Chapter 52
Clarke didn't sleep well that night. Bellamy's conversation played in her mind over and over. She tried to think if it was something she said, but knew she hadn't done anything. She remembered the feel of his hands on her, his lips tenderly brushing hers. He wanted them to stay in bed, how she wished they had. The failed cure was a harsh blow to them both. She knew he was scared. He would never admit it. Clarke tried to think how she would feel if it had been her, and she knew she would want someone by her side. The difference is; she isn't Bellamy. She wondered why he wouldn't let her help, but she knew he was stubborn. She would step back and let him reach out to her when he was ready. She knew that was going to be hard, but keeping an eye on him from a distance would be all she could do for now.
She found Monty and Harper at breakfast. "Mind if I sit with you?" she asked
"Sure have a seat," Monty said.
"Marcus asked about Bellamy working with us in communications," Monty said to Clarke.
"Monty that would be great," said Clarke "He needs something. I'm worried he's going to just give up," she said
"Well we're going to have to make some changes in there to accommodate him, but I think he won't have any trouble," said Monty. "It's just going to be so strange."
"Strange?" asked Clarke "How do you mean strange?"
"It's Bellamy," Monty said "You know how he is. He's always in charge, except when you're around."
"When I'm around?" Clarke asked. She thought about what Monty said. She always thought Bellamy and she did things together, 'when she was around'. Maybe others saw it different. Maybe she would take charge without realizing it. Maybe that's why he pushed her away.
"Do you think I always take over everything?" she asked them both.
"Well, sometimes, but it's what you do, it's just you," said Monty. "It's not a bad thing. I wasn't criticizing you, it's just… I don't know. Bellamy always led us on the scouting mission before when you were gone. He was always in charge. But then after everything, you know. Me and him, well, he wasn't the same. He didn't act the same. I think he tried, but…he never rejoined the guard, I think he felt like he let down so many people. He was always gone a lot after that," said Monty. "I think he felt a lot of guilt, but it was still Bellamy, he wasn't in charge, but he was still independent. Now though…"
"He'll be independent. He will," said Clarke "He's going to be getting around, doing things…You just wait and see," she said.
"I feel so bad for him. It has to be awful, being blind all of a sudden," said Harper. "But I think he'll get through it, it just has to be hard. Working in communications with you and Raven will be good for him. At least he'll have friends there to help," she added.
"Marcus said it wouldn't start just yet, he still has to adjust and learn how to get around," Monty said
"Yea, he pretty much told me to leave him alone, that he had to work out everything on his own," Clarke said "so that's what I'm doing, I'm going to give him his space. That's hard for me, I'm such a 'take charge' kind of person," she teased.
"Come on Clarke, you know it wasn't an insult, we were lucky you were here. The grounder attack; you were the one that came up with the plan to fire the rockets," said Monty "That saved us."
"Yea, and if you hadn't gotten out of Mount Weather, no one would have known we were in there, we'd all be dead," Harper said.
"Mount Weather, that was Bellamy," Clarke said. "He went inside, I sent him there. He took out the acid fog and got me inside. He never would tell me what he went through," Clarke said "He never wanted to talk about it," she said.
"It seems like things are finally peaceful, like after Mt Weather, it was nice then," said Harper "for a while anyway."
"Yea for the first time it feels like we can finally have a normal life," Monty said "No one's trying to kill us."
Clarke just sat and thought, how ironic. Finally their people were finding peace, and Bellamy's battle was just beginning.
Harper left, she took an apple for Apollo on her way back. Just getting off the midnight shift, she had to get to sleep. Monty went towards communications and Clarke wanted to talk to her mom and see if there were any new developments on Bellamy's failed cure. Maybe they had missed something.
She passed Octavia, "So did my brother tell you to stay away from him too?" she asked
"Yea, he wants to work out his stuff on his own," Clarke said "He's so damn stubborn."
"What are YOU going to do?" Clarke asked her
"I don't know, Bell knows I hate it here, and he's right, I do but…Leaving him, like he is now; I don't think I can," Octavia said
"When we were in that cell, with the Blue Cliff Clan, I was afraid I was going to lose him. We almost did, I swore then that I'd never turn my back on him. I got a second chance. The bear attack, he's always been so strong, but this…this is different," Octavia said. "He's pushing everyone away."
"But that may be what he needs," said Clarke "I think he needs to be independent, not use us as a crutch. That could be a good sign."
"No. It doesn't feel right," Octavia said "I'm not leaving, not until I know for certain he's alright."
Murphy saw Bryan just ahead of him in the corridor, "Hey, Bryan hold up" he shouted.
Bryan turned. "Murphy," he answered.
"Just heading to your place, I need to talk to Nate. Is he there?" asked Murphy
"He's should be. Is everything okay?" Bryan asked
"I'm not sure," Murphy said.
They got to the room. Bryan opened the door, and he and Murphy stepped inside. Miller looked up to see Murphy.
"Hey Murphy, is something going on?" asked Miller as he was putting on his jacket.
"I don't know, I just had an interesting evening," Murphy started. He told them about running into Bellamy. "He asked me if I could get him a gun," said Murphy "Gave me some lame excuse about not feeling safe because the grounders tried to poison him."
"You didn't give him a gun did you," Miller asked
"Of course not," Murphy said "I told him the last thing we needed in camp was a blind asshole with a loaded weapon."
"You didn't really say that to him did you?" asked Bryan.
"Look, I just wanted to let you know. I mean the guys an ass, but, well you know, if he did something stupid, I'd feel kind of bad if I didn't mention anything," said Murphy
"We need to let someone know," said Miller "I'll talk to Marcus."
