"Heavenless"

52. Panes of Glass

Brigitte went to the diner and sat in her usual table. From where she sat, she could see the street. There were a few cars, not too many, not too few. Blissful people, just walking around, going about their business.

Brigitte ordered coffee and sat there sipping it, watching the life that she had willingly detached from. It felt like the world moving as she watched was just a hollow projection that moved on without her. This would be how it would remain, she thought, after I'm gone. The whole world will continue spinning and this street, this diner, all this will still be there. Only I will be gone.

She looked down at the cup of coffee. There it was, black. The liquid, only warm now, designed to alert her senses, to quicken her responses. It did no such thing. It just left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth.

Brigitte leaned back and continued to watch the world through panes of glass, wishing she could touch it like she used to and still be repulsed. All the times she had said, out by sixteen or dead in the scene, united against life as we know it... all the times she had gotten close to death and had wished she could take that final step across the threshold... counting down the days left to sixteen, glad that her time was coming to an end...

In that moment, the world seemed to stand still and Brigitte found that the only thing she wanted was more time.