Shinpachi watched as Kagura angrily bit into a bun. "The stupid Sadist. I was nearly a Frankenstein right there. If I hadn't forgotten to let down my hair my brains would be hanging out my ear right now. What a bloody bother, he is." She tore into the bun, and stretched her legs on the blue sofa she was sitting on. "Son of a... He dare put bombs and traps in my room..."

Gintoki picked his nose and sighed. "Ah, ah, all's well that end's well or something like that. Quit your complaining. I'm sure what you ever did to him was much worse, concerning your rule of paying back revenge for double." Kagura's eyes flashed red in an instant. Shinpachi's hand gripped around his cup. Oh god...

Before Kagura could completely pull of Gintoki's head and separate it from the rest of his body, the door slid open. Tsukuyo leaned on the side of the doorway. She pulled her pipe from her lips and blew smoke into Gintoki's face. "Oh? Kagura, what are you doing?"

Kagura smiled brightly at her and twisted Gintoki's neck 180 degrees counterclockwise with a nasty crack. Shinpachi dropped his cup and it shattered on the floor.

"Nothing! What are you here, Tsuky?" Gintoki sat up and twisted his neck back into it's former orientation with a crick. Shinpachi blanched but Gintoki didn't even blink. He looked up at Tsukuyo. "Yeah, what're you doing here?"

Tsukuyo puffed out smoke and looked up at the sky. "I have a job, but I only need Kagura for it." Shinpachi froze in his process of sweeping the glass shards. "Eh?!" Gintoki picked his nose nonchalantly. "Oi, this better not be an attack on anything. If I let you have Kagura, you two would destroy Edo before the police get to kill me."

Kagura grabbed her umbrella and walked out to the balcony, opening it, a evil grin on her face. "I'll help my friends no matter what the consequences are. Besides, nobody gives a f*ck about the Shinsengumi, anyway."

Shinpachi shivered. "She is way too eager to do what Tsukuyo wants."

Tsukuyo shook her head and talked through her pipe. "No, it's not like that. I'm not going to use her in a fight. Besides, if I had a fight to resolve, I'd bring you along as well, Gintoki."

Gintoki raised an eyebrow. "If that an acknowledgment of my abilities?"

Tsukuyo turned around and followed Kagura down the stairs and to the street. "Yes, but only of one ability. When the time comes, Gintoki, you can be used as a very capable..."

... Shield."

"..."

"Wait a moment, you b*tch! What are you talking about?! Am I only useful in a fight as something to block the enemy and take the hits?! What the f*ck are you talking about?! Come back here you..."


Kagura followed Tsukuyo down the street, her umbrella held up high and blocking the sunlight's rays from her skin. "Tsuky, where are we going?"

"... Hinowa says that I should take some time off... Sachan has an assassination job far away and she wouldn't let me go with her. Hinowa say..." Tsukuyo reached in her pocket and pulled out some bills. "Hinowa says to go shopping."

Behind them, Shinpachi blinked. So this is what Tsukuyo didn't want Gintoki and Shinpachi to come along to. "What sort of thing wouldn't they want us to see them buy?" Gintoki hit him on the forehead. "Idiot. Don't you know? They're definitely buying that. Yes, yes, definitely that. That is why they don't want us to come along."

Shinpachi rubbed his head. "What is that anyway?!" Gintoki ignored him. "You'll see what that is soon. Every girl doesn't want to be seen buying that." Shinpachi's eyes narrowed. "Gin-san, are you sure that you know what the girls are going to buy?" "Yes, of course I do you idiot. They're going into that shop..." He pointed straight to the left.

Tsukuyo and Kagura walked into the shop on the right.

...

Shinpachi sighed and left the desolate and colorless Gintoki pointing at the ladies' clothing shop and walked over to the one that Kagura and Tsukuyo had went into. "What are they doing..." He looked through the window and watched as Tsukuyo and Kagura exchanged swords, blades, armor plates, and guns.

He sank to the ground. "Why can't there be regular girls in this anime, goddammit?!"


Kagura opened the door to the Yorozuya HQ. "Shinpachi, I'm hungry. Make me some food." She walked in. Gintoki was sitting behind his desk and Shinpachi was on a sofa, holding another tea cup and putting a plate of anpan on the table.

Kagura walked over and sat down on the sofa. She stuffed entire buns into her mouth and swallowed. Gintoki looked up from his magazine. "How was it?"

Kagura continued to shovel food into her mouth. "Tsukuyo just needed some help buying some stuff."

Gintoki looked over to her. "Then why did she only bring you? Why was she so secretive about buying weapons? Does she plan to attack me with those weapons?! Why?"

"I never said that we were buying weapons. How did you know?"

"... Intuition."

"Nothing, it was what we did after buying the weapons that she didn't want you to know."

"What? Did you two go and watch a girly movie?"

"No, we tested out the weapons."

"Oh, okay."

Kagura chewed on anpan and took off her shoes, one by one. Shinpachi sat down in front of the TV and pressed a button on the remote. Gintoki's mind process slowed down and started to tick backwards to what Kagura had just said.

"Ma-te." (wait)

"Hm?"

"How... Exactly... Did you test out the weapons?"

The TV flickered on to show an absolutely destroyed building. Smoke drifted up to the sky from the roof, and giant holes and blasted apart windows littered the building's walls. As Shinpachi and Gintoki watched, their eyes wide open, the entire house toppled and fell over.

Okita was right in front of the live camera, holding up the microphone. Behind him, Shinsengumi division one were desperately trying to keep the building (or what was left of it) from completely falling apart. Okita coughed into the microphone.

"I'm here at the suspected drug lord's former hiding place. This area is declared unsafe for citizens. All the drugs have been collected and underway for disposal. The drug lord and all his followers have confessed to selling drugs to the prostitutes of Yoshiwara. They were found all tied up inside the burning building. They are in shock and are obviously high on their own drugs."

A reporter, holding up his notepad and waving smoke away from his face, said, "do you have any evidence that anything they say is not to be trusted? Are you sure they have taken in drugs?"

Okita smirked. "Well, one of the unbelievable things they say is that... All this damage was done by but two women, well, one and a half, really."

Shinpachi blanched. Gintoki crumpled his Jump issue.

"Their descriptions are as follows, one woman with a long pipe with light ash-blonde hair and large breasts. The other was a little girl with red hair, blue eyes with incredible strength and horrible language... They were wearing dark coats, which hid most of their identity besides their figure, eyes, and hair..."

Shinpachi crushed the remote control and the TV flickered off. He turned to Kagura. "This has nothing to do with us, right Kagura-c-chan?"

Kagura shook her head. "No, no, me and Tsukuyo went over to the drug lord's place and beat the crap out of them."

Shinpachi started to sweat. His glasses gleamed, covering his eyes. "No, Kagura. This definitely does not have anything to do with us, you understand?"

Behind them, Gintoki was pulling his packed suitcase out into the balcony, lollipop and passport in hand, sunhat on his head, sunglasses on his nose and beach boxers over his crotch. "Ah, this is a nice day for retirement... Goodbye, Kagura and Shinpachi! Take good care of the Yorozuya for me~!"

Kagura tossed a kunai over her shoulder.

SPLAT~


Hinowa watched as Tsukuyo took off her black coat. "How did your day off go? Did you see Kagura? How was she?"

Tsukuyo held up a bag. "We shopped, that's all."

Hinowa reached over and took the bag before Tsukuyo could stop her. "Ooh. What did you buy...?"

She looked down a another black coat, this one smaller. "Oh? This one is too small for you, Tsukuyo. Did you buy it for Kagura? And it's all dirty and ashy too. Where did you get this?" She reached further into the bag and saw what they had purchased.

"W-weapons?"

"Yeah. Kagura helped pick them out. I gave her some kunais as a reward."

"Oh." Tsukuyo took the bag from Hinowa and headed for her room."Good night then, Hinowa."

"Ah... I see... So... Maybe Kagura wasn't the best shopping partner..."

Hinowa picked up the telephone that was on the table next to her and dialed in a new number. On the other end, someone picked up.

"Gintoki, we need a new plan."


Aaaand there concludes the chapter dedicated to Tsukuyo the badass b*tch! (With more chapters to come about her friends trying to get her to relax and hang out a little, hopefully.)