Author's note: Three chapters in one week! Wow! Plus two chapters of a new story! Oh, please read "A Hero's Journey", it's good! I guarantee it!


Chapter 52: Bad News, Good News, Too Much News

So, after a wedding comes the honeymoon, which is always a great time. Little vacation, 'consummating the marriage', all that great stuff. Well, mine was all that, but at the same time it ended up shifting into something that lead to not so pleasant news. It did however lead to a happy ending, but more on that later.

For our honeymoon we went immediately from the reception to a suite I rented in Califoalnia, okay, immediately is a lie. We immediately went from the reception to the after party at the bar, which I was eager to wrap up because I was so ready to spend the weekend way from literally everyone I knew except Pinkie.

"How are you feeling Chuck?" My dad asked me with a smile as I looked out at the guests behind the counter.

"My life has never felt more complete." I admitted. "This is the greatest day of my life."

"I'm proud of you, son." He smiled.

"Thanks for coming dad, it really means a lot." I said. "I don't even care than you didn't bring a gift."

"You think I didn't bring a gift?" He asked. "Of course I brought a gift! I just wanted to make sure you got it before I left and didn't open it a week after." He chuckled as he grabbed a small box. I opened the box and took out the object, it was a vintage cigar cutter, actually, it was my great grandfather's vintage cigar cutter that was given to my dad.

"Your cigar cutter?" I asked.

"Nope, yours." He said. "I know that for some reason you have an affinity for cigars, thought you'd appreciate it."

"I do, I most certainly do." I smiled. "Thanks dad."

"You're welcome." He nodded with a grin. "Now how about a whiskey huh?" He chuckled.

"Coming right up." I said pouring the drink.

The rest of the party went well. Everyone had a great time, I say everyone, not everypony for the fact of being sensitive to the different species here. Damn you political correctness. As soon as the party started to fade I shot a look at Pinkie than I shot a look at the door, she nodded and started to wrap up her conversation with Thorax and Ember. As we made our way for the door, just as we were about to be home free, a voice called for us.

"Pinkamena, Chuck!" A grizzled, old voice called, it was Igneous.

"Igneous! Buddy!" I remarked, masking my frustration with a grin. "How are you doing?"

"There are one hundred guests at this party, I appear to be among the few that are sober." He said flatly.

"Which just means you'll remember the great time you had more." I smiled. "What can we do you for?"

"I just noticed that thy seemed to be heading for the door." He said. "I just wanted to wish thy both many happy years together."

"Well thank you." I nodded.

"Thanks dad!" Pinkie smiled. There was a bit of a pause, I didn't really want to say "I've got a suite to get to and a marriage to consummate.", but I was ready to. He then chuckled and waved us off.

"Go, thy clearly have somewhere to be." He chuckled. "Have fun, but not too much fun."

"But enough fun." Cloudy cut in. "We do want grandfoals you know." Okay, now the talk was getting awkward.

"Thank you both." I said respectfully before calling out. "Okay everyone, Pinkie an' I are gonna back on out of here, keep the bugs off of your glass and the bears off of your tail, we'll catch you on the flip flop this here's the rubber duck on the side, we gon' bye-bye!" I addressed them as I opened the door.

"Translation?" Spike asked in confusion as to what I said.

"We're leaving for our honeymoon." I said flatly. "Goodbye everyone!" I called as we left.

"I'm so glad we decided to put our luggage in the train station beforehand." Pinkie said as we ran to the train station.

"It was a wonderful decision." I nodded. "Running in our wedding attire? Not a great decision."

"Yeah but, we look great! That's what matters." She giggled as we got to the platform.

"You're damn right." I grinned. "The 10 PM to Califoalnia?" I said to the stallion in the booth.

"Ah yes, our first class travelers, right this way." He nodded, leading us to the train cart. We sat down in our booth, I grinned seeing that we had it to ourselves. I would have to say, I have amazingly unrealistic luck with train privacy.

"Now this is classy." I grinned as I cut a cigar with my new cigar cutter.

"Sir, we don't allow smoking in this car, you'll have to take it to the lounge cart." The stallion said.

"I can live with that." I said. "Just one, I promise." I said to Pinkie.

"I'll hold you to that." She giggled. "It's a long train ride anyway."

"Great." I smiled as I kissed her on the cheek, I'll be back." I said with the cigar in my mouth, heading for the lounge. I chuckled happily to myself as I lit the cigar and lounged in a chair. Soft jazz music played on a record player and a bartender cleaned glasses at a small counter, aside from him and I, there was one other stallion in there, an older fella. I moved from where I sat down to the stool beside him at the bar.

"Evening." I smiled to both of them. The bartender nodded with a slight smile and the elderly stallion nodded respectfully. "I'll have a gin and tonic, what'll you have friend?" I asked the stallion beside me.

"Bottle of scotch." He grunted.

"You're a stallion of terrific taste." I complimented. "Alright barkeep, G 'n C, and a bottle of scotch." I said sliding money across the counter.

"You seem awfully chipper." The bartender remarked. "Let me guess, that's a 'special' cigar." He chuckled.

"Nope, just high on life." I said as I sipped the drink. "Just got married this morning."

"Congratulations." The bartender said. "That'll explain the high-like giddiness."

"Definitely." I sighed happily. "What about you, old-timer, married?"

"I was." He sighed.

"Oh, widower? My apologies." I apologized.

"I wish I was a widower." He grumbled.

"Fella's been divorced three times." The bartender explained.

"I'm very sorry." I said apologetically.

"Don't be kid." He said. "With any luck your marriage will turn out better than mine."

"And better than mine." The bartender grumbled. "My husband left me for a swing singer in Fillydelphia."

"Sucks for you, fruity." The old stallion chuckled.

"Fruity?" The bartender squinted his eyes angrily.

"Okay. I made a mistake coming in here." I said simply. "Umm, here's a tip, thanks again, great gin and tonic." I chuckled nervously as I left. Wow, thank God that old stallion made the homophobic remark, the confrontation was a perfect excuse for me to leave. I wanted to leave the moment they started talking about divorces and stuff. I really didn't need the idea that Pinkie was going to leave me swirling around in my head, as if my anxiety hadn't been bad enough already.

"You're back quick." Pinkie remarked as I walked into the car.

"Yeah..." I said with a bit of a shudder as I sat down beside her.

"I wasn't complaining." She said snuggling up to me. "How's my handsome hubby?" She asked.

"He's wonderful." I smiled, masking my anxiety. "And how's my beautiful bride?"

"She's happy as can be!" She smiled. "And appreciative of your alliteration."

"Heh... I'm glad." I smiled. "Well, I want to be awake when we arrive, it'll be midnight before we get to our suite, what do you say we order up a couple of coffees?" I asked.

"You need them more than I do." She giggled, she was right, naturally she did have more energy than what is possible. "But I'll be glad to have coffee time with you, hubby." She smiled.

"Is that my new nickname now that we're married?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Nah, you'll always be Chuckie to me." She said, resting her head up against me.

"Did you know back where I come from there is an entire series of horror flics with that as the title?" I asked.

"Please don't ruin Chuckie for me." She pleaded.

"Alright." I chuckled. Not too long afterward we arrived at the train station. We took our bags and I flagged down a cab. "Golden Horseshoe Hotel please." I said to the stallion.

"That's a prestigious place, what's the occasion?" He asked.

"Honeymoon." I stated as he started trotting.

"Really? Congratulations." He smiled at us.

"Thanks." I said with a slight yawn. The city was absolutely beautiful at this time of night, the sky was dark and black yet the city was still vibrant and bright, a golden glow radiating all around. Pinkie leaned into me as we rode through the city, I smiled as I wrapped my front leg around her. "Tired?" I asked.

"A little." She admitted.

"We're almost to the hotel." I chuckled. Once we arrived I paid the driver and gave him a tip that if I were completely awake I wouldn't have given. We carried our luggage into the lobby and a bellhop took them for us. I stepped up to the desk and gave the desk clerk my money.

"Pie reservation." I said simply.

"Ah yes, the honeymoon suite." The clerk replied. "Right this way sir." He said leading the two of us to an elevator. "Just take this elevator, you're in the first door on the left coming out." He explained giving us our room keys. "Do enjoy, the Golden Horseshoe Hotel prides itself on having one of the greatest honeymoon suites in Equestria." He boasted.

"Buy yourself something nice." I gave him a couple bits, secretly just with the intention to make him shut up. I pressed the button on the top floor and hummed to myself as it went up. Bob Seger's Night Moves to be exact.

"You seem antsy." Pinkie giggled.

"Just happy. I've been on a non-stop feeling of overwhelming happiness since this afternoon." I explained as the elevator stopped and the door opened.

"Why are you so sweet?" Pinkie asked.

"I'm in love." I said as we walked down the hall. "Here we are." I said as we stopped at our room, I turned the key and opened the door.

"Dibs on the bed!" Pinkie said quickly.

"Pinkie, we're married." I said slowly. "Sharing things like a bed is a normal thing for married couples." I said. "Unless, of course, that makes you uncomfortable." I stammered.

"Why would that make me uncomfortable?" She asked.

"Well, I mean, you're a very..." How do I say this? "Innocently minded pony and-" She quickly shushed me.

"You don't think I'm aware of what couples do on their honeymoon?" She asked with a playful grin.

"That's not what I was going to say..." I chuckled nervously. "Well, I wasn't sure how to bring it up."

"Just leave bringing things up to me." She grinned a little. Oh my.


The next morning

Wow. Holy George Costanza. That was... wow. The next morning I woke up probably in the best mood I've ever woken up in. I sat up and stretched as I hummed a bit of Dean Martin's Ain't That A Kick In The Head getting out of bed. I strolled over to the coffee maker, conveniently a feature in our room. I whistled softly as I made coffee and swung open the curtains on the window. Moments after I did that Pinkie awoke from her sleep.

"Goooood grand-spankin' morning!" I said cheerfully.

"Good morning." She yawned a little as she walked over to me and hugged me, rubbing her head up against my robe. "You're wearing the robe I got you." She smiled.

"Of course I am, I love this robe!" I replied. "Want some coffee?"

"As long as it has sugar." She nodded.

"I think you know after last night I have no problem giving you sugar." I grinned playfully as I gave her the mug prepared for her.

"Stop it you." She blushed. "Who would've thought that the pony I'd fall in love with would be funny, cute, smart, and surprisingly amazing in the you-know-what department." She giggled.

"What do you mean surprisingly?" I asked, squinting my eyes.

"Nopony's ever all four of those qualities, and I already knew you were cute, smart, and funny," She explained. "So... I just kind of anticipated for you to kinda leave something to be desired in... that area." She giggled. "Happy to have been wrong."

"Yeah." I said flatly.

"What?" She laughed. "What did you expect from me?"

"Frankly? I expected I'd have to explain what all of that even was." I admitted. "Happy to have been wrong." I repeated her words.

"So, what's on the agenda today?" She asked me.

"Agenda? I was thinking we'd stay in our pajamas all day and eat room service all day." I said.

"I know you're kidding." She giggled. "But I can't say I'd be against doing that."

"Really though? I'm not sure. I saw this weekend as a vacation before we deal with the legitimate responsibilities of marriage." I explained. "But I do have one idea."

"And what's that?" She asked.

"Did you know that if you pay enough you can completely reserve a hotel pool area to yourself?" I asked.

"You didn't!" She gasped with a surprised smile.

"Oh, but I did, nothing but the best for ma cherie." I grinned.

"I have never been more in love with you." She giggled. As we got our things ready to go swimming. The rest of the honeymoon was absolutely fantastic, we went to the theater and saw a play, well, the first half of one. We were escorted out when we wouldn't stop laughing. How was I to know Death of a Salespony wasn't a comedy? We went out for a fancy dinner and then dancing. It was an amazing weekend, I was actually kind of sad when it was over. But at the same time, as annoyed as I was to admit it, I missed routine a little, I missed our friends... kinda. So the goodbye to the honeymoon wasn't too hard, but I would forever miss the amazing Jacuzzi bath tub in our hotel room.

Of course, when we got back was also a big day, the day that we'd be moving in to our new home. Which meant we took our trip luggage to the empty house that would eventually become our family home, and then we went to Sugarcube Corner to start moving the rest. Mr. and Mrs. Cake were kind enough to help out. The delivery carts really came in handy for lugging furniture. We didn't actually own very much furniture, only our bedroom fixtures and the furniture from the common room. Thankfully we'd received some good thinks like lamps and kitchen appliances for wedding gifts, along with twenty packs of coasters from twenty different guests who I'm probably never inviting to a social event again. Oh! And an expired coupon book. I mean, come on. Once the last box was packed in Sugarcube Corner to be sent to our new home, Pinkie stood in the loft. I could tell it was kind of a bittersweet moment for her. I walked up to her and smiled at her.

"If you want, we don't have to move." I said. "I can sell the house and we can try to raise a family here."

"No." She shook her head. "No, I'm ready for a change." She then turned to the Cakes. "I'm still allowed to come over whenever, right?"

"Of course dear." Mrs. Cake nodded with a smile.

"We're always gonna need somepony to look after the twins." Mr. Cake nodded.

"It's not like you're moving out of town, you can even see the shop out your window." Mrs. Cake added.

"And of course you're still expected to be our delivery mare." Mr. Cake concluded. Pinkie Pie smiled, I could see tears started to well up in her eyes. She brought Mr. and Mrs. Cake in close and hugged them tightly.

"Thank you both for everything." She sniffled.

"Of course dear." Mrs. Cake smiled. "Now, I think your husband is eager to finish moving." She chuckled, looking at me as I stood awkwardly watching them.

"He can wait." Pinkie giggled. Once we moved in, married life was about to begin, I wasn't sure what the ups and downs would be, for the first month, everything was perfect. Then, I recall one day into the second month where we went into our first down.

"You coming to the bar tonight?" I asked Pinkie as I prepared by bow tie for my evening shift.

"I don't know if I should." She said. "I don't want to be tempted by anything."

"Tempted?" I asked slowly. "What do you mean?"

"By drinking!" She reminded me. "I wouldn't want to hurt the little one."

"The little one?" I asked, before realizing just what she had meant. I guess that I had been so caught up in the moment the first night of our honeymoon I didn't even stop and think about what... that led to. I then stopped and thought, that was a month ago. By this point, there should be some sign of pregnancy. Not a giant bump obviously, but maybe morning sickness or something.

"Are you sure that you're... pregnant?" I asked.

"I don't know!" She shrugged. "If... I was, would that be okay with you?"

"What?" I asked. "Of course!" I nodded. "Just, there should be signs by this point."

"Good point." She nodded.

"Tell you what," I began. "I'll tell Quibble he's on the night shift tonight, and we're going to have a little check up." I said as I took my apron off and hung it up.

"Really?" She asked excitedly.

"Yeah." I nodded. "After all, I want to be a parent just as much as you do." She hugged me tightly before we locked up the house and went off to the hospital.


Ponyville Hospital

"Hmm..." The doctor remarked as he examined her. "And you said you engaged one month ago?"

"Doc, we got engaged months ago." I arched my eyebrow.

"Not that." He rolled his eyes. "Sexually."

"Ah. Then yes, a month." I nodded.

"I see, and there have been no signs?" He asked Pinkie.

"Nope!" She shook her head.

"Hmm, I'll have to take a test sample from both of you, I'll inform you when the results are in." He told us.

"Alright." I nodded, I felt a little worried at this point, I really did want to be a dad. We both gave our tests and left afterwards, the doctor informed us it would be roughly a week until we got our results back. There was nothing else to do but wait. So that's what we did, wait.

One week later, I was sitting at home, enjoying my day off. I was home alone that day, Pinkie was off with deliveries at the time, I leafed through a furniture catalog on the couch, I was looking at recliners.

"I can only imagine the terrifying process of making leather furniture here." I chuckled to myself as I read, suddenly, I heard a knock on the door. I got up and strolled over to the door, opening it, I saw Derpy with her mailbag.

"Good morning Derpy." I smiled and nodded. "Any mail today?"

"That's why I'm here, silly!" She giggled as she gave me a stack of letters. "Have a great day!" She said as she left. I shut the door and leafed through the envelopes.

"Bill, chain mail, blackmail, jury duty summons, letter from the doctor." I mumbled as I leafed through. "Letter from the doctor!?" I stopped and held the letter up. I tore open the envelope eager to see the news. The stereotypes on doctor's writing was right, he had awful penmanship. But when I made it all out, my heart sank.

"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Pie, I regret to inform you that the tests came back negative on both accounts, a low count and an inhospitable womb. With regrets, Doctor Horse." I read. Oh my God... I couldn't believe it. This was just terrible, how was I going to break this to Pinkie Pie? She'd be crushed! Of course, I'd have to think about it soon, after all she had came through the door the moment I finished reading the letter.

"Hi Chuckie!" She smiled as she hopped jovially over to me. "Ooh! Is that the letter from Doctor Horse?" She asked excitedly.

"Yeah..." I nodded, masking my sadness, of course she could see right through that.

"What's wrong?" She asked me. "Is it the letter?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "Um, sit down." I told her. As she sat down, I began to tell her the news. "I'll put it to you like this." I sighed. "According to the test, the soldiers in my base are too lazy to leave the platoon, and as for the ones that do, your drop zone is ready to nuke them to oblivion." I explained. "Get it?"

"No." She admitted.

"According to the test, we can't have foals." I said bluntly. She looked at me for a minute with sadness in her eyes, not saying a thing.

"Wh-What?" She stuttered. "We can't...? But... but..."

"I'm as shocked as you are." I said as I set the letter down. "I'm... I'm so sorry."

"I can't believe it..." She remarked. This was ironic, she had spent every day trying make every environment hospitable for the ponies around her, only to find out the environment within her was... too soon? I hugged her sympathetically she a tear rolled down her cheek.

"It'll... it'll be okay." I said. She sighed a little as she pulled away.

"How?" She asked.

"Well," I thought. "We could always adopt." I suggested. She looked at me for a second, the sadness still in her eyes, she processed my suggestion and a smile started to perk in her face.

"Okay." She smiled a little and hugged me again, still sniffling with tears a little.

"I know it's hard for you." I said, wrapping my front legs around her as she hugged me. "But... I'm here, like we said, side by side, together." I smiled.

"Together." She smiled.


The next day

"So, you want to adopt?" The mare behind the desk asked us as Pinkie and I sat in the head office of the orphanage just outside Ponyville.

"Well, we aren't here for a nice reliant automobile." I said flatly, Pinkie gave me the: "Chuckie, you may think you're funny, but you just sound rude" look, so I piped down.

"Yes we are." Pinkie nodded to the mare.

"Alright! We're always happy to see parents who want to give one of our little colts and fillies a home." She smiled. "So, we're just going to go over a few things, make sure that whoever you adopt is going to a good home." She explained. "Employments?"

"I deliver for Sugarcube Corner, and I'm a party planner!" Pinkie told her.

"And I'm a preacher, I just felt called to help others." I said. Pinkie nudged me and gave me a look. "They aren't going to let us adopt if I say I'm a bartender." I told her.

"Sir, we don't judge the merit of a parent based on what their employment is, we just want to know that there is an income for them to live off of." She said to me.

"Ah, then I'm a bar owner/tender." I nodded.

"Okay, any records?" The mare asked. "Please tell the truth, we will be examining files to ensure you're honest."

"Once I held my breath for fifteen minutes!" Pinkie said excitedly. "It's not the Equestiran record, but it's my personal record!"

"She means criminal record." I told her. "None to report, bar a speakeasy that technically wasn't even against the law."

"No criminal activity to report!" Pinkie nodded.

"Wonderful." The mare nodded, writing down notes on us. "Well, I see no problems, perhaps you'd like to meet our foals? When you decide you can fill out the paperwork." She got up and led us to the room where all the foals were playing. There were many colts and fillies of different ages, from newborns to preteens pretty much. Pinkie and I strolled through the room, almost unnoticed by all of them, we both sat down on a bench and looked around.

"Chuckie, look at them all." Pinkie remarked.

"I know," I nodded.

"They're all pretty great." A new voice joined the conversation. We turned and saw a little filly, no older than five. She was a unicorn filly with a light peach coat with wavy light purple mane, and she wore a pair of glasses. "Lightning Rod over there, he can run faster than anypony I've met." She pointed. "Then there's Snowball, she's a dear." She pointed to another filly, we both exchanged looks and looked at her. "And over there is Butter Biscuit, he can eat like you wouldn't believe."

"We believe." We both exchanged looked and chuckled.

"You seem to know a lot about everypony here." Pinkie remarked.

"Well, I've been here longer than anypony else, as long as I can remember really." She admitted.

"And what's your name?" I asked her.

"It's Sugar Plum." She said. "Apparently my parents did give me the name, but I never actually remember meeting them." Pinkie and I exchanged looks, we were having a conversation by facial expressions alone. I think we had made our decision.

"Sugar Plum?" The mare asked when we rejoined her in the office. "I must admit, this is a pleasant surprise. She's such a sweetheart. I was hoping to see her get adopted soon."

"We like her." Pinkie nodded.

"Wonderful!" The mare smiled. She got up from her desk and opened the door to the common room. "Sugar Plum, could you come in for a moment?" Sugar Plum nodded and then walked slowly into the room.

"Sugar Plum, this is Pinkie and Chuck Pie." The mare said. "They say you've met each other."

"Yeah," she nodded. "Who'd you pick?" She asked us. Pinkie and I exchanged looks before chuckling slightly.

"Sugar Plum, Pinkie and I can't have foals of our own." I said as I knelt down. "How would you like to come home with us?" I asked her. At first, it kind of seemed like she didn't believe me. She looked at me, then at Pinkie, then at the Headmare of the orpanage.

"Really?" She asked.

"Really." Pinkie nodded. "So, whaddya say? Wanna join our family?"

"I'll go pack up." She nodded with a smile. As we left, I couldn't help but reflect upon the past week. Yesterday we were so devastated when we thought we could never have children, but today, leaving the orphanage with Sugar Plum, the feeling felt the same as if I had just seen the delivery of my own foal. I didn't see her as a backup plan, I saw her as my daughter.


One week later

"You doing alright in there?" I asked as I knocked on the door of the bathroom, Pinkie had been in there all morning.

"No..." She groaned weakly before vomiting with an excess of force. I had never seen her sick like this, it was odd. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"Daddy! Mail's here!" Sugar Plum called. I must admit, I wasn't expecting that a little more than a month after getting marriage I'd be hearing that. I opened the door and saw Derpy.

"Here you go!" She smiled. "Congratulations on the adoption!" She said as she left. I leaded through the mail. There was a letter from Doctor Horse. I opened the letter and looked.

"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Pie, you're not going to believe this, I couldn't read my writing when addressing the letters. I had meant the letter you received to Mr. and Mrs. Dye, Celestia they were crushed when I told them the real news. So embarrassng. Congratulations! You two are perfect, Pinkie should be showing symptoms any day now. Come and see me for an ultrasound soon!" The letter read. My eyes twitched as I put the letter down.

"Cutie Pie!" I called. "You're not gonna believe this!"