So lead me back
Turn south from that place
And close my eyes to my recent disgrace

-Mumford and Sons-


Sirius knocked on Dorcas's door, before strolling right in. "Meadowes, what's this music you keep blasting 'round the house?"

"You know what really bothers me? Conformity. It really bothers me when everyone else likes something and it's this kind of social pressure to like it too. Like in order to be normal you need to belong to something. Like you can't just like something because you genuinely feel something. So I defiantly hated them…and then I listened to them…" Dorcas grimaced, "Rat bastards."

"…So, refresh my memory," He mocked her. "Who is this?"

"The Beatles."

"Ah…I like them."

Dorcas's eyebrows puckered together, along with a tight scowl. "That's nice. Now why are you really in my room?"

Sirius shrugged timidly. His face nonchalant, but his chest tight.

"How's your face feeling?" Dorcas asked with a justified smirk.

Scowling, Sirius turned on his heel and left the room as quickly as he entered it. For a second he considered returning to his room, but he thought better of it. He decided to grab something to eat down in the kitchen. Anything was better than sitting by himself alone.

He was reaching for an apple on the bowl above the sink when he heard someone walk up.

"So you shagged Marlene," James began boldly, leaning against the counter and taking a rather large bite out of his own apple.

Sirius froze, his fingers brushing the bowl, before he withdrew his hand and pulled back. "Uh…yeah…"

"Were you ever planning to tell me?"

"...No."

"You broke your word."

"I'm really hoping we can hug this out. Come on," Sirius raised his arms, ignoring the look on his friends face, "lets just bring it in and never talk about it again."

"Sirius."

"What?! Come ON! I'm sorry I …repeatedly-slept-with your-sister… I REALLY don't think it's that big of a deal. It's over. It didn't mean anything…So why don't we just drop it?"

"Did you honestly just say Marlene meant nothing to you?"

Sirius backed up, resting his arms on the counters and putting all of his weight there, but he said nothing.

"So you don't care about her ...at all…" James pressed him.

"No, no of course I do. I'm just saying it wasn't a big deal-"

James interrupted again, this time he was sharper. "So you are saying Marlene isn't a big deal. That, she's just another girl to you?"

Sirius let out a frustrated sigh. "No...That isn't what I'm saying-"

"Then what are you saying?"

Gaping, Sirius shook his head, running a hand through his hair anxiously. "…It just…It's complicated alright?! I didn't…I didn't mean for it to happen. I tried to stay away from her once I realized…how I felt, but then Lily and Remus forced us to talk…and…"

"So you…Wait…" Recognition rose inside of James as he looked at his best friend. "You…She's right isn't she? You love her?"

"Doesn't matter now does it?" Sirius asked bitterly, grinding his teeth.

"Why didn't you just tell her? Why-"

"No, just no…" Sirius snapped, "Because she said she was done and I believed her."

James furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Wait, you, Sirius Black, heard the word, 'no,' and let it stop you? Why the hell didn't you say something? Or fight?"

"Because she deserves better than me," Sirius voiced, looking incredibly annoyed that he even had to say it. "Now she doesn't have to waste all of her time trying to fix me and thinking I'm worth saving when we both know I can't be fixed or saved."

A hollow silence filled the kitchen. James looked at his best friend and for the first time in a long time he had no idea what to say. He should have said that Sirius was wrong, that he was the best man out there, but since the topic was Marlene and not just any girl he didn't. Because it was true, Sirius would date her, cheat on her and then break her heart. In the end they both would be destroyed. Sirius was a very good person, but he was still just a kid, a kid who would have no idea how to treat a woman farther than a quickie in supply closet. He was raised to know the procedures, and James was convinced Sirius could easily go through the motions, but getting close to someone, that wasn't something, Sirius could do. Already, he had let himself get far too close to Marlene. It was clear in his eyes that he didn't see how much he depended on her until it was too late.

When it was at that point, she confronted him and he did what he knew best, he ran. Ran from any attachment. Ran from any possibility that she could feel too much for her. He had always had a choice, and he chose to cut off the part of himself that she had infected with her good intentions and refused to look back.

James wondered however if Sirius might have underestimated his feelings based on how much they seemed to have upset him. He'd been more upset than this. This wasn't the worst thing to happen to him, but in a way it actually was. The last time he allowed something to get to him this much was when he ran away from his parents. James of course was there for him and never left his side, but it wasn't him that spurred him to move on and let it go, it was Marlene. When Sirius betrayed Remus and ostracized himself from the Marauders by setting up Snape, it was Marlene that had taken him in. It may very well have been unintentional, but Sirius managed to grow very real feelings for someone. And it wasn't going to be as easy as he thought it was going to be to forget that.

Sirius may have severed all romantic ties to Marlene, but James doubted he'd ever really be able to shake her.

Still James was his best mate, and though Sirius broke bro code, he couldn't really bring himself to fully punish him. By the look of Sirius, it seemed he'd spent most of the summer doing a good enough job without any help from anyone else.

"Just promise me one thing." James said pointing at him antagonistically. "Promise you'll leave her alone. If you hurt her again, I will beat the crap out of you. Are we clear? I'm not going to get involved this time. I'm staying out of it. But, I swear if you do it again…" He let the threat linger long enough to make his point.

Sirius hung his head and nodded.

"Come on mate," James smiled, forgiving him instantly. He swung around the table and draped his arm around his best mate.

"You aren't mad?"

"Not anymore. Monogamy just isn't for you."

Sirius sighed, "What do you want to do?"

"Why don't we go pay Lily a visit?"

"Umm…no one else is over there."

"That's fine then."

James didn't like what Sirius did to Marlene. In fact he hated it, but it was for the best for both of them. And the sooner they both got through it the better.


"Excuse me? Mr. Evans?" James said when he saw the middle aged man working along the side of his house with a very pair of hedge trimmers.

"Yes…wait James Potter right? The man…what did Dorcas say? To impregnate and marry my daughter?"

James gulped, looking at the weapon in Mr. Evans hand, "Uh-"

"Why don't you make yourself useful and come and help me?"

James looked behind him for Sirius, but found he had already snuck in to see Lily. "Uh sure…what are you doing exactly?"

"I'm taking out all of these flowers out and cleaning up around the grounds."

"That sounds easy enough," James shrugged cluelessly until it hit him. "Wait…oh no…You mean without magic?"

Mr. Evans looked up at him with pity. "Of course. You're sure you're up for it right?"

"Yeah, yeah…How hard could it be?"


Lily was in the middle of gutting out her attic, her hair was stuffed up into a messy ponytail and the back of her t-shirt was lined with thick sweat. Her father suggested she go through her mothers things and see what she wanted to keep and what she wanted to leave out for Petunia to look through.

"Ow ow!" Sirius catcalled, teasingly.

Lily looked up and gave him a scowl. "Oh sod off."

"Merlin, it is blazing up here." Sirius said, tugging his shirt over his head. "I don't know why you even bothering wearing clothes."

"Thank you for your so called wisdom Sirius, but I've been up here for three hours. What can I do for you?"

"Just stopped by with James to see you," He shrugged, sitting down on the floor.

Lily took the bottom of her shirt and used it to wipe the gross build up on her forehead. "Wait, James is here? Where?"

"Outside, I think your dad inducted him in yard work."

"And you aren't helping... because?"

"Honey," He started, leaning back on his hands, flexing his muscles haughtily. "I'm too pretty for manual labor."

Lily laughed at him. "You are such a prissy little thing."

"What? I don't see you out there."

"Who do you think usually helps him outside?" Lily countered.

Sirius pursed his lips. "How can you? You're such a little person."

"I can still kick your big stupid arse."

"That has yet to be seen."

"Oy, why don't you get up and help me sort this. Make yourself useful."

Sirius grimaced and groaned. "I just avoided that!"

"Well tough, I need help and you aren't doing anything."

"…Merlin…I hate helping," He slumped up and sighed, "What do you need help with?"

Lily snorted, "I love how you make it sound like this is SOOO awful."

"I just was never much for chores."

"You know I know your parents were horrible people, but other than that you have it rather easy don't you?"

A flicker of emotion crossed his face.

"I mean you're good looking, you're smart, you're young. I know my life isn't too hard, but really what do you have to worry about? I'm freaking about whether I got the HeadGirl position and whether leaving with my family will get them murdered…" Lily wasn't looking at him when she spoke; she was busy dusting of an old tea set. "I mean I'm sure it's awkward around Mar, and everything, but you guys will be fine and be friends again so enough…Few broken feelings, but from what I hear you are working through it well."

Tears hollowed in his eyes, the sun streamed through the dusty windows and warmed just half of his face. The other half became oddly cold because of the contrast. Lips thinning, Sirius grabbed his fallen shirt and slipped it back on.

"Oh no!" Lily laughed looking out the window, "Dad has James picking weeds!"

Sirius said, "You know I think I'm going to go visit Remus for a bit."

Lily finally looked over at him, her face full of concern. "You okay Sirius? You sound a bit off...Did I say something?"

"No, I'm fine," He said evasively scratching his five o'clock shadow. "I just fancy paying him a visit. I'll stop by to see you later this week alright?"

"Sirius," She grabbed his arm to stop him, her green eyes narrowed up at him. "You sure?"

He grinned down at her, and kissed her hairline. "It's me Lily. I'm always fine."

Lily watched as he apparated away, but felt like she was missing something. She was supposed to see Marlene later on, but hadn't heard anything from her all day. Maybe they had a fight or something. Whatever it was it couldn't have been that bad. If it was, James wouldn't be talking to Sirius let alone be coming with him to see Lily.

Frowning, Lily moved to leave the attic to talk to James. Maybe he would know what was wrong. On her way down the stairs, she saw Petunia heading up.

"Hi," Lily whispered in confusion, halting.

She hadn't seen her sister in weeks. Her father had said she was going to swing by and get the last of her things, but Lily hadn't wanted to think about it. What she wanted was to be able to go on forever pretending her sister and her could bicker and eventually someday would be able to eventually forgive each other.

If Petunia was leaving then it was now or never. They could put everything aside and just separate in peace. Lily barely recognized her from the girl she grew up playing with every day and based on the pompous look on Petunia's face she doubted that she would be willing to just hug out all of their issues.

"What are you doing?" Petunia said accusatorily, her nose high in the air. "Are you up there destroying mums things?"

"Excuse me? I'm up there sorting through mum's things-"

"Don't just go taking what you want. You don't even deserve-"

Lily cut her off fiercely, "No wait just a damn minute. I deserve just as much as you do!"

"You're tainted." Petunia spat icily, "Why would you deserve the same as me?"

"TAINTED?" Lily said in outrage. "Because I'm a witch that makes me not human now?"

"Stop acting like this is new. You have your fancy new friends and your new life. What would you want with mum's things anyway?"

"You're the one that's getting married and moving out!"

Petunia snarled, "And why is there a bloke outside with dad? He has one of those things in his pocket…"

"You mean a wand?" Lily scoffed, "His name is James and dad asked him to lend him a hand. What about it?"

"I think you should keep your kind away from here."

The hate faded from Lily's face as hurt crossed her features. "My… kind? I'm your sister. I know we've been through a lot, and you hate me…but we are separating soon and I don't want us to spend the rest of our lives fighting. I'm your sister-"

"No." She said firmly, though her chin trembled. "You stopped being my sister the minute you got that letter and chose to be one of them."

"You think I chose this?" Lily stammered, "I didn't choose this. This is just who I am. I knew you didn't like this, but you have to understand this is apart of me, and I can't change it. I can't change it anymore than you can change who you are. Petunia, come on…please."

Petunia gulped, moving past her. "Quit it with your nonsense."

Lily considered just letting her walk away. It was useless. Her sister was set in her ways and was never going to just let go of all the hate and prejudices that circled inside of her. She was never going to just remember that they were once quite close and that this shouldn't matter because they were family. Still Lily couldn't fight the feeling inside of her. The feeling that still loved Petunia, despite everything she had said and done.

"Petunia, come on." Lily grabbed her arm. "Don't leave like this-"

"Don't you touch me. And don't even think of coming to my wedding." Petunia added hastily taking her arm away. "As far as I'm concerned we don't have to ever see each other again."

Tears slipped down Lily's face, "Tuney-"

"No Lily. It's time we stopped pretending. I'll send you Christmas cards, and the occasional holiday gift because that's what dad would want. But I don't want to see you. We are different, you need to accept that and stay away from dad and I."

"Fine, you know what? Fine! You know you can call me a freak and point your judgy little finger at me for the rest of your life. You can tell yourself that I'm not your sister and that I don't matter," Lily cried, though her voice remained steady, "But I know you Petunia. I know that everything you are saying about me, is really all the horrible things you think about yourself."

Lily forced herself to move down the stairs and away from Petunia, her fists clenching so hard the whites of her knuckles stood out.

She wasn't surprised and perhaps that was what hurt the most. In the back of her mind, she knew Petunia and her would never reconcile, but she still hoped she was wrong. The idea of her only sister truly hating her was hard to fully accept, but she supposed there was nothing more she could do about it.

Wiping her face, she let out a loud breath, gathered herself together and made herself forget about it. It was better that way. She glanced out the window and saw James was now shirtless and working with her father. This really shouldn't have amused her but it did, because her father was ordering him around all across their yard and James seemed do to whatever he asked. The great and powerful James Potter was doing her fathers yard work. This had to be one of the first signs of the apocalypse. Laughing at the scene, Lily looked at them talking and felt the pain ease out of her.


"My Lily did that?" Mr. Evans asked as James shoved the excess dirt into the wheelbarrow.

James chuckled, "Yes, she did."

"I'm really proud of her…Didn't know what to make of her being magical to be honest, but she seems to have really grown into herself at school."

"She's really one of a kind."

Mr. Evans eyed James curiously. "And after all these years you still stick around. Why is that James?"

"I'm in love with your daughter sir," James answered flatly, "I tried not to be, but I can't help it."

"And how serious are you about this?"

James paused noticing the somber expression on his face. "I'd die for her."

It would have been easy for Mr. Evans to laugh him off. He was seventeen years old, just a kid really. It was easy for the young to make proclamations like that. What did he know of love? It took Mr. Evans 23 years to fall in love with someone and 2 years to be sure of it. James had barely began to live, but there was such conviction in his voice, and so earnest, so honest. He, it seemed, didn't need years or time. James had managed to be utterly sure of something people twice his age couldn't be complete positive about.

"This war in your world…I've seen it in your papers…How serious is it?"

"Quite serious."

Mr. Evans sighed, "Well then, at any rate I'm glad Lily's found a bloke mad enough to protect her."

"That's one way to describe me."

"Well, that's about it for today." Mr. Evans declared a few minutes later, "Thank you for helping James."

"Anytime Mr. Evans."

"Why don't you go see Lily? I'll clean up here."

James smiled at him and pulled his shirt back on. "Will do sir."

Lily was at the door when James walked through. A small smirk on her face when she saw him. "Hey. Sorry my dad roped you into helping him."

"Not a problem." James waved her off, his hair in complete disarray.

"Want to stay? Mar is coming over. We can watch a movie together."

James beamed, "I'd love that. What are we going to watch?"

"Well probably James Bond, Sound of Music or whatever is on the tele. Marlene said she hadn't seen any of them."

"What's the first one about?"

Lily said, "James Bond is about a hot British secret agent, who schmooze's women and saves the world."

"Listen," James told her, slinking his sweat arm over her shoulder, "My name is James, his name is James. I'm devastatingly attractive, he is devastatingly attractive…We are one in the same Lily."

Lily laughed, her face nearly splitting with a smile. "An idiot is what you are."

"You have to at least admit I'm cute." He cooed, batting his eyelashes at her as they walked into the living room together.

Marlene cancelled plans with Lily, but James stayed and they watched movies together. For one or two her dad sat with them, his eyes occasionally shifting to the two of them, but after awhile he got this look on his face and left the room. Lily's conversation with Petunia completely slipped her mind as she and James fought over the popcorn and laughed harder than she'd laughed in weeks. Eventually he left, but it was much later than he should have.

Lily walked him to the door, and before he could walk away she pulled him into a tight hug. "Thank you for coming over," She mumbled into his chest, "I really needed this."

James blushed and hugged her back instantly, inhaling her strawberry perfume merrily. "Anytime."