Chapter 51 ~ Stop Blaming Yourself

Tyki raced out of his room and was instantly knocked to the floor. "Oof!" Startled by the sudden impact, he blinked several times before realizing that Link was on top of him, blue eyes wide and frightened.

"Oh good, there you are! Someone-called-and-things-went-crazy-and-Allen-sent-me-and-hurry!"

"Could you get off me first?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind." Tyki shifted Link off of him and stood, leaving the confused blonde behind.


Wisely set Allen and Kanda's suitcase on their bed. "This the only thing you'll need?"

"Yes, thank you. It was packed in case we ever needed to leave in a hurry."

"Good thinking. We've got a bag ready, too. I'll grab it and be right back."

Allen nodded and continued stroking Kanda's hair. The ravenette clung to him, face buried in his chest.


Wisely met Tyki just outside Allen and Kanda's room.

"Good timing. Allen needs you."

"What happened?! Link talked so fast I couldn't understand anything but 'Allen' and 'hurry.' By the way, he's probably still sitting on the floor outside of my room."

"My poor baby; he doesn't handle stressful situations like he used to. Damned Adam… I'll go get Link and our suitcase."

"What's going on?" Tyki asked but Wisely was already gone.


When Tyki walked into Allen and Kanda's room, the first thing he saw was Allen holding his lover as he sobbed and whimpered. The second thing he noticed was the poker champ grin on Allen's face. 'Oh, shit! I'm in trouble now.'

"Where the bloody hell have you been?! I sent Link after you ages ago! And didn't you hear my poor Yuu crying?! You are usually a much better employee than this! Now, listen to me and do exactly as I say: 1 - Call Cross and tell him to get his dumb arse here 5 minutes ago. 2 - Tell security they'd better be prepared to escort us to the airport immediately. 3 - Call the airport and make sure our flight is ready. My father called ahead so they damn well better be! 4 - Get your things ready to go. We're leaving the instant Cross gets here."

"Where are we going in such a hurry? Cross and security will want to know."

"Maine. Now do as I say and I'll explain later."

Not wanting to make Allen any angrier, Tyki rushed back to his room.


Wisely found Link still sitting on the floor. He scooped his lover up and kept walking, only stopping when he reached their room. He gently placed him on their bed and turned to grab their suitcase.

"You think Kanda's going to be okay?" The blonde's soft voice was barely audible.

"Not for a while, no, but eventually. How long that'll take depends on what happens in Maine. Either way, Allen will stay right by his side to support him, and that's gonna help him more than anything else."


Allen held Kanda, rubbing his back and humming softly. When the ravenette grew silent, he thought the man was asleep, so it surprised him when he spoke, voice hoarse from all the tears he cried.

"I'm a bad son, Moyashi. I never should've yelled at him like that. I… I fucking dis… disowned him and what if… what if he does… doesn't make…." He could not continue as sobs wracked his body again.

Allen repositioned Kanda so that he was cradling him in his lap. He gently rocked him and brushed his hair back from his tear-stained face.

"Shh, love. You aren't a bad son. He knows you only said those things because he hurt you. He knows you still love him."

"It's m… my fault th… this happened!"

"Yuu, please don't say that! You can't blame yourself for something you have no control over."

"But what if… if what I said… made him sick? I've heard that… that people can have heart… heart attacks if some… something major happens. Like, if wh… what I said set… it off and –"

"Did he have any heart problems that you were aware of? High blood pressure? Cholesterol? Did he have the heart attack while on the phone with you?"

"No, none of that, but –"

"No buts! This isn't your fault, Yuu, and I don't want you to believe that it is. Tiedoll wouldn't want that either. You know that, and you know that nobody is blaming you but you. Please, love, stop blaming yourself and focus on what you can do now to help him get better."

"I can't do anything! I'm not a doctor or a nurse or anything like that! I paint and sketch, and pictures won't keep him alive!"

"You can be there with him."

"Like that'll do any good…"

"It will! The presence of loved ones always makes the patient feel better!"

"And am I a loved one? Doesn't he hate me now? After what I said… the way I acted… How could he still love me?"

"Of course he still loves you! Oh, Yuu, do you really think he hates you?"

"It's not like he's tried to see me or talk to me since then."

"Only because he wasn't sure of what he should do! I know that's the reason because he told me so himself."

"When did you... Oh…. When you went to his office at the academy you talked about me, right?"

"I had to do something, love. I couldn't stand to see how much it hurt you."

"Thank you, Aren. I love you."

"I love you, too. Do you feel like you can get ready now? We really should be on our way."

"I'll never be ready for it, but I think I'm done crying like I'm a baby or a girl or whatever."

"It's alright to cry about this, Yuu; he's your father and his life is hanging -"

"Don't, Moyashi… I need to think that way to function right now." Kanda stood and caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror. "I look like shit. I'm gonna go fix this," he gestured to his face and hair, "and then we can go."

Allen nodded and changed out of his tear-soaked shirt while Kanda cleaned up.


Tyki's phone was ringing when he found it.

"I was just about to call you, pet. I'm not sure what's going on, but we're all going to Maine immediately. Allen ordered me to call you and –"

"Tell me to get my 'dumb arse here 5 minutes ago'?"

"How did you –"

"Frannie called and told me everything. I'm already waiting for you outside, security has their orders, and the jet is ready. As for my 'dumb arse,' I know my nephew and his attitude when it comes to his pretty boy."

"You just saved my ass from certain death. I swear if Kanda hadn't been crying in his arms, Allen would've killed me on the spot for not already knowing what the fuck's going on. Thanks, pet."

"Well, I couldn't stand to have your arse die as it's such an important part of your anatomy, now could I?"

"True. By the way, what the fuck is going on?"

"No one told you?!"

"All I know is that something has Kanda very upset and that we're leaving for Maine."

"Shite… I thought Frannie would call you. Tiedoll just had a heart attack. He's in hospital at BOA and doctors aren't certain about his odds. They wanted all his family to come in just in case."

"That poor boy… no wonder he's so upset and Allen's so mean right now."


Tyki, Wisely, and Link returned to Allen and Kanda's room, but the two did not notice them.

"Damnit all, Baka Moyashi, you are going to take your medicine!"

"I said no, BaKanda! I am not taking anything that will knock me out! What if you need me?!"

"On the plane?! I can handle flying; you can't unless you are knocked out!"

"I said no!"

"You have to! Now take it or I'll make you take it!"

"Like hell you will!"

"That's it!" Kanda pulled a syringe out of its packaging and reached for Allen.

Allen ran towards the door, not seeing the others until it was too late. Wisely caught him and carried him back to Kanda. The younger white-haired teen fought to get away, but the elder's grip proved too strong.

"Thanks, Wisely. The sprout refuses to listen to reason." He gave Allen the shot while Wisely held him still. "Ugh, I fucking hate needles! This is proof that I love you, Aren. You needed that, so I gave it to you even though it had to be in one of these things!" He threw the needle down in disgust and lifted Allen out of Wisely's arms.

Allen had been glaring defiantly at his fiancé, but his gaze softened when he realized how much it cost the man to do that. He wrapped his arms around Kanda's neck and kissed his collarbone.

"Oh, Yuu, I just wanted to be there for you. You're right, though, and I'm really, really, so very sorry for forcing your hand. Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine now that you're not gonna be sick on the plane."

"But the needle… I shouldn't have –"

"Shh, kitten. Don't worry about it." Turning to the others, he said, "Somebody carry our stuff for me. I'm not letting go of my Moyashi." He then walked out of the room without waiting on the others.

Wisely grabbed their suitcase. "Hey, Tyki, can you carry our bag and yours?"

"Sure."

"Thanks. C'mere, baby."

Link walked up to him and grabbed his free hand in both of his. Tyki smiled at the couple and followed them out the door.


Allen fell asleep in Kanda's lap before they reached the airport. When they got there, he gently placed him in Cross's arms, taking him back once he was out of the limo. He carried his beloved up the steps and into the jet.

"Why isn't Kanda talking? He hasn't said a word since we left." Link worried.

"He probably won't until Allen wakes up. He's usually not much of a talker anyway." Tyki shrugged and walked away.

"Don't worry about it, kid. He'll say something if he needs to." Cross patted Link on the back and followed his partner to the plane.

Wisely picked Link up and kissed him, then carried him to their flight.

They were in the air and headed for Maine within minutes. Once he could, Kanda unbuckled Allen and pulled him into his lap. He cuddled his sweet lover and silently stared out the window.

Link watched Kanda with obvious concern. Wisely unbuckled him and sat him on his lap just like Kanda did with Allen.

"Baby, I know you're worried about him, but I think what we're seeing is a part of his strength... how he's survived so much."