A/N: I want to apologize for not updating in such a long time. School, homework, and family issues have been keeping me busy. I hope that you enjoy this rather long chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 48: Healing

Eva was allowed to return home three days after she finally woke up. Gideon was at her beck and call and refused to go to the office. Ana stayed for another three days but had to return to Seattle. Her last night in New York City was spent with Eva. The sisters asked Gideon to stay at Christian's apartment so the ladies could have privacy. He wasn't happy about the request but he gave in.

They dressed in comfort pants and t-shirts and ate ice cream out of the carton like they used to do when in college and had their sister weekends. Ana had bittersweet feelings about this final night with Eva. She was glad to have this special time but knew it would end far too soon.

"Alright, Sis…what's going on with Christian? He basically lives with you but there are no plans for a marriage. I don't understand."

"It's actually pretty simple. I do love him, but I am still having trust issues. I'm having problems with getting over his cheating. I know he isn't cheating now, but who knows about the future. What if I married him again, and the next year he decides he wants to fuck someone else?"

"Life is too short to worry about 'what if's"." Eva said wisely. "If you want to be with him you are going to have to learn to trust him again."

"Exactly, and that's the problem. I don't trust him yet." She took a bit of her rocky road ice cream. "I wonder if I ever will. I want him so much, but then I wonder if I am being fair to him. I am keeping him limbo."

"I wish I could guarantee you that he wouldn't do that again. You two seem so happy together…you always seemed to be happy together until he fucked up."

Ana sighed heavily. "I thought we were happy, but I guess not." She didn't want to discuss this right now. "So, how are you feeling today?"

"I'm still sore, but it's getting better every day. I will be going to see my shrink next week to work through the emotional stress. I still don't how I got pregnant. I was on the shot."

"I was on the shot with Teddy also. It's not a hundred percent you know." She played with her ice cream. "Are you and Gideon thinking about having another baby with IVF?

"We talk about it, but I don't know. I would love to have a little girl." Eva had to smile when her thoughts went to Andrew. He was growing so fast. "What about you Ana do you think about having more children?"

"I have thought about it. Christian does make pretty babies."

"You make the pretty babies, Ana." Eva replied. "I still think you should give Christian another chance. You already talked about the prenup and everything. I think you would be happier if you settled this with him."

"You also thought that we should date other people." Ana said lowly keeping her face serious then broke into a smile Eva frowned at her. "I'm just joking with you. I know you were making a joke that day…a bad joke, but still a joke." Eva gave her sister a little slap on the thigh.

"You are just horrible, Ana."

"It's part of my charm." Ana replied flippantly. "So what are you going to do about birth control? The shot doesn't work all the time. I was thinking about using that Mirena. It lasts five years or so the ads say."

"You giving up the shot?" Eva put her spoon in the ice cream and left it there.

"I was just thinking. I'm scheduled for my next one in three weeks and I can change over since I still make Christian use a condom." Ana decided she was done with ice cream also. "Are you going to be alright when I leave?"

"Yes, Ana, I will be alright. Listen, we both know that I can't carry a baby full term. I can't even make it to the second trimester. Even though I was shocked that I was even pregnant, I wasn't shocked that I lost the child." She frowned. "It hurts, I won't lie to you, but there's not a damn thing I can do about it."

"You could always see other doctors." Ana said hopefully.

"No, I am done with all those tests. I accept the fact that I can't have a baby. I'm not the first woman to suffer that and I won't be last."

Ana admired her sister's no-nonsense view but she also heard the pain in Eva's voice. "There are procedures practiced in other countries that…."

"Ana, don't." Eva said lowly. "I will not put myself through that again." She wiped her blonde hair from her eyes. "Listen, I have Andrew and I am more than happy. He is my son and Gideon's." She smiled thinking about her husband and child. Her happiness was with them and also with her sister. She was satisfied. "You need to go home to your own children."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"Actually, yes. I want you to go home to Seattle and marry Christian. It's time for you to get over this shit and just be happy. You are letting fear rule your life and missing out on having a happy life with the man that you love."

"If I do marry him, you and Gideon will have to be there. You didn't stand up for me the first time, and I won't let you deny me again."

"So, you are going to accept his proposal?"

"Maybe."

~xxXXxx~

Ana arrived home on Friday afternoon and went straight home to The Ranch. Teddy was home from school and Phoebe was playing in the family room with Connie. Both kids went running to their mom when she announced her arrival. She fell down to her knees and hugged and kissed them both. They ended up rolling around on the floor laughing and squealing. She tickled them and kissed them more. "I missed my babies so much."

"We missed you, Mommy." Teddy declared as he sat on her lap with his arms about her neck. "Daddy didn't come home last night and I miss him too."

"Well, Daddy probably had a late meeting." She said to soothe his worry. She stroked through his copper colored hair. He was the image of Christian. Phoebe had her coloring and her unruly hair when not tamed with a flat iron and hairspray and her sky blue eyes. "What would my little angels like for dinner tonight?"

"Mackyroni." Teddy yelled.

"Alright then, Mackyroni it is." She hugged him and stood up with Phoebe in her arms. "I will go get supper going."

"Mommy…can we have cookies?"

"Of course, Teddy Bear." She tousled his copper curls one more time then left for the kitchen still carrying Phoebe. Mr. Gailey was in the kitchen already cooking. "I hope you are making Mackyroni."

"Mrs. Grey, you are home." He said surprised. "I didn't think you would be home to later."

"I was missing my little rugrats." She said giving Phoebe another kiss. "The children would like mac and cheese with cookies." She lowered her voice. "I would rather have whatever you are fixing it smells wonderful."

"Chicken and fried rice."

Ana made her way to the war room to check in with Sawyer. He was working on paper work and monitoring the cameras. "Good afternoon, Luke." She said.

"I saw that you were back. I hope everyone is well in New York." He smiled up at her and Phoebe. "I have all the schedules done for the next month, and I have added two new prospects to the list for potential security guards. They are highly trained in the CIA."

"I will look over their files later. Have you finished the BGC on Ellington?"

"It's on your desk." He lost his smile. "You need to be careful with him. He is dangerous, not only in business but in life. He likes the BDSM scene and from what I learned he is very severe. He likes all kinds of women, and his favorite implement is the whip. He makes no apologies for his chosen lifestyle and lives it out in the open."

"Very hardcore." She said lowly. She was glad that Phoebe didn't understand what they were talking about. "Is he still nosing around GP?"

"Not so much since you left for New York City. He has also been to New Orleans a few times."

"Just keep him on the radar. I don't trust him for some reason."

"I think you just made a very good call." Luke nodded at her then waited for her next question.

She smiled at him. "Where was Christian last night? Teddy said he didn't stay here."

"He was at The Sound." He answered lowly. "He was alone except for Elliot."

Ana only nodded and chastised herself for what she was trying not to think. "If you need me I will be in the nursery changing miss stinky here"

The next three weeks Ana decided to only work half-days and spend the afternoons at home with Phoebe and Teddy when he returned home from pre-school. She kept rethinking the advice that Eva had given her about what-ifs, loving Christian, her trust issues, and remarriage. A part of her wanted to jump in blindly with Christian and hope for the best, but her business side held her back and made her scrutinize every feeling and all the events of their marriage, his cheating, and their divorce. Could he remain faithful? Was he really finished with the BDSM lifestyle? Could she ever trust him again? How would she handle him going out of town for business? What about the late nights? She could see herself driving herself crazy. Was remarriage to Christian going to be worth it if all she did was fall into jealous insanity due to mistrust? She also wondered if she was really in love with him or if she was in lust with him. Could she love another man? Could she go to bed with another man? Christian had been the only man in her bed. She had dated after Christian but the other men paled next to Christian Grey. Even Lowell who she thought would have possibilities turned out to be a disappointment, even in the friendship arena. The only male she felt she could trust was Teddy. At least he loved her unconditionally.

She needed male advice. Ana put on her coat, made sure that Connie knew that she was leaving and then made her way over to her in-laws. Carrick was happy to invite her in with a hug and a fatherly kiss on her forehead. He helped her with her coat.

"So, what can I do for you, my darling girl?" He asked as he escorted her into his den. "Is Eva doing well? Please extend our well wishes to her and Gideon."

"I will, Carrick. I am sure she and Gideon will appreciate that." She sat before his desk. She smiled at a memory of Christian and Elliot talking about when they were called to Carrick's den for a father-son talk or for reprimand. "I need advice and I need this to stay confidential."

"Of course, Ana, I am nothing but discreet." He sat back in his chair and steepled his hands over his chest. "What can I do for you?"

"It's about Christian. He has asked me to remarry him but I am hesitating to even answer him one way or another. I need to know that I can trust him and I also want to protect myself, my children, and business if I do marry him and he fucks up again." She turned a bright red when she realized that she had cursed in front of her ex-father-in-law. "Oh, I am so sorry, Carrick."

He put his hand up. "No need, Ana. Christian did fuck up royally when he stepped out on you. I wish I could soothe your fears and say that Christian will never hurt you again, but in truthfulness, I can't say that. I love my son, but he has always been difficult. I thought when he met and married you that he had finally defeated his demons. You were and still are the best thing that ever happened to him and he was a fool to let you go. He was damn foolish to keep a mistress when he had you at home. When I found out, the first thing I was tempted to do was beat the shit out of him, but he is a grown man and he has to take the consequences of his actions."

"Don't feel bad, Carrick. I wanted to beat the shit out of him also." She laughed. "So, there is no guarantee of his fidelity, I can understand that…so what about protection for my children and my business? Can child custody be addressed in a pre-nuptial agreement?"

Carrick shook his head. "I'm sorry, Ana, but no it cannot. No state in the union will recognize such a contract in regards of custody or visitation. Each case is different and has to be reviewed by the divorce judge for the best interests of the children. The best you could do is a verbal agreement with Christian about the children, but it would not stand up in court."

"So I have no way to protect them if he goes off and fucks around again. He could take me to court and get custody of the children if he so chooses." Carrick nodded once again. She pinched the bridge of her nose as she frowned. "But, I can still ask for a pre-nup to protect GP."

"Yes, you can. I can draw that document up for you if you so desire." He offered trying to determine if she was going to return to his son. "If I remember correctly you were more than happy to sign one before and Christian was against it. I am assuming it is the same this time."

"Yes, it is. When I brought it up to him he wasn't too happy with it, but he said he would sign it if that would give me piece of mind. He even said he would sign everything he owns over to me if that would make me happy, but I don't want that. What I felt for him and what I do feel for him has nothing to do with his money."

Carrick only nodded. "I will have the papers finished for you by next week, unless you need them sooner."

"Next week will be fine. Of course, we are leaving for Disney World this weekend. We will be back in time for Christmas Eve." She sat back relaxing. "I am in no hurry. It's not like we are getting married anytime too soon."

Disney World was an adventure with two children, one ex-husband, one nanny, and six security guards. Ana was glad to be home. Christmas would be spent without Eva and Gideon who decided to stay in New York City for the holidays since she was still recovering from the miscarriage. Ana made sure that she called Eva every day and she and Christian sent an obscene amounts of gifts for all three of the Cross family.

Ana and Christian were sitting on the floor in front of the Christmas tree at The Ranch waiting for their children to be good and asleep so they could play the part of Santa Claus. She was snuggled up to him watching the lights on the tree sparkle.

"I wonder if Teddy is asleep yet. He was so excited he could barely eat" Ana declared. Christian's arms were encircled around her waist as she lay up against his chest. "He is growing up so fast. He's not a baby anymore."

"Both kids are growing first. Phoebe is a precocious child…just like her mother."

"Pardon me; I would say she is like her father, always in the right and always wanting control of the situation." Christian laughed in spite of himself. "But, she is growing up too. Pretty soon I won't have babies in the house."

"We could always have another one." He offered hopefully.

"Do you want more children?" She asked as her fingers made lazy circles over the top of his hand.

"Yes, I would." He said kissing the top of her head. "I want to have more babies with you."

"Babies? You want more than one?"

"I want as many as you want to give me, Ana." He nuzzled her neck and kissed behind her earlobe. He grinned as she shivered in delight. "Have you thought anymore about us getting married soon?
"I have."

"And?" He lost his smile as he stared forward at the lights of the tree.

"We still have a few things to work out. We have been doing well so I guess I don't want to rock the boat."

"You still don't trust me." He said lowly. He understood why, but it still hurt all the same. He knew he had earned her mistrust when he took another woman into the playroom. It was easier to lose the trust than it was to win it back. He knew she was still holding back. She was waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Ana let his comment stand. She couldn't deny what he said. She still didn't trust him completely.

Teddy and Phoebe were up right after daybreak and were screaming in delight when they saw the gifts under the tree. Ana and Christian were laughing as the children were shaking gifts and asking which gift was theirs. Christian took over handing out the gifts while Ana made herself a cup of tea and made coffee for Christian. She quickly hopped into the War Room to find Sawyer. She motioned him to join them in the family room.

Christian smiled at Ana as she brought in a tray with coffee and tea. He nodded at Sawyer as he followed. Christian had to admit that Sawyer did a damn fine job keeping Ana and the children safe. He knew his job and was always a step ahead of Ana and her needs.

Ana found the gift that she got for Sawyer and handed it to him. She dismissed his regrets that he didn't get them anything and that he didn't expect a Christmas gift under the family tree. She sat beside Phoebe and watch as Sawyer opened his gift.

"Ana, you shouldn't have." He said amazed by the gold Rolex watch that he found.

"You deserve it. I know that I am demanding and expect the best of you 24/7." She smiled at him and turned her attention back to Phoebe who was having problems opening her gifts. She stole a look at Christian who was smiling at her. He was more than handsome sitting in his pajama pants and a simple white T-shirt. As usual his hair looked like he just had sex and his grey eyes were twinkling with joy. He was happy to be with her and the children. He watched as Ana found a gift with her name on it. She looked up at him smiling knowing that this gift was from him. She opened it quickly to find an oblong tiffany's box. She opened it to find a beautiful sapphire and diamond bracelet. "Oh Christian, its lovely." She said smiling at him. "You didn't need to…"

"I wanted to." He said leaning over and kissing her softly. "The sapphires remind me of your eyes."

Phoebe opened her last gift which was the baby doll she wanted. She squealed happily. "Baby" She cooed. "Mine."

"Yes, my angel that is your baby." Ana said as she kissed her daughter's cheeks.

Teddy walked over to his mom. He was so happy that he got the toys he asked Santa for. "Mommy, can we have a real baby?" He asked wide-eyed.

Ana could hear Christian cough and Luke take a deep breath. "Do you want a baby sister or a baby brother?"

"I want a baby bwother." He said shyly.

"Why are you asking about babies?" Christian asked wondering where this was coming from.

"Josh Jenkins, my school friend says his mom is going to have a baby. He told me that I couldn't have a baby bwother because my parents were not married."

"Damn little fu…" He closed his mouth when he saw Ana's pursed mouth and she shook her head slightly.

"It is true, that we are not married anymore, but that's none of Josh Jenkins business." She pulled Teddy down into her lap. "Now, I want you to be happy today, my big guy. Did you like what Santa brought you?"

"I was a good boy this year." Teddy proudly beamed then his smiled faded. "Mommy, do you love Daddy?"

"Yes, of course I do." She said trying to give her son some reassurance.

"Why doesn't Daddy live with us all the time?"

Christian cleared his voice. "Son, I did something bad and I had to go into time out."

Teddy's eyes grew in wonderment. "Was it really bad?"

"Yeah." Christian said in an almost whisper. "I was really bad."

"And, Mommy put you in time out?" Christian only nodded. Teddy slanted his head to the side. "Why don't you say sorry? When I say sorry, Mommy gives me kisses and lets me go play."

Ana was getting uncomfortable with this conversation. "I think it's time to clean up this mess and start getting ready for breakfast. We have to be over at Grandma and Gramps in a few hours." She urged her children to get up. "Who can clean up more paper? I bet I can."

Teddy was more than competitive and started to pick up wrapping papers. "I'm gonna win."

Christian had to admire his wife's quick thinking to redirect their son. "Thank you." He mouthed to her. She only nodded and began cleaning.

Ana ran to the bedroom to answer the phone knowing that Eva was calling. She smiled when she heard her sister's voice.

"Annie…Merry Christmas…Ho Ho Ho." Eva proclaimed.

"Merry Christmas Evie. How is Andrew? Did he get everything opened up?" She fell across the bed like a teenager talking to her best friend.

"He is barely 8 months old. Who do you think opened his gifts?" Eva laughed. "And, yes we are working on it."

"I miss you so much." Ana said sadly. "How is Gideon?"

"He is perfect. He spoiled me silly. I got new earrings and necklaces with different stones." She took a deep breath. "How about you? Did Christian get you something special?"

"Yes, he did a beautiful sapphire and diamond bracelet."

"Oh, he did well. What did you get him?"

"I got him a remote control glider." Ana said proudly. "You know how the boys like their toys."

They laughed together. "Oh, wait, Gideon wants to say something."

"Hey, Sis, Merry Christmas." She heard his deep voice.

"Merry Christmas, Bro." She replied. "Was Santa good to you?"

"Yes, Mrs. Santa was very good to me." He laughed. "We can meet you and Christian in Aspen if you still want."

"Is Eva well enough to travel?" She was worried that this trip might too much for her sister.

"The doctor said it would be fine and she thought it would be good for her to get out of New York for awhile. Besides, you are the best medicine for her." Gideon replied with a happy tone. "Of course we will bring the nanny and Andrew."

"Well, you better." Ana declared. "I miss my nephew and Phoebe will be glad. She misses her baby boy."

"You tell my girl, that her baby will be there for her." Gideon said happily and gave the phone back to Eva.

"Your husband is going to spoil my daughter." Ana groaned as she shook her head. "I am so glad that we will be seeing each other in a week's time."

"I know. I might just come back home with you to Seattle." Eva declared knowing that Gideon was probably frowning at her. As much as she loved New York, home was with Ana. If Gideon would agree, she would move their family to Seattle to be closer to Ana and Christian.

"You know you are always welcomed here. Your suite is waiting for you." Ana laughed.

"Have you said yes yet?" Eva whispered.

"No." Ana whispered back. "I'll talk with you about that later."

"Oh, alright. You are just being difficult."

"I am not. I am just undecided."

The girls talked about the kids' Christmas gifts and what the rest of the day would be like. Gideon and Eva were staying at their apartment and Gideon's little sister; Ireland would be joining them later. Gideon refused to spend Christmas with his family at the home he grew up in and hated. Eva was the one who sent the gifts over to the Cross family but only after having two arguments with Gideon over her wish to spread Christmas cheer to his family.

Eva sighed heavily. "I thought Gideon was stubborn." She said frustrated with her sister.

"I am not stubborn!" A deep voice yelled loud enough so Ana heard him. She had to laugh.

"Tell Bro that he is the most stubborn man I have ever met in my life and that he even surpasses Christian Grey!" Ana knew that would get Gideon's goat. A movement caught Ana's eye and she turned to see Christian behind her with a big smile on his face. Ana laughed as Eva told Gideon what was said and he yelled his dissent. "Oh, wow, listen to that bellowing. Tell the old man he better calm down. A man his age could have a stroke. He's not getting any younger you know."

"There is no way in hell I am telling him that." Eva stated lowly. "You are just horrible and yes, I know, it is part of your charm."

The girls laughed together. "So, you will text me what time you will get into Aspen? Do you want me to take care of travel for you?"

"That's alright, Sis, I am sure that my old man can take care of that." She yelled out "ouch" when Gideon smacked her butt. "He smacked my ass!"

"It's not the first time, Sis." Ana joked knowing that Eva was red faced. These girls had no secrets from each other from their dreams, fears, hopes, and even their sex lives. "Listen, I need to hit the showers and get over to Grace and Carrick's. I wish you were here with us."

"I know, Annie. Next year, I promise we will be together for Christmas."

"Promise?"

"You have my promise and I don't go back on my promises with you." Eva felt that familiar sadness that covered her heart when she had to say goodbye to her sister. "You have a very Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Evie. I love you so much." Ana's voice cracked with emotion. She felt the same way as her sister. Life would be so much nicer and easier if the Cross family lived in Seattle. She even thought of moving to New York but knew that Christian would not allow her to move across the country with their children. "Bye, sissy." Ana wiped a tear as the line went dead. She sighed heavily.

"You miss her." Christian declared wishing that he could take away her hurt.

"I wish we lived closer, but that will never happen. I can't move to New York and she can't move to Seattle." She scooted off the bed and began to take off her clothes. Christian watched with raised eyebrows and enjoyed the view. She was in such great shape for having three children. He even thought she looked better now than when they first met. Her body was curvy like a woman should be. Her breasts were fuller and she was toned from her exercising. "Enjoying the show, Mr. Grey?" She asked catching him leering at her.

"Always, baby. You are one hot lady." He reached out and grabbed her around the waist and they fell back onto the bed. With a smooth move he was over her, holding her hands over her head with one hand while the other traced over her neck and down her throat to the valley between her breasts. "I would love to fuck you right now."

His deep voice made her body shiver. She wanted that also. "The children? And, of course, we have to be over at your parents soon."

"I know, baby. I would rather stay here with you. Maybe, we can get Mom and Dad to watch the spawn for us and we can sneak back over her for some our own Christmas cheer." He kissed her softly, drawing her out and wanting her to want this as much as he did. "What do you think?"

"I think it's a great idea." She agreed. Her blue eyes were stormy with desire. She did want him. She knew she could open her legs and invite him to take her, but they did have to get ready for Christmas Dinner and get their children ready. "The children are too quiet. You better go check on them and I will jump into the shower."

Christian gave her another sweet kiss then he left her. She smiled up at him as he offered her hand and pulled her off the bed. As she walked away his hand connected with her bare ass. She jumped, squealed, and rubbed it. "Ouchie!" Christian laughed as he walked out of the bedroom with a hard-on and a plan to relieve himself of it. She would be his before this day was over.