Title: Recruitment
Author: tromana
Rating: T
Summary: Romana expects to recruit the Doctor for the Time War. She gets Iris Wildthyme instead.
Characters: Romana II, Iris Wildthyme
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who nor Iris.
Notes: A vague attempt at Katy Manning's portrayal of Iris. Prompt: Undignified

Recruitment

Romana tutted and sighed. The Doctor was late. Which wasn't entirely unheard of, he could miss destinations by centuries and a few hundred thousand light years, but she simply didn't have the time for this any longer. She was President now. A President who was fighting a Time War and had a million better things to be doing than trying to persuade a renegade that he really ought to be doing his duty by now.

Her back stiffened as she finally heard the arrival of a TARDIS.

Well, that wasn't quite what she'd expected. It still had the same Earthly charm that the Doctor's shabby old Police Box had, but still… Romana didn't believe the Doctor would fix the chameleon circuit simply to change it into an equally shabby London Red Bus.

In an undignified heap, a elderly woman shambled out of said bus. She was obviously fighting desperately against the years, dressed in leopard skin with a really terrible hat practically stapled to her head. Cussing, the woman staggered to her feet before grinning in what was meant to be an enigmatic way, but rather came across as leering.

"Ello, chuck. Got yer message beam thingamabob." The woman took the time to sip from her hip-flask. "Iris Wildthyme's the name. Where's this war thing going on? You said it was duty and all."

Oh dear. Romana had heard rumours about a travesty of a Time Lord darting about the Universe(s), getting drunk and generally making a nuisance of herself. But she thought they were just that - rumours. Now she had evidence to the contrary, she wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

"Want some?" Iris proffered said hip flask under Romana's nose. She shook her head. "Suit yourself. Mind if I have a ciggie?"

"Actually, I do."

"Are you sure you're mates with the Doctor, love?" Iris enquired. "You seem a little too snobbish for that."

Romana sucked in her breath. Travesty or not, Iris was technically required to fight on behalf of the Time Lords. Besides, if the Daleks saw her she could only hope they would run in the other direction due to fear. She honestly didn't think that Iris would be of much use, but talking to her was a form of… entertainment at least… whilst waiting for the Doctor to actually arrive.

"No problem, love," Iris slurred. "You should've called your Auntie Iris sooner. We'll be able to get rid of those Daleks in a jiffy."

"Quite," Romana replied, not believing a word of it.

"Now I have to be off, Daleks to fight, gin to drink. You know how it is."

Romana breathed a sigh of relief as Iris left. She was a character to say the least. And if they ever met again, it would always be way too soon.

end