THANKS FOR YOUR REVIEWS! It always makes me happy to read what you think. I love and appreciate your support! I have been smiling seeing what you have to say!
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Notes on future chapters: I have a looooot mapped out - pretty much I'm just working on a way to wrap this whole thing up but it won't be any time soon no worries! Currently, I'm writing a scene between Rosalie and Pilar that I'm really excited about too. I'm writing a scene about how Peter and Carmen meet and how that affects Emmett and Maria and their relationship. I'm also exploring a scene from Bangladesh of Emmett and Rosalie's relationship foundation and the first thing she really learns about his past and some more things I don't want to spoil yet heheheh. Big things are brewing!
REVIEW BECAUSE THIS CHAPTER'S A BIG ONE
You Should See Me In A Crown - Billie Eilish
Bite my tongue, bide my time
Wearing a warning sign
Wait 'til the world is mine
Visions I vandalize
Cold in my kingdom size
Fell for these ocean eyes
*Count my cards, watch them fall
Blood on a marble wall
I like the way they all
Scream
Tell me which one is worse
Living or dying first
Sleeping inside a hearse
I don't dream
You say
Come over baby
I think you're pretty
I'm okay
I'm not your baby
If you think I'm pretty
You should see me in a crown
Rosalie
Later in the Morning
"Rosalie!"
"Rosalie! Over here, princess!"
"This way! We have questions!"
"Where have you been?"
"Give us a pose, Rose!"
"Tell us about your party last night!"
"How about a smile, baby?!"
"Don't leave us in the dark, angel!"
I ran my hands over my ultra-long slick ponytail with a satisfied smirk. I'd won back my kingdom just by stepping outside my apartment in a badass outfit and smiling for a few camera flashes.
I dressed as I'd hoped to feel - confident.
But there was no black leather jacket or high heeled boots or tightly curled hair that could make me confident enough to be waiting on my mother to show up.
I sat alone in the back of The Regency where I'd gotten us a private table after I'd called my mom to set this meeting up. I confirmed probably a thousand times, but our meeting time came and she still didn't show.
Fifteen minutes passed, then twenty, then twenty five…
I scrolled through my phone, trying to send some emails and make some calls while I waited, but I really couldn't focus on anything but the fact that she still hadn't shown up.
Why was she like this?
Couldn't she just show up for me like everyone else's mom?
There was a part of me that was relieved I wouldn't have to see her. I was still wrestling with how I wanted this to go. Would I nod and smile, treading water, and playing tug of war to try and get her to stay or just look at me for five seconds? Would I tell her how I really felt?
How did I really feel?
Just as I told the waitress I wasn't going to need the table anymore, I saw her round the corner.
I didn't anticipate it to hurt as much as it did to see the roundness of her stomach and the rose color in her cheeks. It was like getting splashed by a wave of ice water and branded by hot irons on every inch of my skin all at once.
It took my breath, and I had to remind myself to blink and breathe. The subsequent exhale was like exhaling fire and my throat burned with the intensity of my stifled pain.
"Ma chérie." She kissed me on both cheeks.
I smiled, shivering under her fingers on the tops of my arms as she pulled away to look at me.
"Have you been drinking? Your skin looks dry and you need to take care of those dark circles." She tapped my cheek under my eyes quickly, wrinkling her nose.
I shrugged away with a little smile and she dropped her hands from me.
"We had a party for my birthday." I tried to explain as my heart began to race.
"Just like a child, how adorable." She said, and something about her tone was condescending.
She sat down across from me, immediately pulling out her cell phone, her fingers flying over the screen as they pounded the keys.
I swallowed, hating that I was hoping for her to just look up at me.
She picked up the phone.
"Pardon." She murmured before holding up a finger to her lips to signal I should be quiet while she was on the phone.
I swallowed while the waitress filled up both our glasses with sparkling water.
"No, I told you Tuesday isn't soon enough, Marlene. I need the samples by Monday. Monday, does that make sense to you?" She barked into the phone.
I kept my eyes down as if I was reading the menu until she hung up.
"I didn't mean to eavesdrop." I began. "What samples?"
She raised an eyebrow.
"You really have been living under a rock for these past few weeks haven't you?" My mom snorted as she took a sip of her water.
I shrugged.
"I guess they make you hand in your phones at that fancy rehab…"
"It wasn't rehab. It was a counselor. After what Emmett and I went through, we…" I corrected swiftly.
"Whatever. Same thing." She waved her hands, dismissing and cutting me off. "It'd probably be better if that's what you told people, honestly. Every celebrity child goes to rehab at least once. Have you talked to your publicist about it? Might be a good idea."
I clenched my jaw and shook my head.
"Well, why not? You have to release some sort of statement to get back in the press." She said sharply.
"I don't have a publicist anymore. Emmett fired her." I explained. "And VOGUE already printed the true story."
"Right." She sniffed. "Well, VOGUE also just announced that I'm releasing a home goods line. Those are the samples I've been waiting for."
"It's launching right before the holidays." She explained. "So I've been - ugh, I've been stressed up to here."
She held up her skinny hand even with her piercing blue eyes.
Her bangle bracelets clanged together. I nodded.
"And you pulling out of fashion week was enough to send me into an early grave, Rosalie." She said, scolding me. "I'm too young to get worry lines."
She tapped her temples, trying to keep her face blank and wrinkle-free.
"I'm sorry, Mom. Really." I swallowed, staying away from her gaze. "It was just…"
"And when I'm already under so much stress. There you go throwing this on me too." She groaned like I was being selfish and tactless.
I took a deep breath.
"What made you decide to do a home goods line?" I questioned, hoping this would help her forget I dropped fashion week.
"I knew I'd be good at it, I suppose." She said confidently. "And people always listen to the French when it comes to a luxurious home."
She immediately forgot about fashion week.
"Your father isn't the only creative one, you know?" There was a smile on her face that made my heart jump.
"I know." I smiled.
She was beautiful, and when she smiled like that, I imagined that all these years could be erased. We could make new memories to replace the old ones, or the lack of memories…
All the missed holidays, missed family time, missed weddings…
"Do you have anything to show yet?" I asked, desperate to connect to her.
"Oh, just a few pictures I've taken on my phone. Nothing professional yet." She said, starting to scroll through her camera roll.
"Now, this fountain bowl will be in copper. It's probably one of my favorite pieces in the collection." She said, leaning toward me to show me a photo she'd taken.
"Mom, that's really beautiful." I breathed.
She stroked my cheek, then let her fingers dance around a curl near my ear.
"Merci, baby." She said swiftly, kissing my cheek. "I'll send you one."
"I'd like that." I mumbled, my throat tight as I tried to connect to her.
"But it's not like you even use your kitchen." She teased.
"Right." I giggled tightly.
"You should come back to Paris." She pushed her hair back, patting it down perfectly in place with her palm.
"Maybe some time soon, but I think Emmett and I need to stay in New York for a while. This year's been hard on us."
She didn't even listen or register what I'd said.
"Well, you would just love what I've done with the house in the 8th. I had to redecorate recently because we've had photographers in and out for the past few weeks for magazines, and websites, and whatever else." She waved her hand. "It's like it never ends."
"Diane and I had thousands of pictures taken at home for the baby announcement though." She started. "You haven't congratulated me yet, by the way."
It stung to hear her say that and I caught myself frowning.
"Congratulations." I repeated in a ghostly tone.
She smiled a different smile, but I let my eyes fall down, looking everywhere but her.
"My team and I think that a baby and a family definitely makes my brand more relatable and it couldn't be better timing for the launch over the holidays."
"You understand that, right?" My mom said, her eyes trying to find mine.
"I understand." I nodded, my voice sounding more confident than I thought it would.
I was trembling on the inside as I kept my eyes down.
Making her brand more relatable?! That was why she wanted to have a baby right now? When I was struggling? When she made it obvious how much she didn't want me?
I tried to focus on anything but the pain that was radiating from my very core.
"You've always been my biggest supporter." My mom said, tapping the end of my nose so I'd look at her now.
"I'm your daughter, not a fan girl." I frowned, finding her eyes.
The words tasted sour on my mouth and I immediately felt anxiousness wash over me while I waited for her response.
Her face changed into an expression I couldn't read, then she iced over all over again.
"You are my daughter - which is why you should be happy for me." She challenged.
I didn't say anything. I had no idea what to say.
"I can't be happy for you right now." I murmured at last. "I can't. I want to, but I'm not happy… I'm angry. You're having a baby."
Her eyes began to burn and she clenched her jaw. I was looking into a mirror of my own anger.
"Diane and I." Was all she said to correct me.
"Why right now?" I asked.
"Stop mumbling; I can't understand you." She grumbled.
"Why now?" I repeated through my teeth. "Why all of a sudden are you doing this? Why you ready to be someone else's mother? Why are you… Why are you letting someone else have you like I never did?"
"Rosalie, are you taking new medication? You're sounding irrational." She said in an even, low tone.
"No. I'm not on any medication." I said strongly. "I'm rightfully angry."
"Rightfully? That's a strong claim. Well, I don't know what you want me to do about it." She said with wide, detached eyes.
"Mom… Please, try to listen." I closed my eyes. "I'm really upset that you did this to me, and I want to talk to you about this. Please…"
We stared into each others eyes for a long moment before I noticed darkness creep into hers right before she spoke.
"If you expect me to apologize to you, I'm not going to." She retorted, seeming defensive.
I felt steam begin to come out of my own ears as I just stared at her, challenging her with my equally as intense gaze.
"That's what you came here to get isn't it? You're so predictable, Rosalie - begging me to clear my schedule for you like this." She rolled her eyes.
"You're spoiled and selfish, and I blame your father." She snapped venomously. "You think you can just have everything in the world that you want and if you can't then no one else can have it."
Her anger seemed to brew more heavily the more silent I became.
I pressed my lips together, threatened by what words were begging to be released behind the gate of them.
Finally, I said it…
"Why would you do this to me? You know what a baby means to me. You know how…" I choked on my words, then cleared my throat to try again. "You know how hard I've…"
"Rosalie, let's get something straight." She said, sitting up straight and tall to make me shrink down from her in intimidation. "I didn't do anything to you. I didn't do anything to you because I didn't even think about you when I did it. Diane and I wanted this baby, and we went and got it. She is my wife, and this is my family. Period."
"I am your family. You didn't think about how this would affect me?" I gritted my teeth, trying not to show the agonizing pain on my face.
"No, Rosalie, I didn't." She tossed her hands up. "Because contrary to what you believe, the entire world does not revolve around you! I wanted this baby. Where is your compassion?"
"I lack compassion?! You left me in a world I couldn't navigate. It was your job to love me, and take care of me, but you abandoned me! And now, you expect me to have compassion for you?"
She stood up and I grabbed onto her arm with a vice grip.
"You are not leaving." I gritted my teeth.
Her eyes met mine and I thought I saw something in her irises that backed down from me.
"You have no idea what you've taken from me." I roared. "You took away my mother. My children's grandmother."
My bottom lip trembled.
"Your children's grandmother?" She snorted. "Please. You're not having children. You're barren."
My mouth hung open.
"How could you say that?!" I gasped
"I'm your child. I'm your child." I said, my throat tight at the pain. I hunched over and held my stomach to avoid my center from ripping apart.
Her eyes danced over mine as she sat back down in front of me. Something made her stop fighting me.
"You left your child." I gasped.
Her lips were in a straight line, far from the beautiful smile that was not even a ghost on her face.
"I'm your child, and you disappeared. You didn't take my calls. You never stood up for me. I had to always wonder where you were." I went on, the words I'd never said pouring from my mouth like a busted faucet.
"You're not a child anymore so you can't keep acting like one. Move on, Rosalie." She responded coldly.
"I can't move on! You were supposed to be my mother! You were supposed to be the person to hold me when I was afraid of the dark, and to call me when I was hurt and lonely. To pick me up off of the floor when I scraped my knee. You were supposed to be my mother. My best friend. You were supposed to fight for me and choose me. All I wanted was for you to choose me! Just once…"
I felt tears start to rush down my cheeks.
"For God's sake stop with the tears, Rosalie." She sighed exasperatedly, denying the tenderness. "This is why I can't have a rational conversation with you. You're so emotional, just like your father."
"I just needed… I just wanted you to be there." I tried so hard to steady myself, but I couldn't. "It wasn't about what you did. I just…"
"Oh my God." She huffed. "I don't have time for this."
"You never have time for me!" I shrieked, then tried to calm down. "I've waited for you. I've waited for so… so long. Mom, please. I've waited for you… But you never…"
My bottom lip trembled, and she just looked at me.
"Did you not have everything you wanted growing up?" She challenged. "Did you not get every pretty dress that caught your eye? Did you not get to go on elaborate vacations? Did you not-?"
"All I wanted was you! I didn't care about any of that!" I shrieked.
She scoffed.
"I would've given up every bit of it, everything, for just… for you to just be there. But you weren't! You never were! I needed you and you…"
"Are you telling me I failed you?" She challenged. "Hmm?"
The air was sucked from the room.
I found her eyes and they had an emotion in them I didn't understand given the circumstance. She looked… insecure.
That's when I realized, maybe she was more messed up than I was.
"N-no, I just…"
"Because I was eighteen years old, Rosalie, at the peak of my career!" She snapped. "I wasn't ready for a child."
"That's no excuse." I swallowed, feeling guilty for scolding her like I was.
"Isn't it?" She protested. "I didn't grow up with all the luxury you did. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted… I couldn't take care of you! I gave you your best chance by leaving you to your father."
I wiped my eyes, fighting more tears as they came.
"But, your father's always made me into the bad guy, I bet." She snorted. "Sure he has… You were better off with that robot, Stepford Wife Elizabeth as your mother anyway."
She sneered Elizabeth's name with utter disdain.
"But you don't understand anything, Rosalie." She rolled her eyes. "And, it's about time you do."
I sniveled, wiping my eyes.
"I was just 14 years old when I ran away from my junkie mother and all of her skeezy boyfriends. I left Paris and made it to New York because I was tall and skinny and odd looking and I heard they liked that in America… But, I didn't have anywhere to stay. I was just sleeping on subway cars trying to fend for myself. I bet your father never told you that."
I clenched my jaw. No, he hadn't…
But then again, she hadn't either. I'd read something like that online, but my mother had never told me about her past… She'd never talked to me about anything.
"I could barely speak any English, so the first fashion house I walked into was your grandfather's… I didn't understand it was just menswear." She swallowed.
"But, Robby was in the office that day shadowing his father…" She called him a nickname I didn't imagine she'd ever had for him.
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
"He thought I was beautiful, but he also could see I was hungry and tired and scared…" She began, and something in her tone was soft and tender. "Your father's always been just so eager to take care of something, and back then, I thought I needed to be taken care of…" She went on.
I immediately thought about the shoot that made her famous. Her blonde hair was slicked back and wet and she didn't have on any makeup. She was a waif of a little girl in Robert Hale menswear…
That shoot skyrocketed my dad's company and of course my mom's modeling career.
"Your father spoke enough French to make me feel safe… Why don't you ask your husband what that's like? I know he's gone to bed with plenty of people to make him think he's understood." She wouldn't be vulnerable with me without poking back at my own vulnerabilities.
"Mom…." I breathed, but she could read my insecurities on my face.
"You know, your Emmett and I are more alike than you realize. I know you think you love him because you see your father in him. Always wanting to take care of you…"
"Mom, we aren't talking about this…" I mumbled, feeling uneasy for some reason.
"But, late at night when you pretend you're asleep, I know you hear him tossing and turning. He has nightmares and he talks in his sleep. You try to understand. I'll bet you try as hard as you can, but it's something you'll never understand and never be able to fix, Rosalie. You'll try and you'll try and you'll try, but let me tell you, he's never going to feel at rest with you. This isn't home for him. Nowhere is… He's got a big hole in him, right here." She put her hand on her own chest.
I gulped.
"We both do. And nothing can fill it. Not a hundred thousand lovers, not all the success in the world, not every drop of alcohol in existence, not a cute little wife or a baby…" She traced her finger over my cheek.
"Don't talk about him." I said, my throat burning painfully.
I grimaced.
"You think he's going to leave you just like I did. But, you're right… he is like your father, so he won't leave you." She assured me in a dark tone. "He won't."
"But, because he's like me… He'll never be satisfied. And, you'll never be enough." She said this matter-of-factly, her eyes stabbing into mine.
"No." I shook my head. "You're wrong."
A sinking feeling in my stomach was weighing me down.
"Then, why are you so nervous?" She challenged.
"You don't know anything about us, Mom." I said more confidently. "You're just trying to get a rise out of me and distract me from what I really want to settle with you."
"You have such a calculated and evil idea of me, Rosalie." She clicked her tongue, making a face. "It's quite sad."
"Mom, I…"
"What are you hoping to get out of this, Rosalie? Really?" She leaned forward in provocation. "You want me to bake cookies with you? You want me to braid your hair and share stories and play board games?"
"No, I just want…"
"You want an Elizabeth." She raised an eyebrow. "She's right there, Rosalie, and she wants all those things with you that you want with me."
"It's not the same! She's not my mom!" I screamed, closing my eyes tight and clenching my fists.
Then, I felt a quick smack on my cheek to get me to stop.
"Rosalie!" My mother grabbed my chin harshly, forcing me to look right into her eyes.
"Listen. Elizabeth is your mother. She loves you and she loves your father, and you even have a brother in that Edward fellow." She told me evenly. "That is your family."
"But you…"
"No, listen. I love Diane, Rosalie. I want a life with her and a family with her… I want this baby with her to start over and… God, every time I look at you, I just…"
She dropped my face out of her grip.
"You just what?" I asked, my bones feeling cold as I shivered.
"I worry that I'm really doomed… Like I told you we were…" She said, and there was real emotion in her voice. "I wanted to not believe it was true, and that I won't ruin this kid like I ruined you, but… every time I look at you…"
I tried to get control of my ragged breathing, but I just couldn't.
"Mom, it's not too late for us. I thought it was, but it's not." I swallowed, getting down on my knees in front of her.
My voice shook and I willed it to stabilize.
"Mom, please. Try. Please." I begged.
"I'm leaving for my flight in two hours." She said evenly, looking away from me.
"Cancel your flight." I exhaled.
"I don't want to." She said, her voice absolute as she found my eyes. "Not for you. Like I said, Diane and this baby are my family. Please, Rosalie, let me go so I can start over."
There was not a shred of remorse in her eyes. Instead, it was desperation.
"Please." She repeated.
Then, she looked up and behind me because someone had just come in while I was distracted.
I whipped my head around when I heard my name in a voice I didn't recognize.
Two police officers stood at the doorway with stoic expressions.
I stood from the floor and in front of the woman who'd just said my name.
"I'm Rosalie Hale." I squeaked, unable to explain the heaviness I felt.
"Ms. Hale, your house staff told us we could find you here." She said in a raspy tone.
The darkness that washed over me in that moment in time, I would never forget.
"What's going on?" I asked, then immediately, the sinking feeling returned and I dreaded her answer.
"There's been an accident."
