Hey guys! I hope you all had an amazing Monday!
All I want to say about this chapter is...please don't get mad with me :D But I am going to fuck things up again. But hey, you will get to see who Nina is.
And baroness vixen, yes, that was what that was :)
But of course, I will make them good again soon enough (and maybe I will fuck them up again *wink*)
Aaaand I am sorry to announce you that unfortunately, I am going to go back to updating twice a week (on Mondays and Thursdays, as these are the days I am free enough to write) because my new schedule at the uni this semester is full as hell and I don't have enough time to take care of everything. I am really sorry for that, but there is no other way.
Lots of love!
My taxi driver knew his shit and I manage to get to my friends' house in ten minutes, way faster than usual. Well, the fact that the streets are emptier than on most days, is a big plus. I give this man a good tip and make my way upstairs and rapidly knock at the door. The one who opens is Christian, an uptight smile on his face, but at my sight, his expression relaxes and he sighs relieved.
"Hey, Rose." he says making some space for me to get in and scratches the back of his head. "I um...I think I'll let you deal with her because she is still upset with me for calling you and I couldn't reconcile with her until now." I nod. Well, I get him. Lissa is quite moody these days and to my surprise, he is dealing very well with this situation. "'I should get back around six. I don't know how much it will actually take, but I'll try to come as fast as I can anyway."
"Don't worry buddy. We'll be fine."
"Thanks once more for coming, Rose. I hope I didn't disrupt anything."
"Nah, I am good. Now go there and save the day." and with this he leaves hurriedly, leaving me here with a full of hormones Lissa. Oh, and she is already upset, just my luck. Good thing I know her for so long and I am an expert when it comes to her.
I enter my former room, and I see Lissa on their new king size bed. Hm, that looks really comfortable. She is halfway laying down on the bed, her back leaning over the bedpost and her hands are crossed over her chest, above her belly, just like I expected. And seeing her like this brings a smile on my face.
"Hello, momma. What are you doing?"
"I'm fine." she answers pouting some more and looks away, pretending to ignore me as I get closer.
"Oh, come on Liss. The damage is already done. I am already here. Do you want to spend the rest of the night sitting in the bed alone? Would you really miss the chance to spend some quality time with this girl?" I ask her jokingly as I point towards myself from head to toe, but she is not really impressed. "I can go if you really want it." I say and take a step back.
She considers things for a second, then finally gives in. "No. Come here." I smile in response and take a seat on the bed to properly hug her.
"So, now tell me. How is it really going?" I ask again as I know that she is not really fine.
"I'm fine. Really. I just have a runny nose and my throat is a little sore, nothing too bad. I don't even have a fever, for God's sake. And the doctor said that there is no reason for us to worry. It happens all the time to a lot of pregnant women. It's flu season after all. It's just that Christian is driving me insane with all this overreacting."
"Hey, but you know that he takes this pregnancy thing very seriously. And I think that this is amazing." I mean, he has read like a thousand books already and he's ready for everything that may come.
"It is, but sometimes it's way too much. Like now. I am just pregnant, okay? It's not like I am incapable of taking care of myself. Plus, I am a nurse. I have the training to deal with things like this. I know how this shit works better than most people."
"Oh, Liss. You will so miss this thing, trust me. Instead of taking advantage of this so-called holiday whenever you are home with Christian at your disposal at any time, you keep on complaining about this. He's a sweetheart and you're not appreciating him enough these days. Just think about this: how much free time do you think you will have after the baby will come? How much do you think you both will have to be like this? Let him take care of you if it's what he wants. Let him be a part of this pregnancy. Let him worry if that is what it takes."
And with my words, her grumpiness washes away. "Yeah, you're right. Maybe I overreacted a little with this."
"You think?" I ask sarcastically.
"Oh, you so like being right, don't you?"
"You know I always do. And I know as well that you don't really mean that about Christian. He just loves you very much and he is taking the best care of you. Hell, I would like to be taken care of like this."
At this, she lifts an eyebrow. "But you have Dimitri to take care of that." She reminds me. Yeah, my man is the best, isn't he?
"Yeah, I do." I respond smiling silly. "Liss?"
"What?"
"Can I do that thing?"
"What thing?"
My smile widens. "You know." she shakes her head, not getting it. "Can I touch your belly?"
"Again?" she asks exasperatedly.
"Oh, come on. You know that it fascinates me. Please?" and I pull my puppy face. She can't resist this, she never has. Today is no different than usual.
She sighs deeply. "I really don't get your fascination with this thing, Rose sweetie. I just can't wait for you to have one of your own and leave mine be." she says as she sets aside the covers and lifts her pyjama blouse. And the thing is that I am somehow dreaming at the day I would have that too. Ever since we visited Dimitri's family a while ago, I catch myself thinking about having children quite often. "There you go. Enjoy yourself, little weirdo." she says amused.
I first rub my palms together to heat them up a little and then place them on her round belly. It is such a strange sensation, but I really like how it feels for some particular reason. Every time I do this, it always feels different. I just can't wait to feel the baby kicking one day. I never seem to be around when that happens. But maybe tonight will be my lucky night.
"Hey there, sweetie. Auntie Rose is here. How are you doing today?" I pat Lissa's belly with one finger. "Have you thought about any name for her?" it seems that Dimitri's grandmother was right with her prediction after all. The soon to be parents have just got the confirmation and Christian couldn't be happier about it.
"Oh, yeah. We have an entire list. Two full pages. We just can't decide which one we like more. Would it be weird if our baby would have about ten names?"
"Not if you tell everybody that she is Spanish." and we both laugh.
I circle her skin with my palms one more time. "This is amazing, Liss. There's a little human in here." I cannot cease to be amazed by this thing.
"Yeah, it really is." she responds and places her hand over mine. "Rose?"
"What?"
"What is this?"
"This what?"
"This thing on your finger." I take a look at my hand too. Oh! She is talking about the ring. I am not used to it being there yet. "Is this from your mother? Since when is she making you gifts again? Weren't you fighting or something? Waaaait. Have you gone home lately? When did you have the time? Oh, did you take Dimitri to meet your mum and didn't tell me? How did that go? Did she get bananas?"
A silly smile appears on my face. "No, Liss. It's not from her."
"Then?"
"It's from Dimitri."
Her eyes widen in surprise as she takes another look at my hand and probably observes where the ring is placed. "Oh my God. Rose? Do you have something to tell me?"
Some minutes later I have received the soup I ordered because I didn't have the time to cook it myself and we are both now sitting in bed, enjoying the wonderful taste.
"Okay, Rose. The soup is here. Are you going to tell me now? Don't make me wait for longer. I might do something you will regret. How did he ask you? Tell me already!" she says super excitedly. "When did it happen?"
"Today. This morning." I answer her latter question.
'Wow! That's very fresh news! Aaaand, how did he propose? Come on, don't let me boil."
"It's kind of complicated."
"What do you mean with complicated? It's very simple in fact. Did he propose to you or not? In fact, he did propose to you because I am very clearly seeing that ring on your finger. So tell me how it happened already."
"He kind of proposed."
She sighs. "Rose, you are killing me. There is no in between. And there surely isn't a 'kind of' proposing." well, with the two of us, anything is possible. I tell her how the whole ring thing happened.
"Soooo, he didn't actually say the words." I nod. "But he was so damn obvious!"
"Yeah, I know, right!? And it was so unexpected and I didn't want to spoil that perfect moment with some questions. What could have I said? Are you really asking me to marry you or are you just fucking with me? Or, are you sure you got the tight finger? You get me? And no word I could have said seemed appropriate. It was just the two of us and all those stars and it was amazing."
"So, what now? Do I smell some wedding?" I chuckle.
"I don't know. We didn't actually speak about this after either. We were… quite busy." and a grin appears on Lissa's face but I don't give it much attention. "I guess that it was all just something made on impulse. I don't know, Liss. Maybe he thought about it quite much. But I didn't say anything either, like yes or no or whatever."
And she frowns. "And what? Would you have said no?"
"Are you crazy? Of course I wouldn't have said no. I didn't say no. I would never consider saying no. I want that very much and you know it." and we spend some minutes in silence, considering things some more. "Should I wait for him to ask me the proper way? I mean, will he ask me again or we will get straight to planning?" it's kind of annoying not knowing. I guess I'll just have to ask him even though I might seem silly. That's what it is.
She laughs lightly. "Is there a proper way with the both of you?" she has a point here. We don't seem to be as normal as the others. And this is what I adore about us.
"Okay. Let's say that this was the proposal. What next? Should I go bride dress hunting? Teach me. You have a lot more experience than I do."
"Hey, we'll do this. You just wait until he says something. I don't know, it's not okay to push men, trust me. They freak out if you begin to push things forward. They just have to go at their own pace. You know how much it took Christian to finally ask me to marry him and it was a miracle he eventually did. I started to think he would never do it and you know how close I was to be the one asking him." and we take a whole minute to laugh about that thing again, and we eventually stop with tears in our eyes. "Okay. Where were we? Oh! And, if Dimitri doesn't say anything about this all until, let's say, my wedding comes, I'll help you kidnap him and you can get married at my wedding. We'll make a switch, okay? I waited until now. What would another month or so will mean?"
And we spend some more time making plans for a double wedding. It would be so funny to do this. After so many years of doing everything together, getting married at the same time doesn't seem weird for either of us and you know, why not do that?
I have borrowed a pyjama from Lissa and as it is too late already I decide that this mommy needs some sleep. I lay next to her and a strange feeling shots through me. Not strange. Familiar. It's funny, like some kind of déjà vu. I feel like I am sixteen again and Lissa and I have a sleepover at her house. And I can clearly remember a particular night. Back then, she confessed to me that she had a crush on a senior, obviously, none other than Christian, the dark, cocky, mysterious guy walking down the halls with hands in his pockets like nothing around was good enough to get his attention. A thing which, you can imagine, was a total shock for me. He was nothing resembling the other guys she dated before; he was quite the opposite in fact, in all the possible ways. And it wasn't very frequently that a girl like Lissa would be interested in a guy like him. But things happen.
It was more surprising for me what she asked me to do next. Her always being the shy one, she practically nagged me for days to go and get his number. And one day, I finally did it. Oh, and the attitude this guy had. He first thought that I was the one interested in him. Can you believe this? Me having any interest in him? So funny. But what can I say; he was that cocky back then. Now too, but we're dealing with it. When I explained to him the situation, he seemed intrigued. I saw that glint in his eyes as I was telling him more things about Lissa. And from then, the sparks appeared between them and well, we got to where we are today.
"I think we shouldn't sleep together." she says long after I have found a good position on the bed.
"And why not? Are you afraid you'll become horny overnight and want to do me? You don't have to worry; I wasn't into girls the last time I checked. Which is pretty recently because Dimitri and I-" she punches me in the arm. "Hey! What ar-"
"It's not about that. And while I am like this, you need to stop making sexual remarks around me or one day I might get to do you for reals." she says threateningly and then we laugh it off. But what can I do? I love those kinds of jokes. "But you might get sick too. You know, the two of us sleeping so close, sharing the same air and all these germs running around. I am still contagious." Her nurse side began to kick in again.
I wave my hand around, dismissing this possibility. "Meh, you know that I rarely get a cold. And the damage is already done. I have practically been sitting next to you since I came here, remember? We have shared lots of air and germs already."
"Oh, yeah. But-"
"Okay, leave that. I'll be perfectly fine. Now to bed with you. Otherwise, I am going to get a lecture from Christian later because I didn't take care of you properly and I am not in the mood for that. Hell, he may even insert a dad joke. He must practice them for later, no? I mean, it takes quite some work to embarrass your daughter. And I so don't want to be his experiment. I had enough of that kind of jokes from my dad." but still, I cannot complain. My father is the best joker I know. From him I got my sense of humor.
But as Lissa is lightly purring next to me, sandman quickly dragging her into dreamland, I can't fall asleep. Like, at all. This day has been too perfect and the effects of what happened this morning still linger in my thoughts. He actually proposed to me. Somehow. But I know it. I feel it. We don't need the words either way. I am way too excited to go back home in the morning and meet my man.
To my content, Christian managed to get home around four and a half, earlier than expected. Yay to me! As I was not sleeping, I passed over the torch to him and headed home to my Russian as fast as possible, excitement running through me.
It's just five when I enter our apartment. I decide to try not to make any noise and not to open any light around the house, in the hopes that I will be able to surprise Dimitri with my coming, this if he fell asleep, of course. I blindly find the sofa and put all my things on it, along with almost all my clothes and make my way towards our bedroom in only my lingerie. I want to give him a nice sight of me when he opens his eyes.
I open the door and it is pitch black in here. It's darker than usual and I can't see shit. I guess that the blinds must have remained pulled shut from earlier. No biggie. I'll manage to get where I need to somehow. I make my way towards his side of the bed, my hands wiggling in front of me, careful not to hit anything in the process, and after I reach my destination, I slowly pat the covers, moving upward on his body, feeling his outline. I can't guess the position he is in, because he seems smaller. Okay, weird. But I don't give a second thought to that. I just grab the edge of the cover and pull it off him, but there is no reaction coming from him. Okay, let's try something else to wake him up. I lean to where his head should be, approximately speaking, I find a darker spot that must be his hair and lean even closer to where I hope is his ear and whisper: "Did you miss me, comrade?", getting a sexy tone in my voice.
But the response I get is totally unexpected. My whole world crumbles as I hear a woman speaking back to me. Every dream of mine turns to dust at her first sound. No, this cannot be. Please, someone tell me that I fell asleep next to Lissa and that this thing happening right now is just a horrible nightmare.
"Did you say something, Dimi?" she asks into a sleepy voice.
I take a step back, almost stumbling over my own feet and I frantically search for the switch of the lamp on the nightstand next to the bed. My trembling hands pat their way around and I finally find it and I turn on the light, which is hurting my eyes and I need to keep them shut for a second. After I fastly blink a few times to accommodate my eyes, I gather enough courage to actually look at the bed next to me, hoping that I am only just hearing things. That I just had a moment of inexplicable insanity and that in fact, there is no one else in bed except Dimitri.
But no. That is not the case. The first thing I see is a big bundle of dark red hair spread on the white pillow, looking to me like some spilled blood. And it belongs to a completely naked woman who is laying on the bed with her back turned to me, with Dimitri's hand around her middle, keeping her very close to his as well naked chest, their bodies touching so much! She is practically wholly on top of him. It's funny because I used to lay on him like that no more than half a day ago. This sight makes my stomach twist and knot into ways I have never felt before.
The woman is the first one to react at the light's disturbance. She lifts her head from Dimitri's chest and turns it my way, raising to her butt, turning completely to face me, and then she gets her rich hair out of her face. A pair of sleepy, seemingly confused deep blue eyes meets mine. It takes me a moment to realize who she is because I know her from somewhere. I should have realized this thing earlier when I saw her hair, but I was way too shocked by other things. My mouth opens all of a sudden but words don't want to come out as I remember. It's her, the girl from the bar! I feel dizzy already. She is the same woman I bumped into earlier. It's her! No, this can't be happening.
Her expression changes at my sight, her face filling with the same surprise as I got when I saw her and rapidly, she covers herself with the sheet, pulling it up on her bare body, then turns to the other side of the bed and begins to shake Dimitri, urging him to wake up. Yeah, he surely needs to wake up now. Because he has a trip to make. To fucking hell.
"Hey, Dimi, wake up." She keeps on repeating while she is shaking him vigorously, her hands on his torso and the sound of her voice calling him like that is simply scratching my brain. I just want her to shut the hell up! I can't think properly.
After all that shaking, he finally wakes up and in a second he is fully aware, looking left and right, taking in his surroundings, but somehow, his gaze misses me. "Rose, what's wrong? What happened? Are you okay?" he asks and places his palm on that woman's thigh as he's looking behind him. Oh, Rose would surely tell you what the fuck is happening if she would be able to get out of her shock state. But I simply can't do anything. This whole thing is unrolling in front of me just like a movie and I surely am not one of the characters in the movie. Just a simple spectator.
"We have a problem. She is here." oh, that would be me, no? "You told me she will come home later."
He gets up too. "What? What are you talking about?" he says rubbing his eyes and blinking a few times, then looking at the woman next to him like it would be the first time he sees her, his eyes widening and he pulls his other hand away from her body. Yeah, be careful because it might burn you. "Who are you?" yeah, I would like to know that too.
"Oh, come on Dimi. Don't pretend that you don't know who I am just because she is here, okay? She already knows what is happening here, she's not that stupid." and she gives me a little glance with the corner of her eye, just like she would want to see my reaction, but I am not capable of having one. "Be man enough to admit what you are doing, at least now when you are caught red-handed, will you? I didn't stumble and fall into your bed by accident." Her tone turns cold, just like the blood in my veins. I slowly take some more steps back until I feel the cold material of the closet gluing to my bare back and I lean over it so that I will not drop down on the floor as my feet can't support my weight anymore. Everything around feels so heavy.
"Wait, what? What are you talking about? Who the hell are you? And what are you doing here?" he asks, raising his voice, almost shouting at her and making me tremble even more, and I become suddenly aware of how cold I feel.
"Fine! So be it!" she shouts in response. "Let's pretend, why not? But let me refresh your memory instead. What about that? My name is Nina." she practically spits the words in his direction. "Remember me now, darling? We fucked earlier. And last week too. And so we did for the past couple of years, occasionally, usually when you get bored." she says this time and I swear I can feel some pride in her voice. "Are you happy now? Does it ring any bell?" she crosses her hands over her chest and watches him.
In a normal situation, I would have already been shouting at the top of my lungs and demanding an explanation or even punch someone, or at least do something, but hearing her name simply shut my brain down. For once in my life, my mind is completely blank and I remain speechless and still as the things are unfolding in front of me. Rose Hathaway 0, shit that is happening 1.
Air. I need air because I have stopped breathing for some time now and I feel my lungs beginning to crumble. I try to exhale and it comes out as a sharp cry. Dimitri's face turns my way, finally spotting me and his eyebrows knit into a confused expression.
"Roza? Wha-"
"Oh my God." some strangled words finally break free from my mouth as my body bends forward involuntary, trying to suppress the terrible aching in my chest. But nothing seems to help.
I can't be here. It's too much already. I feel the walls beginning to grow tighter and tighter around me and my heart is beating so hard and so fast, threatening to break my ribcage. My ears obstruct from the pressure in my head and I can faintly hear someone call my name.
DPOV begins
My head is ringing and I can't think straight right away. But all I know is that there is something wrong going on. Something very wrong. This woman that I thought was Rose but that turned out it's not Rose and that I don't know is next to me, completely naked and past her, just next to the closet is Roza, dressed only in her underwear, her face crumbled, being on the verge of crying. How did I get here, in this situation? I can't remember for the second. And what is happening right now?
I get up from the bed and it is hard for me to keep my balance, the ground seeming to be slipping under me. This is such a strange feeling, just like I would be drunk, except that I am completely sober. I need to steady myself by holding on to the edge of the bed, but the only thing I know is that I have to get to her. Fast.
I keep on calling her name but it seems that she is in another place because I can't get a reaction from her. I must take one more step to reach her and she finally raises her head. When she looks at me, I feel like a stranger to her. All the warmth she was looking at me with every single time before is now gone. There is nothing that I can read into her beautiful eyes except fear. She looks like a scared animal. I reach my hand and slowly touch her shoulder, hoping that she won't pull back, praying that she will let me. And she doesn't do anything to get away from me. Instead, as our skins touch, she bursts into tears, making my heart break. She is sobbing hard and her face turns red in a matter of seconds and she is pressing the heel of her hand onto the place above her heart, her other going to her mouth, trying to muffle her cries.
I can't bare seeing her hurting like this and it drives me insane that there is nothing I can do to comfort her. I don't know what is happening and how I even ended up in this situation and I have no idea how I am going to make her understand all of this. I can't understand it myself. But I know what she might be thinking and the odds are surely not in my favor.
To soothe her pain, all I can think of is to encircle my hands around her and pull her close to me, latching my body to hers. She is still crying so hard, shaking the both of us from her deep sobs and her hot tears are falling down on my chest. I strengthen my embrace, trying to form a fortress around her with my arms. I cup the back of her head with my palm and try to move her, to make her look at me, but she stays still, not letting me.
"Roza, pl-"
"I hate you." She says between sobs and I don't think I heard that right. Her words come like a slap to me. I place my hands on her shoulders and lift her off me, looking dumbly at her. Gosh, Rose. Please, don't do this. She stops her whining and her face turns dark. "Get your hands off me! Don't you ever touch me again! I hate you!" she yells and with each word she pounds her fists into my chest hard, trying to push me backward.
DPOV ends
Letting him even touch me might seem the stupidest thing for me to do in this context, but my heart just needed to feel his touch one more time. It needed to feel his arms tightly wrapped around me. Needed to feel one last time that he was mine. Or to fool myself that he ever was, just for a split of a second, only mine. That is why I let him take me into his embrace.
Staying there in his embrace, I tried to feel the same for him, to feel the same things I did a couple of minutes ago. I tried to love him again. I tried so hard to make myself feel that. But I couldn't. That feeling was now somewhere at the bottom of my heart, and all I could feel for him in that exact moment was hate. Hate for what he did. Hate for his betrayal. Hate for him breaking my trust. And I let him know that. And I pushed him away, not being able to bear the touch of our bare skins anymore. Not being able to be close to him anymore. And as I push him away, the look in his eyes breaks my heart even more. He has no right to be hurt by this! I am not the one who did him wrong!
I can't be near him anymore. I can't bear him even looking at me, or to look him in the eyes. The only way I can escape his gaze is to run. But I can't head out the bedroom door because he is blocking my way and I know I have no chance to get past him. He wouldn't let me. So I go the other way, getting as fast as I can into the bathroom, catching him by surprise. I lock the door just in time, before he begins to shake the doorknob.
"Rose, open the door." He keeps on saying. "Let me in." and "Please, Rose, just let me talk with you." or "I'll break this door if you don't open it." And what angers me the most of what he says: "Let me explain this to you. It's not what you think, I swear." What does he need to explain to me? What they have been doing for the past hours? No thank you. I don't ever want to know. My imagination is way more than enough. Anything he wants to "explain" to me, I won't buy it.
I turn on the water, covering his words with its sound, as he keeps on insisting on me to open the door, and I wash my face with ice cold water in the hopes to calm the wave of heating anger passing through me. How dare he do this to me!? How could he?
I lift my gaze, I stumble over my image into the mirror and I stop in shock. I am almost completely naked and my face is a complete mess. I grab the first piece of clothing I find and cover myself with it, trying to repair a little part of my disastrous appearance.
"So what are you going to do now? She made things pretty obvious, right? I mean… you heard her, no?" that woman asks sarcastically. Gosh, how can she be so shameless? "Are you still going after her? Like, really now, Dimi. I am right here." yeah, she is. That's the worst thing.
The movement from the other side of the door stops, then Dimitri speaks, his voice being unrecognizable for me, that full of rage it is. "You. Tell me right now who you are and what you're doing here. Or else, I swear to God-" and I even hear the deep breath he takes in. "Don't play with my patience."
"I already told you. What-"
As they speak, I see my opportunity to get out. Maybe the only one I will need if I am careful enough.
"That is not the truth and you know it so damn well! Don't act like there would be something going on between us! Now just tell me what I want to know or else I won't be responsible for what happens next."
I open the door without any noise. Dimitri is with his back towards me, very close to that woman, almost hovering above her as she is casually looking at him like nothing wrong would be going around.
"Look, if you are hoping for me to lie and play this stupid game that you are playing with, 'Oh, who are you?', 'I have never seen you in my life.' and 'How the hell did you end up in my bed?' just so that your lady in there would believe something else, you are wrong. I agreed to be your lover along time, but I am not going to lie to that poor girl in the face." she gets up from the bed, getting to look him in the eyes defiantly. "We tried to keep it hidden as best as we could, it didn't work with this one, shit happens. It happened before. But I am not going to do the lying thing. I have some limits, okay? I'll just go now and let you deal with whatever you have to do." she bends down and picks up her stuff. "And don't call me anymore. I thought you were a real man, but it seems you're not. At least you could have been mature enough to take some responsibility."
"No. It doesn't work like this." he says getting a hold of her hand and shakes her lightly. "You are not going to leave this place until you tell me what I want to hear, you get me? Tell me the truth! Who sent you? Why are you doing this? Who made you do it? It was her, no?" and I can read the fear in her eyes, but still, she holds on to her position.
Okay. If I move fast enough, I can make it out of here. They are way too busy with each other to observe me. Or so I hope. I get out and flee on the bedroom door, trying to make as little noise as possible.
"Your girl is running away." Is the last thing I heard from that woman, venom filling her words. Gosh, how bitchy can she be? But she saw the chance to get away and she took advantage of it. So the only thing I can try to do is to move faster than I already am.
I was heading towards my only escape. I needed to get out of this place as fast as I could. I managed to get out the hallway of the building, got to the stairs too and even got down some levels, when a hand grabs mine and stops me. Fuck! And I was so damn close.
"Let go of me!" but he just turns me around, drags me closer, rounds his palms on my shoulders and shakes me lightly, like trying to awaken me.
"Just look at me, Rose." I lift my gaze and tears begin to form again in the back of my eyes. No. I am not going to cry. He doesn't deserve my tears.
"I can't be like Tasha, Dimitri. I can't live like this. I just can't..."
He sighs deeply. "Rose, listen to me, please."
I shake my head like crazy. "No, Dimitri. Not this time. Not again, not ever!" I say shaking my head continuously. "She was right." and I laugh bitterly. "God, you'll never change. I was such a fool to think otherwise. I try to pull away but he gets a hold of my wrists and holds me tight.
"Rose, I didn't do anything with that woman. I swear. I don't even kn-"
"No, no, no! Don't do that fucking thing again! Stop lying to me! This is the first and the last thing like this that you do to me, you hear me? You have been doing this with her for the past years! For the past three months too, Dimitri! For the past three months, you have been doing it behind my back! How could you?" I begin to pound on his chest with my fisted palms, letting out all my anger and trying at the same time to get away from his grip, but it is inescapable.
"Rose, it's not wh-"
"You- you got bored of me..." my voice cracks as this realization washes over me.
"Roza…" he says faintly. "I would never…" and he tries to caress my cheek, but I slap his hand away.
"And you lied to me for so long and I trusted you! You said you didn't know any Nina! You said that the woman at the bar doesn't seem familiar to you! And now I find you in bed with her? You got around my back and did this? What, you just couldn't wait until I would come back, no? You just had to get some! And she was just there and willing. She always has been." I laugh bitterly as I remember him saying me that he doesn't care about anyone except me. Well, it seems he cares about Nina. One of his favorites as Tasha said. "This is why she was always at the bar at the same time with us? In case you would get bored of me some more and needed someone to change the decor with?" he opens his mouth to say something in response but I raise my voice, not giving him the chance to speak at all. "What was I for you for all this time, huh? Nothing more than a stupid woman to mess around with, no? Because how could I ever mean something to you when you go around and do shit like this, Dimitri?!"
"God, Rose. Please don't say that. I kn-"
And this is the second I try to punch him but his reflexes are way too good and he stops me just in time and he again gets a hold of both my wrists.
"I thought that you- And after- after what happened last morning? What did you want to get with that? Were you going to marry me and have a nice façade family, no? Was that all you ever wanted from me? Nice. Really nice. What did you think? That I would wait patiently for you at home, raising children or doing chores around the house while you were out doing God knows what with other women? I can't be like this. I won't be like this! Get that into your fucking head!"
"Come on, Roza. Do you really think I would ever do such a thing to you?"
I laugh to his face. "I don't know! I don't know you anymore, Dimitri. Maybe I never did. I let you fool me with this perfect guy acting of yours an-"
"Why won't you trust me with this?" and at this, my jaw drops for a second. "You don't see any-"
"Wait a second. Are you really asking me that shit? I really trusted you, Dimitri. Past tense. I really did. God, Dimitri I trusted you so fucking much! I believed everything you told me. Until this very moment. And you still have to ask why? Really? I'll tell you why! Because you just gave a pretty damn good reason not to trust you! She is 6 feet something, with red hair and she is laying in our bed. No, excuse me. Your bed only because I guess that it was never ours." and I am so close to him it is hard not to break in tears right now. I just can't bear this closeness. So I just grit my teeth until my whole jaw hurts, but I'll be damned if I am going to cry again. "And, I mean, if I trusted you with everything, then why hiding this when you could be obvious about it and make me think otherwise while you blamed it all on Tasha? She already had plenty of reasons to try to do that shit with the text from Nina so why wouldn't you have taken advantage of it? It was the perfect occasion. And being the fool I am, I trusted you."
And all he does is to open his mouth to pour out some more lies. To hell if I am sitting around to listen to him. I try to pull my hands back for the hundredth time, but still, he doesn't let go of me. In my desperation, I let out a long wince. "Let go." and I wiggle my hands again with no success. I don't know how he's doing it, but even if he is not holding me tight, I still can't escape him. And so, I resume to maybe my only way out. "Dimitri, you're hurting me." I say even though that is not true. But I don't know what else to do to get out of here. Well, he's at least not hurting me physically because when it comes to my heart, he turned it into little pieces.
His eyes widen at first, he looks down at our hands, then his expression softens and so does his grip, almost letting go of me. "God, Roza. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to. I would never…" I pull my hands hard once and I escape his grip.
And I want to turn away, but there is one more thing that I need to do before that. I take off the ring he gave me yesterday and break it in front of him, then throw it in his direction. "This is how much I meant to you, right? God, Dimitri. You broke my fucking heart!" and eventually, those fucking tears fall down my cheeks as I am not able to hold them anymore. "But hey. You managed to get me into your bed. I hope you're really proud of yourself. Fuck!" I wipe my tears as best as I can. "I don't want to see you ever again. Go back to your favorite woman. I am sorry I wasn't good enough to mean something more to you."
I turn around and run like hell and as I reach the first step, I feel his fingers brushing over mine into his attempt to catch me again. I haven't run like that in my entire life. I can hear him following me but somehow I manage to descend the too many stories faster than him and get outside, losing myself through the empty streets and buildings.
