Chapter forty-four:
No Means No
I ran my hand over the saddle blanket in my lap still trying to comprehend that fact that Dallas had gotten it for me. Passion's had been wearing out and if I was going to get deeper into Barrel Racing I was going to need a new one. Buck had to have told Dally because I had never mentioned it to him. Or it was just possible that he had noticed it.
"Don't mention it, kid. You needed it." Dally said still speaking softly and although I really wanted to know how he knew and where he had gotten it I wasn't going to ask. I got up, put the blanket with the rest of my presents, and then opened a few more.
That's when I noticed the guys were getting restless so I started taking the stuff back to my room. Once I had dumped everything in there I went back to the living room to see Two-Bit hovering by the door. "Happy birthday kiddo, we'll see you in the morning." Two-Bit said.
I nodded and he left. Looking around I noticed Johnny had left and Steve had grabbed a pillow from the foot of the couch. Pony was resting his head on Soda's shoulder as Soda stared at the TV. I sat down next to Steve and when I was nearly asleep I heard the front door open again. I shook the sleep from my brain and then realized Dally was gone. I raced out the door and saw him near the gate.
"Dally, wait!" I called. He froze at the gate but wouldn't look at me. I looked at my feet then spoke. "That blanket wasn't cheap and I wanted to..."
"Don't mention it." He answered turning to look at me.
"I know I was kinda grumpy about you not getting me anything but I was wrong. I'm sorry." I looked down again then ran to him. I stopped in front of him and hugged him. "Thank you." I whispered against him. He stood frozen for a moment then draped an arm across my back. I rested my cheek against his chest and after a few moments I felt his lips against the top of my head.
"Lizzie Beth, I know I don't say this as often as I should but ... I really do love you and I know you care. You're one of the few." His voice started out strong and even but it broke as he finished. I could tell he really felt it but knew that until he could really show it we'd still have our fights. I didn't say anything to him because if I made a big deal of it he would collapse inward again so I just nodded and slowly he pulled away. I let my hands drop but felt his hand on my shoulder as I looked at him again.
"Dal, that picture that Ponyboy drew—" I stopped and glanced away.
"What of it?" Dally asked.
"It's ... Never mind." I said pulling away. He dropped his hand and turned around. He lifted the latch then walked out the gate. "It's the truth Dally. You will always be my dark guardian angel. Even more so than Tim." He froze and cocked his head to the side as if he was considering it. Then he shook his head and took another step. "I love you too." I said softly but the only answer I got was his footsteps walking away as the gate clicked shut. I watched him until he was out of sight and slowly went back in the house. I sat down on the couch with a sigh curling up with Steve.
Steve didn't say a word instead he wrapped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head. After a while of sitting there I slowly stood up and went back to my room where I opened the rest of my gifts. When I opened the jockey's gift from my parents I realized it was a plain black photo album.
'My dearest Tory,
If you are reading this your mother and I aren't around to give this to you on your birthday. I wish we could but since we can't, we've asked our jockey to give it to you. You were always our pride and joy. No matter how much we fought, you were always the light at the end of the tunnel and the one we came together for. Though your mama didn't like it much she understood what racing meant to you and me. That's why she started this album. So you could see yourself how she saw you; the little girl who would one day step up and take over her dad's racing business. I know you're curious so go ahead and open it. Remember we'll always love you.
Rich Sanders.'
I flipped through the pages of the book becoming more and more stunned and touched. I couldn't believe my mom had kept track of all this. Every race JJ and Hotshot had done that I had been at, whether it was riding as jockey or acting as trainer, was there in the book.
"Hey, lights out." Darry said peaking in the door. "You alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"What's wrong?" Darry asked not believing me.
"Nothing it's just ... My mom hated when my dad took me to the track or at least that's what I thought but it turns out she was putting together this album. I never thought she cared enough about it to do something like that."
"She loved you and believe it or not horse racing can get you out of this town." He said leaning against the doorjamb. "Maybe that's what she wanted you to see with this book. That and your mother loved you even if she didn't love the sport and this was her way of showing that to you."
"Thanks Darry."
"Sure. Night." He said. I nodded and he flipped the lights out leaving the room. I fell asleep shortly after that thinking about everything that had happened that day. The next morning when I woke up I felt the polar opposite of the day before. I felt sluggish and tired and like I didn't want to get up but I knew I had to. I looked at the pile of still unwrapped gifts on my floor and then walked out the door. I sat down at the table and only looked up when Darry sat a plate of scrambled eggs in front of me. I glanced at him then went to the refrigerator and pulled out the bottle of ketchup. After thoroughly drenching the eggs and sitting down to eat I heard Darry speak.
"Something wrong?" Darry asked.
"Sometimes I just wake up angry." I answered. When I finished I put my plate in the sink and waited for the others to do so as well. When they did Soda and I did the dishes and they left for work. I spent the rest of the morning in my room with Terror, sorting through my gifts and then read my father's letter. He didn't have much to say other than a happy birthday and that he still couldn't believe I was writing to him.
After lunch I went wandering the town. I got a little harassed by a couple of socs but they left me alone eventually and I walked up to the DX. I saw Soda inside most likely trying to beat the heat so I waved. He nodded then pointed to the garage. I nodded as well then slipped to the big roll up garage door. Inside I heard voices. One I recognized and the other I didn't but it was female.
"Come on Steve, you know how good it was with me, why do you even care about this girl?" The girl said.
"Because she is my girlfriend." Steve answered.
"But she's nothing more than a crybaby."
"She's not a crybaby Emily, get over it. I'm not dumping her. You're the fifth ex-girlfriend that's confronted me today. Tell Evie it's not gonna work."
'Emily huh? Five ex-girlfriends? Evie seriously isn't taking no for an answer. Guess I'll have to show her no means no.' I thought to myself.
"It's not about her is it? It's about her big brother ain't it? You dump her, she goes crying to big brother and you get your ass kicked. Steve, she's not worth it. You can take on any greaser on the north side."
"Any greaser except for Dallas Winston and Tim Shepard, which is exactly who I would piss off if I dumped her for no good reason. But it's—" Steve started but she cut him off.
"Screw them, Steve. What you get from dumping her is worth a lot more than the hell you'll pay for doing it." Emily said sounding as if she was right and finally had Steve.
"Emily enough. Soda said she woke up in a terrible mood and if she's anything like her brother I really don't want to end up on the other end of that anger." Steve said with finality in his voice.
"You will regret this." Emily spat then stormed down the drive. I stood there stunned for a moment. She sounded as though she was really trying to get him to dump me and he sounded as though he didn't care. It was like he wasn't upset she was trying to do it and like he just seemed bored with the whole thing. Maybe he was with five ex-girlfriends breathing down his back but I still thought he should have sounded a bit more upset about the whole thing.
I walked up behind Steve and swallowed hard before running my hands up his back under his shirt. I knew it wouldn't do any good to let the situation fester and end up with us shouting at each other.
"Cold hands." He muttered as he jerked away. I felt confused for a moment before I leaned forward and bit his neck gently. He sighed and set the wrench in his hands down. "You heard what Emily said didn't you?" He asked staring at the engine.
"Mmm-hmm." I muttered.
"And you understand why I want to be with you, don't you?" Steve said. He sounded disappointed and detached.
"Because you're scared of my temper?"
"It has nothing to do with your temper. Or your brother before you go there." He said spinning around so my hands slipped from his back. "You know I'll face down both Tim and Dally if I had to and don't say you don't know that. This isn't about Tim and Dallas. I tried to tell Emily that but she wouldn't listen. I hope you will."
"Go on." I said looking at him imploringly.
"I'm not good with feelings. When it hits me, it really hits me." He leaned back against the Buick behind him bracing his hands on the grill. I crossed my arms over my chest staring at him. His eyes flickered downwards for a moment then shot back up to my face. "I like you, alright? You're beautiful, smart, brave, and not afraid to piss off a guy."
"You mean stand up for what I believe in?"
"Yeah, I actually care what you think about me and I haven't felt that before. Not like this. Look, the way you doubt me and your jealousy and your anger ... If it was any other girl she'd be dumped before she could blink but you. That just makes you more intriguing. I want to get to know you and to figure you out. If this was all a game and I didn't have feelings for you, it'd be over in seconds no matter what your brother thought but I do have feelings for you and I want this relationship to work." Steve stopped and looked at me deeply. He took a deep breath and let it out loudly. "This isn't about your brother any more. At first, maybe it was but now, I care about you. I really do."
I looked around the garage looking for Soda or Two-Bit or someone who was making Steve say all this but it was just him and I. Then it hit me. There was a chance he was just saying all this because it was only him and I. But was that because he felt comfortable with me or was it because he knew none of his friends were around to make fun of him? Either way I was hoping these feelings were real and he wasn't just saying it to make sure I wasn't about to dump him.
"You didn't sound too upset when she was talking to you about dumping me." I said plainly.
"Because I'm bored with it." My jaw tensed and I shook my head in disbelief taking a couple steps back. He reached out and grabbed my crossed arms then dropped them like they were hot staring at his hand. "Sorry."
"It washes." I said looking down at the light black smudge now on my arm. "I can't believe you're bored with us."
"Not with us. With the five girls that showed up here trying everything in their arsenal to get me to dump you. It's not gonna happen. Unless that's what you want. Is that what you want? I bet it is. You want me to dump you and you're in on this with Evie." Steve said.
"How dare you?" I spat at him. "How dare you? You think I planned for Barnes to attack me? I had nightmares from that. Nightmares Steve. If I wanted to dump you, you'd be out on your ass faster than you could say boo. I can't believe you would even think I would plan for these girls to come in here and flirt and smile and do their best to get you to dump me." I poked a finger into his chest a couple times during my rant finishing with on last jab causing him to bump into the Buick again. "I don't need some girl's help to get a guy to dump me. All I have to do is tell Tim you've been a real jerk to me and you're dead meat. A couple lies and you're dead." I bit my tongue then licked my teeth and lips before turning to head out. Suddenly his hand was on my wrist. I looked down at it with my back still to him. There just between his hand and my wrist was a clean white rag.
"Stop, please." He whispered. I used my free hand to push some hair behind my ear and then looked back over my shoulder at him. "Look at me."
I turned to face him and saw how sorry he looked. "What?" I asked gently.
"I'm sorry, okay?" He swallowed hard and continually glanced from our shoes to my face. "I know I've been saying it a lot lately. I just—you're too good for me and one day you're going to figure that out and I'm going to lose the best thing in my life. Again. I lost my mom when she left, Mrs. Curtis when she died, and I don't want to lose you too. I never meant to—"
"You like me, a lot?" I asked nervously. "And this isn't just some bullshit to keep me from hurting you or making everyone think you're a complete and utter jerk?"
"Yeah, I do and it's not."
"This is your last chance, Steve. God I've said that too often. I mean it. I can't take a heart break like this. You mean too much to me."
"I'm sorry." Steve finally stared into my eyes and I took a couple of steps towards him. It was time to put a little trust in him and hopefully it wouldn't end badly. I cupped his cheek and he turned towards my hand, kissing my palm with the side of his mouth. I stepped up to him and kissed him gently letting him deepen it after a few seconds. He pulled back and looked at me smiling gently. "You just ... You gotta trust me."
"I'm not too good at trusting people." I said looking down. I'm sure he knew that but I just felt like I had to say it. He dipped his head and kissed my forehead.
"We can work on that but for now I gotta ask you to leave. These girls have put Wells into a bad mood and I don't think he's gonna take too kindly to you being here."
"I was hungry anyway." I said. I tried to pull away but found I couldn't. "Steve?"
"Yeah?"
"Ya gotta let go for me to leave."
He smiled sheepishly and released one side of the rag. "Right, later."
"Later." I kissed his cheek then left the garage. After saying my farewells to Soda I walked towards the Dairy Queen where I convinced one of Shepard's gang to buy me lunch. I thought about going to see if I could find Dally or going riding but I wasn't in the mood so I left there and went walking.
Eventually I came across Billy and Curly who told me there was no good reason to be outside in this heat and somehow they convinced me to go with them. We ended up at the arcade and spent hours there just hanging out and basically loitering. The owner of the place eventually got tired of us hanging around and banished us for the day so we went to the Ribbon and went walking around talking to guys we knew and making fun of the ones we didn't. Unfortunately we ran into Tim who put an end to our fun just by being there so we went to the Dock and played pool until Billy mentioned something about dinner. I noticed the time and decided to go home.
For nearly the next two weeks things were actually relatively calm. Steve and I weren't fighting anymore, he was acting like a sweet and true boyfriend, and not once did a girl ever approach him to get him to dump me. Well at least not from what I saw. We had also been out on several very good dates. The Dingo, Jay's, a couple fast food places, a few movies, and a couple ice cream dates. On one such date on the fifth of August at a diner on the Ribbon a girl did approach him. I looked up at the redhead and she swallowed. She looked at Steve then back to me then back to him and he smirked looking at me. I glared at her hard and she nervously bit her lip.
"Never mind," she whispered then walked away.
I laughed softly and Steve smiled. "That's my girl." He said reaching across the table and taking my hand.
"And don't forget that." I growled.
"Couldn't if I tried. Are you riding at the rodeo tomorrow?" He asked.
"I should, shouldn't I?"
"I thought you always had fun riding?"
"I do, and maybe afterwards you and I could hang out at Buck's? He always throws parties after rodeos."
"Maybe I could take you somewhere more quiet?"
"We'll see. For now let's enjoy the rest of the night." I grinned. He smiled and rubbed a thumb across the back of my knuckles then we finished our dinner.
After the rodeo the following night we went to the drive-in and watched some beach movie. Or rather the movie was playing while we cuddled and made out in the front seat. Part of me wasn't even sad I was missing the movie. I was the type that loved watching movies for the plot or the storyline but at times I couldn't care less if I was with the right guy. I was starting to see that Steve was the right guy. At least the right guy for that time. Though I wasn't sure if he would last I would always be grateful for that summer and I don't think I would ever forget it even if there were parts that weren't so great.
Nearly a week after that rodeo, a week filled with more romantic dates and Steve being a great guy, I realized it was Aaron's birthday. I called Chris who told me that it was just going to be the three of us for dinner. Therefore, we took Aaron to a McDonalds and bought him dinner and then we went to movie that Chris paid for. Chris took Aaron home first and there we gave him his gifts and then he took me home. Chris and Aaron were really close friends and had been neighbors before Aaron had moved to the city. I had met Chris while I was dating Aaron and Aaron wasn't the least bit upset when I had started dating Chris about three weeks after he and I had broken up.
The next day was exactly two weeks after I had learned of Evie's plot to dig up old girlfriends of Steve's to make him forget about me. So far it hadn't worked and from what I could tell Evie had given up. After spending most of the morning at the movies, which I found weird that they would be open on a Sunday morning, I went to the Dingo for lunch and ran into eight of the guys from the PR. They treated me to lunch but it came with a price. They coaxed me into talking about everything that had been going on since I had dinner with Danger. I told them in a general sense but they poked and prodded until I told them in specific detail. That was extremely boring and I hated it. Then I realized why.
"Tell Bigdog that it's good to know he cares and that he wants to know but it's really none of his business." I snapped.
I left the Dingo and went walking. A dangerous habit but I was in such a bad mood that I felt no one would mess with me. I was right for the most part. The part I wasn't right about was that Sylvia was going to be the one to mess with me. Or I would provoke her into messing with me when I saw her flirting with a guy who wasn't my brother.
After dealing with her I continued my walk and came across Ponyboy who was on his way home. First we walked in silence then I brought up the book Gone With the Wind. It was one of my favorite books and I had loved the movie. That discussion took us all the way home. When we reached the house I could see the door was open and Darry was sitting in his chair with a pencil between his fingers staring at the paper. He must have been doing the crossword or something.
"I hope it's just Darry in there." I muttered. I really didn't want to see anyone else at the moment. Especially if any of them had heard about my fight with Sylvia.
"It's too early for him to be home though." Ponyboy said.
"It's Sunday. Doesn't he get off early on Sundays?" I asked.
"I forgot it was Sunday." Ponyboy answered.
We walked inside and to my surprise Dally was in a chair by the door glaring at the floor. They both looked up and Dally glared at me. He had definitely heard.
"Uh ... It's not my fault?" I said hesitantly.
"Oh, trust me it's your fault though I'm sure you had a good reason." Darry said as he stood and led Ponyboy into the kitchen.
"Look, I know you don't get along with the greaser girls and normally I don't have a problem with that. I will never ask you to get along with my girl but I will ask you to have the decency not to hurt her."
"Oh that." I said hanging my head thinking hard. There had to be a way to avoid this.
"You getting catty with her means I have to make it up to her and I don't like having to do that."
I thought about what he was saying and realized what he meant. "She started it. It wasn't really my fault."
"I'm sure she did." He didn't sound as though he believed it though.
"She did Dally. She was hitting on a guy who wasn't you. You're my big brother."
"It's not your problem." Dally spat.
"And Steve being a jerk is not yours but you still feel the need to step in."
"Step in but don't hurt her if you can't control yourself from stepping. She has bruises on her arm and on her neck. Only I'm supposed to give her bruises." I cleared my throat and shook that mental image from my head. "You don't need to know that."
"What do you want me to say Dallas? I hate it to think she's cheating on you. You deserve—"
"I know you care kid," he cut me off, "but it's none of your business. My girlfriend, I'll handle it. All I want is for you to leave her alone. You need to stop provoking people because one day you're gonna get into a fight too big for you and I won't be around to stop it." He said standing. He actually seemed scared or concerned about me for a moment.
"This is a girl we're talking about Dallas. I doubt any girl around here fights like I do. Besides it's not my fault she gets on my nerves." I said backing out the screen door. He followed. "As for the bruises, she ran her mouth and couldn't protect herself enough not to get them. Besides I've got claw marks and she slapped me." I backed down off the porch to the yard.
"You mean running her mouth like you are to me?" He asked standing on the steps, glaring.
"Bring it," I answered. Not a smart move on my part but a move I chose to make anyway. He stared at me as if he was trying to decide if I had really said that.
"You are asking to get beat."
"No, I'm asking that you show me what you got. I'm not so little anymore." I said.
"She's not sleeping around, alright? She's not Evie. If she was I'd know it."
"I thought by now you knew better than to provoke him like that. Especially about his girlfriend." Darry said as I sat down gently on the closed toilet lid.
"I didn't provoke him ... well not really." I said trying not to wince.
Dally had done a number on my ribs and my jaw but I could tell he had been holding back. That was until the very end until I shoved him so hard he was thrown off his feet. That's when he came back and shoved me into the fence and pressed the dull side of his blade to my throat hissing a warning into my ear. To be fair I did get a few shots in on his ribs and a kick to the shin and I had shoved him so hard he tripped over backwards. On the way inside I also took a cheap shot at him. Darry and Two-Bit had held him back as Soda helped me inside and I kneed him in the groin, which thinking back now wasn't fair but it evened out with what he said to me.
"Yes, you did. You knew the minute you told him to bring it that he would and you'd be in a world of pain if he hadn't been holding back."
"I just wanted a fair fight out of him and I didn't get one until the very end."
"But he knows you weren't holding back which may have shown him just how much you could take. Maybe it'll make things easier on both of you. Now he sees you can take care of yourself to an extent and he respects you for it though he's not happy about the last shot you took."
"So what? Maybe it was a cheap shot and a dirty trick but what he said wasn't nice either and I wasn't gonna sit back and take it."
"Want to tell me what he said?"
"No way. Thanks though. When did Two-Bit, Soda, and Steve get here?"
"Two-Bit came in shortly after you did and the boys, right before the first punch was thrown. It took everything in Soda to keep Steve from going after Dally. We all knew you two would have it out. I just wish it hadn't been on my front lawn." Darry said. "Anyway you're paying for not backing down now but I guess you both learned something."
"Funny. Can I go now?" I asked.
"Ice pack in the freezer and stay away from him or I will physically remove you from that room. I don't need the trouble."
I glared at him but went to the kitchen only to find we were out of ice packs so I grabbed the next best thing which happened to be a bag of corn. Walking back into the dinning room I found Steve and Soda arm wrestling over a pile of cards like the only thing that had happened was Soda cheating again. I sat down at the end of the table laying my head down with the corn on my back. "That's for dinner." Darry told me. I looked up to see him taking the corn and laying an ice pack on my back. I groaned but put my head back down.
Hopefully this means Dally and Tore have worked things out.
