Disclaimer: See first chapter
September 6th 1972. Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. 11:15
"Good morning."
"It certainly is now," Sirius muttered to James as Catherine Dearheart descended into her classroom.
James smirked and nudged Sirius, nodding in Lupin's direction. "I reckon Remus agrees with you, mate."
She was a pretty brunette with dark green eyes and an infectious smile, just Lupin's type. Her accent was difficult to place but her voice had a knack for making her class fall silent to listen to her. Dearheart was a teacher who did not rely on an ability to shout in order to keep the attention of her pupils. She was evidently a graduate from the McGonagall school of thought, but her rosy cheeks and beaming smile disguised this fact remarkably well.
"Okay, sweethearts, this might be a little different to what your last teacher taught so shall we recap the year? What did you learn last year?"
Sirius raised his hand. "That our teacher couldn't teach."
Dearheart pursed her lips. "Clearly you weren't taught propriety. What's your name?"
"Black."
Dearheart smiled at him. "I never refer to a student by their surname. What's your first?"
"I'm Sirius."
She nodded. "I'm Professor Dearheart. I'm twenty-two. I've recently returned from a world trip and my specialty is dark creatures. I like The Witch Hunters, rain, and chocolate. My pet peeve is tardiness. Why don't you tell me a little about yourselves. Since Sirius has already started, I'll make him go first."
She smirked and Sirius knew this was a lady who was not to be messed with.
"I'm Sirius. I'm twelve - but not for much longer - and I live with a banshee and an anal retentive unemployed…I suppose he's human. I have a brother who's not as good looking as I am. I like unicorns and flowers and rainbows and my pet-peeve is called Regulus."
James laughed. Dearheart raised her eyebrows at him.
"Me? I'm um…I'm James."
"And?" Dearheart sat on an empty desk and crossed her legs, making Sirius gulp.
"And um…"
"And he's lost for words in your presence," whispered Lily to Marlene.
"He's James," said Sirius. "Like everyone else in this class, he's twelve. He likes Lily Evans and old films and he hates it when a teacher wastes a whole lesson on introductions."
Dearheart's eyes blazed. "I bet you think you're a fearless bastard, don't you?"
The class gasped collectively.
"Don't you, Sirius?" She got to her feet and pulled out her wand. She began to tap it idly against her thigh. "How would you do this then?"
Sirius shrugged. "It's not my job to do your lessons plans, Professor."
"Are you testing me?" Her eyes twinkled. "All right, Black. Bring it on. Let's see what you can do." She immediately returned to her introductions. "James, would you like to tell me something true?"
"That was true," muttered James. "Um…I like old films and um…Quidditch, flying, sausages-"
"Flying sausages?" laughed Sirius. "Now that I'd pay to see."
"And my pet peeve is Sirius Black."
Sirius faked trauma, throwing one hand across his heart and another over his forehead, and Lupin rolled his eyes.
"Sirius, while your love of unicorns and flowers and rainbows is now public knowledge, I would not recommend such theatrics," said Dearheart. "Next?"
"I'm Remus Lupin and you just made my day."
Dearheart laughed. "I could say the same, Remus."
Great Hall 12:30
"I like her," said James, helping himself to a sixth sausage.
"Watch they don't fly away," said Peter.
Sirius laughed. "Yeah. She's better than Maynard anyway, but I have to think of a prank for her." He glanced toward the staff table, watching her converse with Flitwick who she appeared to have in a minor state of hysteria.
"Good Lord, if he gets any more excited, he'll have a drug squad searching his office," said Lupin, stealing a sausage from James while he was busy monitoring the shade of Flitwick's blushes.
"If he gets any more excited," said Sirius, "he might have a more pressing issue."
"Still," said Peter, "if he's in proportion, at least no-one will know about it."
"Stop it," said Lupin. "I like Flitwick."
James rolled his eyes. "You and him are starting to get like man and wife, Remus. You know when he calls you into his office, do you make a start on dinner and put the children to bed?"
Lupin ignored this. "I think, when I'm a teacher, I'd like to be like Dearheart."
"I know what I'd like to do to Dearheart," said Sirius, "and it has nothing to do with learning whatsoever."
Lupin's nose wrinkled in disgust. "How can you think about that stuff?"
"Yeah," said James, "you're talking to a Catholic. There'll be no more of that filthy talk with Saint Remus around."
Lupin frowned. "Just because I'm not obsessed by sex-"
"Remus, when it comes to sex, you're emotionally seven," said Sirius.
"No I'm not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too. Are too. Are too!"
Lupin raised an eyebrow. "And you've got the nerve to say I've got the mind of a seven year old?"
"I wonder what she's bringing to next lesson," said Peter.
"I don't know," replied Sirius, "but I know what I'm bringing."
Lupin sighed. "If you say 'an erection', I will actually kill you."
Sirius laughed. "Oh that's a good one. No, I'm bringing my ingredients."
"It's D.A.D.A.," said Peter, "not Domestic Science."
"Not for a fucking carrot cake," snapped Sirius. "For the best prank in the history of the world."
Lupin raised his eyebrows. "And what would that be?"
"I don't know yet."
