Diamond
Diamond
Pokemon-
Monferno (Punchy)
Buneary (Hoppy)
Hippowdon (Sandy)
Honchkrow (Poopy)
Darkrai (It's not really his pokemon. It just lives in his shadow… literally)
Diamond's bad at nicknames…
Pearl
Pokemon-
Prinplup (Humpy)
Ponyta (Brokeback)
Staraptor (Orgy)
Dawn
Pokemon-
Turtwig
Shellos
Drifloon
Happiny
Jack
Pokemon
Chatot (Jesus?)
Riley
Pokemon
Gallade
Rhyperior
Regigigas
Lucario
Machamp
Heracross
Salamence
Dragonite
Tyranitar
Marley
Pokemon
Crobat
Arcanine
Sceptile
Cheryl
Pokemon-
Milotic
Drifblim
Alistair
Pokemon-
Ambipom (Virtuoso)
Chatot (Fiona)
Torterra (Terra)
Smeargle (Leonardo)
Alex
Pokemon-
Quagsire
"Quit going so slow Ed!" Dawn urged. She led him into the Mirror Labyrinth, Hazard Park's massive hall of mirrors. Ed kept himself at a safe distance from her at all times as they traversed through the dimly-lit maze.
"Why the hell are we even in here? Aren't we supposed to be looking for the Aggron?" Ed thought irritably. He stuffed his hands into his pockets as he and Dawn went around a corner and into a corridor with mirrors lined up adjacent to one other on both sides. "DAAAAHHHH!" He shrieked when he saw several of Dawn's reflections appearing in the mirrors next to him. She turned on her heel and cocked an eyebrow at him.
"What's wrong Ed?"
"N-N-Nothing! I-I um, I saw a-a-a Spinarak!" He stammered.
"Um, okay… Just try not to scream anymore, it's making me nervous…"
"No problem…" He sighed. Y'know… Most people mentally slap themselves when they do something stupid. Right now, Ed was mentally stabbing himself with a machete…
"SPINARAK?! SPINARAK?! YOU'RE NOT FUCKING AFRAID OF FUCKING SPINARAKS YOU FUCKING CUNT BALLOON!" He mentally screamed at himself. "THIS ISN'T JOHTO ANYMORE YOU TARD! SPINARAKS DON'T EVEN LIVE IN THIS FUCKING REGION! Great job Ed, seriously great job! She thinks you're a fucking pussy!"
"Fuck you inner thoughts! You're a pussy!" He shouted back.
"Hey fuck you buddy! You're a pussy!" His inner voice retorted.
"You're a pussy!"
"You're a pussy!"
"You're a pussy!"
"You're a pussy!"
"Ed?"
"You're a pussy!"
"You're a pussy!"
"You're a pussy!"
"Ed?!"
"You're a pussy!"
"You're a-."
"ED!" Dawn shouted at the top of her lungs. She smacked him across each cheek to snap him out of it. "What's wrong with you? Why were you yelling 'You're a pussy' over and over?"
"I-I uh, you s-s-s-see, I-I-I-I-Me and m-m-my inner voice hate each other um-and-uh-."
"You don't have to say it. I think I know what's wrong here…"
"Y-y-you do?" He asked meekly. "Oh god… Is my fear of women that obvious?" He thought.
"What? Are you stupid? Of course it's obvious!… Pussy!" His subconscious responded.
"Suck my balls…" He growled through gritted teeth.
"What was that?" Dawn asked. This partnership was getting weirder every second…
"Nothing! I said nothing!"
"Okay… Anyway, I know why you're spazzing out so much… And if it makes you feel any better, I'm just as afraid of the Hazard Aggron as you are." Ed mentally sighed out of relief.
"Good. She hasn't noticed that she's the real reason why I'm spazzing out… Now to just roll with it…" He thought. "Um, yeah… I-I'm terrified of that Tyranitar-."
"Aggron."
"Aggron, right…" He really couldn't care less about whether the Aggron showed up or not. He knew he could probably handle it on his own anyway… Dawn suddenly grabbed him by the hand and led him further down the mirrored corridor. Ed could have sworn that his heart just skipped a beat…
"Listen, if we ever come across that thing I'm counting on you to do the most of the fighting. I love my pokemon dearly but we're just not the best of fighters… I'd probably faint if I ever see that thing agaaaiiii… Oh my…" They had reached the end of the corridor but a certain Hazard pokemon was already waiting for them…
The Aggron's face was half hidden in the shadows but Ed could clearly see the toothy smirk it gave them. Some of its teeth were stained crimson with feathers poking out in between them. Ed guessed that it probably ate a Staravia on the way over here… It stepped out of the shadows long enough for them to see the biohazard symbol stamped to its chest before its right fist started glowing bright blue, illuminating the room for the very first time.
"Oh shit! It's Focus Punch!" Ed said. He left his fears aside for one second to grab Dawn by the arm and pulled her away from the impending attack. Rather then go for them, Aggron swung its arm to the side and hit the mirrors to its right. The shockwave spread through the adjacent mirrors, shattering them on impact.
"What a clever creature…" Dawn muttered as she and Ed tried to outrun the exploding mirrors. If the shockwave ever reached them then they'll be killed by the descending mirror shards…
"Clever? Since when has smashing stuff ever been clever?!" Ed snapped.
"It followed us in here so it could use the mirrors to its advantage! This place isn't big enough for it to use its full range of attacks so it is using the mirrors to get at us instead!" The Focus Punch's shockwave was losing its momentum now. Ed and Dawn leaped forward just as the last mirror exploded behind them. Ed tumbled to the floor and hit his chin against the cold hard ground.
"Son of a bitch…." He moaned as he rubbed his chin. He sat upright and looked over his shoulder. The entire left side (Aggron's right) of the hallway had shattered, leaving only the gnarled and barren frames that survived the attack. The entire center of the aisle was littered with fragments of broken glass, thoroughly blocking them from Aggron. "Hmm… She's right. That thing really is clever…" Ed thought. "Now because of the glass, nothing but flying pokemon can attack it now. But its teeth have already proven that it could take out any flying pokemon it wants…" Aggron licked its lips hungrily when Dawn and Ed got back to their feet. Its left fist began to glow this time in preparation for another Focus Punch…
"You're not gonna win you fucker!" Ed shouted at it. "Vulpix lets go! Use Flamethrower!" He ordered releasing her just a few feet away from him. Vulpix loosed a stream of fire from her mouth (which was pretty big for a pokemon of her size) and hit Aggron squarely in the chest. Aggron let out a cry of pain as the flames struck it. Ed smirked when he saw that the glow in Aggron's fist dissipated.
"Way to go Ed!" Dawn said gratefully. She hugged him around his midriff, making him lose his concentration (and consciousness)… "Ed? Ed?! ED!" She shook him a few times and slapped his across the face but to no avail. "WAKE! UP! YOU! STUPID! PIECE! OF! CRAP!" She screamed between each slap she gave him. Still nothing… She looked back at Vulpix and Aggron. Aggron had gotten over the initial shock of being attacked and slowly began trudging through the stream of fire, splitting it right down the center. Vulpix tried to keep it back by releasing more fire. So much fire in fact, that the mirrors on to her left were beginning to melt. "She's going to tire out easily if this keeps up… I guess I have no choice this time… Everyone come on out!" She said releasing all four of her pokemon at once. They all tensed up and went into fighting stances when they realized Aggron was in the room.
"I really hoped I would never have to come to this… But what other option do I have now?" Dawn asked herself. She lifted her pokedex out of her bra (Yes, bra. Her dress doesn't have friggin pockets!) and pointed it at the back of Turtwig's head. "I'm really sorry about this you guys... Evolution: De-Cancel!"
Meanwhile…
"Hazard Avenue? Is there anything here that doesn't have the word hazard in it?" Ivan asked. He was reading the large multicolored sign in front of the gates. Hazard Avenue was just a simple paved road with carnival game booths adjacent to each other on both sides. It seemed to go on for about a mile into the park.
"Who cares? Just open the gates you swine!" Lucirce shouted. Pearl and Ivan grumbled insults under their breaths as they each swung the doors open. "Come along monkey slaves. We have a Drapion to find."
"Why the hell should we help you?" Pearl said irritably.
"Hello? What part of 'eleven sticks of dynamite up the ass' do you not understand? Or would you prefer getting bludgeoned by my good friend, Mr. Golf Club Of Doom?"
"Wait just one god damn minute!" Ivan said. "That hot clown from before said that we don't have to help each other out at all. In fact, she pretty much said that we could beat the shit out of each other! So what's stopping us from whipping out (Pearl: Hehehe… When in doubt, whip it out!)- Shut up Pearl… Anyway, what's stopping us from releasing our pokemon right now and having them beat you into submission?"
"Ooh, how masculine of you. You actually need your pokemon to take out a poor, little, defenseless girl like me? I'm so terrified…" She said sarcastically. Ivan winced and grinded his teeth together; that was a really big shot to his ego…
"I don't need my pokemon to fight for me! I am the resident B.A.M.F around here, after all (In case you don't know, B.A.M.F stands for 'Bad Ass Mother Fucker'. Y'know… Like Chuck Norris XD). I just refuse to fight a girl, that's all…"
"In case nobody's told you yet, chivalry's dead dude," she said flicking him on the nose mischievously. "Well here's what will happen if either of you or your pokemon try anything… Go Mei-Mei!"
"Mei-Mei?" Both boys asked at the same time as Lucirce Cherrim, Mei-Mei materialized in front of them. They took one look at Mei-Mei, then Lucirce, then each other. They both burst out laughing.
"What the hell is that thing gonna do? Cuddle us to death?" Pearl managed to say through his own laughter.
"Vaporize us with its adorability?" Ivan said.
"No. But she will try and stab you in the neck," Lucirce said backing away a couple of feet. Mei-Mei smirked fiendishly up at the two boys.
(Oh, I'm gonna have fun ripping out your innards…)
5 Minutes later…
"HOLY MOTHER OF SPONGEBOB! THAT THING'S CRAZY! CRAZY I TELL YOU! CRAZY!" Pearl shrieked. Mei-Mei had chased them up to the top of Hazard Avenue's gates. She was leaping at them from below, growling and spitting like a piranha as she savagely tried to slice them open with a bloody chainsaw. Lucirce was not too far away. She was cackling madly as Ivan and Pearl flinched every time Mei-Mei swung the chainsaw at them.
"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! WE GET IT! YOU'RE THE BOSS, WE'RE THE MONKEY SLAVES! JUST CALL OFF YOUR FURY OF A THOUSAND HELLS!" Ivan pleaded.
"That's better," Lucirce said returning Mei-Mei to her ball. "Now was that so hard to say?"
"Fucking ball sack, pussy streaming, homicidal Cherrim, piece of shit, anal chocolate, bleeding vagina, fucking nipple squeezer…" Ivan grumbled as he and Pearl climbed back down the gates. They wordlessly followed Lucirce (who was still giggling from what just happened) into Hazard Avenue, now stripped of whatever dignity they had left.
"Now to find that Drapion…"
"We don't have to look that hard…" Pearl said.
"Why's that?"
"It's right over there," he said pointing directly in front of them. Surely enough, the Hazard Drapion was running towards them as fast as it could on its six spindly legs could carry it. Which really isn't that fast…
"Good, its found us. Now we have to come up with a plan-."
"How's this for a plan? LEROY JENKINS!" Ivan shouted as he flew overhead on his Flygon, Hyperion.
"What the- GOD DAMN IT IVAN!"
"Suck my balls!" He yelled back. Lucirce stomped her foot down out of fury, she hates it when her authority is denied… She tossed a pokeball at the back of Ivan's head. Her Vaporeon, Hazel released herself from the ball and immediately bit Ivan on the arm. "HOLY SHIZNIT!" He shrieked. He tried to fling Hazel off but only ended up fall over Hyperion's side. Pearl cringed when Ivan hit the ground face first.
"Oh well… At least he has chicken… You lot are really gonna have to watch the Leroy Jenkins video on youtube to get that joke…" Pearl muttered. Fourth wall be damned!
"Ugh…Hyperion! Get this thing off of me!" He ordered. Hyperion gleefully swooped down and caught Hazel in the stomach with a headbutt. Hazel tumbled across the ground until she finally came to a stop at Lucirce's feet. Hyperion grabbed Ivan's hand and pulled him back onto his feet. Ivan smirked at Lucirce and Hazel.
"Let's cut the crap already. I don't like you and you don't like me so working together is out of the question. I say we duke it out right now to see who captures that thing," He suggested. Drapion finally managed to catch up to them but was rather confused as to why they were fighting each other instead of it. It scratched its head out of confusion before completely giving up on them and smashing the nearby game booths. Hey, even pokemon need to release pent up anger too, right? Lucirce and Hazel smirked back at Ivan and nodded. "Good… Prepare to be beaten down by victory incarnate!"
"Oh please… What's victory gonna do against Satan incarnate?" She retorted. Both trainers and pokemon rushed forward, poised for attack…
"… What the fuck? Guys? Hello? The Drapion's not even paying attention! This is the perfect time to attack it, not each other!... Are you even listening to me?! It'll be a cold day in hell when I become the voice of reason around here!" Pearl shouted.
Meanwhile in lowest layers of hell…
"Why the here did it get so cold all of a sudden?" Satan asked. "Hitler! Did you touch the thermostat?"
"Nein habe ich Ihren verdammten thermostat nicht berührt!" Hitler shouted back. Translation: No I did not touch your fucking thermostat!"
"No need to curse Hitler… It makes me sad when you yell at me… WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!" Satan shrieked, tears now forming in his eyes.
"Kommen Sie auf, ich hasse Sie Muffinkuchenoberteile nicht-." Translation: Come on, I don't hate you muffin tops.
"Then how come you don't look at me when we make love? Are you ashamed of me?"
"Er…"
"I knew it! YOU HATE ME! WAHAHAHA!" Satan ran away crying. Hitler sighed and reluctantly followed after him.
"Verdammte Muschi Teufel…" Translation: Fucking pussy Satan…
-RTJ's Corner
Howdy y'all! I swear, I had to rewrite this chapter four times before I thought it was good enough to submit. Oh and my mom hasn't made good on her promise to take away the mouse (just like I predicted) but I nonetheless, got it taken away this week anyway because I got grounded for breaking my little sister's PSP (even though it was really my neighbor's fault -.-). Anyway, I'm pleased to announce that this story's achieved two more milestones. We have finally reached 15000 hits and gotten over 100 reviews! This is the only one of my stories to get over 100 reviews so, yeah, YAYNESS! It also only needs about 1000 more hits to beat my first story Golden Flames too, so I can rightfully say that this is the best fic I've ever written! YAYNESS UP THE ASS! I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!
Diamond: Snap out of it you scum biscuit! (He slaps me across the face)
Owie... Thanks, I needed that. Anyway, I'm sorry it took me so long to get this one up (I know some stories take months to update but meh...). I'll try not to "break" any PSPs next week (-.-) I fucking my hate my neighbor now...
-RTJ
