"So, did you sleep on it?" Derek asked as he pulled his his jeans.
"Sleep on what? The bed?" Meredith giggled as she ran her brush through her hair.
"Ha ha. Funny." Derek said as he shook his head. "No, Richard. Did you decide?"
"I don't know. I do. But I don't. I don't know. I guess I'll see. I just... I-" Meredith stammered as she looked up at him.
"You don't want to get hurt again." Derek said with a frown as he looked into her eyes.
"Yeah..." Meredith said with a sigh as she walked out of the bedroom.
Derek shook his head as he followed her. He felt bad. Really bad. She had so much on her plate. And before her felt like it was all on him. Like he was the one that was carrying it all. He was the one that was constantly getting hurt. He was the one with the wife. The one that had things to lose. And now it was her. And all he wished was that he could trade her places.
Meredith grabbed her tea and sat down at the table. Her stomach was growling loudly. Breakfast. Nothing sounded good. She stood back up and looked in the cupboards. She smiled when she hit pay dirt. Oreos. Lots of oreos. Peanut butter, mint, original, double stuff. She smiled as she began opening packages.
"Honey..." Derek said as he walked up to her. "What are you doing?"
"Breakfast." She said as she leaned over and kissed him. "Where did they come from?"
"I got them on my way home yesterday." Derek said as he shook his head. "I know you are on an oreo kick right now..."
"Yep." She said with a grin. "Thank you. Your coffee is on the table." She as she pointed.
"Thanks." He said as he grabbed a bowl and the Muesli.
"Morning." Mark said with a smile as he poured his own coffee.
"Good morning." Meredith said with a smile.
Meredith stuck several of each oreos in a plastic bag. She grabbed a large spoon and began smashing violently. She happily walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed the gallon of milk. Derek and Mark watched her with wide eyes and she worked. She poured her oreos in a large glass of milk and began stirring. She put everything away and walked to the table.
"That is disgusting." Mark said as he chewed his toast.
"And healthy." Derek said with a laugh.
"You know they call it the angioplasty cookie, right?" Meredith asked. "I'm cardio, and I'm eating it..." She said with a giggle.
"If that isn't irony." Mark said as he shook his head.
"Wow... This is good." She said as she began drinking the mixture.
"Or not." Mark said with a laugh.
"So what do you have today?" Derek asked as he watched her drink.
"Um, a well..." She began to laugh.
"What?" Mark asked.
"I'm losing my mind...nothing." Meredith said quickly. "I have a bypass."
"Sounds like fun." Mark laughed.
"Better than working on boobs." Meredith said loudly.
"I think not." Mark retorted. "What the hell happened to your head?" Mark asked, looking up at her red and swollen forehead. Meredith and Derek both looked at each other and remained silent.
"Sex injury." Mark said with a knowing nod. Meredith and Derek both rolled here eyes. "Where?"
"The shower." Meredith and Derek replied simultaneously.
"Oh yeah... You gotta watch that shower." Mark said with a grin as he thought back.
"What! You had sex in my shower!" Meredith yelled loudly.
"Uh... No." Mark said guiltily.
"You did! You bastard." Meredith said angrily. "You fucking had sex in my shower? My shower!" She yelled.
"Once." Mark said quickly.
"Oh God... You have a shower. Your shower. Why didn't you use your own shower?" She spat as she looked between the two men.
"It's small. And yours has six shower heads. It's amazing. Like I would want to use that tiny shower in my bathroom..." He said with a frown.
"First of all, your shower is fine. It is better than most showers. You're lucky you even have a bathroom. Which you never use..." She said as she rolled her eyes.
"It's small." He stated again.
"How long ago?" She asked.
"Uh. About- Well, when I moved in." He winced. He could tell she was getting mad.
"Who?" Meredith asked loudly.
"A girl from Joe's..." He told her. Mark watched him dig his hole, deeper and deeper.
"I hope you cleaned it." She said as she looked up. She knew the answer by the look on his face. "You didn't? I showered where some bar whore came? You fucker... I hate you."
They all sat there in a long silence. Mark had to chuckle to himself. He had put his foot in his mouth. Very stupid. He brought a girl home an had sex in Meredith's shower. And now he admitted it. Finally he looked up and her and smiled.
"You still love me, right?" He asked with a grin.
"Yes." She said reluctantly.
"Good." He said with a smile.
"So... Late night." She said with a grin. "Out with Kristy again?" Meredith asked.
"Kris- Kristy?" Mark asked as he looked up at her. Wondering how she knew.
"Kristy!" Derek said in shock.
"Cut the crap, Mark. I know all about it." Meredith said with a grin.
"Kristy?" Derek said again.
"We're just friends." Mark said quickly.
"Uh huh. That's exactly what she said." Meredith laughed.
"No, seriously. I mean, I like her and all. But Mer, you know me..." He said with a grin. "You know what I'm about."
"Man whore." Meredith said with a nod.
"Exactly." Mark replied with a knowing grin.
"Well... I think you two are adorable." Meredith said with a smile. "Der... Are you okay?" Meredith asked as she looked at his shocked face.
"You and Kristy?" He asked Mark quickly. "You and Kristy?"
"God, Derek. Jealous, much?" Meredith said with a giggle. She looked at Derek's face. "Oh my God! You are. You are jealous." She said with a frown.
"I just- you and Kristy..." Derek said again.
"I can't believe this. I really can't." Meredith said as she stood up from the table abruptly.
"Man... What are you doing?" Mark asked Derek loudly as he watched Meredith walk away. "What the fuck?" He said as he pointed to her.
"Mer... Meredith." Derek said as he chased after her. "I'm not jealous. I- I'm just surprised, that's all." He said as he followed her.
"Whatever, Derek." Meredith said as she slid her shoes on. "I saw the look on your face."
"No. There was no look. I don't care. I don't care about her. Or what she does." He told her as he stood there.
"I saw the look. It's fine. Whatever." She said quickly as she continued on. "I am leaving. Do me a favor?" She asked as she glanced up.
"Anything." Derek said with a nod.
"Don't talk to me. Don't follow me. Don't try to fix this. I don't want to do this right now." She said as she opened the door. "Bye, Mark." She said as she walked out.
"Man, what the hell did you just do?" Mark said as he shook his head in disbelief.
"Fucked up." Derek said as he ran his hand through his hair.
As soon as Meredith climbed into her Jeep, she felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She felt like everything she believed the last couple of months were lies. She had been so careful. So careful to let it sneak up. To let love consume her. Careful to not get too involved too fast. Careful to try and make everyone as happy as she could.
She had listened to him. She let him convince her that his marriage was over. It wasn't. She was convinced of that now. It wasn't. She didn't want to break them up. She was so careful to let him know that. She didn't want him to make the wrong choice. And by the look on his face, she was beginning to think that he had regrets.
Now she was pregnant. Pregnant with his child. A child that was going to do more than complicate things. This child was going to change everything. It was going to ruin Derek's life. Ruin his and Kristy's happiness that he still had a chance to get back. Ruin he and Kristy's marriage. She knew she had made a mistake. And now she was thinking that maybe she should push him back. Push him back to his wife and do the rest on her own.
The salty tears flowed down her face as she drove along. Her body was wracked with sobs. She felt like she was losing everything. Why did she take the chance? Why didn't she stay miserable? Why did she sleep with Derek that first time? Why didn't she run? She could have run. Adrien is an asshole, but maybe they would have been fine. Now she'd never know.
Meredith pulled herself together as she put her car in park. Her red eyes were noticeable from far away. She looked horrible. Her voice was crackly. Her throat dry. She was almost to the point where she didn't care. She was beginning to not care about anything.
Luckily she didn't see anyone on her way to the locker room. She wasn't ready yet. And she was relieved when she walked into the empty locker room. She pulled her shirt over her head. The hospital was quiet. It was early. She thought she heard the door open and looked up. She immediately felt sick when she looked up to and into the cold eyes of Adrien. He stood there and stared at her as she reached for her scrub top.
"Don't. Don't look at me." She said as she quickly tried to cover herself up.
"That could be my baby in there. Growing in your poisonous uterus." He said coldly as he walked up.
"It's not, Adrien. It's Derek's. I slept with Derek. I'm a filthy whore, remember?" She said with a pathetic sigh.
Days ago, she was renewed. She was strong. Today, she wasn't. Today she was feeling beaten down. Derek had knocked her down several pegs. She felt unsteady. Today she was weak. She couldn't fight Adrien off. Not now.
"Oh yes, I remember." Adrien said with a nod. "It's not right. You realize that, right?" Adrien asked.
"What's not right?" Meredith asked with a sigh.
"He is there. Day. Night. In your bed. And if this baby is mine. It won't know me. It won't know it's dad." Adrien spat.
"Why are you here?" Meredith asked as she continued to change into her scrubs.
"To give you these. I need you to sign them." Adrien said as he shoved the envelope in her hands.
"What is this?" Meredith asked as she looked down at the folder.
"Papers saying that you will do the prenatal paternity test. And I talked to my attorney. We could draw up the paperwork for custody. You could give it to me at birth. I don't want this child around you or Shepherd. You two are poison." Adrien said nastily. Meredith shoved them in her locker.
"Well, it won't be a problem, since you aren't the father." Meredith said as she started to walk away.
"Well, if that's the case, I feel sorry for it. The kid won't have a chance." Adrien said as he followed her. "It would be better off raised by lions."
Meredith wiped the tears from her eyes as she continued to the door. It was too much this morning. Too much to deal with. As she opened the door, she ran right into Derek's broad chest.
"Meredith!" Derek said as he looked at her.
"Don't. I don't care." She said as she shoved him out of the way and continued walking.
"Trouble in paradise?" Adrien said with a chuckle.
"None of your fucking business." Derek said quickly. "And I swear, if you said anything to her..."
"What, Derek? What will you do?" Adrien asked with a smirk.
"You don't want to know." Derek told him quickly. "You don't want to know." He said as he wheeled around and walked off.
----------------
Derek tried to talk to her. Every time he would get near, she would disappear into thin air. He wanted to tell her it was just the shock. There was no question. He loved her. He loved Meredith more than anything in the world. He couldn't lose her. Not over this. Not over something this stupid. A look. A look that he didn't even mean to make. He looked up at the OR board. She had surgery in awhile. And he was supposed to be in the OR now. He would have to deal with it later.
"Dr. Grey said I needed to find you." Dina said as she walked up.
"Mer- Dr. Grey... Is she okay?" Derek said with concern.
"Oh. Yeah. She's fine. You need and intern, right?" She asked quickly.
"Oh. Yeah. Of course." Derek told her as he looked at her face. "And Dr. Grey... On a personal level... Is she okay?"
Derek was opening up. He was practically admitting that they were in a relationship. Almost pouring his feelings out. But her knew that she was well aware of what was going on. She knew about he and Meredith. Maybe not all. But enough. But he didn't care. At this point, he didn't care who knew.
"She's a little upset." Dina said sadly.
"Is she okay?" Derek asked.
"I'm sure she'll be fine." Dina said with a faint smile. "Just down. I don't know what it is. But she isn't herself..."
---------------
Meredith made her way to the scrub room. Danny Carter was busy prepping her patient. He was going to join her in the OR when he was done. She sighed as she walked down the hallway. She didn't talk to Derek. She couldn't hear it. The possible changes to come. She couldn't hear him tell her that he wanted Kristy. She couldn't hear anything he had to say.
Meredith pumped the soap into her hand and began scrubbing vigorously. This would help. A good surgery would help her immensely. It would renew everything. Well, probably not. But it would pause it. She could be numb for awhile. She could focus on something else. She heard the door open and looked up. She looked right into the cold eyes of Ellis Grey.
"How dare you!" Ellis said loudly as she approached her daughter.
"What are you doing in here?" Meredith asked in shock.
"How dare you!" Ellis screamed.
"What? What is your problem?" Meredith asked angrily.
"Richard. Richard asked me for a divorce. Because of you!" She shouted. Danny Carter opened the door and stood there in a shocked silence.
"You! You have ruined everything. Your whole life. I knew I should have aborted you! You were a mistake. I was on the pill. I didn't want you. I must have known. I must have known from the minute that stick changed that you were going to ruin my life. Your father left. Because of you. I was left with you. I wanted to go into cardio. I couldn't. No time. Because I had you. You ruined it. I had to do general surgery. And now my husband is asking for a divorce because you couldn't keep your mouth shut. You couldn't just let things go. I have laid down everything for you. You are who you are because of me. And now you ruin my life! You are a worthless bitch!" Ellis screamed as she pointed at Meredith.
"I think you need to leave!" Danny said loudly as he grabbed Ellis' arm.
"I won't forget this, Meredith." She said coldly as she walked out.
"Are you okay?" Danny asked as he walked up to her.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." She lied to him and to herself. "I'm okay."
"That was your mom..." Danny said in shock.
Danny had always given Meredith a hard time. He was her trouble maker. A little too smart. A little too good looking. Always on her case. Always pushing her buttons. And now he felt horrible. The perfect Meredith Grey was shattered. He could see in in her eyes. Her mother had just said some of the worst things a person could say. It broke his heart. He barely knew her, and it killed him.
"Let's do this." Meredith said with a fake smile as she started to walk away.
"Dr. Grey... I'm sure de Gaulle could do it. If you're not able." Danny said softly.
"I'm fine." Meredith said as she hit the button and the door opened. "Okay. Thanks for coming everyone. Let's do this." She said as she approached the table and nodded to the anesthesiologist.
Meredith stood at the table and grabbed the scalpel from the scrub nurse's hand. This was supposed to be her safe haven. Her protected place where everything was okay. Where she could relax. Where she could focus on her work. Not today. Today everything came in with her. She had dragged it in like mud on her shoes. The thoughts ran in and out, taking her over.
"Carter. I need you to retract." She said softly.
[iYou are a waste of life.[/i
[iI should have aborted you.[/i
[iYou ruined my life.[/i
[iIt would be better of raised by lions.[/i
[iYou and Shepherd are poison.[/i
[iYou and Kristy?[/i
[iRichard asked me for a divorce