I do not own Naruto or the song Show Me Your Genitals.

Enjoy.


There are some things you should never do if you're not me living in a house inhabited mostly by males. One of those things is walk around with earbuds in your ears, blaring loud, inappropriate music, while singing along with it while cleaning.

Because you're probably singing to it louder than you think you are.

There I was, cleaning the kitchen, singing a very inappropriate song that was playing on my ipod, when Itachi walks into the room without me noticing him. And I keep on singing along.

"Show me your genitals, your genitals. Show me your genitals! Genitalia!" I sing, oblivious to the fact that my husband was watching me with the strangest look on his face.

I smiled to myself as I sang. "Knock knock, who's there? It's me, wondering why you're not naked."

Third Person!

Itachi raised his eyebrow as Alice continued singing a ridiculous song as she did the dishes. He stood in the doorway of the kitchen, looking utterly confused.

"What are you looking at, Itachi?" Sasori asked, walking into the kitchen behind Itachi.

Itachi gestured at Alice.

She snickered to herself. "I can give good sex to you, cause I'm really good at sex."

Sasori's eyebrows lifted. "Is she aware that we're listening to her?"

"I doubt it." Itachi said with a sigh. He walked forward and wrapped his arms around Alice from behind and kissed her neck, pulling out one of her headphones. "Alice…"

Alice sighed and closed her eyes. "I was singing that loudly wasn't I?"

Itachi nodded.

"Fuck." Alice groaned. She looked back at Itachi and then smirked. "You can show me your genitals if you want."

"Not in the kitchen." Sasori grunted.

Alice looked at him and her smirk widened. "You know you want Itachi to show you his genitals too, Sasori."

Sasori feigned shock horribly. "You caught me."

Itachi looked deeply disturbed.

"I'm not even going to ask."

Alice laughed as Kakuzu and Kisame walked in, looking just as disturbed and confused as Itachi. "Hey guys."

"Alice." Kisame chuckled, rumpling the brunette's hair. "You're a strange woman."

"Tell me something I don't know." She scoffed. "Anyways, what are you guys doing?" She frowned. "Don't tell me you're hungry again."

Kakuzu shook his head. "Leader wants to hold a meeting."

"Is it about those fuckers who blew up our base?" Alice asked.

"Most likely." Sasori confirmed.

Alice nodded. "Who's all going?"

"All of us besides the children." Itachi informed her. He kissed Alice's forehead. "Come on, Love."

Meanwhile…

"Tiburon, you're insane." Cielo pointed out.

Tiburon glared at him. "Shut up, Cielo. If you aren't with us, then leave."

"I never said I wasn't going to help you. I just said you were insane for doing this." Cielo sighed. "Why do I have to have a teammate who has as much self preservation as a suicide bomber?" He shook his head. "We're going to get in so much trouble."

Tiburon rolled his eyes. "Sanaa is supposed to be the scaredy-cat. Not you, Cielo."

"Hey, yeah!" Sanaa protested.

Cielo patted Sanaa's head soothingly. "I personally don't want your father to rip our heads off. With the way you've been acting, it's only a matter of time. And I for one am terrified of Alice when she's in one of her moods."

Sanaa shivered. "Icy and Tachi can get really scary."

"My mom can't catch us." Tiburon shrugged. "And my dad won't do anything other than yell at us. He's never spanked me."

Sanaa paled. "Sori-Danna and Daddy will be so mad yeah." She grabbed Tiburon's shirt. "Tibby, I don't want to do this anymore."

"Sanaa, don't you want to go home?" Tiburon asked. "Don't you miss Sasuke, Naruto, Kakashi, and the others?" He frowned. "I do."

She looked down. "I do, Tibby… But I don't want to get in trouble."

"It'll be okay." Tiburon soothed. "I'll take full credit."

Cielo scoffed. "Better get used to standing, because Alice will make it impossible for you to sit."

"Whatever. Let's just go." Tiburon concluded. "I want to go home."

First Person Alice!

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "So, have you figured anything out? Do you have any idea who did it?" I looked at Pein seriously. "I'm guessing this was what was bothering you in Konoha."

Pein sighed and nodded. "You're correct. Though, it seemed as if nothing more than a minor annoyance at the time. I was suspicious of it growing larger, and it obviously has." He crossed his arms. "All I know is that a number of people either miss fighting, hate the Alliance, hate a certain village, or hate us. We can't jump to conclusions about anything. Everything needs to be inspected thoroughly and verified in case we suspect the wrong person."

"Any leads?" Itachi asked.

"Not yet. Konoha is helping us solve this mystery and I sent Zetsu back to the stronghold in order to see if he could dig anything up. I haven't heard from him yet." Pein explained. "From the activity that was going on before our base was destroyed, I know these people are ninjas, and there are quite a few of them. I also believe they are rogues."

Kakuzu rested his elbows on the table. "So if they're rogues, where is their base of operations? Are they grouping together or are they spread out among various bases? Is their leader directly involved with them and issuing orders, are they like us, or are they working for someone in the shadows with power?"

"I don't know." Pein admitted. "So far, Konoha is the only one of the villages interested in helping us solve this matter since the attack was in the Land of Fire. The others haven't seen it as a concern yet."

I crossed my arms. "Isn't that for the better though? I mean, I know Tsunade better than I know probably anyone besides you and Gaara, Pein. I know Tsunade would never even consider going back on the Alliance unless Konoha was at stake. Gaara's the same way. However, Ōnoki is all about the prosperity of his village and if he thinks he'll gain something by ending the Alliance, he will. The Raikage is the same way, and I get a similar vibe from Mei. All three of them are greedy. All three of them want to be the top dog like Konoha." I sighed. "It's awful to say, but Tsunade and Gaara are the ones we can trust. We'll incorporate the others into this when we are certain they have played no part in it."

"Alice is right." Sasori nodded. "Besides, so far, we were the only ones attacked. Right now, it's our business. Konoha is involved because it happened in the Land of Fire. Leave the others out of it until the need arises." He closed his eyes. "It's also important to note that though we have an Alliance, and we all fought together, we're still missing-nin and our old villages probably have some animosity towards us."

Kakuzu scoffed. "No kidding."

Hidan rolled his eyes. "I say we just fucking kill all of the bastards."

"Shut up, Hidan un." Deidara said with a frown. "You know we'd get our asses handed to us if we took on all of the major hidden villages by ourselves, un. Even with our talents and skills, and Alice's knack for guessing, we'd be wiped out in a month yeah."

"Probably less than that." Konan stated.

"Attacking the other villages is out of the question." Pein said shortly. "We will investigate this thoroughly and hope it is merely a band of morons who want to cause some dissention."

"Like us!" Kathryn chirped.

"I resent that comment." Sasori and I said in unison.

We both turned to each other and glared. "I resent you."

Cue unison huffing and looking away from each other.

Kathryn giggled. "I still say you two are alike."

"Shut up!" We snapped.

I pouted. "Why does this always happen?"

He sighed. "We need to stop doing that."

I grabbed Itachi and kissed him. "You're sexy." I smirked when everyone stared at my randomness. "There. Now Sasori can't copy me." I gave him a look. "Kiss my weasel, and I dismantle you."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Excuse you. You are the one copying me."

"The fuck I am." I scoffed. "I would never copy a loser like you. You're mimicking me because I'm so fucking awesome words can't describe me."

He gave me a deadpan stare. "You throw temper tantrums about nude photos."

"Because they're fucking disgusting!" I snapped. "The people who take nude pictures of themselves have no self respect and those who indulge in the pictures don't respect that person!"

Kathryn raised her eyebrow. "So, if Itachi gave you a nude picture of himself, and you like it, does that mean you don't respect him?"

I glared at her. "One, the situation is totally different. He's my husband. Two, I'd hit him if he took a nude picture of himself because he's an Uchiha and Uchiha are too cool for that and also because why would I need a picture when I can just rip his clothes off whenever I want and drool over him?"

Itachi sighed. "Why am I always in the middle of your bickering and sarcastic remarks? And why do you always talk about me lacking clothes?"

"Because you define me as a person and my life is centered on you and your sexiness." I said dismissively. "Just sit there and look beautiful."

Kisame snickered from my other side and smirked at Itachi. "You're a trophy husband."

"And you're a pet shark." Itachi retorted smoothly.

Pein rubbed his forehead as I defended Kisame when he pouted. "All of you, shut up." He sighed when we fell silent. "This is a serious meeting. Alice, Sasori, don't even look at each other."

Sasori sighed and I pouted.

"And Alice, none of us want to know about Itachi and what you do to him behind closed doors." Pein added.

I scoffed. "You should." Itachi face-palmed.

Pein glared at me.

"Shutting up." I said quickly.

"Good. Now, this meeting is closed. When Zetsu returns, I expect all of you to come here so we can see what information he has for us." Pein concluded. "All of you are dismissed."

I made to comment but stopped when the door burst open and Sable came in, nose to the ground. She sniffed all around the room, unaware that we were all staring at her before she stopped before me on her second round. She sat down in front of me and howled.

"You found me?" I asked. I pet her. "What's wrong Sable?"

A second later, Ash trotted in. He pawed at my leg.

"Hungry?" I asked.

Sable didn't jump to her feet so I ruled that out.

"Potty?" I questioned.

She didn't respond.

I frowned. "Tibby?"

She jumped to her feet and darted to the door. She stood there, waiting for me with her ears back and tail stiff. Ash ran over to her, looking at me expectantly.

"Find Tibby, Sable." I ordered, getting up. I followed after Sable until she led me to the door leading to the outdoor training grounds. She pawed at the door, whimpering. I frowned at seeing it was unlocked and I went outside.

I looked around, thankful it wasn't raining. "Tiburon!"

No response.

"Ash, where's Cielo?" I asked, looking down at the fox.

Ash sat down beside me, looking confused.

My eyes narrowed. "Itachi!"

Itachi was by my side in an instant. "What is it, Alice?"

"Something is wrong. Have everyone search the base for the kids." I stated.

Itachi's eyes narrowed. "Alright."

I remained outside, inspecting the clearing thoroughly. I had just reached the far end of the clearing when Itachi returned to me, looking extremely tense.

"They're not in the base." Itachi stated.

I tensed immediately too. "Where's Pein?"

"Inside." Itachi stated.

"Tell him to make it rain." I hissed.

Itachi went quiet for a moment and a few moments later, rain began to pour from the sky. I looked up at the sky. "Let us know if you find them, Pein." I glanced at Itachi. "Let's go. I think I might know where they're heading if they weren't kidnapped."

Itachi dipped his head. "Wait a moment. The others will want to go."

As soon as he said that, Kisame emerged from the base in full Akatsuki attire with Samehada on his back. He handed Itachi his cloak and offered me my hooded trench coat. Sasori, Deidara, and Kathryn came out a few seconds later, followed by Hidan and Kakuzu.

"Dei." I stated.

Deidara nodded and swiftly formed an owl. He hopped onto it when it came to life and pulled Kathryn up there with him. "We'll signal you if we see anything, yeah."

"Be careful." Sasori barked.

"Bye Danna." Kathryn smiled. "We'll see you later."

I watched them go before looking at the others. "Let's head towards the Love Shack."

Kakuzu looked at me. "We should split up to cover a larger range."

I nodded. "Sounds good. You and Hidan go together. Kisame and Sasori, you go together, and Itachi and I will take Sable. Ash, go wait for Cielo."

Ash, who had taken refuge beneath me to avoid the rain, gave a cute little bark and then hurried inside. He didn't mind. He didn't like the rain too much.

Kakuzu elbowed Hidan. "Come on." Hidan grunted and they set off.

Sasori and Kisame took off shortly after them, moving with super ninja speed.

Itachi picked me up and adjusted me so I was on his back. He glanced back at me. "Ready?"

I kissed his cheek. "Let's go." I looked at Sable. "Sable, find Tibby."

With a howl, she shot forward. Itachi raced after her, utterly determined to find the kids and probably set them on fire if they left by choice.


Yeah... The kids are in some deep, serious shit.

Fun Fact: I love Memes. They're hilarious.

Answer: I will post the second route at some point. For now, just enjoy the story. I'll let you guys know when I post it.

QotC: If you guys could as me any question about anything and I had to answer it, what would you ask me? This obviously means I'm giving you a chance to ask me something without restraint. I will answer whatever questions you guys have, even about the story and spoilers and stuff. I limit you to one question each, however. Though, that doesn't mean you can't try and cheat and review as a guest. Just a thought.

WotC: Trouble - problema (among others)

Have you guys read the oneshot that leads into the Road to Ninja movie? It's so cute. I love it. And the last panel is amazing.

That's all from me right now, guys.

See you.