Beyond The Walls

Chapter 52: Small Achievements

The occupants of the room were oddly quiet as the couple argued in the hallway, it was impossible not to hear them as they crossed the house. May and Bella met each other's eyes in mild surprise as Gary and Anna rarely argued; Chris and Shawn merely stayed silent while Kate nervously followed the path of the angry voices beyond the living room with her eyes.

"You know what, Anna, forget it! I'm done – go home and bitch to your mother about it!" Gary's heated voice carried from the stairs. Michelle raised her eyebrows slightly as his footsteps echoed on the stairs, followed closely by Anna's as she called after him. A door slammed a moment later and they could faintly hear Anna yelling through it, a frustrated scream floated down from the second floor and was followed by Anna's furious pacing down the hall to her own room. Without her yelling, they could faintly hear music presumably coming from Gary's bedroom until another door slammed and was followed by more faint music. The four girls jumped slightly when the volume of one of the distant stereos suddenly doubled, making the Cradle of Filth song clearly discernable even downstairs.

Chris and Shawn barely flinched when the volume increased, both used to the loud music that usually followed an argument or fight between Gary and Andrew. Michelle was first to break the silence with a low whistle.

"Damn," she said quietly. "What the hell was that?"

"Not good," Kate replied nervously. Chris nodded in silent agreement while May and Bella seemed to have an unspoken conversation with their eyes.

"Do you think he'll cut himself again?" Bella finally asked seriously.

May shrugged helplessly. "I hope not but he's been kind of high strung since we got in our fight last week. We never exactly made up…"

"Maybe you should go talk to him, May," Kate suggested, sounding, if possible, more nervous than a moment prior. Michelle and Bella both nodded in agreement while Shawn looked torn between agreeing and disagreeing.

"Talking to Alex might help him," Chris suggested quietly.

May shook her head distractedly. "No," she replied in a small, sad voice. "He needs to do it on his own; you know how stubborn he is. And Alex is too overbearing with this stuff, talking to him would probably do more harm than good."

They were quiet for a few more minutes until Kate spoke up quietly once more. "If anything were to make him go back to cutting himself, it would be something like this." May pursed her lips slightly before nodding in affirmation, hoping that it wouldn't come to pass. She honestly had no idea what could've made the two argue like that; they had been getting along perfectly before leaving for the mall that morning.

Chris hastily changed the subject though Bella and May could both see the faint worry in his dark eyes as they conversed about random subjects. May went along with the conversation purely to give her brother time to cool off before she headed upstairs to find out what had happened.

… … …

Over an hour later found May upstairs before the closed door to her brother's bedroom. Anna had left for her house only a short while beforehand and May could only assume the two teens had calmed down a bit since coming home. The music in the room had been since lowered to a reasonable volume, most likely at the request of Tracey. She knocked softly and gently opened the door when there was no response; her heart fell slightly as she closed the door behind her and made her way across the room to the large bed. Gary was curled up amongst the covers the way he usually did when he wasn't feeling well, or whenever he had recently cut himself. But what May found to be most alarming was the fact that he was once more wearing the Iron Maiden hoodie.

She sat down on the edge of the bed with a tiny sigh as she watched Gary for a moment. Even with his closed eyes, she could tell he wasn't sleeping and was sure that he was well aware of her presence. She lay down next to him and pressed a small kiss against his cheek.

"Are you alright?"

He nodded in response but May felt little relief as she glanced at his covered forearms. She reached over and gently grasped one of his hands. Though she was relieved to find that it wasn't shaky as it usually was after cutting himself, she wasn't entirely reassured. She let go of his hand and slowly moved her own hand over the left sleeve of the sweatshirt and was mildly surprised to not feel any bandages through the fabric. She sat up again and gazed down at Gary, wondering silently if it was asking too much for him to have not resorted to hurting himself again.

His eyes were still closed but a tiny smiled tugged at the corner of his mouth. "You can check if you want," he said softly.

May hesitantly reached for the edge of the sleeve and gently rolled it up to reveal no new wounds – the most recent scar being only the six-month old gash that she had stitched in the bathroom of what was now the music room. Still a bit hesitant to believe him, she reached for the other sleeve and tugged it up to reveal the same thing. Finally satisfied, May squealed and hugged her brother tightly, slightly surprised by the soft laugh that the move elicited.

"I'm so proud of you!" she exclaimed as she kissed his cheek again.

"You're easily pleased," Gary muttered under his breath.

May pulled away from him with a concerned frown. "What do you mean? This is a pretty big deal for you –"

"I don't want to hear it."

She stayed silent for a moment after the quiet comment, unable to understand why exactly Gary couldn't see why she was so thrilled. A bit unwillingly, she passed his lack of interest off as a result of whatever had happened with Anna. "How was the mall?" she asked casually.

Gary groaned softly and rolled onto his stomach to avoid looking at her. "Ran into Rachael," he explained flatly.

"I thought they were getting along?"

Gary hesitated a moment before speaking as he mentally replayed what had happened in the clothing store. "Yeah, but Miss Peroxide started a fight and I had to drag Anna out of the store."

May nodded, fully able to see Anna fighting with her sister's friends. It wasn't exactly uncommon. It didn't, however, explain what had happened with Gary and Anna. "What happened with you two?"

"She got pissed because I accidentally referred to Rachael as one of my friends."

May raised her eyebrows; this was not something she had expected. Arguments between Anna and her sister had always caused sudden rifts and undefined make ups between Gary and Rachael as he would often abandon Rachael's friendship seemingly on the spot to comfort Anna. The friendship had dissolved entirely after Halloween though she knew Gary still held friendly feelings towards the girl. Perhaps unfortunately, his devotion to Anna stood in the way of any renewed friendship.

At least, that's what May had thought. Perhaps things had changed if he had referred to her as a friend. Then again… he had used the word 'accidentally' so maybe that wasn't exactly the case.

"Accidentally? What's that mean?" she asked gently.

Gary thought over his response for moment before speaking slowly as he tried to put his thoughts regarding Rachael in order. "Rach looks really bad, May. I asked Anna how long she's been that bad and I got kind of annoyed when she said that she didn't want me to worry about her –"

"Let me guess," May interrupted. "You said that there was no reason for you not to worry about your friends?"

"You know me too well."

May smiled grimly, few people knew her brother as well as she did and she knew it. "Of course I do. How many other people do you go bitching to when something's on your mind?" She paused and thought for a moment before smiling again. "What I should ask is how many people can get you to talk when something is bothering you."

Gary shrugged slightly. "I guess so," he agreed quietly without really paying attention to what May had said.

He was starting to wonder where exactly Anna was as it usually took less than an hour for one of their arguments to blow over. Granted, this had been one of their worst arguments over the long course of history the two shared, if not the worst; but still… It was somewhat unusual for Anna to not apologize or accept his apology by this time.

He sighed softly. He figured he would have to go talk to her. "Where's Anna?"

May's gentle smile faded quickly. "She went home," she explained.

Gary groaned and rubbed his temples – it had taken much willpower to keep from hurting himself after the argument and learning that Anna left did not make him feel much better. "When?"

"Only a few minutes ago," May replied. She could see that Gary obviously wanted to go talk to her and make up with her, the fact that she had heard about the conversation that took place in the lab nearly a week prior only made what was going through her brother's head more apparent to her. "I think she needs some more time to cool down. Nicole will probably get her to calm down," she began, knowing how Anna's mother often was just as good as, if not better than, Gary when it came to calming her down. "But if this fight was about Rachael it might take awhile for her to forgive you."

Gary gave a small nod in response. He knew as well as anyone that Anna had a knack when it came to holding grudges. He didn't like to admit it, but he was rather worried about what effect this would have on their relationship in the immediate future. "Yeah, it was definitely the worst we've had," he told May.

"I could tell. You guys usually aren't so mean to each other."

"I guess that's what happens when you drag Rachael into the picture."

May couldn't help but nod in agreement: she doubted the sisters would ever get along again. "Dinner's going to be ready soon, you should come downstairs and eat," she informed Gary, sensing that their little heart-to-heart was nearing its end.

"I'm not particularly hungry."

"Gary," she sighed softly as she ran a hand through her hair. "We're not doing this."

"I know, May," he replied somewhat irritably. "I'll eat when I'm hungry."

The finality of Gary's tone clearly told May that the conversation was now over. She stood and gazed down into his stubborn eyes for a moment with a sad smile before shaking her head and leaving the room. Dealing with him often left her frustrated and weary, now was no exception and she felt a strong urge to slap Anna across the face for forcing her into this situation. She wondered if the other girl even realized what an effect she had on Gary whenever they fought.

Still, Gary had obviously improved in past months, if judgment was based on the lack of new injuries to his arm. For that, May was immensely proud of her younger brother. Words couldn't quite express her pride at that moment. She had to tell someone, she determined as she stepped off of the bottom step of the staircase and headed in the direction of the lab.

… … …

While one young woman was somewhat-happily telling her grandfather about her brother's latest achievement, another young woman was slouched at the retro-styled table in her mother's kitchen, scowling as her mother paced across the tiles while cooking.

"Anna, is it impossible for you to not get into fights?" Nicole scolded her elder daughter.

The teen girl glared at her mother before shaking her head irritably as she turned her hazel gaze towards the open window next to her seat. "I thought you'd at least be pleased that I didn't fight with Rachael, now you're still lecturing me about fighting!"

The attractive woman in her mid-forties sighed as she regarded her troublesome daughter. "I am glad you two didn't fight but did you have to go and pick a fight with Gary? For god's sake, Anna, the boy puts up with enough from you without you being that way." She shook her head in mild disappointment and turned back to the stove to check on the sautéing vegetables and chicken, ignoring the way Anna groaned and aimed a kick at the leg of the table. She was used to this by now as that particular table leg bore the marks of many similar kicks aimed by Anna's boots and towering heels.

"Aren't I allowed to be mad at him?" Anna exclaimed loudly, startling the pidgey that was perched on a tree branch near the window. "After everything that happened with that bitch –"

"Annamarie!"

Anna merely rolled her eyes at the usage of her full first name as she continued her short tirade. "He still considers her a friend! It's not fair; whose side is he on?"

"He loves you, Anna – whose side do you think he's on?" Nicole forced out through clenched teeth, crossing her arms over her chest and sending a stern glare Anna's way.

"Of course you side with Gary," Anna muttered irritably. "You like him more anyways."

Nicole slowly released a deep breath, willing herself not to snap at her daughter. "It's difficult to not like someone who's able to put up with you the way Gary does," she muttered under her breath as she checked on the rice that was slowly cooking on the stove.

"Ma!"

"What do you expect me to say, Anna? You know that Gary was good friends with your sister, friendships are not easily severed and their friendship is no different. You're going to have to let it go, hon – and stop kicking my table!" she added as Anna kicked the leg once more. "Honestly, I don't know how Gary puts up with you at times!"

"Will you stop talking about Gary?"

"Anna… You came over here because you wanted to talk about Gary and now that I'm talking about him, you want me to stop? You make no sense," she paused as her daughter glared at her again and sighed when Anna's eyes narrowed at the sound of the front door opening and closing. "Don't take your anger out on your sister, please. It's the last thing she needs, she's been going through a hard time lately."

"And I've never been through hard times?" Anna snapped.

"Your sister was always there for you when you needed her, Anna, whether you realize it or not. She may have said a lot of out-of-line things when she's been particularly fired up, but those times are past."

Anna stayed silent as she saw Rachael walk past the kitchen and disappear up the stairs to go to her bedroom. "What should I do about Gary?"

Nicole couldn't help but smile slightly as she poured two glasses of white wine; there was no doubt that one thing was constantly on her daughter's mind. "I see we're back onto Gary now," she replied lightly as she placed a glass in front of Anna, who downed hers in two large gulps. "You need to decide for yourself what to do about him; it's your relationship. Just bear in mind how much he loves you, there's no denying the way that boy looks at you… You two are definitely going to give me a bunch of grandchildren one day."

"Ma, for the love of all things metal – enough with the grandchildren!"

"Well, there's no getting around it with the way you two fool around… It's only a matter of time."

"Mom… I just don't know if I'm ready to forgive him for that just yet. He knows how much it bothers me that he's friends with her."

"If it bothers you so much, think of how torn Gary must be. Give it a few days, sweetie, he'll see that there's nothing to be worried about with Rachael and this whole thing will blow over."

Anna merely sighed at the thought of once more giving Gary more time; he always had to complicate things and it drove her insane despite the love she felt for him. Sometimes she wondered if she had made the right choice back in October when she confronted him about their relationship, but then there were times when they were together and everything seemed perfect in the world and a simple touch from her boyfriend could force away all of the negativity she felt in her life. Upstairs, someone felt very differently.

… … …

Rachael crawled into bed and curled into a ball beneath the pink covers of her bed as she had been doing so often in the past several months. Running into Gary and Anna in the mall had taken its toll on her for the day and she could barely deal with it. It may not have been obvious to a lot of other people but Gary had been her best friend by far and losing that friendship all because of her sister had sparked a sort of rage in her that often boiled up unexpectedly.

Seeing him today had been different from the other times she had seen him since he had moved home. He was the Gary she had remembered; calm and collected but ever worried about those close to him… and yet, still with Anna.

It wasn't her fault that Gary had chosen her older twin; after all, Anna had that long hair that the boy loved so much, Anna played the contemporary instruments and musical styling that he enjoyed while she herself couldn't, Anna was fun loving and outgoing whenever she was with Gary while Rachael was simply too closed off for that. She constantly worried about what people would think of her and it had turned her into a hardened bitch, for lack of a more appropriate term that she could come up with. Now the thickened skin that she had developed was peeling away and she found herself to be lost without it.

With it, she could ignore the harsh comments her so-called friends would make, she could put a rather shaky childhood behind her, and she could dislike her sister without feeling remorse.

Without it, she had to face the fact that she had killed the true friendships she'd had, she had to confront the jealousy she felt over her sister, and worst of all, she had to admit that she was alone in this internal struggle.

Pulling her knees closer to her chest, she let the tears come, after all, they reminded her that she was human. They broke her out of the numb state she often found herself in whenever she was awake. She took little pride in the fact that she needed no blade to remind her that she could still feel physical pain. The miniscule amount of pride did little to prevent her from quietly weeping.

… … …

He kept forgetting that the days were getting longer as the spring season took over the landscape that had appeared during the winter months. Gary was a bit surprised as he glanced out the bedroom window to see that it was still light outside. His fingers slowly slid up and down the neck of the cello before him, pausing to tap unconsciously along the strings near the middle of the ebony fingerboard, since May had left his room earlier, he had resorted to immersing himself in something that seemed to give him more sanity than anything else – music. He hadn't played the cello in over a month now, having been focusing more on guitar lately now that Andrew was living in the house, and his hands had eagerly traced out the melodies of classical composers and heavy musicians alike.

He was rather anxious without Anna there. It just didn't feel right without her in the house these days and the soothing affect music was having on his nerves was beginning to wear off. With a groan he stood from the piano bench in his bedroom and leaned the cello against the wall before stretching. He had to admit that he had no idea what to do about Anna until her anger towards him abated and with that in mind, he meandered across the room to where the bathing suit he had bought with Anna that afternoon was laying on his dresser. His girlfriend had of course been the one to pick it out, being the one to drag him along in the first place.

With little else to do he slowly peeled off his sweatshirt and jeans, stripping nude before pulling on the black and red trunks. The last time he had been swimming in at least the past year had been in October the day before Halloween when he had seen Anna slip downstairs for her early-morning dip as he had lain awake in bed. He felt a strangely overwhelming desire to do so now as he had seen Andrew and Tracey downstairs by the pool with Chelsea a short while earlier from his window. Perhaps swimming for a little while would clear his head and allow him to think straight after the troubling events of the day. Normally, in a situation such as this, when music did little to soothe his nerves, he would resort to painting as the concentration required for it took his mind off of everything else in the world. Unfortunately supplies for that had run out in December after painting the music room and had never been replaced. With nothing else to do, he headed downstairs and outside.

May and Bella exchanged surprised glances as Gary wordlessly moved past them on the porch, heading across the lawn to the pool area where Tracey and Andrew were hanging out with Chris. The pool was empty, the surface of the water perfectly flat and clear without anyone in it. He dove in without second thought or hesitation, glad that the water was for once warm as he relished the way it slid over his skin as he swam towards the surface. Taking a deep breath, he slid below the surface once more, lazily making his way towards the wall opposite him.

He wasn't sure how long he had been in the water when he finally sat on the steps and gazed across the lawn as the sun began setting. He felt surprisingly calmer as he distantly heard Andrew laughing about something on the porch. Sighing quietly, Gary turned his attention to his arms; they had been aching earlier in the day when he had arrived home but that had dulled as he had calmed. Glancing over the vivid scars, he felt only a small amount of pride in the fact that he had finally made it six months without cutting himself. It was a larger achievement than he admitted to himself. Though he knew how important it was, he purposely downplayed the significance, mentally making it a small achievement that constantly needed more work. If he did that, he felt, his drive to succeed would prevent him from returning to the blade.

That was how he saw it at least… Thoughts about cutting himself were becoming rarer, as was the feeling that he needed to do it.

"They don't bother me, you know."

Gary glanced up towards the source of the voice and frowned. "What?"

Kate smiled and kicked off her sandals before sitting on the edge of the pool and put her feet in the water. "Your scars," she explained with her gaze directed across the water's surface rather than at her friend. "It used to bother me a lot to see them when you first started wearing short sleeves but now they don't bother me."

"And why is that?" Gary asked as he slid back into the water and stood before her, resting his forearms on her legs and watching her facial expression carefully.

She shrugged slightly in response and met his eyes with an easy smile. "I guess because they're a part of you," she said after a moment. She raised a hand and pushed several strands of hair away from Gary's face. "I've always liked your long hair though; it's pretty."

Gary laughed and rested his head on his arms, which were still folded on Kate's lap. "I've gotten that a lot actually," he informed her with an amused smirk as he raised his head again. "What about the piercings?"

Kate pretended to think for a moment, tapping a finger against her chin as she did so. "Hmm, I'm not so sure about that – hey!" she broke off with a small shriek as Gary splashed her. "I was kidding! The eyebrow and the tongue are fine but I'm glad you got rid of the nose ring."

"I didn't wear it that often anyways."

"Why did you get it in the first place?"

Gary shrugged, thinking about his answer for a short moment before resting his arms on Kate's legs once more. "Same reason I got the others really. A fit of teenage rebellion," he replied with a small smile. "I don't know honestly… I guess part of me wanted to fit in with my friends and another part just wanted to piss off Grandpa and Alex… And then part of me liked them too – the tongue especially. It has its perks."

Kate rolled her eyes and swatted playfully at his shoulder. "Pervert," she teased. "Why did you do it to fit in though? You never care about that sort of stuff."

"I guess everyone does at some point in time."

At that they fell into a comfortable silence, both too lost in their own thoughts to say much else until Gary finally sighed pushed away from Kate to climb out of the water. Kate gave him a confused look as she watched him dry off with a towel that had been left on one of the chairs on the patio. "What are you doing?"

"Going to Anna's. I've had enough with this."

She watched him head off to the back door and resisted the urge to roll her eyes when she turned her gaze back towards the pool. "Of course," she muttered as she stared across the lawn.

… … …

::Author's Notes::

I'm very curious as to what you guys thought about everything going on with Rachael – please let me know what you think! I really need to put in more Andrew/Tracey stuff and I'm hoping to do that a bit more soon; any ideas are totally welcome!

Kasandra – thanks for the review!