Song for this chapter: Sailing Man by Royal Republic
DAY EIGHT
By the first of July I thought I must be sick. When I woke up, in the dark again of course, my breathing was labored. It was such a challenge to bring air in and out of my lungs that on more than one occasion I considered giving it up entirely. My mind reeled from the pain of it and spun off into very dark places.
At one point I even wondered if the water Snape had given me the day before had actually been a clear and tasteless poison. My mind felt like a chewed up bit of gum residing inside my skull however, so I could not think of any poison that fit that description and would cause a person to have trouble breathing, or to be quite as tired as I was, or to wish for death.
It took many hours for me to understand that was what I was wishing for. I checked my watch at two in the afternoon however, so the time that I had finally intellectualize the dark thoughts going through my mind would be forever cemented into my mind. Two o'clock was when I understood my unwavering desire to join Cedric.
I must have take on a fever as well, and grown delirious, because at some point in that same afternoon I became certain that I saw Cedric sitting in the dungeon with me. He was dressed in his Hogwarts robes, with his hair all a mess like he had just gotten off his broom, and a blush on his cheeks while he looked at me with such unbelievable love in his eyes. This was the Cedric I wanted to remember, and I was so grateful that he would come to me in my time of dying. Because surely that was what was happening? My body was giving up wasn't it?
I reached out my tired arms to try and lace my fingers with his when he came closer, but my injured hand slide through the space where his should have been without touching anything. I cried then. I hated that my mind would taunt me with such a beautiful hallucination, but not go far enough to make me think I felt his hand against mine. My mind was a weak mind I decided. That could be the only reason for this failure to provide what I so desperately needed.
"I wish you were real," I whispered to the Cedric specter my mind had conjured. "I wish that in this moment, I had already crossed beyond veil and that you were here to hold me. To comfort me."
He didn't answer of course, just looked down at me with that same loving smile.
"I'll be with you soon though, I know it," I promised him, my breathing sill quite labored. "I can feel my body dying. It won't take much longer now. You'll be waiting for me when I come through won't you?"
He didn't answer, but that was okay, I knew he would be waiting for me.
My eyes grew heavy, and though I knew it meant being parted from his lovely face I let them fall closed. I let the great heavy tired feeling over take me. I gave myself over to the sensations in my body because I was certain that this was what it felt like to die and I welcomed it eagerly. I didn't check my watch because I found that I did not want to have any idea of the time I had died.
.
.
.
.
.
When sometime later, instead of dying I found myself being jostled about, my eyes jerked open to find bright light in the chamber and my body pressed against that of Severus Snape I wanted to scream in frustration. I could not make a noise at all however because he was forcing some disgusting potion down my throat with a panicked look on his face. I actually tried to spit it out, but he clamped his hand over my nose and mouth so I could not.
In the panic that ensued within my own body at the lack of air I instinctively swallowed the nasty concoction and he finally released me. Almost immediately I felt the effects spread through me and suddenly I was able to breathe easily again. I had not been aware of feeling feverish until that feeling drifted out of me as well. I wanted to beat the life out of this man when I realized that he had swooped in at the last minute to save my own.
"What have you done?" I cried when he somewhat awkwardly moved me into a sitting position once more that was not in his lap.
"I saved your life," he said softly. "Wormtail was sent to try and get information from you and found you nearly dead on the floor. Your untreated wounds became infected and your starved body could not fight it. You nearly died."
"I was so close," I moaned. "Don't you understand that? Why did you bring me back from the edge?"
"Because you cannot die," he said with a strange look on his face, like he thought I had lost my mind. "You have family and friends waiting desperately for you to be returned home. Would you have me instead go to them with news of your death?"
"Yes, I think I would," I whispered, letting my eyes drift closed. "Cedric was here with me, ready to walk me through the veil. I was so close to being out of this misery that I could feel it. This is a worse torture than any other Death Eater has ever inflicted upon me. So much worse."
"You don't mean that," he said in a ragged voice, and I looked up to see that he was truly pained by my words. "I would do anything in my power to keep you safe."
"What if I don't care about safety anymore?" I asked him. "What if I just wanted it to be over? What if I wanted it to be over? Would you help me with that?"
"No Bianca," he said, his features hardening with determination. "I am going to get you through this, and some day you will be happy for that even if today you hate me for it."
"I don't hate you," I sighed, too tired to fight him any more. "I'm just so tired of all of this."
"I know you are," said, kneeling down beside me once more and producing a water bottle from within his robes.
He unscrewed the top and gently tipped my head back before he pressed it to my lips. I was sure that he didn't hand it to me because he feared I would throw it or something so that the water was wasted. I opted not to make his life more difficult and simply swallowed the water that washed over my tongue. I greedily sucked down the whole bottle before I knew what was happening.
"I should not have brought this other one," he told me as he produced another potions bottle from within his robes. "And I will not admit to anyone that I did bring it. I will expound upon what is about to happen just being a symptom of the cure I gave you for your illness."
"What is it?" I asked him looking at the potion that was a very strange shade of pearlescent blue that I had never seen before.
"It is a concoction of my own making," he explained. "It is a mixture of a heavy sleeping draught and the elixir to induce euphoria."
"What will it do to me?" I asked him.
"It will erase all of the bad things you are feeling right now," he explained clinically. "And then you will fall asleep. You will likely dream, but they will be good dreams. The euphoria may last after you wake. It may even cause slight confusion or deliriousness because of how potently I brewed it, but at least for a little while you will not feel as if you wished for death."
"Can I take it now?" I asked him, suddenly desperate for that potion.
"Yes, let's just settle you as comfortably as possible first," he said as he helped me direct myself into the best sleeping arrangement he could find with my legs curled up to the side and my head ready to rest in the crook of my elbow again.
Then he uncorked the potion and tipped it to my lips like he had done with the water bottle. I was surprised to discover that this one was flavored. It tasted just like a red wine gum and I wondered why he had bothered to flavor it, or how he had known those were my favorites. As soon as I had swallowed the potion however I didn't have it in me to wonder about much. I just felt so… light and fluffly… and oh so very tired. I felt the gentle sensation of him brushing my lank hair out of my face and tucking it behind my shoulder and then he swept away from me. The light flickered out, but I hardly cared as I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
DAY NINE
It was quiet late in the day on July second when I finally woke again. I blearily checked my watch, surprised to see that it was already 5:00 p.m. I was alone again, and I was desperate for the sight of Severus Snape.
I was desperately hungry once more, and yet I couldn't even think about that. My thoughts were scared little birds, and anytime I tried to catch them they flew away from me. I wished I could fly away too.
Blissfully I didn't seem to be in any pain today. Though I was clearly still chained to the wall I felt as if I was floating on a cloud. I was weightless and pain free, and oh so grateful that Severus Snape had ever been born, let alone become a potions master. I no longer believed I could make it through this dreadful captivity without him. Thank Merlin he had turned spy for Albus.
Albus… what was he doing now? Did he have some sweets to eat? I'm sure he'd share them if he did. When would he be along to visit? It would be soon I was sure. He'd come to visit and he'd bring me a whole package of wine gums. We'd nibble on them and he'd build a fire that we could watch. It was going to be beautiful when he came.
And maybe he'd bring Harry with him. Harry would bring Fizzing Whizzbees because those were his favorites. Harry always smiled brightest when he was eating those. Harry would have his candies, and Ron would show up with his chocolate frogs and want to trade cards with me. I was sure of it. And then Hermione would come, and she would make us all brush our teeth because she'd be afraid they would rot out of our heads with all the sweets we were eating. But I wouldn't care because secretly I quite like the taste of toothpaste. Hermione needn't know that though. Now she didn't need to know.
Yes I was sure they would all be along shortly. I surely had time to sneak in another short nap before they got here though. Yes that was all that I needed right now. Just a quick kip before my friends arrived.
