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...
Frigga carded her fingers through her youngest son's hair, humming softly. Thor had long since fallen asleep on the chair opposite. He was sprawled out as much as a man of his girth could be, his head lolled back, mouth hung open.
"He certainly does snore, doesn't he?" Miss Potts handed Frigga a cup of tea, which the queen accepted with a smile.
"Ever since he was small. I spent many a sleepless night thinking that there were thunderstorms approaching. In some ways, they have been comforting."
"Comforting?"
"They let me know where he was and that he was well. If ever he tried to run off, all I had to do was wait for him to sleep, and then I could find him." The memory was warm and inviting. "And more than that. He voices his thoughts, tells others how he feels, what he needs…"
Miss Potts sat on the edge of the bed. "I've noticed that. I know Tony's particularly upset when he's quiet," she offered. "There are definite benefits to being loud."
Frigga nodded. Loki stirred, and she stroked his cheek, her heart rising. With a sigh, he settled back again. Frigga's heart did as well.
"He looks just like he did as a child. I did not expect... Are you a mother?"
Miss Potts shook her head.
"I give all to keep my sons safe, Miss Potts, but I fear that there is nothing I can do to protect my youngest. He has never let me know when he needs me, not even in infancy." Her sorrow lightened with a memory, and she smiled. "He could talk almost before Thor, but it wasn't until I confessed my fears for him that he said anything. Even then, I still had cause to worry: the first thing he told me was that I was in the way."
"So he had attitude right from the start."
"It turned out he was trying to learn a particularly difficult stitch from a lady across the room and couldn't see around me. He went on to give me a look."
"The 'look' that comes just before "Thor you big oaf"? asked Miss Potts.
"Exactly!" Frigga laughed. "And he put down his sewing, looked me in the eye, and told me, the same way he would with Thor, "Mother, I've been able to talk for nigh a year. I've just been too busy watching to speak." And he went right back to work as if nothing had happened." She took a sip of tea, but it did little to warm her against a sadness creeping through her chest again.
"You didn't share the feeling."
Frigga shook her head. "He went on to finish his project- a handkerchief. It was the first clear indication that he would be adept at magic. He learned quicker than I could teach him. It caused... problems at times, when he thought he was ready for spells that needed further training to attempt. But the more he learned, the less he spoke. That is how he is. He watches, he learns, he studies. He wraps himself in a cloak of silence so thick that I cannot pierce it." Frigga folded her hands in her lap and twisted towards Miss Potts. "How do I protect him from himself?"
The mortal woman's shoulders slumped. She bowed over Loki, brushing her fingers against his cheek in a mother's gesture. "I don't know. When was the last time you talked with him?"
"Years ago." Frigga wiped at the tears in her eyes. "He refused to see me after Thor brought him home. I only saw him once, during his trial. He stood so straight and proud then. A haughty, careless expression on his face. It still chills me to think of the anger and hatred I saw." Her voice caught. "What happened to my baby boy?"
A queen must not show weakness. How many times had Frigga heard that very phrase? When Miss Potts put a comforting hand on her shoulder, she picked up the tea again.
"Thank you, Miss Potts. I am sure that you have things to attend."
"I can stay-"
"Thank you. That is not necessary."
Miss Potts nodded. She had hardly left the room when Loki stirred, and his eyes fluttered open. Frigga hastily set the hot cup aside and leaned forward. Her heartache deepened as weariness and despair crept into her son's young face. He glanced at her quickly and then looked away again.
"I-" he started, and then stopped. He frowned. "Mother."
"I'm here."
His tiny hand reached out and pressed against her cheek, as if to make sure that she was there. His frown deepened. "Why?"
"My son, how can you ask that?" she whispered, aching inside.
Loki's hand dropped. He seemed confused and disoriented. He closed his eyes again, rubbing them with his knuckles and attempted to push himself into a sitting position. Frigga stacked up pillows behind him until he was upright.
"Why did you come?"
Frigga's long years as queen of Asgard had allowed her to build a resistance to cutting remarks, but the simple, quiet question from her son pierced her heart and brought tears to her eyes. "You cannot believe that we would allow you to die."
"No, I mean, has my punishment been decided? Are we to return to Asgard?"
Was it hope or despair in Loki's eyes? Frigga could not tell him that the council, Njord in particular, still demanded his death as punishment for his crimes on Midgard and against Asgard. But mostly, it was plain to see that they demanded his death for the audacity of being a Jotünn raised as Odin's son. He should never been allowed to live as a prince, Njord argued. A hostage, a bartering chip, perhaps, but not as a prince who might one day sit on the throne of Asgard.
"It is still undecided."
"They still want me dead, then," he said softly, turning away. "And yet it is only by a full council vote that the nectar of Yggdrasill may be administrated."
"Or by command of the king," Frigga reminded gently.
Loki looked back sharply at her. He opened his mouth, but closed it again without saying a word.
Frigga reached to brush his dark hair from his face, but he flinched away. It hurt and surprised her, and she withdrew.
"Are you still in pain?" she asked.
Loki shook his head.
Thor gave a particularly loud snore, and jerked awake. He yawned, stretching out. When he saw that Loki had regained consciousness pure relief broke across his face. He reached forth as if to embrace his brother, but pulled himself back.
"Brother, you're awake," he said.
"I do believe that I am."
Thor nodded. "Good." He fidgeted awkwardly, and then stood. "I should go inform the others."
"You should."
Frigga shared a brief smile with her eldest son, and then he left, walking slowly. After he was gone, she turned back to Loki. "He wanted you to tell him to stay."
"If he wanted to stay he would have."
Frigga sighed, and reached for her son. He remained stiff in her embrace, but laid his head down on her shoulder as he had as a child. "Loki, you have always been clever, but you always only saw things the way you wanted to see them."
"Who does not?"
Frigga sighed again. She did not know where to begin teaching her son how to love again.
#
"I fail to see what sticking my tongue out and saying 'ah' has to do with my health," Loki told Bruce wearily as the doctor checked his pulse. "I understand reflexes and the x-rays, but what could possibly be in my throat?"
Frigga and Thor had left to talk to the rest of the Avengers, and Bruce was giving Loki a checkup. The little demigod was weak, but how much of that was from his infection and how much was going to be permanent, Bruce didn't know.
Bruce shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just doing what I know how to do and hoping that I don't miss something important."
"I suppose that's reasonable."
"I can't find anything physically wrong with you. How do you feel?"
"I'm not sure," Loki replied, contemplating himself. "Strange, but it's not wholly bad. I feel... heavy. But light. Like I just had an epiphany, and I can't quite remember what it was."
"And you don't remember anything?"
Loki shook his head.
"Well, I'm not sure what else to do. I think you would benefit from a physiotherapy routine, if you're willing." Bruce helped Loki pull on a set of froggy sleepers. Loki tried to snap the closures together, but his hands trembled and his fingers were too weak. Bruce snapped them shut without a word.
"The scar is gone," Loki said abruptly, rolling up his sleeve to look at his arm.
"I noticed. Wasn't sure if you wanted to talk about it."
"I'm not sure I do. Dr Banner, what I told you before... about... why I didn't want painkillers..."
Bruce frowned, concerned. "Are you feeling like-"
"No, it's not that. I don't want anything. Even the old cravings are gone. I guess the world's tree heals more than physical injuries... I worry that, with Mother here..."
"I won't tell her," Bruce promised.
Loki studied the doctor, and then nodded. "I know you won't."
"Careful. That almost sounded like trust."
"Trust. It's such a strange term. Is it an emotion, or a state of being?" Loki frowned, his expression far too serious for his young face. "Before I left the tower."
Bruce waited a moment. "Yes?" he prodded when Loki didn't speak, and only continued staring at him.
"You weren't going to torture me, were you?"
"Has it taken you this long to figure that out?"
"Maybe. I'm not sure. It could be that I believed it before. It could be why I left."
Bruce frowned. "I'm not sure what you mean by that."
"Doctor Banner, I haven't had much experience with kindness in the past few years, not since I learned the truth of what I am. Maybe before. I can't remember." He frowned heavily. "I..."
Bruce waited as Loki's chin dropped to his chest, his green eyes troubled.
"I remember Thor throwing me into the abyss," he said softly. "I remember thinking that of course he would, because I had no place in Asgard. I never belonged there, and it would be better if I was dead. But Thor... he told me that I let go. That I let myself fall into the abyss. And he's never been a good liar. Never. But if what I remember is wrong... which of my memories are right?"
"I, um..." Bruce started, but trailed off. "I don't know."
"Neither do I."
Bruce spoke slowly, giving Loki plenty of opportunity to interrupt him. "Your memories being altered... is that because of what you took?"
"Maybe. Or it could be the result of one of the many things Thanos did to me. It might be a combination..." Loki flipped over his arm and ran his fingers against his smooth, pale skin. "The scar is gone. I don't have that physical reminder anymore. But the memories are still there."
Bruce hesitated. "If you want to talk about it..."
Loki looked back at him, searching his face. "I don't know why I trust you, Dr Banner. But I think I do." He rubbed his eyes again and sighed. "When Thanos found me, he used... unconventional methods to get me off the drugs I was on. He locked me in a cell for days without food or water, and sent in many of his associates to torture me. I won't go into detail, but the only reason I didn't have scars is because they would heal me right away so that they could get on to the next step without delay. There were other things, too, but I don't-"
"You don't have to tell me."
Loki blew out his breath as his body tensed with his memories. "There was a small knife in the cell with me. At first I tried to use it to defend myself. The more I fought, the worse it was. Eventually, all I wanted was for it to be over. And so I used the knife on myself. That was when Thanos knew that I was ready to lead his army. I was ready to be his puppet. He healed me, but slowly so that I would keep the reminder of why I served him. What would happen if I failed to give him what he wanted."
"The Tesseract."
Loki nodded once. "And I did fail."
"You know we're not going to let them get you again."
"I'm not even certain if Thanos will bother with me anymore. It's been so long since the Other had me." He grimaced. "Although it could be that he was waiting for me to die. I don't know. But I do know that there is nothing in this universe that would ever make me go back to him. Nothing."
Bruce opened his mouth to reply, but Loki waved his hand to silence him, looking at the door. Seconds later, Frigga walked in.
"I hope that I'm not interrupting anything," she said.
"No, I was just finishing up the checkup," Bruce replied quickly. "He's perfectly healthy."
Bruce glanced at Loki, but he was not longer looking at either of them. The doctor stood. "I'll be going now."
"Thank you, Dr Banner," Frigga said softly as he left.
#
"Does this mean that he's going to be getting his magic back at an accelerated pace, since this world tree nectar is powerful magic?" Steve asked Thor at the Avengers' 'What should we do with Loki now?' meeting. Pepper and Frigga both were sitting with Loki while the others assembled.
"I do not know," Thor replied. "Mother explained to me that the more magic he uses, the faster he de-ages, the slower he is to regain what magic he spends, and the slower he ages. The magic of Yggdrasill has rejuvenated him, but it has not lifted Father's spell. He expended a lot of magic during his illness, and Mother believes that it may be that he used too much. He may not age or regain his magic at all until Father lifts it."
"So he's even more vulnerable than before," Banner murmured.
Thor nodded.
Steve glanced quickly at Barton, who was staring down at his hands as though the conversation had nothing to do with him.
"But he's completely healed?" Romanoff asked.
"Not even a scar left," Banner confirmed. "Including the old ones. He's still weak, but that's because he lost a lot of muscle mass."
"At least that crisis is over," said Steve.
"But we still have this other person to deal with," Tony put in.
"No," said Thor. "'Other'. That is his name."
"Better than 'No one'," said Tony, "Anyone think they have those kind of jokes… everywhere else? Thor, have you heard the 'No One' joke?"
"I do not believe the Alltongue is equipped for such jests-,"
"It's actually a quote from The Odyssey," Bruce added.
"I should ask your mom," said Tony, "Hey JARVIS-,"
-Sir, if I may, Miss Potts and Her Majesty are attempting to put Mr Silvertongue down for a nap,- replied the AI.
"Please, we're supposed to be deciding what to do with Loki," interrupted Steve.
"We'd better stay on topic. Spangles is getting as mad as Nicky'll get if Loki splits again," Tony hissed in a stage whisper.
"Exactly," said Steve. "Director Fury won't be… thrilled if we let him have the same amount of freedom as before. What are our options?"
"Confinement," said Agent Romanoff, "His room, this floor, glue him to," she gestured at Thor, "Your mom's side."
"My brother will not attempt escape again," Thor assured them.
"I don't think he will, either, but Fury is..." Steve trailed off, struggling to find the right adjectives.
"Fury-ous?" Stark suggested.
Banner rolled his eyes. "That's getting old."
"That never gets old."
Romanoff smirked. "Maybe I'll tell him that."
Stark looked a little nervous. "Please don't."
Again? Seriously? "Can you at least pretend to stay on topic?" Steve chided mildly, grinning at his teammates' antics all the same. "The bottom line is Loki received a pretty good punishment by the Chitauri when he escaped, but that doesn't mean that we can just go back to how things were before. You know, with the trickster wars and all that."
"But that was fun," Stark whined. "Although I'm still getting comments on his 'texts'."
The whole team heard the triple xs' loud and clear. Steve rolled his eyes.
"Wit aside, he's not a threat to us. Even if the Other wasn't out there, he's far too little to survive on his own and under the radar. He couldn't make do without drawing attention to himself. His reserves of magic are too low for anything major, right?" Banner looked to Thor for confirmation. "So I think that we should be concentrating on finding the Chitauri."
"I've been working on an algorithm to see if there's a pattern to those energy readings that we've been tracking," Stark volunteered. "Now that you don't have to play doctor you can help out."
Banner nodded.
"Good, do that," Steve agreed, hoping his happy glow wasn't horribly obvious. Not only did he understand 'algorithim' and the importance of looking for a pattern, but he actually knew what the whole sentence meant. Victory!
"We still haven't decided what to do with Loki," Barton said quietly.
Aaaand, there went the happiness.
"The Chitauri may be the larger threat, but that doesn't mean that he can be trusted." Clint tore his attention from his hands. "So what now?"
...
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