Chapter 44

Santana opened her eyes she felt an arm draped over her. She smiled slight remembered the evening before. This was what it felt like. She leaned back and looked at the stirring blond. "Hey," she said quietly.

"Hi."

"Thanks," she whispered.

"Thank you," Brittany said with a grin as she propped up on her elbow to kiss her. Santana withdrew from the kiss with a start.

"Shit," she started to get out of bed. "Rachel!" She looked around frantically for her clothes. She glared up at Brittany. "I left her alone. I need to go! Where's my bra?" Santana paced around the room.

"San," Brittany called out quietly. "Santana." Santana continued to pace around the room. She didn't hear her. "Santana!" The Latina shot her a hot indignant look. "I texted Monkey and told her you were here. Quinn replied and said that Rachel was over there and she was sound asleep."

"What?" Santana asked somewhat shocked as she let her hands fall to her sides, her pants dangling from one hand her panties dangling from the other. Brittany watched amused as she searched her memory. "Wait…. How did she get there? … She told me she was there but…"

"I drove her," Brittany gave a small smile. Santana looked at her in surprise as she sat on the edge of the bed.

"When?"

"She came over here." Something clicked in Brittany's mind. "Probably right after…" Brittany sighed. "That makes more sense."

"What does?" Santana asked as she snuggled back up to Brittany.

Brittany shot her an apologetic look but then glanced back down at her hands. "She begged me to come over and see you." Brittany shook her head as tears fell. "If I knew what had happened… I would have….. I …"

Santana looked at her softly and held Brittany's cheek in hers. "Shhhh," she soothed. "I came to you this time. Everything is okay."

Brittany gave a weak smile. "Promise me you'll tell me the truth."

Santana's face demonstrated that she was taken aback by those words. "I don't know," Santana said quietly looking down and away but letting her cheek remain close to Brittany's. "I want this."

"So do I, but I don't want you to want this because you think it'll numb you. I want you to want this because you want it later." Brittany sighed. "I need you to be in this with me, not in this because you're hoping that I'll distract you."

"I want it always." Santana met her eyes. "I'll be as honest with you as I possibly can. You're the only person that I talk to. You always have been." She paused. "You know that." The statement was more of a clarification statement than anything. "I know that I have a lot to prove to you. I know that, but please let me have a hard time with this." Santana gave a smile. "I don't do this naturally."

Brittany leaned down and captured her lips. "I know. All I'm asking you to do is try, I'm not asking you to be perfect."

Santana realized that for the first time she wanted to be perfect for her.

…..

Quinn let her eyes flutter open. She felt Rachel in her arms still. She looked down and saw that Rachel was already looking up at her. She gave a smile.

"Hey," she smiled.

Without a reply Rachel leaned up and kissed it. It was even more perfect than the coatroom. It wasn't hesitant but sure like that kiss had been. This kiss was longing and grateful. Quinn finally kissed back forgetting that she was self-conscious about her morning breath. Rachel finally pulled away.

"What was that?" Quinn asked with a gleeful smile.

"A thank you," Rachel said distantly with a grin that Quinn didn't recognize.

"What for?"

Quinn watched with amusement and curiosity as Rachel sat up and looked at her with a sheepish and emotional glimmer. "I didn't….I slept with you." Quinn couldn't contain a laugh. "I know, Rach, I was here." Rachel shook her head seriously. "No, that's the first time I've slept through the night."

Quinn looked at her shell-shocked taking in all that the statement meant. She smiled a wide smile after a few moments of processing Rachel's words. And then she leaned over and kissed her back.

They were interrupted when there was a knock at the door. Who is that? Quinn broke away from the kiss and gave another smile and kissed Rachel on the forehead as she stood up. Rachel watched her walk into the hallway toward the door. She felt so extraordinary. She never thought that feelings and moments could surpass words, but the moment that proved her wrong had arrived. She was looking around the room and realized for the first time how barren the whole apartment was. There was a box and a bag. That was it. This will not do, Rachel thought to herself as footsteps came around the corner.

"Morning," Santana smiled at her and held out a cup of coffee.

Rachel looked up at her. Something had changed. She tilted her head to the side and took the coffee out of Santana's outstretched hand. She heard a voice talking with Quinn. She looked around Santana to see Brittany follow in with Quinn. Rachel gave a knowing smile and looked at Brittany and then back at Santana.

"Stop smiling like that," Santana said with a chuckle. It faded slightly when she realize how incredible rare that was for her to have said something like that to her. She examined Rachel's face. She gave a joyous exhale. She was actually smiling. She knew that Rachel smiling wasn't going to fix or change anything drastic, but the fact that she was smiling at all was change enough. "Come on," she said as she pulled Rachel to her feet. "Go get changed. We're going to head out."

"Where?" Rachel asked looking up at Santana and then over to Quinn. She didn't want to leave Quinn.

"Don't worry she's coming too," Santana said taking in the apartment around them. "I mean look at this place. Really, Q?" She gave a sigh and looked at Quinn annoyed at the lack of character in the apartment.

"Here's your muffin, Rachel," Brittany said handing her a paper bag.

"Where are we going?" Rachel repeated as she broke off a piece of her vegan muffin.

"To where everyone goes, during this holiday season," Santana smiled. "Thanksgiving is tomorrow. We have no school." Quinn and Rachel still looked back at her blankly. She gave an annoyed sigh. "Really? Thanksgiving what does everybody do on Thanksgiving?"

"Eat?"

"Choke because they ate too much?"

"Go shopping!" Santana exclaimed.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "San, that's the day after Thanksgiving that everyone goes shopping."

"Get dressed," Santana spat as she dropped a duffle in front of Rachel. Rachel let out sigh and rolled her eyes. For the first time though, she wasn't as scared about what would happen next. She caught Quinn's eye as she headed to the bathroom to change. And that future looked pretty bright.

The girls walked into the mall and Quinn couldn't help but notice Rachel's look of dread. However, it wasn't the paralyzing fear that she had seen before this was a different dread. Quinn felt safe to ask.

"What's wrong?" Quinn asked staring over at Rachel whose arms were crossed over her chest making her look like a petulant child.

"I don't really like malls," she answered her lip stuck out in a pout.

Quinn caught Brittany and Santana exchange a look. Santana rolled her eyes and Brittany scolded her with her eyes. "It's kind of our fault," Brittany admitted draping her hand over Rachel's shoulders.

"What do you mean?" Quinn asked curiously trying not to look entertained by this entire interaction.

Santana sighed. "When we were younger, we used to make fun of her." Rachel glared up at her.

"When we were younger?" Rachel fumed slightly.

"I'm still confused," Quinn said looking at the girls as they made their way into the atrium of the mall.

"Rachel has a different way of dressing compared to Santana," Brittany said diplomatically.

"They make fun of me all the time," Rachel said directly to Quinn.

Santana caught and held Rachel's eyes and answered Quinn. "She shops at Kids R Us…. Come on! How could we not make fun of her?"

Rachel was watching Quinn closely so the blonde held her ground. "I think that it's great that Rachel recognizes that she needs to buy clothes that fit her." The brunette shot her a smile.

Santana watched the small exchange and linked arms with Quinn and sped ahead slightly so that they were alone. Quinn looked over at her questionably. These Berry girls were so unreadable. She couldn't stop smiling when she thought of Rachel. She felt like a lovesick idiot.

"What did you do?" Santana asked breaking Quinn'st hought as they walked ahead further.

"What do you mean?"

Santana shot a look over her shoulder at Brittany and Rachel. "Look at her. She's smiling." She watched Quinn follow her gaze and then look forward. "What happened last night?"

"She came over to talk," Quinn said simply. "So we talked." She caught Santana's slight frown. "I promise I won't do anything to hurt her." Her memories drifted to the conversation they had the night before. "We need each other. I need her."

She was surprised to see that Santana was looking at her with an unusually calm and gentle look.

"I know." Her look went back to serious. "Don't hurt her."

"I know." And Quinn did know that whatever she and Rachel had was a lot more complex than girl likes girl. There was a lot more at stake if it didn't work out.

"How are you doing?" Santana asked honestly.

Quinn looked up at her and gave an appreciative smile. "Thanks, but I'm doing fine."

"Cut the bullshit," Santana said with a bit of an edge.

Quinn looked away and toward the ground as they continued to walk.

"I'm doing the best that I can," she finally replied.

Santana squeeze her arm that she had locked with hers. "That's all you can ask of yourself."

Rachel looked up at Brittany with a smile. "Did you make up?"

Brittany laughed at Rachel's innocent question. "Yeah, I guess we did." Her face got serious. "You should have told me what was really going on when you came over. You know I would have gone over in a heartbeat."

Brittany watched as Rachel soaked in the meaning of the words.

"Brittany, I…" Rachel started to feel tears of regret fill her eyes. Brittany stopped and took Rachel gently by the shoulders. Surprised that she didn't flinch.

"Rachel, she's okay. You're okay," Brittany gave her a reassuring look. "You're smiling. Look at you! You did what you thought was right, but I need you to tell me when things get back like that for Santana…." Brittany saw that Rachel was soaking in her words. "And for you."

Rachel then understood what Brittany was saying and a panic flooded in her chest. "I wasn't going to ….." Her words started out rushed but then trailed off.

"I know," Brittany said quietly pulling Rachel closer. "But thought about it. So the next time –''

"Brittany," she whispered. "I saw what it's done to Santana…." Her voice was still small and hard to hear. Rachel glanced over and saw that Quinn and Santana had stopped and were looking at them. "I know that she hasn't done it in a long time…. But I know how I felt, I'm not going to do that to her."

Brittany felt her heart break at Rachel's simple words. She gave Rachel a kiss on the forehead and then straightened up.

"Okay," was her simple reply.

The girls found themselves wondering around Macy's. Santana found some clothes that actually might fit Rachel and make her not look like a kindergartener and she also found something for Quinn. She pushed them in the direction of the changing rooms as she and Brittany returned to the racks of clothes. She let her hand sneak around the girl's waist.

"Hey," Brittany said with a greeting. She gave a smile and looked around quickly before placing a kiss on Santana's lips.

Santana smiled as they withdrew. "Are you embarrassed to kiss me in public?"

"PDA is your thing. Not mine." Brittany laughed. "Remember when I dated Mark Jameson?"

Satnana's smile faded. "Yeah, I hated that cocksucker."

Brittany flashed a smile but a look at Santana. "He was a nice guy. You were just jealous, but PDA was never my thing."

Santana smiled and wrapped her arms around her. "We'll have to work on that won't we?"

Brittany smiled but nodded her head toward the dressing rooms. "What do you think?"

Santana gave a thoughtful look toward the direction the two younger girls had gone in. "I mean it's not like we were surprised."

Santana chuckled. "Yeah…" she trailed off still looking at the door. "I think I'm happy about it. I'm just worried that they will hurt each other. They need each other so badly what if they realizes that they aren't what they need?"

Brittany couldn't help but smile at her worry and simple question. "Then that's what they realize. Trust Rachel enough to trust her own instincts and trust Quinn enough that she'll care for her."

Santana gave Brittany a look and then turned away. "Trust isn't my strong suit."

"I know," Brittany said pulled her back to her embrace. "We'll work on that." And she went in for another kiss.

Santana smiled as she pulled away from the kiss.

"Come over for Thanksgiving dinner."

"Was that a question?" Brittany asked.

"Not really," Santana said with a sly smile. It faded slightly. "I know that thanksgiving is a big deal at your house…."

Brittany laughed. "It's not the sitting down part that we do, San. You know that. It's the hours of football and screaming… and take out." She thought for a moment. "We actually have never done Turkey and things. We always do take out." She looked at the Latina. "Unlike your family…."

Santana laughed as she finished the sentence. "Who pretends to be whole and healed and put on this extravagant dinner. It's bigger than Christmas…and Hanukkah." She thought about it more. "It's the one holiday a year that we all put a real effort into." She met Brittany's eyes. "And I really want you to be there."

She gave a smile. "I wouldn't miss it."

Quinn stared at the dress that Santana had picked out for her. It looked good on her body, but she wanted another opinion. An opinion that mattered. She walked into the hallway and knocked on the door, not noticing a pair of big masculine sneakers under the stall next to Rachel's

"Rachel?" she knocked. "Can you tell me what you think of this?" There was no answer. "Rach?"

The door finally opened and Rachel stood there with a sad, confused look on her face. She had the dress that Santana had picked out for her only slightly zipped. She was holding it up and peering out at Quinn through a small crack.

"What's wrong?"

"I look awful," Rachel said quietly.

"You are a lot of things," Quinn said "and awful sure isn't one of them. Can you please let me in?" Rachel hesitated but opened the door. "Turn around." Rachel looked into Quinn's eyes but complied. As Quinn zipped the back of the dress, she noticed the still fading bruises on Rachel's back. She turned the girl to face her and cupped her face gently. "You're incredible. You're beautiful. And I love you. Stop listening to those voices in your head."

Rachel didn't know how to respond other than letting herself fall into Quinn's embrace. She felt the blonde place a kiss on the top of her head. She wanted to kiss her back. She leaned back out of the embrace and kissed her softly on the lips. She didn't notice a pair of angry eyes watching them through a crack in the stall. She didn't notice that when Quinn kissed her back she was against the wall of the stall. Quinn brought her hands around Rachel to embrace her. She loved feeling this girl against her. Rachel suddenly pulled away her eyes fearful. Quinn realized how they were positioned; Rachel was practically pinned to the wall of stall. She pulled away fast.

"I'm so sorry," Quinn said quickly. "I didn't… I didn't think… I …"

Rachel looked at her, her heavy breathing settling. It was too soon, she realized for her to be intimate like that with Quinn. She shook her head slightly.

"No," she said quickly. "It was me." She saw Quinn back peddling in her mind. "I want to be with you –''

"But?" Quinn asked.

Rachel smiled at Quinn's insecurity. "But it's too soon for that kind of ….. passion."

Quinn relaxed slightly. She knew that. She understood that was too much. She took Rachel's hands. "Whenever you're ready. I'm ready. It could be a month from now. It could be a year from now, but I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." Quinn paused, but went on. "When it happens, I promise you it will be fantastic." Rachel blushed. "The next touch you feel will rough or forced or sloppy. It will be romantic and gentle and perfect." The tiny brunette blushed again and wrapped her arms around her.

"You know," Rachel began from the crook of Quinn's arm. "Just because I'm not ready for intimacy doesn't mean that I can't kiss you any time I want, right?"

Quinn smiled.

"Anytime, you'd like."

Rachel reached up and kissed Quinn again. With her palms on the soft cheeks of the brunette, she realized that kissing might actually be enough for her, because the kiss at this moment was phenomenal.

She finally pulled away. Rachel looked up into the soft eyes.

"Will you come over for Thanksgiving?" Quinn nodded. What else was she going to do? "It's kind of a big deal at our house. We really take it seriously."

For some reason, Quinn questioned if that was true. She nodded and gave a smile.

"I would love it."

The girls continued to wonder around the store and Santana caught Rachel as she was fiddling with the racks of cardigans.

"No more cardigans, Rach," Santana said shifting her to another rack. Rachel sighed but followed Santana to another rack. They were silent for a moment. However, it wasn't as uncomfortable as it had been for the last couple weeks. "You really just talked?" Santana asked hesitantly as she looked over her shoulder at Quinn and Brittany. She gave a smug smile. "The way she's looking at you I would assume that…"

"Santana!" Rachel hissed. "We just talked." She bowed her head, embarrassed, as she looked more at the rack of shoes. "Why what did you and Brittany do?"

When Santana didn't reply, Rachel looked up. Santana met her eyes and arched her eyebrow, only to have Rachel's eyes bulge slightly. "Oh,… right….Oh…"

"I invited B to Thanksgiving."

Rachel looked up. "I invited Quinn."

They exchanged a look that echoed their sudden hesitation about their deicison.

"What do you think they'll say?"

"I don't know," Santana replied. "I don't think the guest list is that long this year…." She sighed. "But we want them there. We shouldn't feel sorry."

"I don't." Rachel said turning her attention to the racks.

Santana watched her wondering if invited the girls that they love to the Merry Berry Turkey Extravaganza was a good idea.

I'm so sorry for the typos. I'm late for work. I hope you enjoyed it.

Four more big chapters until I take I break for a week.