Oh... my... Jashin... Harry Potter raped my brain and eyes.
I read the books so it was kind of disappointing in some spots but HOLY SHIT! The movie was... amazing.
All of you need to go see it if you haven't already.
But anyways, next chapter.
I do not own Naruto.
You wanna know the one thing I hate about nature other than heat?
All the fucking sticks that are determined to cause me bodily harm.
I think it's a conspiracy.
I was walking along the dirt road with my immortals and a dead body when I tripped over this huge ass stick that decided to lie in my path. I almost face planted into the ground and would have if not for spinning at the last second and landing on my ass.
Hidan thought it was hilarious.
He stopped walking and pointed at me, laughing his ass off. "Ha! You're such a fucking klutz! You clumsy bitch!" I just glared at the stick, ignoring Hidan.
Kakuzu sighed and walked over to me. He grabbed me with his free hand by the back of my shirt and lifted me to my feet easily. "Are you alright Alice?" He asked.
I dusted myself off. "I'm okay Kakuzu. Thanks."
He grunted and dipped his head. "Hidan, make yourself useful and carry Alice so she doesn't trip. Or you can carry him for a while and I'll carry her." He wiggled Chiriku a little.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! You're the one who wants money, not me!" Hidan protested. "You carry his dead ass." He pointed at me. "And why do we have to carry her? It's her fucking fault for not watching where she's fucking stepping."
I raised my eyebrow. Hidan was such an idiot. I didn't really mind walking anyways. It wasn't that big of a deal.
Kakuzu glared at Hidan. Hidan frowned. "He's your precious bounty isn't he? What are you giving me that look for?"
Kakuzu looked away from him. "I swear, one day I am going to murder you." He started walking. "Come on, Alice."
I shrugged and started walking, trailing behind the huge miser.
Hidan scoffed. "Like you could pull it off Kakuzu…" I yelped when suddenly I was being picked up. Hidan swung me around so he could carry me piggyback style. "Appreciate it bitch."
"I can walk Hidan." I muttered, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Thanks though." I rested my head on his shoulder.
"Don't fucking mention it." He grunted.
We walked like that for a time until the bickering started again. Hidan began complaining about all of the trees and Kakuzu repeatedly told him to shut up or he would kill him. Then Hidan would respond with a challenge and so on and so forth. Eventually I got sick of all of the bickering, forced Hidan to put me down, and walked behind them to distance myself from them.
This wasn't nearly as fun as traveling with Deidara and Sasori.
I miss them.
And Kathryn.
I wish they would hurry up so I could go home and see them.
And my weasel and my shark.
I miss them too.
"I'm getting really fed up with the shit that keeps coming out of your mouth." Hidan snapped. "I haven't gotten to travel in forever and when I finally get the chance, they stick me with a crazy bitch and a jackoff like you."
"We're not on vacation." Kakuzu grunted from ahead of us.
"I'm already sick of looking for this host." Hidan sighed. "And you're dragging me on this retarded side job. I think I deserve some sympathy."
"Shut up you big baby." I sighed. He glared at me over his shoulder.
"Fuck off Alice." He snarled.
Kakuzu glanced at Hidan. "Just shut up and walk. We're already late."
Hidan scoffed. "We're late because we're going to your stupid exchange point!" He pointed at Kakuzu's back. "You keep making this fucking mission longer and longer! It's seriously pissing me off!"
Kakuzu stopped walking and Hidan stopped too, raising an eyebrow at his masked partner. I stopped and stood a few feet away from them, knowing what was coming.
"Pissing you off?" Kakuzu repeated. He turned slightly to glare at Hidan over his shoulder. "This is a vital mission too."
"Yeah, yeah, you're the treasurer or whatever." Hidan shrugged. "Admit it. That chump change is what you're charging Leader to hunt the tailed beasts." He looked at Kakuzu and narrowed his eyes, frowning a bit.
Kakuzu just stared at him for a minute before continuing down the road. Hidan gawked in disbelief before clicking his tongue in irritation. He then smiled mischievously and started after Kakuzu.
"Oi, I'm sorry." He called. I sighed and walked after him. "That corpse is heavy right? Lemme take him off your hands for a little while."
Kakuzu smartly saw right through his trick. "What are you going to do with my valuable bounty?"
"I'm just trying to be nice…" Hidan pouted. "You can carry the crazy bitch."
I scoffed. "Asshole."
"You'd throw him away." Kakuzu said instantly.
Hidan feigned innocence. "The hell're you saying?"
"I see right through you." Kakuzu replied. "This body is a nuisance. You want to get rid of it."
Hidan laughed. "Ah shit, you got me."
He's really cute when he laughs.
Not as cute as Itachi though.
No one can compete with that.
"But seriously, dump that thing and we'll look-" Hidan continued.
It happened in a flash. If I hadn't been waiting for it, I would have missed it.
Kakuzu wheeled around in an instant with his hand hardened and went to hit Hidan. The Jashinist predicted his move and brandished his scythe, catching Kakuzu's blow on the shaft of his weapon.
He grinned. "Gotcha."
Kakuzu glared down at him with anger radiating off him. "You son of a bitch." He allowed his hand to return to normal before lowering his arm and turning away from Hidan.
Hidan looked dejected and pouted. "Oi! You're done already?"
Kakuzu didn't even bother to look back at him. "I don't have time to mess around with you. But someday, our mission will be complete and my schedule will be open. At that time, I'll send you straight to hell."
And there they go.
Hidan returned his scythe to his back. "There you go again…" He shook his head and started after Kakuzu. "I really hope the next guy lasts long enough for me to let loose. I really need to vent." He looked over his shoulder at me. "Come on bitch."
"As you wish Hidan." I rolled my eyes, starting after him again.
"Do you know who we fight next bitch?" He wondered as I caught up with him.
I nodded. "Of course I do. Who do you think you're talking to Hidan?"
He rolled his eyes. "Well? Are the heathens any good?"
"The one you fight is." I nodded. "But be careful okay?"
"What the fuck ever." He scoffed. He curled his arm over my shoulders. "So, entertain me. I'm fucking bored."
I gave him a look. "Do you really want to start that?"
He blinked for a minute before he caught on to what I meant. "Forget I asked. I don't want to deal with your craziness."
"Wise decision my dear." I smirked.
He rumpled my hair. "You alright bitch? You look tired."
"I didn't sleep last night." I shrugged. "Between your snoring and my nightmares, it was damn near impossible."
He patted my head. "Well hopefully this shit goes by quickly, then you can fucking sleep with your pussy ass Uchiha."
"And he'll kill you as soon as he sees you. He hasn't forgotten about your molestation of my chest the other day." I reminded him. Kakuzu chuckled.
"I can't wait to see that." The miser threw back at us.
"Fuck you Kakuzu." Hidan snapped.
Cue more bickering.
"Oh and by the way, we're not late. I planned for these shenanigans." I threw in.
Finally we made it out of that damned forest. It only took forever.
I was getting as antsy as Hidan does by the time we actually emerged from the leafy depths. However, my happiness was short lived because as soon as we emerged from the forest, my eyes fell upon the exchange point.
I swear Kakuzu's eyes just spawned money symbols.
He's so greedy.
I love it.
Anyways, I walked between Hidan and Kakuzu as we approached the exchange point. Hidan would bump into me every now and then because he couldn't walk in a straight line to save his life and I would shoot him a glare. He would respond by sticking out his tongue at me and flicking my forehead.
I'm going to have a bruise there.
Kakuzu stopped and turned in front of the restrooms. Hidan raised his eyebrow.
"Oi, where the hell are you going?" He asked. "The bathroom?"
I just followed in behind him. "Come on Hidan."
"Ugh, fine wait up." He sighed, hurrying up to catch up to me and Kakuzu. "Why the hell are you going in the men's restroom?"
"Because you're an idiot." I retorted. "Just shut up and follow Kakuzu."
He smacked the back of my head so I punched him in the gut. Hidan snickered and wrapped his arm around my neck, forcing me to follow Kakuzu. He eyed the miser as he walked to the hidden exchange point door.
Kakuzu placed his hand on the wall for a second before removing it. The door fell forward to reveal the entrance. Hidan released me when he paused in shock.
"This is the exchange point." Kakuzu explained. "Alice knew this. If you watched the videos she showed us, you would know."
"Why the fuck did they pick a bathroom?" He demanded.
I fell back behind Hidan when the creepy bounty guy popped up. "This way please."
Hidan glanced at me and curled his arm over my shoulders before making me come inside the really nasty smelling room with him, hurrying after Kakuzu.
We followed the guy over to the little cabinet thingy Chiriku went in and Kakuzu went to a spot much closer than where Hidan and I stopped. I noticed the bounty guy eyeing me and Hidan. It was really creepy.
He looked at Kakuzu when the shelf thing rolled out. "Here please."
Kakuzu grunted his understanding and plopped Chiriku's body on the slab.
"Make it quick, will you?" Hidan asked. The bounty guy glanced at us as he got his book and I pressed closer to Hidan subconsciously. He looked down at me with a raised eyebrow before squeezing me gently.
I watched the scarred man flip through the book before he looked over Chiriku. His eyes fell on the sash at the monk's waist and he nodded. "There's no mistaking it. That's Chiriku." He closed the book with an audible thud. "You caught yourself a big one, Kakuzu-san."
"Yeah." Kakuzu agreed boredly. The bounty dude stared at me with his huge eyes as he turned to go and get Kakuzu his money. I saw him lick his lips hungrily as his eyes scanned over me. Oh Jashin… I'm scarred for life.
I shuddered. "He's so creepy."
Kakuzu glanced at me at the same time Hidan snickered. My eyes never left the creeper as he grabbed the case of money and carried it back to Kakuzu who instantly took it and flipped it open.
"This place reeks." Hidan complained. "Let's go already Kakuzu."
"Hang on. I need to count the money." Kakuzu stated.
"It's all there Kakuzu." I assured him. "We can go."
He just sent me a look that I sighed at.
He reached forward and grabbed a stack of cash. Hidan sighed. "I can't tell whether the stench is the piss or that body, but seriously, it's fucking gross." He scoffed. "I'm going back outside."
"Take Alice with you." Kakuzu stated. "She looks uncomfortable."
"It smells like rotting asshole in here." I admitted. "Not to mention… my creeper beeper is going off." I hurried to catch up with Hidan who walked towards the door. "See you outside Kakuzu." Together Hidan and I exited the exchange point and went outside from the potty room.
I sat on the steps beside Hidan when he plopped down on them. I leaned into him and he leaned right back.
"The fucking stench clung to my clothes." He sighed loudly.
"I'll wash them when we get home." I assured him.
He nodded approvingly. "You have to make me food first."
"Deal." I smiled. I rested my head on his shoulder. "Hopefully he hurries up."
"Don't fucking worry. Kakuzu counts fast." He stated. I just nodded.
We sat there in silence for a time when a step was heard behind us. I didn't even have to look back to know who it was.
"Took you long enough, Kakuzu." Hidan growled, turning back to glare at him. I scooted away, knowing it wasn't Kakuzu.
Dun dun dun... Story line~~~
Fun Fact: Louis has never lied in his life. He also doesn't only threaten. If he tells you he's going to do something, he does it. Even if it's extremely insane.
Answer: Idr what the question was. Hold on... If I could ask the Akatsuki/Alice/Kathryn any question... I'd probably ask them what a daily life is like without all the missions and stuff. Or maybe... How scary is Pein when he's pissed off? Lol
QotC: Favorite Harry Potter character? If you don't like Harry Potter, shame on you. If not... tell me your favorite... idk food? I know it's random but Harry Potter is officially done as far as we know.
Anyways... ZetsusNeko and my Brat need to tell me what they want for their gifts. Dreami-Chwan on DA drew me a WONDERFUL picture of Alice and Kathryn. It made me sooooooo happy so see that. Lol. Their personalities are evident in their facial expressions. I love it so much. You my dear get a oneshot or a present of your choosing. Just review or PM me on here or DA. And please, do not be afraid or too shy to do so. I'm not mean unless someone gives me a reason to be. :) I love you so don't worry about it.
Guys, I saw Sethy-Poo last night at the theater for Harry Potter and I linebacker tackled him in the parking lot. Then... Me and my friend Craiger stole one of those Harry Potter promotional poster triangle things with Snape Bellatrix and Voldemort on it. We had two people holding open the doors and me and Craiger grabbed it and ran out of the theater with it. Lolllll.
Twas hilarious.
So... Good day and I shall see you... Monday. Oh and I'm probably going to upload a chapter on my new oneshot thing. It will probably have Louis and Brett in it. :)
