A/N: Hi everyone! I'm pleased to say that seems to have just fixed the review-posting issue and all the missing reviews (at least on this fic) have been restored! I promise I'll get replies out to each of y'all who reviewed as quickly as I can! :)

Time to find out what's been going through Arthur's mind during all of this…On with the fic!

Chapter 52: Train of Thought

Arthur, from where he lay sprawled facedown on the four poster bed, heard Merlin's knocking.

He's actually knocking? Arthur thought, not lifting his head. That's odd.

He didn't know what he would say to Merlin-or Gwaine or Emrys, for that matter-so he just lay where he was and said the only thing he could think of: nothing.

He wasn't even hungry, which was unusual for him. I haven't been training and we've just rested for a day, so I guess that's not too surprising.

He wouldn't admit to himself that the whole Emrys revelation had made him lose his appetite. That sort of thing is for girls, he thought, rolling over and staring at the ceiling while trying to make sense of his jumbled thoughts and emotions.

He thought through the list of times Emrys had claimed to have saved his life. Could there have been non-magical explanations? If so, maybe the sorcerer was just lying to get Arthur to trust him.

But that blue light in the caves, he thought. That-that had to be magical. No other explanation. He tried not to admit to himself how long he'd avoided thinking about it because even at the time there had been no reasonable explanation.

So maybe he's telling the truth?

That would be life-altering.

Arthur took a deep breath and a mental step back, considering the other situations Emrys had mentioned before allowing himself to come to any conclusions.

The defeat of Cornelius Sigan-that was a tricky one. He'd gone out to fight the stone creatures, had ordered his men back inside and faced the beasts alone-but then what happened? There was a gap in his memory. He'd chalked it up to simply not remembering exactly how he'd defeated the creatures just before passing out due to blood loss from his wounds. Injuries were complicated like that-did strange things to your memory.

But what if that's not what happened? the voice of Arthur's conscience (who sounded so very much like Guinevere) whispered gently. What if-what if you passed out and Emrys saved Camelot while you lay on the courtyard cobblestones?

Did he really think he could defeat an immortal sorcerer and not remember it? You're impressive, Arthur, but every man has his limits, Guinevere's voice pointed out.

Very uncomfortable with where that train of thought was heading, Arthur quickly moved to the final example: the bite of the Questing Beast.

His own memories wouldn't be of much use-he'd been essentially unconscious the whole time. All he remembered was snippets of garbled conversations as though caught between sleeping and waking. He remembered phrases of Guinevere's words-something about the man I am inside?-and, well, not much else.

He rolled off the bed and began to pace around the room, trying desperately to pull hidden memories to the surface. There's got to be something that will help.

Nothing.

He kicked the jacket he'd left on the floor the night before. Merlin, lazy idiot, didn't tidy up in here either—

Wait. Merlin. Merlin's and Gaius' voices were among the garbled ones in his head, words of hope and eventually despair. They thought I was going to die, he realized, sitting down slowly in the armchair by the fireplace.

But Gaius had cured him-Some ancient remedy or other, right? At least that's what they'd said. But if Gaius had despaired of curing him, then how had the elderly man managed it at the eleventh hour?

Maybe he didn't. It was a very unnerving thought. Maybe Emrys

No! the voice of his father sliced through his thoughts. Sorcerers conspire only to overthrow us!

Guinevere's voice calmly replied, Are you so very sure about that?

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Daylight had faded, and still Arthur paced intermittently across his chamber. The Uther-voice and Guinevere-voice continued to war in his mind. No one had come back to try to coax him out of his room since Merlin had knocked and offered lunch. Arthur's stomach growled loudly in complaint.

But do you blame them, Arthur? the Guinevere-voice prodded gently. You continue to act as though you are Prince here, but this is Balinor's-Emrys'-kingdom. You are his sworn enemy, yet you were welcomed as a guest.

Arthur crossed his arms like a petulant child and stared out the window into the deepening darkness. I can't believe I'm having this argument with myself, he thought. He could barely make out the shapes of hunting wyverns headed south. Their piercing cries sent an involuntary shiver up his spine. Yet as he watched the eerie shapes shift and dive through the night, his thoughts wandered back to the last time he had heard Guinevere's voice tell him something similar. It had been actually Guinevere, his lovely Guinevere, speaking then, but this internal debate was disturbingly similar.

"...How rude and arrogant you can be! This is my home and you are my guest in it..." she had vented when he'd stayed in her home during the tournament he'd entered in disguise.

"You're right. You have invited me into your home and I have behaved appallingly," he'd replied.

"A good king should respect his people, no matter who they are," she had eventually pointed out.

But did that apply to sorcerers, too?

A sudden light knocking on the door interrupted his thoughts.

"Sire?" Merlin called. "I've brought you some supper. Thought you might be hungry."

Before he could reply or move to open the door, there was a slight clank of metal on stone and the sound of retreating footsteps.

Arthur crossed to the door and opened it slowly. A plate brimming with the best food from the cellar-freshly roasted meat, savory root vegetables, and a hunk of bread-and a pint of chilled mead sat on the ground just outside his door. Merlin was no where to be seen.

Arthur carefully picked up the plate and pint and carried them back into the chamber, closing the door with his foot as he did so.

You shouldn't have shouted at him earlier, the Guinevere-conscience observed.

He knew that was true. He'd regretted it almost immediately but buried those feelings under all the other ones he couldn't sort out. He'd questioned Merlin's loyalty, after the boy had left behind all the family and friends he had and become a fugitive to stay by Arthur's side.

And he still brought you supper.

Arthur ate ravenously, then collapsed into bed, still fully dressed, full of good food and completely emotionally exhausted.

Maybe by morning I'll figure out what to do, was his last thought before passing out.

A/N: So…what'd you think?

Guest review replies:

Guest #1: Glad you liked this version of Gwaine ;) No, he didn't ask for mead…not yet, at least ;) Thanks for reviewing and for the congrats! I did tell the site admin and they've evidently fixed it!

Nance: Yeah, Arthur was overreacting but he did have a point, and Merlin has realized that. You're spot on that it's a big deal Merlin hasn't been spending all his time with Arthur. I think Merlin only knocks when things are really serious or really awkward—it feels in character to me, honestly. He knows his efforts to help have been rebuffed once and he doesn't want to force Arthur over the edge on such a delicate and personal issue, so he's trying to be more attentive and respectful, going out of his way to behave in a loyal and deferential manner, at least until Arthur's had time to calm down a bit. Um, I'm sort of assuming the Fortress had stables/somewhere on the ground level off the courtyard where the horses can shelter, or they're munching on the grass in the courtyard and magical wards are keeping them out of the vegetable patch. Balinor probably took care of them the night before, same as when he baked the bread and restocked the cellar. ;) I love the drunken-army prank idea! :D

Guest #2: I like your thinking—very creative ;) Thanks so much! I hope this chapter helped fill in the gaps left by ch 51 :)

Bookybookworm: No, it won't be on his deathbed! Promise. :) Thanks for the review and the congrats! :)