Twilight Saga characters

created and owned by Stephenie Meyer

And the characters and plotline of

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

created and owned by J.K. Rowling

Chapter 49: Kissing Still Allowed!

While Bella slept I thought over what had nearly happened. If I hadn't misunderstood her intentions… if she had pushed a little more… we would have broken the vow we had made to ourselves – the promise I had made to her. I didn't know if I had a soul or if I could make up for everything I had done, but I wanted to try. I wanted to be better for her.

Edward? I heard Carlisle's voice. Can we talk? Down in my study?

"Sure" I replied and carefully extricated myself from her sleeping form.

"Edward… My Edward…. Mmmm…" she said as she rolled over. I smiled at the pleasure her voice curled around my name gave me.

"Carlisle." I said I as I walked into his office. He was trying to not let his mind reveal what he wanted to say.

"I wanted to talk to you…" he started awkwardly. I had never known him to be uncomfortable… He was normally so confident. Then I caught a glimpse of what he wanted to talk about… Oh no… A memory of another talk, only a few months ago, between Bella and Charlie came to mind. "Oh."

"Listen, Edward… You are an adult. I'm not going to tell you what to do… I just thought, maybe, you might want to talk about things."

"Carlisle, I'm not really sure what to say…" This was incredibly awkward.

"You know we know you guys decided to wait." He chuckled, "I mean, Emmett won't let you forget that little deal."

I smiled, he was right, "Yes… It's something we agreed to back when we decided to try after we got married."

"When you decided to try making love after you got married, before she was changed." I cringed slightly at the use of the term. Edward, there is nothing wrong with being intimate, you know. It was created by God…

It was somehow easier to hear this from his mind, then when he spoke aloud. Carlisle guessed this and continued our conversation mentally. And you are having difficulty maintaining control. It wasn't really a question.

I nodded my head. "I lost it tonight." I admitted.

And Bella?

"Well, she wanted to continue, but I misunderstood… fortunately."

Edward, I am very proud of you. You were the first member of my family. You brought me companionship when I had been lonely for such a long time…

I felt the warmth of shame of his pride that I didn't deserve.

And I am proud of the decision you two made together. And how you came clean with Charlie. That took integrity, even though it was so difficult to get him to understand.

I smiled now at the memory, as difficult as it had been at the time. I was glad we had gone through that, now.

I don't think Bella would be too happy if she had to face Charlie after breaking her word. I nodded. And I don't think you would be too happy if you broke your word.

He was right, I wouldn't.

Edward, if this is something you want to do, you and Bella need to talk about boundaries…

I knew he was right. We couldn't just continue doing what we were doing. Sooner or later I would lose control and she wouldn't say no and we would both regret it.

How do you feel about being with Bella?

What? He wanted me to talk about me and Bella… I definitely didn't want to have that conversation. It was private. This wasn't appropriate for discussion.

Edward, I'm not looking for details… That's between you and Bella. I am asking about you. How do you feel about intimacy?

"Sort of ashamed." I admitted.

What you are feeling is perfectly natural, Edward. You aren't a monster for wanting to be with the woman you love. You shouldn't be ashamed… Just make a good decision – and talk to Bella.

"Carlisle, I…" I didn't know what I wanted to say to him… "Thank you." I smiled sheepishly.

I walked slowly back up the room, thinking about what he said.

When I settled back beside her on the bed, I reached over to my wallet and fished out the note she had written to me when we first came over… I reread it now as I thought things over.

Edward,

I love you more then anything in the world. I love you more then my life. I want to be with you forever – in this life and the next. I know you believe in that possibility.

I don't know what this next year holds for us, but I know whatever we face, we can face it if we are together. I love you.

You know I want to be with you fully. I want to be yours in every way. That means every part of every day. I don't want to wait, but I also don't want to have just part of the picture I've painted for myself of our life together. I want it all, and for that, I am willing to wait.

I love you, Edward. I always have since the moment I saw you. I always will.

Bella

We had to wait until after school to talk. As much as I wasn't looking forward to this conversation, Carlisle was right. We needed to talk about this.

"Bella." I started when we had returned to our room, "I want to talk about what happened last night."

Her face immediately went flush as she tried to feint innocence. "What do you mean?" It was her way of avoiding the discussion, I knew.

"You know what I mean." I was sorry for the annoyance in my voice.

"I thought we already settled it." she replied, "You misunderstood, you lost control… situation ended…" she moved to leave…

I reached out and grabbed her arm. "Bella, we need to talk about this… we can't just keep allowing this to happen. One of these days I'll lose control and you won't stop me and then…"

"Would that be so awful?" I could hear the hurt in her voice. The rejection she had felt last night wasn't completely gone.

"No… and possibly." I replied… "Bella, after all we've been through – after this Christmas with your Dad – how would you feel right now if we had" I sighed as I forced out the words, "made love last night?"

Her blush intensified to a deep scarlet as she heard me the say the words be both so often avoided. She was quiet for a moment considering. I could see her fighting the answer - the answer I knew was the truth. "I'd feel pretty guilty, I guess." She finally conceded…

I drew her into a comforting hug. This was incredibly awkward. "I know you would…and I would feel terrible knowing you would feel that way… and"

"And you are all about preserving our souls, I know." She smiled grimly. "Which, by the way, is kind of irrelevant if we live forever."

"You know, as well as I do, that vampires don't live forever…"

She nodded. We had both witnessed that reality more times then we wished to recount.

"And we made a promise to ourselves… We made a decision together. I don't want to go back on that in the heat of the moment…" if I could blush I would as I recalled the heat of the moment I had found myself in last night.

She sighed… "Okay, Edward… I guess we're having this conversation… For the record, in general I am fine with making love to you before we are married." I was surprised when only a hint of a blush coloured her cheeks. "I am already committed to you forever. A wedding isn't going to change that." She put up a finger as I was about to object. "let me finish… I know you feel differently. I know that, for you, a wedding is a symbol of that commitment – and I want to honour that."

I smiled, "I re-read your letter last night." I held up the beloved piece of paper.

She blanched seeing it. "You kept it?" she gasped.

"Of course. I've kept everything you've given me…" I recalled the leather-bound box I kept that contained the bottle cap from that first day in the cafeteria, notes and letters that I had back in Forks waiting for our return. I would place this letter with those items. "You agreed to our waiting at a time when we believed we would have to pretend to be apart during the day. You didn't want us to be intimate at night and have to ignore each other during the day… you wanted the full picture. The situation has changed, and in fairness to you, we should revisit that decision."

"Really?" she said shocked.

"Yes" I agreed, "This is something we agreed to decide together. I am done making decisions for you, Bella… especially about something that is as much a part of you as it is to me… We made this decision under a set of circumstances that included us not being together during the day… now we are open about our relationship – that is a significant shift in our circumstances – it warrants further discussion…" Why did I now sound like the lawyer, all business-like about this very non-business like topic?

She considered that for a moment. "So, making the decision to go head is a possibility."

"Yes…" I was finding myself torn, between the side of me who wanted to wait and do this right and the part of me that wanted to take her now… sitting on the bed was not helpful to this discussion. I moved to the chair by the desk.

Her eyes were sorrowful as she saw me leave, but then they flashed with understanding and she rose and settled herself on the seat by the window.

"It's like you said last night." I went on, "you wanted it to be special. You wanted to prepare… Well, I want those things too – and that won't happen if we just let it happen, like last night."

She nodded. "I do want it to be special." She said quietly… I swallowed as I recalled that she also said she had something special she wanted to wear. My mind suddenly shifted to wondering what that might be, and how she might look… Focus Edward – that's not helpful!

"What do you want, Bella?" I asked… I was beyond fighting her on this. I wanted her. Another part of me wanted to wait, but I couldn't do that on my own… Last night was evidence of that.

She was very quiet, the crease between her brows showing that she was deep in thought. I had conceded that I was willing to give on this… I had to be prepared to follow through on that. I wondered how open she would be to a civil ceremony first… We would still get married in Forks as planned, but it would somehow feel right if we at least did something first to cement our commitment to each other.

"I want… I want… Dammit, Edward, I want to wait." She said frustrated…

I was shocked. It was the last thing I had expected. "You want to wait? Why?" I was partially disappointed. I had imagined a small ceremony this weekend… perhaps we could borrow that sweet little cabin that I'd seen when we were throwing off the Volturi – or the cave in the Scottish highlands, with some luxury additions of course… and we had several months before the next task in June. Surely we could find a reason to be out of school for a month…

"Well, like you said – I already fought about this with my Dad. He trusts me. I don't want to let him down. And, I know this is important to you too… and I suppose, if it might make a difference to our souls – to your soul… I can wait a few months if I have the rest of my existence… Why? What do you want?"

"I think I demonstrated what I wanted last night." I said quietly.

She turned her head and looked at me speculatively. "I mean, what to do you want now, clear headed."

"Honestly, I wouldn't feel right… making love before we are married. I would get over it, but I would feel guilty. I am already feeling guilty about agreeing to try this before you're changed… I'm afraid I might hurt you…" a fresh wave of regret flooded through me as I really considered that possible result if we had proceeded last night. "I was thinking we could visit the justice of the peace this weekend, then I could take you somewhere special… find a reason for us to be out of school for a month… and we could still have a ceremony back at Forks."

"But I would have to tell Charlie and Renee." She said, "And they would want to be here, even if it was just a trip to the justice of the peace… And Alice wouldn't like that."

"Alice can get over it." I replied.

HEY! I heard her voice.

"You'll be fine, Alice." I said out loud, "And can you at least try to not listen in."

Hmph!

"I don't want to do that, Edward. If we're going to have a wedding I want it to mean something."

"But you said the wedding doesn't mean anything to you." I pushed… I was sort of sold on the visit to the justice of the peace this weekend. I was already trying to figure out how to get a hot tub up a 100 foot cliff into that cave…

"I said a wedding doesn't change the commitment I have for you, not that it wouldn't mean anything to me."

"So, skip the justice of the peace, what if we did it here? We can fly your parents over… Alice would be just as thrilled to do it here – probably more so."

"But what about the rest of your family… and the Quileutes? Honestly, Edward – do you really want to rush this?"

"We were supposed to be married last August. This isn't really a rush…"

"You really want to do this now, don't you?"

"Yes" I admitted, "I've waiting a century for you, Bella. I'm ready for the waiting to be over. I'm ready to have you as my wife, to be able to say you are really mine forever."

She nodded… "I did say we could reconsider at Christmas. We were kind of too preoccupied to have that discussion." She sighed as she thought about that too. "Edward it is already the end of February. You're done on June twenty-fourth – that's four months away. And you are exempt from exams… well none of us really have to do those exams anyway – we could leave the next day and have the wedding as soon as we get back."

"I suppose" I said reluctantly. What was four months? It was a blink of an eye… "Well, if we are going to wait, we need to have a plan so we don't find ourselves in the same situation as last night."

She sighed, "So, maybe no taking your shirt off?"

"Um…" I kind of liked it when she did that, but she was right. Thing escalated pretty quick when she touched my chest. "I guess… and no kissing below the neck."

"Ah…okay." She replied regretfully. "And you should probably keep your hand on top of my shirt and away from my butt."

"okay… and no sitting on my chest…"

"Fine… but kissing is still okay."

"Definitely!" I smiled and walked over demonstrating the full extent of our still allowable activity.