently he loved Lily's mum," Kara shrugged one shoulder and carried on past Hermione, climbing the stairs. Hermione walked down them and the second that she was visible to the people in the Common Room, James was practically running past her. But he seemed to forget that the stairs would just turn into a slide and the stone steps flattened themselves and Hermione and James' feet slipped out from underneath them and they slid down the make-shift slide. Hermione hissed out in pain at the abuse of her agonized body and an arm wrapped around her ribs, carefully picking her up and placing her unsteadily on her feet.
"Thank-you Remus," she knew instantly that it hadn't been Sirius to pick her up for two reasons – One, Remus' forearm was sprinkled with sandy-blonde hair while Sirius' was completely hair free and two, she didn't get the sense of security she did whenever Sirius touched her.
"No problem," he grinned and Hermione smiled, but her eyes were travelling around the common room, landing on Sirius whose head was tipped back over the back of the red couch and soft, barely there snores were coming from him. "He just conked out as soon as he got comfy," Remus told her, his hands shoved in his pockets and Hermione went to him, sitting beside him, placing a kiss on his temple.
"I guess I'll be leaving then," Hermione's gaze moved to the speaker and she smiled apologetically at Peter, who was stretching his arms over his head. "Good night," he waved and Hermione sighed, watching as both him and Remus travelled up the staircase, chatting to themselves, leaving her and Sirius alone in the common room as the clock in the corner softly chimed twelve midnight.
She found herself looking at Sirius and she thought, not for the first time, how lucky she was to have him. He snorted unattractively in his sleep and she suppressed a snicker. Leave it to him to interrupt her train of thought subconsciously. She rubbed her face tiredly, her body still exhausted after her ordeal and her head dropped tiredly onto Sirius shoulder, her eyes slipping shut as she drifted into sleep easily, her breaths evening out as she succumbed to the fatigue.
Hermione was in a dark room, no lights, no sounds, no nothing. Just pitch black surrounding her form. She was tied to a chair, ropes binding her ankles and wrist to the wood and a gag shoved in her mouth, tied tightly around her head. Tear tracks marked her face and blood ran from the cut above her eyebrow. Her breathing quickened and her eyes frantically moved around the room, but she saw nothing.
"Crucio!" Someone yelled, invisible in the abyss and Hermione screamed, bucking in the chair. "Crucio!" Her screams worsened and she tried desperately to get away, the chair tipping up and she collapsed sideways, crashing to the floor where she whimpered in pain.
Someone stood foreword, mask hiding his identity as he crept foreword.
"So fresh…" He mumbled, crouching before her and the ropes and chair vanished, leaving her gasping for breath and slumped boneless to the floor. "So sweet…" He moved his head down, his nose touching the delicate exposed skin of her neck and he inhaled her scent as his hands wondered down her body. Giggling could be heard all around them, but nobody could be seen and she struggled meekly. "So young…" The hands snapped the button on her jeans and pulled the zipped down, slowly tugging them over her hips, exposing more and more of her tanned skin as she cried out for Sirius, who couldn't get to her, couldn't save her–
Sirius awoke with a jolt, covered in a thin sheen of sweat he gasped for breath, his grey eyes scanning frantically for Hermione. She was sat at the edge of the sofa, her head resting delicately on the plush arm, her arm tucked underneath her as well as her legs. Sirius pushed down some of his fear at seeing her beside him and he scrambled off the sofa, ignoring the crick in his neck as he kneeled before her, his eyes scanning her face from the fresh, barely seen scar by her eyebrow to the dip just above her top lip, repeating the mantra "She's safe, she's safe, she's safe…" Over and over in his head, trying to convince himself.
The thought of rape sent his brain into a frenzy and he felt as if he'd been plunged into a bucket of ice water. Nobody would take her like that – nobody would dare with him around. God, he'd been so caught up in the injuries that he could see, overwhelmed by the sick carving in her arm to let his brain breech at the possibilities of what else could have happened to her. He needed to know, but she was peaceful, dreamless for the time being and he didn't know if he could harm that. The answer would still be the same in the morning, she might not get another peaceful sleep like this again.
When Hermione awoke, bleary eyes and still tired, the first thing she saw was the back of Sirius' head as he sat on the floor in front of her, his chin resting on his chest and he took deep, even breaths. Hermione slowly sat up, ignoring the flare of pain at being in the same, crouched position for so long and she carded her hands through his silky black hair, soothing out the tangles gently. She'd like to wake up every morning like this; she thought sleepily, the sun just rising, Sirius beside her, young, fresh, alive, their whole life ahead of them. She watched through a yawn as Sirius' head moved back and he looked over his shoulder at her, smiling as her head felt heavy and her head fell foreword before she jerked it back up and Sirius smiled, climbing onto the couch beside her, wrapping his arms tight around her, pulling her into his warmth as sleep over took her again.
Regulus watched in horror as Hermione plummeted to the floor, twisting. He stared for a moment before he gathered his bearings and sped the broom towards her catching her easily.
"Hermione?" He gasped, clutching her petite form, staring at her blood-drenched clothes. He groaned in frustration and a little fear, rocketing towards the bushes, knowing that if a Death Eater were to pass below them, they'd just see Hermione (or the woman that Hermione looked like) floating in mid-air, suspended by an invisible force. He landed gingerly behind the bushes around the perimeter of the manor and leaped off the invisible broom, carefully lowering the bruised and battered Hermione to the ground, assessing her injuries taking in the gash above her eyebrow, the way her body was barely stirring and the word cut into her right forearm. He closed his eyes and turned away, sickened by what had happened to her.
"Kreacher!" He half-yelled, afraid of being detected, and her skin started distorting, the hair growing curly and brown, lengthening till it hit her mid-back and her face contorted, before Hermione appeared before him and that made it so much worse and more painful to look at her. "Kreacher!" He didn't understand why the House-Elf wasn't coming to him and he spent a shed of worry for the old worker as he bent his head down to check Hermione's breathing, feeling puffs of air against his cheek at irregular intervals.
"S-," Sirius looked to see that Hermione's mouth was trying desperately to form words, but at the minute, she was not being very articulate and Regulus couldn't understand what she was trying to say.
"Hermione, it's Regulus, you're okay, you got out," he said to her, placing his hand on her forehead, finding it cold and clammy.
"So…" She mumbled, her head rolling to the side in his grasp.
"What are you trying to say, Hermione?" He felt desperation seize his chest just as he heard a crack beside him. "Kreacher, come here," he ordered having no time for niceties and he hoisted Hermione up properly into his arms.
"Sorry," she breathed and Regulus felt his heart stop. She had absolutely nothing to be sorry for, absolutely nothing…
Regulus was brought out of his memory when Severus sat beside him on the leather couch in the Slytherin Common Room, staring at him with those cold, dark eyes.
"Did you destroy it?" Severus asked, his fingers gripping the arm rest so tightly that Regulus feared it would never go back to its original shape.
"Yes," he answered – he'd had to pull the cracked ring from Hermione's clammy hands.
"Do you still have the fang?"
"No," Regulus sighed, running a hand through his hair, wanting to stick to monosyllable answers but knowing that Severus needed more information he was forced to continue; "Hermione didn't have it on here when she jumped out the window," No way was he going to tell Severus what happened to her for two reasons; One: it wasn't his secret to tell and he'd rather not relive it and two: Severus probably already knew all about it, having been alerted to the break in.
Severus sighed and hung his head, "this 'mission' is seriously affecting our Gringott's account."
When Sirius woke In the morning a few hours later it was to Hermione's hair in his mouth almost suffocating him and to a pair of watery brown eyes.
"Morning," Peter stage whispered and Sirius' hand moved from Hermione's waist to rub at his grey eyes to get rid of the sleep clustered there.
"Hey." He answered, smiling at his friend even though he didn't feel 100% up to it – he wasn't going to take his emotions out on his friends.
"Is she okay?" Peter asked, his eyes glancing down at Hermione who was huddled at Sirius' side and he felt a sudden rush of affection (manly, un-gay affection of course) for his friend.
"Yeah," Sirius said, "we're taking the day off today though," and the rest of the week if he could wrangle it. Hermione wouldn't appreciate having so much time off because the N.E.W.T's were fast approaching and she couldn't afford not to study, but he was adamant that she have some time to re-cooperate whether she agreed or not.
Peter nodded and with a final glance of concern at Hermione he left the Common Room, hoisting his school bag more securely on his shoulder.
Sirius gingerly moved his upper body up and off Hermione, resting his weight on his arm. He looked at her, her back laid against the back of the couch, her legs tangled up with his and she looked so vulnerable it almost broke his heart.
Carefully he manoeuvred them around so that Sirius was sat up normally with Hermione's head on his lap – her hand curled automatically around his knee as if seeking reassurance and her own knees drew up to her chest. Lazily, around a yawn he summoned a red and gold chequered blanket from the back of the armchair and drew it over her form resting a hand on her hip.
He looked up when he heard somebody clamber down the girl's staircase and Rayne practically waltzed into the Common Room, her blonde hair tumbling down her back and her eyes were closed causing her to crash into the red armchair.
"Good morning," Sirius smiled, feeling some tension flow from his body at his friends antics.
"Morning!" She squealed but clamped her hand over her mouth and looked like a child who had been caught with her hands in the cookie jar as she caught sight of Hermione, who stirred at the noise, but stayed asleep.
"Why are you so happy this cold, dreary morning?" He asked, his hand gently stroking Hermione's curls as he glanced out the window to see grey clouds roll in over the horizon.
"We've done it!" She half-yelled, holding her hand above her head like a prized fighter and Sirius saw that she was holding a piece of parchment in her well manicured hands.
Sirius chuckled again as Rayne skipped to the vacant side of the sofa and sat Indian style, facing him. "What have you done, Ray?"
"We've set a date for the wedding! Oh, Sirius, I'm getting married!" She looked so happy that Sirius just had to grin back at her, but in all honesty he had forgotten all about her and Xenophilius. He had been so consumed with himself and Hermione recently that he was ashamed to say everyone else had slipped from his mind.
"When?" He asked, running his thumb absent-mindedly across Hermione's brow soothingly.
"June 1st." Rayne smiled, her dark blue eyes becoming vacant as she began day-dreaming.
"Who would have thought it?" Sirius asked, watching as Rayne looked so happy it was heart-warming, "that Xenophilius Lovegood turned out to be your knight in shining armour."
Rayne blinked and stood up, brushing her skirt down, "well, sometimes Sirius, your knight in shining armour turns out to be a weirdo in tin foil," she winked and skipped to the entrance, pushing open the portrait before throwing over her shoulder; "you and Hermione are invited, of course," before she stepped out and the portrait slammed shut.
It was strange, Sirius never realised the severity if the secret that he and Hermione shared along with the one that he was privileged to share with Remus – nobody but a select few really knew what was happening, where the scars and bruises came from. Hermione would have to come with a story for that, Sirius realised and rubbed his forehead; it was too big to hide. He realised the cruelty of the prank that he had played on Severus last year, that it could have killed him and only know, with Hermione's weak and feeble body beside him did he really understand. And his brother, his younger brother who he was so close to as children, but he let the word 'Slytherin' ruin their relationship.
He groaned and laid his head back against the couch: He had some long overdue apologies to issue.
13th April 1978
Severus was sat in Potions, the first lesson of the day staring at the empty seats of Sirius, Hermione, Lily and James his concern going out to both the girls but more towards Lily then Hermione – yes, Hermione had been tortured and that was going to murder on her sensitive psyche, but he didn't share the emotional bond with Hermione that he did Lily even if right now it was one-sided. Instead of paying attention to Slughorn, which he should be doing, he let his mind wander to the times that he and Lily had had and how much of an idiot he was to give that up.
"Merry Christmas, Severus," Lily said, smiling at him, her red hair tumbling over her shoulder as she hugged herself from the cold. Severus smiled back and gingerly reached for the present in her hand, half expecting it to be something that would blow up or something that suggested their friendship was really just a hoax. He timidly ripped off the wrapping paper and blinked in surprise at the box in his hands – Paul's accessories was scribbled on the front and he raised her eyebrows at the red-head.
"Well, in all honesty I had no idea at all what to get you," she laughed, "and I was with my mother and father the other day and saw this in the shop window – its okay if you don't like it, I just thought you might do," she tucked her hair behind her ear and shuffled in that awkward, shy way that he found so endearing.
"I love it."
"Sev, you haven't opened it, yet!" She laughed again and this time Severus laughed with her, lifting up the box and staring at the brown leather belt inside.
000
"I see a fish."
"You always see fish," Lily giggled from beside him in the grass, staring up at the clouds that dotted the bright blue skin, the sun just hidden behind the fish looking cloud. "Use your imagination – like, that isn't a fish to me, it is most definitely a ninja fighting turtle."
Severus raised his eyebrows at the fifteen year old, who shrugged (as easily as she could laid down) and pointed at another cloud. "And that's its companion, Ichabod, the talented kung Fu Crane!" She said excitedly and sooner rather then later he got swept up in the game to, making up what he could see (as to him, they all still resembled Fish) and laughed at the way her eye lit up with happiness as she created story for the clouds.
000
"I don't need help from a Mudblood like you!" He spat and instantly regretted it – he could see the pain, hurt, betrayal shining as emotions on her face and reflected in her eyes. He tried to take the words back, to make them have never been said but Potter had hoisted him up, using the spell that he had created, and Lily was jeering at him. All those years of friendship, ruined, ripped to shreds with just one simple word. Mudblood.
The word really held no meaning, he thought as he absently set to making his potion, ignoring Slughorn as he went on about the Slug Club and the end of year party that was going on in the dungeons but only invites were allowed in. Mudblood – it was such a petty word, but those two syllables held the difference between friendship and enemies and love and hate.
The same word was now engraved into Hermione's forearm, scared forever and the word into Lily's heart. She hadn't spoken to him since he had stupidly revealed to her that he was a Death Eater. Why he did it so easily, he wasn't sure, but it felt horrible keeping a secret from her and more then once he had almost let slip about Hermione's secret, but had held his tongue.
He hated it, he thought as his potion turned a deep midnight blue and he started chopping his Boomslang skin, a bored look on his face. He knew where Lily was and he hated that he wasn't the one to comfort her, to bring a smile to her face in the darkest of times. That job belonged to Potter and however much he hated it he could do nothing about it.
James and Lily were curled together on the armchair by the roaring fire, Sirius and Hermione asleep on the couch. When they had stumbled down the stairs that morning, Lily's eyes red and a wet stain on James' grey T-Shirt, Sirius had been awake, staring into the dancing flames but before long, he had drifted off, his hand curled protectively in Hermione's grip and his hair hanging down his face.
"I'm sorry, Lily," the words seemed hollow, empty, but they had to be said. Lily sighed and placed her head on James chest, listening to his heart beating steadily. It wasn't fair. Why was it her mum that got taken away from her? What had she done that was so bad for this kind of karma? She sighed again, fed up of life and fisted her hand in James T-shirt as he rubbed her back soothingly. She almost snorted at the thought – James, the boy who had tormented her and other students around the school for the Hell of it was long gone, and instead a man sat beside her who tormented her, but not in a vicious, cruel way more in a "You're-my-girlfriend-and-I-have-to-torment-you-but-I-love-you-anyway" and she was so glad that she took a chance on the Prankster of Gryffindor who stole her heart and held it securely in his hands and she was hoping that she'd done right and that he wouldn't break it.
"It's not your fault," she whispered, aware of the two other Gryffindor's who were on the couch, their gentle even breathing filling up the silence along with the gentle crackling of the fire.
"I know," he shrugged and pulled her closer to his chest. "When's the funeral?" He asked and she closed her eyes in silent grief. "The 22nd."
"May?"
"No, April. Dad and Petunia have to be moved to a safe house in case any other Death Eaters come calling and so they're…burying…her as soon as possible." The words were hard for her to say and she grimaced.
"April's turning out to be a horrible month. Except for the amazing first day, of course," he said smugly, a superior look on his face and Lily giggled, the sound unexpected. "Here. Watch." He took out his wand and pointed it at the fire, a spell whispered under his breath and Lily watched, fascinated as the flames curled together, creating two people made entirely of fire. The man bowed to the woman, who curtseyed and they danced together, twirling softly in the fire, the flickering the music that they danced to. "Come on," he said, "hop up." She raised herself to her knees, suspicious about his actions as he grabbed her waist and lifted her off the chair, settling her on her feet as he stood as well.
"What exactly are we doing?" She asked as he grabbed her left hand and pulled her into his body, gently grasping her waist and he danced, leading her around the couch, spinning her in slow circles. She was so lucky to have him, she thought as she settled her head against his chest again, he really was Perfect with a capital 'P' and she couldn't believe that she had spent so long hating him.
But then again, had she ever really?
"What are you doing?" Both Lily and James looked up to see that Hermione was sat up, her hair a bird's nest on top of her head and dark circles under her eyes.
"We're dancing, Kingsley, what does it look like?" James said, letting go of her waist and twisting her around under his arm before spinning her back into his body, his warmth. Hermione chuckled and stood, stretching her arms above her head and sighing in satisfaction when her joints silently popped.
"Have you been asleep on the sofa all night?" Lily asked, stopping their movements as she looked at her best friend with slight worry. Even though she was in emotional distress, she still cared about her friends and they always came first to her.
"Yeah," Hermione said, rubbing her right forearm, "you okay?" She asked and her eyes shined with concern that Lily had to smile at.
"I will be. What was it about your parents?" Lily asked, breaking free of James hold and taking a step towards her friend.
"My parents?" Hermione stared blankly at them and Lily frowned; could she not remember?
"Yeah. Yesterday, Dumbledore told us that you weren't here because of something to do with your parents." James said, standing behind Lily and placing his hands on her shoulders, crowding her personal space with his warmth.
"Oh!" A light bulb seemed to go off above Hermione's head and Lily smiled again – these small smiles were going a long way to cheer her up and lift her black mood. "Yeah…No, nothing important really. How'd you sleep last night?" She asked and Lily had a suspicious feeling that she was hiding something.
"Oh, not very well. I must have woken up about three times." They all turned to look at Sirius who was scratching the back of his head and blinking his eyes sleepily. "Good morning gorgeous," he said, wrapping his arms around Hermione's waist and pulling her to sit on his lap.
"Oh, Thankyou, sweetheart!" James simpered and Lily delivered an elbow to his ribs. "Ow!"
"You had that one coming, mate," Sirius said around Hermione's laugh and together they stood, Hermione's arm wrapped around his waist, his slung over her shoulders. "We're off to the kitchens, I need to talk to Hermione and I'm starved."
"Bring us back something, love!" James yelled after them teasingly and Sirius gave him a one-fingered salute. "How rude!"
Once they stepped past the boundaries of the Common Room, Sirius gripped her shoulders and spun her to face him, a serious expression on his gorgeous face. "Hermione. I need to know. Did they do…anything to you?"
She looked at him like he was mad and Sirius realised that he hadn't phrased the question right at all. "I meant…Did any of the…men Death Eaters do anything of a different nature to you?" No way could he say that word, the word that just struck his heart strings. She seemed to understand and she gently placed a hand over his own, smiling reassuringly at him.
"No, Sirius, don't worry. I wasn't touched in such a degrading way," The air seemed to rush out of his lungs at the news and he hung his head, closing his eyes tightly in relief. Thank God…
"Come on, Sirius. I actually am really hungry." She smiled lightly and he grinned, carding his hand gently thorough her jungle hair, carefully untangling it.
"Let's go then! We'll say hello to the House-Elf's you love so much," he teased.
"But then I have to study,"
Sirius groaned and slung his arm back over her shoulder, tipping his head back as he shoved his free hand in his pyjama pocket. "Why? Hermione, it's a day off – "
"Before N.E.W.T's? Are you joking?"
"Why did I fall for a bookworm?" He asked himself and her hand crept up to tangle in his over his shoulder, giving it a squeeze.
"Because you really, really like me," she smiled and Sirius closed his eyes at the swell of emotion deep in his chest.
"Yeah. Yeah, I do."
"You mean you let her escape?" Voldemort said softly, spidery fingertips pressed together as his cold, harsh gaze moved from Morgan to Bellatrix. "And she destroyed my ring?"
"My Lord! My Lord I apologize for my stupidity!" Bellatrix practically wailed, throwing herself at the old wizard's feet who glowered at her through piercing red eyes.
"And so you should, Bellatrix." He stood swiftly to his feet and glided to the window, staring out to the people on the streets, scurrying along doing their daily chores, like ants. The ring – they had let the ring be destroyed. Not many knew of the power that the small gem held, but Voldemort couldn't believe that these people had failed to take care of the ring. He felt his anger stem and bubble deep inside him but he refused to act on it. No, he'd wait. Lull them into a false sense of security. But for now…
"I want that girl dead. Do you understand? I want you to search high and low for her and crush her like the miniscule insect that she is to me."
A/N: I'm back!
And here you have…A filler chapter! What joy! I wrote this for two reasons – One: I didn't have to think to hard as I wrote it and two: I wanted to show a few others perceptive and also James and Lily's relationship. I've almost finished chapter 49 as well, so that should be up pretty soon :D
Thankyou to all the reviews!
Oh, credit to Dozy Dora and Isabel Black for some idea's :D (Hope you don't mind...)
Kelly
xxx
