June 18th, 1995.

She would have said she was used to enter the dusty corridor of number 12 Grimmauld Place by now, after many days of doing so. And as a matter of fact she was, because the uneasiness she was feeling was actually not related to the place at all, but to what could be inside. To a particular occupant, to be accurate.

Tonks wished she had had more time to figure out what she should do, now that she knew the truth about Remus Lupin. But these days something as the likes of free time was a rare treat. Submerged as she had been scanning over and over each word of his profile and doing an extraordinary amount of research on werewolves for the past two days, and afterwards lost in her own thoughts and fears, she had realized after a while she was late for the next Order meeting.

And now, hastily walking the corridor, she could hear the muffled sound of voices coming from the kitchen. She did not want to be the last to get inside. Who was she kidding? She did not want to get inside at all!

But she had another mission now. She had to keep an eye on Lupin… while keeping her distance as well. How was she going to do that, she had no idea, but not missing the meeting seemed to be the first logical step.

With a deep breath that sent clouds of dust directly to her lungs, she opened the kitchen door, coughing loudly.

So much for a stealth entrance.

With a noncommittal hand wave she greeted the people inside. The meeting had not started yet, but the kitchen was packed.

And it was as if his gaze was some sort of magnet, her eyes automatically meet his.

He looked the same. And yet, he was not the same.

Actually, he never had been what she had thought, and worst of all, he had kept that very quiet.

And that is why she did not make any efforts to hide the frown the suddenly appeared on her features, as she entered the kitchen.

Her fellow members would say she looked tired.

Molly Weasley got next to her in an instant and started asking her if she was feeling all right.

Am I being this obvious?

The older woman even asked her if she was working too hard and suggested she could switch turns with some other member of the order…

"… Arthur, or Remus, perhaps? You really look tired, dear."

Trying to smile politely she just shook her head.

For how could she explain to Molly that it was not due to tiredness that she was frowning? It was fury, rage, and even fear… but there was no way Tonks could say that without revealing too much.

He was sitting at his usual spot, at one of the ends of the kitchen table. It had been her usual spot too. Now Tonks was realising she had indeed spent too much time with Remus Lupin. His inviting smile and the almost invisible gesture he made pointing the empty chair besides him were screaming of a familiarity she wanted all but forget.

However she could not help looking at him for an instant, trying to see the wolf in his tired features. She did not succeed and quickly looked away.

Walking fast and hitting her hip against the back of a chair, she reached the opposite side and sat next to Bill Weasley who smiled at her distractedly. The meeting was about to start.

Tonks kept quiet for most of it, thanking the fact that she could focus on her own thoughts, since she had nothing to report that night. Nothing but the tiny little detail that one of us is a Dark Creature, she thought bitterly, sending surreptitious looks in Remus' direction.

At one point, right when Emmeline Vance was in the middle of her dull report, their eyes met again. She looked away almost instantly. Not quickly enough though, and despite her own efforts on convincing herself that it has been just a trick of the flickering light from the fireplace, resentment had been visible in his brown eyes. From that moment she made an extra effort and did not look at him anymore.

Finally the meeting was over and she hurried outside, practically ducking Sirius, who would probably ask her to stay for a while, and avoiding everybody's eyes.

The humid air of the summer night hit her face and with a sigh she headed for the Apparition point on a nearby alley.

There would not be any more walks home in friendly chattering.

Just as well.


The next time she saw Remus, he did not approach her, nor did he try to make any friendly gesture.

Tonks honestly believed this was for the best and tried to act her usual self around everybody else but… but there was it, that very uncomfortable sensation she had every time the image of Remus' eyes came to her mind. And it was a very stubborn image, which kept coming and making her feel she had done something wrong. The only problem was that she could not place exactly what it was.

For several days she invented excuses to avoid staying at Grimmauld Place more than what was strictly necessary, but there was a lot to do and she was certain she would have to be near him, even to work with him sooner or later.

It was unusual for her to step aside. However the idea of her telling somebody what Lupin really was, was somehow unthinkable. The most she entertained the possibility, the more absurd it seemed. So she kept trusting that somebody else would realise what he was soon enough to do something about it.

Almost a week passed thus, and ignoring him was becoming easier with every passing day.

She took a sit near the kitchen table, the place was almost empty. Molly and Sirius were talking softly in a corner, but she did not join in. She had a report to finish and she could use the few free minutes she had before the meeting started.

The voices carried in her direction, though, and it was getting really difficult to ignore them.

Tonks was about to get up in order to find a quieter place, when a sentence made her froze, with her quill hovering over the parchment she was working on.

"It is indeed very sad, poor Remus," Molly had just said, with a trembling voice

'Poor Remus'? What is she talking about?

"I'm pretty sure he did not see her that often lately, but still. They've always been very attached to each other."

Her?

Tonks tried hard not to make a noise. Somehow the conversation had gotten all her attention and now she did not want to miss a word of it. She did not want them to realise she was eavesdropping either, though, so she pretended to keep on writing.

"I knew her," Sirius kept saying. "She was the kindest woman you could imagine. Always so supportive…"

Who is that 'her' they were talking about? What is her relation with Lupin?

Molly sniffed softly.

"At least he had his time with her in life," she murmured.

Who on earth were they talking about?

"Remus told me she had been sick for a while now, so her death was not entirely unexpected. And yet…"

"I know," Molly said, "no matter what, it's not easy to lose a mother."

His mother? Remus' mother is dead?

She did not even know his mother was still alive.

Add that to the pile of stuff you didn't know about him, she thought grimly.

"That's because you haven't met my mother," Sirius replied with a hint of humour and Molly chuckled softly.

"But please, don't tell him a thing," he continued in a more stern tone. "You know how he is. He wouldn't like to be pitied."

"Of course," Molly said. "Not a word."

"Maybe a nice hug would do."

Tonks dared to look at them; Sirius was smiling with some sort of deep affection she had never seen in his cousin.

She rubbed her eyes. All of this was getting way too complicated.

Because, she realised, when the door of the kitchen opened a moment later and Remus Lupin entered, nobody deserved to look as sad as he did then. And his futile attempts to smile and to look as if nothing was wrong were even sadder.

Their gazes looked for an instant and Tonks, partly out of a new acquired custom, part because she did not know what else to do, looked away almost instantly.

But she did not feel proud. Nor strong. Not even purposeful.

She felt deeply sorry and… and yes… for reasons she did not know, she felt ashamed.


AN: And here, the new version of this chapter. Remus' mum dying is a bit relevant to this tale, but it will be very important in 'Lupins' Tale'... when I reach to that point in Remus' life, which is going to take a while.

Thanks for reading!

Cheers!