Be sure to appreciate the things you have. Because you never know, it might not be there anymore one day.
Oarai Girl's Academy - Rirko's Office – Early Morning
Waiting was the hard part.
The signing of documents made known his intent to enter the service of the Alliance. Which would have been a great deal. There was one thing he wasn't counting on.
The attachments that he would personally form between himself and Oarai. Especially, with her Sensha-do team. Checking his watch, in the early sunlit morning, Rirko could see the training grounds clearly. Coffee on his desk, he quietly pondered on his decision to spare the people he cared about the pain of fighting an entire system; already half integrated into society.
He looked at his watch again. 7:35am. No surprise that Miho would have been upset with the deception. Usually, he would have left her alone. However, not today. "I have to talk to her this week. But, where the hell is she?"
He checked his e-mail. Nothing there. Washing his hand over his face, followed by a frustrated grunt he walked over to the window. There was only one instance when Miho wasn't there for her appointment. For her not to be here at her appointed time… "no doubt, she's taking it hard."
He was about to return to his seat when something caught his eye. He saw the Sensha-do shed doors slightly ajar. The lights were on. He looked at the sheds for a moment. "Son of a bitch." Muttering this under his breath, he briskly exited his office, turning off the light, and headed out the door.
Oarai Girls' Academy - Sensha-do Training Grounds – Sheds – Early Morning
Maho had mentioned that as a child, Miho had a habit of locking herself in tanks whenever things got terrible for her. As he headed towards the sheds, he mentally prepared to make his case to her.
"I don't want to drag anyone else into this. The offer's been taken, and Raidou must have spoken to everyone about this. I prepared her for this eventuality. She has people." Pausing, he stopped before the doors. "But, I didn't emotionally prepare her. This probably felt like being hit by a truck to her. Plus, with the kind of relationship now. It's become more of a dependency."
He neglected to consider Miho's immediate feelings about the entire thing. While he briefly felt it, he never thought she would be this hurt. "Looks like I have to answer for this…" Opening the doors, he went inside.
He scanned the shed, looking over the tanks. Walking from one end of the shed to the other, he came across the Panzer VI. He heard a gentle scrape coming from within.
He grimaced. "Knew it." Miho was in there. Maho was right on the dot. Looking around, he spotted a small steel bar. Most likely used by the automotive club to make repairs on the tanks. Grabbing it, he sized up the Panzer. Climbing onto the tank, he made his way to the Commander's hatch.
The soft scraping stopped, and it became silent once again. Taking the bar in his hand, he gently tapped on the hatch.
*Tap, tap, tap. *
"I know you're in there. Tap once for yes or twice for no."
*Tap, Tap. *
"Kinda contradicting yourself, aren't you Miho?" Recognizing this as passive anger, he knew he had to be patient when it came to questioning and understanding her. While she made great strides in expressing herself, old habits tended to die hard. The want of keeping everything inside to not be a burden to anyone else was still there.
Rirko sat beside the hatch and sighed. "I'm sorry for not telling you. Is that what it is? Me leaving you?"
*Tap. *
"The Winter Break is supposed to be a time of rejuvenation. Had I told you before this, you probably would have ruminated on this thing. Worse case scenario, you would have had another attack. You needed a break from all this drama. That's the reason." He paused for thought. "You're probably thinking about the reason why."
*Tap. *
He would have to explain it the same way he did with Ami. "I suppose any reason I'd give you wouldn't suffice. The influence of the Alliance is too great, my workplace forcing me. Sure, I can fight for my stay. But, that would mean dragging everyone that I know into my mess. I…I don't want to do that. Not for you or for anyone. The Alliance already wants me. Do you want them to fight you to get to me?"
There was a long pause. *Tap. Tap. *
He understood Oarai's loyalty, especially Miho's. He couldn't stand the thought of putting Oarai into a prolonged fight. Primarily, when to be a fight they couldn't win in the interim. There was just not enough time to do anything.
"It doesn't mean what I did was right. Keeping this a secret from you, especially after all we've been through last year. I couldn't take the risk of another relapse. But, that's no excuse. To face adversity head on and work towards a goal. I knew. I knew that you wouldn't appreciate deception, especially at this scale. And yet, I went behind your back anyway."
Complete silence.
He got up. "You probably want more time to think on this. I understand. This is hardly the place to be having a proper conversation, anyway. When you're ready and if you wish it, we can talk later. Until then, be sure that you're out of that tank before school starts. Otherwise, I'll have to send Sodoko and Risa after you." Jumping off the tank, he looked at the Panzer for a moment before turning slowly to leave.
*BANG, BANG, BANG! *
There was a lot of clanging noises coming from the Panzer. Turning around, Rirko noted that it wasn't tapping Miho was making. Using no filter, he spoke what was on his mind. "What the hell was that?!"
Miho suddenly popped out of the tank and looked at him intensely for a moment. "It means…don't go." She jumped out and slowly approached him. Now Rirko could see her face. She looked hurt, clutching her arm nervously and avoided looking at him. The two were right in front of each other.
His eyes softened, guilty that he had hurt her through his actions. "Did…did I hurt you this much?"
Her voice was in a whisper as she nodded. "When the headmistress told all of us you were leaving, my heart broke. I began to panic. I felt dizzy and blacked out. Next thing I knew, I was in the nurse's office."
"We both spoke about this eventuality."
"But I didn't know it would be so soon!" She shouted for a moment, before returning to her whisper. "I know I have support here. My mother and my sister. Everyone who cares about me, either a walk or a phone call away. It doesn't make me feel better, though. No matter how much I think about all of these wonderful things."
"Can you…tell me the reason?" Holding his wrist and standing perfectly still, Rirko waited patiently for her answer.
She spoke after pausing for a moment to think. "You've been with me during these dark times. You always seem to know what you're doing when something bad happens. That's the reason…I was able to go through all of this. You were always there. And now, you're leaving…you're leaving, and I don't know if I can do this…all on my own."
"Ah, geez." As Miho's eyes started to tear up, he berated himself for letting things go this far. There were opportunities where he knew that she would have built a dependency on him. Addressing the problem last year, it did little to stop her from thinking about a life without his support. He had told her at point-blank range that he would leave, and she would need to work out things on her own. He gently couched to her level, looking at her. Holding onto her shoulders firmly, he spoke to her.
"Miho. Listen to me, very carefully. You may think you can't do this without me. You may think that once I'm gone, everything will spiral out of control. But, you've been dealing with this heartache alone, even before me. You've done it once, you can do it again. With one key difference: that you are no longer alone."
Staring at him, Miho felt secured as Rirko held her shoulders.
"Dealing with the heartache is good. Understanding and moving from that is better. You are so much more than you once were last year, two years ago. You have suffered and struggled, but you have never let any of this stop you. It's because you had faith. In yourself and in the people around you. Don't start doubting now. You were able to do remarkable things because of faith. So, have faith that all your dreams and aspirations. All the good things that you expect. They will all come true."
"Faith. Faith." She repeated the words again and again. "Can you tell me," she said, still in her whisper. "Can you tell me? What should I do if I feel bad? Please?"
He smiled at her gently. "When you are hurting, you seek help. When you are lost, have someone guide you. If something bothers you, tell someone. If you have something to say, say it honestly and respectively. And most importantly, when you feel alone. When you feel alone…go somewhere, you will never be alone. You are not only Miho Nishizumi, the girl who loves riding tanks, who changed the world of Sensha-do. You are also a leader. The people around you look towards you for strength and guidance. You must not leave them. Tend to them, be with them, love them as you have always loved them, and I promise you. They will look after you, as well."
These words. The words that Miho heard were comforting. They spoke the truth. She had dealt with pain before, all on her own. When she knew she was in way over her head, her friends were there to support her. Now, based on past testimony and evidence, she knew she could count on her team, her friends to help her now. However, it didn't make it any easier to accept that Rirko was leaving. As she remembered this fact, her eyes couldn't hold her tears anymore, and some fell to the ground. She started to shake a little as she stared at him.
"Miho. Come on. Dry your tears. You're a Sensha-do Commander. A Commander who is fierce in battle, but kind afterwards. The one who changed the Sensha-do world for the better. We can't have someone important like you act like this, right?"
That did it. "I…I-I am not a Sensha-do Commander! Not right now! Right now, I'm someone who's very sad that the person she cares about is leaving!" Breaking Rirko's hold, she embraced him and cried on his shoulder. "Don't go! Please, don't go!"
Hugging her back, he whispered in her ear. "You can do this. You can. Just believe in yourself and the people around you. Believe."
When the two exited the Sensha-do shed, it was five minutes before the bell.
During the day, he was visited by various members of the Sensha-do team. All of them were there for the same reason: why was he leaving? He explained to each of them the reason, in the same manner, he did with Miho. While there were some who understood but were understandably upset, there were others who choose to show their displeasure. The hot-tempered Risa left her teammates in his office while she left in a huff. Duck and Anteater, at first, accused him of betraying them to join the other team but then cooled off, afterwards when Rirko made the point about players being traded off and online players joining other guilds to get better in a game. Others like Rabbit and Leopon were emotional; albeit less intense than Miho.
At the end of the school day, it didn't the change the fact that he was leaving. Nor the fact that he would be truly missed.
Oarai Girls' Academy – Student Council Office – Early Afternoon
Yuzu, Momo and Anzu met to discuss an urgent matter. They were the only team that didn't visit Rirko.
"That liar," Yuzu muttered, frowned, and drank bottled water.
"Well, there has to be a good reason why he's not saying this to anyone." Anzu was trying to be rational. Momo was having none of that.
"So, what, he thought he could disappear from us? Is that it?" Angrily pacing back and forth, Momo was fuming. In contrast, Yuzu was depressed.
"Where did you get the intel from?"
Anzu held up a sheet of paper. "The Navel Studies department. They forwarded us their weekly list of departures and arrivals. So, either this is wrong…"
"Or, he's lying and doesn't want anyone to know." Momo and the other girls tried to understand the reasoning behind this action. "Miss president. We tried keeping Mr. Nagasawa's departure a secret from everyone. And look how that turned out! Now we're in the same situation again!"
"Are you trying to say something?" Anzu perked up, interested in what her friend had to say.
Momo grunted with Yuzu watching on. "Even though I will defer to your decision, I think we should tell them. Tell Miho. They have a right to know, and he…he should get what he deserves."
Anzu turned to Yuzu. In turn, she nodded her head. "I agree with Momo. Mr. Nagasawa, despite his current actions, should not be disappearing quietly. The girls have a right to know."
The decision to tell everyone about what was really going on was, once again, up to Anzu. She shakily opened a chip bag, grinning. "This never happened before. Why are we getting stuck with this heavy-duty stuff now?"
Oarai Girls' Academy - Sensha-do Training Grounds – Late Afternoon
All the teams assembled on the training grounds, ready to continue where they left off yesterday. Miho appeared to be in high spirits, but everyone knew she felt the same way as all of them: depressed. While she was giving her opening remarks before the teams mounted into their tanks, Ami appeared from the direction of the school and took her place in the watchtower with Rirko.
His arms crossed, he carefully surveyed the grounds below. The teams scattered and soon the entire area was full of engine noises, and smoke as the tanks kicked the dirt around. "I'm going to miss these sounds."
"I know the feeling," Ami said, standing right beside him. "I get antsy if I don't hear the roar of a tank for a while."
"Well, it's not like I'll be away from tanks. No doubt that NATA will send me to schools that have Tankery programs. Each with their own characteristic; their own style."
"Their own style, huh?" Ami pondered on whether Sensha-do was present in the West. While Tankery was treated as a sport, it wasn't true Sensha-do. There was a considerable difference between the two. As the two stood, looking at the team running their drills, there was a question that she needed to ask him. The question rang in her head repeatedly until she felt compelled to ask. "So... you'll be leaving tomorrow."
"That's what the ticket says." Rirko took out his phone. He was hoping that he read it wrong. Browsing through his e-mail, he looked up the e-mail received from NATA HR. Sure enough, the date was set for tomorrow.
"Leslie said that would be the case yesterday. As soon as she sends the documents to HR, they would want you right away."
Rirko chuckled softly. "It's like they're pushing me out of here."
"Is it okay...just to leave without telling the girls?" Although Raidou said he would be leaving at the end of the week, his plane ticket and the message received from NATA HR proved otherwise.
"Telling them this is my last day would cause unnecessary trouble."
Rolling her eyes, Ami tried to understand him. "How?"
"It just would!" His sudden outburst surprised her. There was a reason. A very personal reason. He couldn't stand seeing their reaction. Their sadness, their rage, their desperation. Especially, not Miho. "I'm sorry. It's a very selfish reason. I can't say any more than that."
Ami wanted to yell at him but then allowed her anger to subside for the moment. She remembered how hard it must be for him than for her or the girls. "I have my own opinions on what you should do. But, it's not my place to force you to do something you don't want to do. I'll go along with it, even though I personally don't agree with it."
He was silent. He also felt increasingly guilty about deceiving his girls again. "I'm gonna wrap up stuff at the office, then finish packing." He didn't have much to pack. He donated most of his things to the school; to the next person taking over his position. At best, he need only needed to pack a few items in storage.
As he headed towards the ladder, something in Ami snapped. His uncharacteristic lack of empathy just rubbed her the wrong way. "You can't walk away from them, Rir! You already brunt them once, are you gonna do it again?! To the same girls, you help teach and grow?! They care about you!"
"No one will miss me."
Both looking at each other now, she saw in his apathetic eyes someone who was hiding. Someone who was running away from the truth. That he could not stand to bear to hurt the students, he cared for. Climbing down the ladder, he left a stunned Ami.
She knew he was lying. He did care but refused to show it. "Asshole…"
After practice, the Student Council called Anglerfish into their office, in secret.
Oarai Girls' Academy – Rirko's Office – Late Afternoon
Putting down the pen, Rirko looked at the document he had made. Folding it neatly, he placed it in a small white envelope. He addressed it 'Counselor's Eyes Only.'
Leaning back in his chair, he saw the training grounds again, only devoid of life this time. The only thing moving was the dust blowing in the wind. It had already begun to be dark, the sun setting only a few moments ago.
Looking around, he saw boxes already full of his books and personal effects. They would be delivered to his brother's place. Shipping and handling already paid for. In fact, all of his moving costs were paid for by NATA. He was grateful for that, at least.
He remembered his last six months in that office. All the students and staff that visited, all of the struggles and trials people shared with him. But what really resonated with him was, of course, the Nishizumi drama. A student's heartache turned into a journey of reconciliation with her family. Now that it was all over, he was ready to bid them all goodbye and good luck.
A sudden knock on the door interrupted his reminiscing. "Come in?!" The door slowly opened and standing there was Raidou and Ruta, one of the department heads, both with gentle smiles. "Headmistress, Miss Ruta." He started to get up, but Raidou stopped him.
"No need for that, Mr. Nagasawa. Please, sit down." Closing the door behind them, both grabbed some chairs, sitting themselves down. Rirko watched, arms crossed, with a slight show of concern.
"Mr. Nagasawa. I was told your departure was at the end of this week. Imagine my surprise, when I received the arrivals/departures list and saw your name leaving for tomorrow morning. You wouldn't happen to know what this is all about, would you?"
"I could always lie. But then, they'll see right through me." He briefly contemplated the thought but then decided against it. "All right, I'm leaving tomorrow. That's what you wanted to hear?"
"Not exactly," an elderly Ruta shifted in her chair, making herself comfortable. "We're more interested in knowing the reason you're keeping your departure a secret from everyone."
Groaning, Rirko dreaded this type of confrontation. He had been through this before. "I'm just don't want to be a burden to the school. News of my departure has already affected school morale."
"And you leaving without so much of a word won't affect morale even more than it already has?" Raidou countered quickly. "Did you earnestly believe that you could fade away after all you've done for this school? Why sell yourself short?"
He snapped back. "Why don't I answer that with a question of my own. Will the students remember the efforts of a man who spent half a year trying to make this school better? Can that be said for the staff, as well? All they'll remember was that 'he was a good guy' or 'a hard worker!' I sell myself short because I lived through looking forward to the expectations, only to have it come crashing down. This is what I've always done. See the work that I did was okay. Then, disappear quietly."
Rirko's remarks stunned the two elderly educators. He wasn't only selling himself short, he also denied the accolades he was due. He was putting himself down, unworthy of praise. It was a sharp contrast to his supportive, don't give up attitude and reminiscent of the Nishizumi dilemma.
Shaking off the response, Ruta was not happy. "I would appreciate if you didn't assume what we are thinking, Mr. Nagasawa. If you believe that we are thinking this way, you're wrong. Absolutely wrong."
"I agree," Raidou stared straight into Rirko's eyes. "This isn't the same man I have come to know and rely on for half a year."
Looking sorrowfully at him, Ruta shook her head. "I've been speaking to some of the staff here about you. From the time we last met, nothing has changed. Perhaps, have been proven more so. Your work is reflected in the lives and personalities of these students. To blatantly disregard this work, treating it as some throwaway job! Is this what you think these student's lives are worth?!" Ruta suddenly coughed violently. Raidou went over to assist but was able to recover. "I'm…sorry. I haven't spoken that passionately for a long while. It's…it's like you lit a fire under me, Mr. Nagasawa."
It was Raidou's turn. "Remember what I said to you before? Oarai prides itself on the development of not only its students…but its staff. I have no doubt you learnt a few things during your time here. Consider this our final lesson to you." She leaned closer to him. "The work that an educator does, if done right, will matter. A result in a day or two years, no one knows. But that student will keep that lesson close to their heart for the rest of their lives. As someone who has seen her students grow due to your efforts, I ask you this now. Postpone your departure until the end of the week. Let the girls and staff know how much you mean to them."
It was touching. These educators who were his senior acknowledged and thanked him. He had accolades given many a time, but never this genuine and heartfelt.
"I wanted to stay. I truly did. This was the first school that has ever been supportive of me and my endeavours. For Oarai to be involved in my affairs would not only be unfair, but it would also be wasteful. Regarding staying until the end of the week…That option is no longer mine to make. The representative of NATA has already sent over the paperwork, with a start date set for as soon as possible. By all rights, I am no longer someone part of an international exchange program. I am a liaison to NATA and her affiliates." He got up slowly and headed towards the door. "I'm sorry ladies. The decision has already been made."
Closing the door behind him, he left the two women sitting in the office. They turned to one another.
"It happened like you said it would," Raidou said with a sigh.
"No doubt he already signed up with NATA during the break. For him to be staying for as long as he has. This must be his kindness."
"Then, we should proceed, then?"
"His mind has already been made. Any more arguments would be just noise to him."
The headmistress nodded and took out her phone. Selecting a number, she held it up in her ear with Ruta looking on. "It's me. He just left. Unfortunately, his mind seems to be made up. Carry on with the plan, then. Anything that happens, I will take full responsibility. I want you to make him know how much he means to Oarai."
Oarai Carrier Ship - Rirko's Apartment- Late Evening
Everything would all end tomorrow.
All his personal effects had been packed. He had finished any loose ends at the school to ensure a smooth transition for the incoming student counsellor. Amongst all the boxes in the room, he sat on the lone island that was his sofa.
Taking one last beer from yesterday, Rirko mulled over the words of Ami, Raidou and Ruta. Their words of encouragement and support. Most importantly, though, was the want for him to stay. But, it wasn't possible. Not anymore. Tomorrow, he would leave Oarai behind and go back to the place he called home.
But, was at home? Oarai had been his home for the last six months. In the short amount of time he had been there, he was shown more support than in his entire career. Wracked with guilt, he laid on the sofa. All the people he would leave behind. The students, faculty, Ami, Miho and the other Sensha-do members.
"How did things turn out this way?" Pondering this aloud, he finished his beer and set down the bottle beside him. Looking up at the ceiling, he did a mental checklist. To make sure he had completed all loose ends. It wouldn't be perfect, but it would have to do. "I pissed Ami off today. I wonder if I need to call a cab." He originally planned to travel with Ami to the airport, but with how they left he doubt that possibility. "Maybe I'll just order one and be done with it. Though, I have to pay a hell amount of money." Sighing, he continued to ruminate on the sofa.
He spent his evening of silent reflection, alone. A few hours later, lacking a bed, he grabbed a blanket from one of the sheets and made do with the sofa. Exhausted from all that had happened, the constant questioning and increasing guilt made his eyes heavy. It didn't take any time at all before he went to bed.
He arrived alone, and it would seem he would be leaving in the same way.
Oarai Carrier Ship - Rirko's Apartment- Early Morning
Rirko woke to the sounds of banging. Jumping out and reorienting himself, he strolled to the door. Still, in his undergarments, the knocking continued until he came before the door. Opening it, he saw a surprising sight.
It was Ami, in full dress uniform. She stood there, looking at him. "Uh…good…morning."
It didn't fully hit him until he gave Ami a good once over. Then, he looked at himself. Deadpan, he returned the gesture. "Yeah. Hi. Do you mind giving me a moment? I packed my nightwear in one of the boxes, so I went to bed like this. Just make yourself at home on the sofa, and I'll get dressed."
Ami looked at him, with a puzzled look. "Aren't you embarrassed by this?"
"Ami. It's 6:10 in the morning and it seems I'm all out of f***s to give." Motioning his guest to the sofa, she went while he went upstairs to get dressed. He was lucky he had a change of clothing prepared the night before.
The coffee maker was the only thing not packed for he needed his morning cup. "Want a drink?"
Ami nodded. "Thanks." Pouring two cups, both black, he went over and handed the hot cup to her. Sitting beside her, they were both silent for a moment.
"Listen, Ami. I'm sorry about yesterday. I'm sorry I snapped."
She shook her head. "It's alright. I know you're going through a lot today. It's just…"
"Yes?" She was silent for a moment. Rirko waited patiently for her.
"The very thought that you would think 'no one would miss you.' It just pisses me off."
"Oh." He took a sip of his cup, silently reflecting on his words. "I mean, I only knew the students for six months. Hardly enough time for them to have a significant impact."
"But the Sensha-do team is another story, isn't it?" She looked at him, intensely. She didn't get a chance to say her piece yesterday, but she was going to today. "The amount of support and guidance for those girls."
"Only for a select few, Ami."
"Doesn't matter," she rebutted. "The team is a tight group of friends when you look at it. You helped so many girls there, and they appreciate it. The evidence…is right here." Ami took out her medal she received from last year's party. Looking at it, Rirko started to think back to that moment. The entirety of the team was in cheers and applause. Everyone seemed to be in high spirits. When Miho spoke her words, no one had any objections. They all thought that he and Ami did a good job guiding them.
Putting the medal back in her pocket, she continued. "The results may not be immediate. But, when you do good, it is noticed. Don't think that people don't care, because they do. It's better to do good for someone and have a positive impact on their lives than to do bad and screw them over."
Rirko raised his cup. "I agree to that. Wholeheartedly." But, it didn't change the fact that none of the girls knew he was leaving today. Save for the Student Council.
"Is everything ready?" Ami asked, finishing her cup. He nodded at her. His bags were packed, his carry-on all set. Washing the cups and the coffee maker, the house was officially ready for its next occupant. Grabbing all his luggage, he went over to the front door where Ami was waiting.
She gave a slight nod. "Well then…shall we go?"
Second last chapter. Hope you enjoyed.
