xxPUDxx - my mum was exactly the same, but what worked for me was literally just wearing her down until she finally gave in xD

96 Dannys POV

Friday passed way too quickly and within what felt like minutes, it was Saturday and everyone was going off back home to see their families. Of course, we saw Tom first, seeing as I had a present to give him, and I just didn't want to leave for a week without saying good bye. "hey, Tom, I just came over to say bye, and Happy Christmas, cause I'm not seeing you until new year. I've gotten you a present, and I'll trust you to not open it until Christmas day, I'll just put it under the tree." I told the still unresponsive boy, sighing loudly to see the tree still hadn't been decorated yet.

I decided to ignore that and knelt down in front of Tom instead, watching him unlock and relock his phone over and over. It was his old one, considering his last one managed to break while he was away. Carefully, I put a finger under his chin and pulled his face up to look at me, his eyes were still covered by his over grown fringe but I could tell he was still looking away from me. "Tom, look at me a minute, so I know your listening." I wanted to say something important, and I needed Tom to look at me so I could say it. All I got was him trying to get his head off my hand, so I quickly managed to put my spare hand on his cheek, securing the hold I had on him so he had to at least face me.

"look at me Tom, please, its important that you listen to this so I need you to look at me." I stroked his face to show him I meant no harm, and tried to not give in to the urge to kiss him. This was the closest I had gotten to my lost little boy in over a year, all I wanted was to get a little closer and kiss him, give him that sense of love I know he needed. I smiled a little when Tom finally looked up, he wasn't directly looking at me, but, he was trying, and thats what mattered the most.

"now, you know that we're going to be away for the week, don't you?" I got a small nod, "so it means your going to have to look after yourself this week, alright? Carrie will be here to keep you company, so your not going to be deserted, and she will happily get you anything you need. But I need you to promise me that you will eat, and sleep, and not try to run off. I'm proud of you that you haven't tried since the hospital, but I don't want you trying to do it now either. I want you to stay here in the house, and if you do go out, come back. Leaving me like you did hurt so much, and I never want that to happen again, alright? Its all I want you to do, eat, sleep, and not run off, okay? Thats all I ask, just behave yourself, and it'll be fine. If you need me, I'll be just a phone call away, you can phone me any time you want, I won't mind if its 3am in the morning, if you want to talk you can. If you have any trouble with anything else, tell Carrie and she'll sort it, if not, phone Harry and Dougie, they'll be round like a shot, alright? Now, I have to go if I want to get back to Bolton at any time before dinner, so, be good for me, we'll all be back soon... I love you." I barely managed to whisper that last bit, having not said it in so long, I had to say it now, just so Tom could hear how much I felt for him. Then, I did possibly the bravest thing I had done in a year, I leant in, gently placing my lips on top of Toms, letting them brush against each other lightly. Fireworks exploded in my stomach, and my heart rate went up so fast it was almost unbelievable. Before I went nuts and pinned the blonde to the floor I pulled back, hugging Tom bye and somehow managing to get into my car, my whole body felt weak and floppy, replaying the moment in my mind over and over until I realised something...Tom didn't kiss back.

97 Toms POV

I laid on the floor and sobbed, just sobbed and sobbed uncontrollably, pain ripping through every part of my weak and useless body. Danny had kissed me he had actually told me he loved me, he lied to me. Just when I thought his pretending couldn't get any worse, he went and kissed me, telling me those 3 little words, that meant everything to me. Those 3 words meant the world to me when said in that Bolton accent, they always made me feel so much better usually, now I felt like tearing myself apart, ripping the whole of my body to shreds to punish myself for making him say those words. I must have done something to make him think he had to say it, maybe because I looked at him? Had he seen in my eyes how much pain I was in just by being his presence, his perfect presence? Is that why he lied, and did what he did? God I was pathetic, I couldn't even hide the pain from Danny Jones, legendarily stupid Boltoner.

My lips were still tingling from where his had touched them, everything he had touched was tingling, which made me feel even more guilty. I shouldn't have been enjoying it! Danny was forbidden fruit, a taken man, I shouldn't have loved him like I did! It wasn't right to be in love with him while all he felt for me was pity. But I couldn't help it, he was so perfect to me, so nice and comforting, how could I not love him? He had wasted 4 years of his life pretending to be in love with me, and had put on an amazing show for it too, how he put up with it I would never know. If it had been me, I would have exploded and just screamed after only 6 months, but no, Danny managed for 4 whole years before I figured it out.

My thoughts were whirling inside my head, two conflicting thoughts warring each other to fill my head, telling me what to feel. Love him, you can't not! He's perfect, just carry on like before, he might eventually fall in love with you! One voice whispered, it was so tempting to listen to it, but if I did, I would be ashamed. I already was ashamed of myself, so ashamed that I had to chuck the blanket over my head and run upstairs to hide in my bathroom so Marvin didn't see me. If he saw me like this, he would just run out of the cat flap and never return, and I wouldn't be able to take that. You can't love him! You can't! He's taken, you can't just carry on like before ,he'll get even more depressed and angry at you if you do that! You can't let him carry on like this, set him free! The other voice screamed so loudly I gave myself I headache as I settled in my position in the bathroom, locking the door.

I was so close to screaming right now, it was killing me, both thoughts would cause me so much pain, so much denial and my fragile mind couldn't take it. It was so hard to pick a choice, what did I want more, a lie, a pure horrible lie, that I had already lived with for 4 years, or did I choose to let Danny go? Could I actually set him free, would I have the guts to do it? Of course I wouldn't, this was Danny we're on about here, he would fight me, tooth and nail, until I gave up and let him carry on lying. He was too kind to me, way too kind to me, and he wouldn't stop, even if I told him I knew he was lying to me. I felt terrible, weak and feverish, uncontrollable sobs wracking my body as I felt my whole body whither with this pain.

2 days later, I was still in the bathroom, still locked in, so many new cuts marking my arms.