Kurt, Monday September 25th 2017, 7.30 am
The first time I wake up, it's because of my alarm going off. I had the sanity enough to set it before we went to sleep, knowing that I needed to call Cassandra and somehow ask or beg her to give me the day off. At 7.30 I know she's not in the office, because come on, who is? But I expect her to be up, and if she demands my presence, I will have enough time to get ready and show up at nine.
Leaving Blaine, even for hopefully only a few minutes, isn't easy. His strong arm is holding me tight, and he grunts disapprovingly when I slip out of his grasp. I tiptoe out of the room to make the call. We've been sleeping for three or four hours, and I don't want to wake him. Hopefully I can make this call and then crawl back into bed without him even noticing I was gone.
I decide to tell Cassandra the truth. She knows most of my history with Blaine. I've been working late every night the last two weeks because working meant not having time to think about decisions I didn't know how to make. One night last week she asked me if something had happened because I'm not usually the one who turns out the light every night. I told her about Blaine, about our past and our present, about my doubts, and about my fears. She held my while I cried and told me that life is never what you expect it to be, but you have to embrace it and learn to accept it. Now she tells me to go back to bed, and that she'll see me tomorrow.
When I soundlessly close the door behind me and slip into the bedroom again, I'm met with the most wonderful sight. Blaine is laying naked on his stomach, the covers slipped down onto the floor, with his arms stretched out across the bed. My eyes immediately go to his ass and his back. When did he get so well-toned? Even when he's sleeping, the well-defined muscles of his back are clearly visible. He's snoring lightly, and it's the most adorable sound I've ever heard. I pull the covers back over him and snuggle in close. I listen to his snoring mixed with the light rain falling on the window for a few seconds before I fall back to sleep.
The second time I wake up, it's because of the angry, non-stopping ringing sound coming from Blaine's phone. I have no idea how Blaine can sleep through that hellish sound, but apparently he has no problem with it. I nudge him not once, not twice, but three times before I get any kind of response from him. That response being a grunt and a tighter grip around my body.
"Baby," I say and kiss him softly. He chases after my lips and kisses me with more intensity than I thought was possible from someone half asleep. "Your phone is ringing, baby."
"Make it stop," he breathes against my lips.
"I can't, it's your phone."
"I don't care, make it stop."
I reach over him and take his phone from the nightstand. The phone is still ringing when I lie back down again, and Blaine nuzzles in closer to me, attacking my neck with his lips and tongue, licking and nibbling at the skin just below my ear. My whole body hums with excitement, reacting strangely strong and fast to his wicked tongue.
"It's Jeff," I moan because his hand just reached down between my legs.
"Ignore it. He'll call again if it's important," Blaine says while stroking me.
I would so much like to ignore it and just give in to Blaine's touch, but I can't. "He has already called you seven times. I think that qualifies as important."
Blaine grunts, but then rolls over so that he's lying on top of me, takes his phone, and places it on the nightstand again with no intent of looking at it or answer the call. He places kisses all the way from my ear, across my jawline until his lips find mine. Once there, he attacks my lips and kisses me with such hunger that I'm left breathless. All while grinding down on me, making me so incredibly turned on. I grab his ass and thrust back, moaning into his kisses, and thinking that there could be worse ways to wake up. A lot worse.
Blaine's phone rings again.
Blaine ignores it, and keeps kissing and grinding, making me feel so good and bringing me closer to the edge.
I hate myself for not being able to just let it go.
"It's probably important…(kiss) Blaine… (kiss) you should… (kiss) answer… (kiss)."
"It's not important," Blaine says, moving his kisses down my chest. "I know Jeff, right now he's just pissed that I'm not answering." His kisses transferring from my nipples to my belly button, where he stops to lick. And Oh my God, I know where this is heading. I grind my dick against his chest, showing him that I'm totally up for this game.
"Blaine…" I moan as his tongue licks a trail further south.
"And just to prove that too you, I'm going to answer and tell him to stop harassing me, and then I'm going to take care of you the way you deserve." The last part is said with a soft tone to his voice, and I feel my whole body respond to his words. Every nerve end is on fire, and it feels ridiculous to be this turned on by so little.
"Okay..." I breathe out in a short, shaky breath and watch as he licks the top of my cock in the most teasingly manner and then rolls off of me and reaches for his phone.
I hear him answer even though I don't pay attention to what he is saying. My body is humming with arousal and anticipation, and I just want, no need, Blaine to get off that damn phone and return to me.
It takes a few seconds longer than it should for me to register that something isn't right. Blaine voice is upset and angry, but also scared I think. He throws away the cover and walks over to the window in four rapid steps. I register that it isn't raining anymore before I register what Blaine is saying.
"Fuck!" Blaine hisses angrily. "Yes, I can see the paparazzi outside." He pulls the curtains, that we never bothered to close yesterday, to shield the window. "Shit… Fuck!" … "No, I had no idea." … "How should I have anticipated this?" … "Stop yelling at me, this is not my fucking fault!" … "No I'm not coming in today, I'm not going anywhere!"
Blaine starts to pace back and forth in the room. I want to get up from the bed and see what's happening outside the window, but sense that the best thing for me to do right now is to just lay still in bed and wait for Blaine to finish his phone call. His harsh voice scares me, and the mentioning of paparazzi throws me off guard. I pull the cover close to my body as though the paparazzi can see me up here on the fifth floor with the curtains pulled. What if they're using lenses with long range zooms? Shit, what images could they have gotten from this morning?
I know it's ridiculous, because what are the odds really, but I see myself having to explain those pictures to my dad. And that is not a conversation I want to have.
"Fine! Give me an hour." I hear Blaine say as he ends the call.
All previous thoughts about good morning blowjobs are now completely vanished. I sit up against the headboard and look at Blaine. I wait for him to explain what's going on, but he's either too upset or too lost in his own thoughts to acknowledge my presence. He has stopped by the foot of the bed and for a few seconds, he just stands there and stares into space. Then he sits down on the bed and buries his head in his hands as he grumbles some obscenities.
I push away the cover, ignoring the paparazzi that can't see us anyway, and make my way over to him. I wrap my arms around him and lean my chin on his shoulder. "What's wrong, Blaine?"
He flinches slightly at my touch, but I choose to ignore that, and instead try to focus on finding out what has gotten him this upset. But when he shrugs free from my embrace and stands up with the words, "Where the fuck is my iPad?", I can't help the stinging feeling in my chest.
"Blaine?" I try again. "What's happening? Talk to me." I'm probably sounding more begging and needing than I want to, but I have to find out what the hell is happening. I'm not letting him shut me out again.
Blaine leaves the room without answering me. I hear him run down the stairs and then return again a few minutes later, this time with an iPad in his hand.
"Blaine?" I try again, "You're scaring me right now." I don't want to, but I can't help the tears that are stinging in my eyes.
That seems to snap him out of whatever trance he was in. He finally looks up at me, and whatever it is he sees, it appears to scare him. He quickly drops the iPad on the bed and wraps me up in his arms.
"Oh God, I'm so sorry Kurt. I didn't mean to ignore you. It's just, things have gone a little crazy." Blaine kisses me on the mouth and just holds me tight. "I'm sorry," he repeats.
I still don't understand what's happening, but feel a little more at ease now that he acknowledges my presence. "What's going on? I don't understand…"
"Do you remember what happened outside of the restaurant last night? Well, seems that was just the tip of the iceberg. Apparently it all blew up on social media, and now everyone is talking about my emotional performance, and are speculating about who my secret crush is, and if this now means that I'm off the market. The paparazzi are outside hoping to get a picture of you, so that they can figure out who you are." Blaine says as he holds me even tighter. "They all want to know who you are, and I'm so sorry, Kurt." Then he begins to blame himself. "I should have known this would happen. I can't believe I was that reckless. Fuck! I should never have gotten up and sung…" And then it's like he remembers that I'm still there, and he becomes remorseful again. "I don't mean that I regret anything that happened last night. Don't think that, Kurt. I would do it all again if it would mean I would end up here with you."
He's panicking, and he's so stressed he's rambling. "Blaine, it's okay," I tell him. I grab his upper arms with both of my hands, to steady him and to pull him back to the here and now. Here and now is safe. It's just him and me. I force him to look at me. "It's okay," I tell him again, "breathe, okay?"
Blaine takes a deep breath. "Okay."
"Should we look and see what the damage is?" I say and cock my head towards the iPad.
"No, it's bad. I know it. There's going to be so many wrong speculations, and so many mean comments. You have no idea. I don't want to put you through that," Blaine says.
"I can handle it, Blaine. I know what they will write. It's okay."
"No, you have no idea. There are some people out there that are going to be so mean and vicious towards you. They're gonna say you only want me for the fame or the money or whatever they can come up with, and if they find out who you are… Are your social media accounts private? Because they're gonna find out, and they're gonna send you so much hate, Kurt."
"I know what they write because I also follow your Twitter and Instagram and Facebook. I also know that that stuff isn't real, and I don't care if they call me fat or ugly or a famewhore or whatever. You know why? Because they don't know us. They don't know what we have. This thing," I say and point between the two of us, "it's real, right?"
"Oh, it's so real, Kurt," Blaine says and gives me a kiss so hot and passionate, it leaves me speechless.
"Oh… so, yeah… what was I saying?" I say, fanning my face with my hand as I feel my cheeks heat.
"You're following me on Twitter and Instagram?" Blaine says in a smug voice, trying to hide the giggle my reaction to his kiss brought out in him.
"And Facebook," I add. "I had to keep track of you, and that was kind of the only way."
"But I don't have a Kurt Hummel following me. Believe me, I would know if I did."
"But you do have a Kenny Hart."
Blaine begins to laugh. "Oh my God, that's you?" I nod in affirmation. "I remember that name because he always left the funniest comments."
"I'm glad you noticed. I wasn't sure since you never answer to any of your fans. There's a lot to improve there," I say in a feigned disapproval.
"Hey, I've gotten better!" Blaine says defensively, but can't help the laughter rolling out of him. But then he suddenly becomes serious again. "You're sure you wanna watch the damage together?"
"Yes."
We sit in bed, leaning against the headboard, and Blaine opens his iPad. I soon take my phone from the nightstand, and while Blaine checks social media, I check the gossip sights. I notice a few missed calls and some texts and DMs, but I ignore them for now. Right now I need to focus on the task at hand. It's strange to read because when I'm with him, I forget that he's famous, and that things happening in his private life are deemed newsworthy. I guess it's something I have to start getting used to.
The reactions are mixed, but they're all one variety of three different attitudes. Some sites describe Blaine's performance as a romantic declaration of love to his secret boyfriend, calling it unexpected since Blaine has never been paired with anyone but sweet and exciting. Some call it a PR stunt to get people talking about him again after his summer tour, claiming that it's been too quiet around him; and that this publicity trick is too well-timed with the upcoming Grammy nominations. Yet some call it an unnecessary and tedious way announce a partner.
They all have one thing in common though. The burning desire to find out my identity. Apparently. no one at the restaurant yesterday managed to get a clear photo of me or of us together. The one that exists is so blurry and from behind that there's no way of telling that that's me. Even I can't say that it's me in that picture.
"How does it look?" I ask Blaine and watch him scroll through Twitter comments on some of the nastiest gossip sites.
"As expected," Blaine says without giving any details, and honestly I don't need to know the exact wording to know what they say. "And you?"
"It's either a very romantic gesture or a PR trick to get attention." I tell him. "But on the bright side, the ones who think it's romantic overweigh the negative ones."
Blaine sighs and closes his eyes. "I'm really sorry, Kurt. I didn't mean to drag you into this. It's understandable if you want to change your mind about this and go back to being friends, or nothing. I wouldn't hold it against you."
Sure this isn't exactly what I had in mind when I decided to get back together with him again, but I kind of brought it on myself by mentioning the whole part about him singing to me in a restaurant full with people whose words you can't control. The funny thing is though, I don't regret it. No matter what they speculate or write, there's nothing that's going to diminish my want for him. I have loved him and missed him for so many years, and it would take a force much greater than some vicious online comments to make me walk away from him now.
"There's nothing they could write that would make me want to turn my back on you, and this thing we share. I love you, Blaine, and I mean that. This is real. This is my life, and yours; and I'm not letting anybody but me and you decide how we are going to live it."
"Kurt," Blaine says, his voice soft with love and admiration. He drags me in for a kiss, the iPad awkwardly stuck between us, but neither of us caring. The kiss soon becomes heated, and I shove the iPad aside so that I can roll on top of him, glad that we're still naked so that I can feel all of him against all of me. I lick and moan into his mouth while rubbing myself against him. Who cares about anonymous comments or gossip or even paparazzi when you can have amazing sex instead.
Blaine, however, breaks the kiss far too soon for my liking. The look in his eyes is full with remorse. "I hate to do this, but I have to be somewhere else in like 30 minutes."
I groan in frustration. It's the second time he gets me turned on only to leave me hanging (okay, the second time might be my own doing, but he's still the one who calls it off). I close my eyes, trying to not sound as disappointed as I feel. "No… Why?"
"With everything that's happened, they demand that I show up at the record label to talk about the consequences if you break a clause in your contract. Or two."
"What?" I say not understanding what he means. "What clause is that?"
"The clause that says I can't perform in public places without pre-approval from the record label. And the clause that says I can't have boyfriend that isn't pre-approved."
I frown. The first one I can understand, but the second one sounds kind of stupid.
"This is not how I wanted this morning to start," Blaine sighs. "I wanted to wake you up with kisses and maybe a blowjob," he manages to smile sweetly and wickedly at the same time, "then I would make you breakfast, and we would hang out all day and make love and kiss and eat and then repeat."
"We can still do that another time. I'm not going anywhere," I say even though I actually hate that he has to leave.
"Wait, shouldn't you be at work by now?"
"I thought you said they could manage without me for one day, so I called my boss and told her that my hot new/old boyfriend demanded my presence today."
Blaine groans. "You took the day off for me? Now I feel even worse for leaving you. I'm so sorry Kurt…"
"Stop saying that. It is what it is. I understand why you have to leave. Do I wish that you didn't? Yes, but this is your career, you can't risk it. Besides I feel like it's my fault for bringing up that stupid idea of you singing yesterday."
"I remember you trying to stop me, and me getting up there of my own free will," Blaine says and drags me in for a kiss. The kiss, again, leaves me wanting more.
I grind down on him, and get the desired reaction when his hands clamp my ass and pull me closer. "I can be super fast," I tell him, and God knows how true that is - I've been close enough several times already this morning.
"I'm already late..." Blaine groans in frustration.
"Then five more minutes won't make a difference." I look down at him and from the look in his eyes, I know he will give in before he says the words. He closes his eyes and moans into another kiss.
I lean back a little bit and take both of our cocks in my hand, pre-cum already leaking from mine, and start to stroke them both together.
True to my words, five minutes later we're both lying spent next to each other with Blaine's stomach neatly decorated with our cum.
"I need to shower," Blaine grunts as he reluctantly gets out of bed. He swipes his stomach with the tank top he was wearing yesterday, and then he leans over me. Just when I think he's about to kiss me he stops, just an inch above my lips. "Would it be rude of me to ask you to make coffee for me?"
"Yes, it would," I tell him and swat his naked ass as I motion for him to move so that I can get up from bed as well. "But I need coffee, too; so it's your lucky day. Besides, I did make you five minutes late," I add with a smirk.
"You'll find the coffee in the cupboard above the coffeemaker," Blaine says over his shoulders as he disappears into the bathroom.
I dress myself in the same pajama pants and t-shirt that I borrowed yesterday, hoping Blaine won't mind. I glance at myself in Blaine's full-length mirror. The reflection that meets me is of a person with extremely bad bed hair, strands of hair sticking out in every direction, but also that of someone who can't stop grinning. Last night was everything I dreamed it would be. I finally told Blaine that I love him and in one of my favorite places in New York.
The High Line has always been a special place to me. I've spent many hours wandering the High Line, thinking about life and love and friends and family. I've shed a lot of tears there on lonely evenings but also a lot of laughter with friends. I've spent many hours with my sketch pad there, drawing designs but also just drawing whatever comes to mind, finding inspiration in the people passing by. Taking Blaine there and making him part of that special place seemed only right. It felt like by telling him I love him there, I could erase all the miserable times spent there crying over him, let them go, and move forward.
I decide to forget about the hair, Blaine has already seen me, and he didn't seem to mind. It's unusual for me to be this careless, yes, but I'll fix it before I step outside later. Besides I really do need that cup of coffee.
I hear the water running in the shower as I leave the room and pad barefooted down the stairs, across the living room and into the kitchen. I can't believe Blaine lives in a place like this. It's so big, and so not at all where I pictured he would end up. I would have thought it more likely him living in a place in the Village or something more artsy at least. This feels so grown up. I don't even want to start thinking about how much this place has cost him…
When I enter the kitchen, I almost scream out in surprise when I see a short, black-haired woman standing there taking care of what I assume is our dishes from last night. Who is she? What is she doing here?
I must have screamed or let out some sound because she turns around and looks at me. From the surprised look on her face, I'm obviously not who she expected to see. She looks at me from top to toe, her eyes a big question mark. My hand goes subconsciously to my hair, and I run my fingers through it as if that would make a difference.
"Who are you?" I ask, hoping to God she's not some crazy journalist who has managed to find her way in here despite the front desk and the locked door (did we lock the door yesterday?).
"Who are you?" She asks in return with a Spanish accent. "Mr. Blaine never mentioned someone coming. I would have prepared the guest room."
"Mr. Blaine, I mean Blaine, wasn't expecting me," I tell her, baffled by the fact that she's calling him Mr. Blaine, and that she seems so familiar with this place and his life.
"Aha, did you find everything you needed? Mr. Blaine doesn't really know where he keeps his things."
"Well, actually-" No wait, why am I about to tell this stranger about our sleeping arrangements? I don't know who she is yet. "Yes. Yes, we did."
"Good," she says. "How long are you staying? Maybe I need to do some more shopping."
"Ehh… I don't know…" I say feeling more confused by the minute. "Who are you again?"
She doesn't answer my question; she just turns around and continues with the dishes. "Do you like eggs for breakfast?"
Again, who is this woman? Thankfully, I hear Blaine's footsteps coming down the stairs. "Blaine?" I call for him.
"Yes?" he says and sneaks up behind me and places a kiss on my neck. I push him aside and cock my head towards the woman, then I give him a questioning look. "Oh, shit! I forgot it's Monday!"
"You always do, Mr. Blaine," the woman says with a fondness in her voice that wasn't there before.
Blaine chuckles at her comment. At least he doesn't seem alarmed that this woman, whose identity is still a mystery to me, is standing in his kitchen doing his dishes. "Kurt, this is Maria. She comes in and cleans my apartment on Mondays and also makes sure I have enough food stored in my fridge."
"There always is, you eat too little, Mr. Blaine," she tells him with warm affection, almost with motherly concern.
"Maria, this is Kurt," he says, effectively ignoring her comment, and gestures towards me. "My boyfriend."
"Boyfriend?" Maria coos and then she eyes me from head to toe again. "He looks a little ruffled, Mr. Blaine. I see you didn't need an extra pair of linens."
I blush immensely at her bold comment, but Blaine only laughs and makes his way over to the coffee machine, which I have completely forgotten I was supposed to use. "No, we didn't."
I'm too embarrassed to say anything while Maria is still in the kitchen, but she soon excuses herself and leaves the room.
"You have a housekeeper?"
"Not really a housekeeper. Maria just comes and cleans once a week. I hate cleaning, besides she does it for everyone in the building, so it kind of comes with the apartment," Blaine explains.
"You seem very friendly with her."
"I think she likes to take care of me. Her children are still in Costa Rica. She misses them a lot, and I think she puts some of her affection on me instead. I haven't really been good at taking care of myself, so I've kind of let her."
"That's so sweet." Now that the initial shock has subsided, I can see that Maria needs Blaine as a substitute for her children just as much as Blaine needs Maria as a substitute for his mom. "Mr. Blaine."
Blaine groans slightly. "I've told her not to call me that, but she insists. Says it's important to keep things professional. Yet she has no problem talking about your bed hair," he adds with a laugh. "Which is adorable, by the way." This time it's I who groans; and I run my fingers frantically through my hair again, trying to make some kind of descent hairdo. Why did I think it was a good idea to not style my hair this morning? Blaine walks over to me and takes my hand. "Stop it, you look cute with your hair all wild and all over the place." When I try to protest and tell him that he's totally wrong, he effectively shuts me up with a kiss. "I'm sorry, I have to leave you now. I really wish there was a way I didn't have to."
"It's okay," I say and kiss him back. "How long do you think you will be gone? An hour? Two?"
"That's just it, after I showered, Jeff called me again and reminded me that I have a photoshoot scheduled for today… It's for an article about me in GQ Magazine, and I can't really bail on it. God Kurt, this day is really not turning out the way I would have liked it to." He hangs his head and looks defeated. "I wish I had more control of my life, but today there's nothing I can do about it."
"It's okay, I promise," I say and kiss his forehead. "I mean it's GQ. I would die to have one of my designs featured there."
"I could mention your name," the hope in his voice is really adorable.
"That's so sweet, but considering everything, I don't think that's such a good idea right now."
"No, you're probably right," Blaine says and leans his body against mine and wraps his arms around me. "Will you stay? I would really like it if you were here when I got back."
"I have to go home and check on Sophie, and then I have some errands to run now that I have the day off."
"Oh, okay…" the disappointment in his voice keeps me from continuing with the charade.
"Blaine, of course, I'll be here when you get back. Try keeping me away."
"Good. Great," Blaine says relieved. "Ehm, hold on a minute." He walks away but comes back a few seconds later. "Here," he says and holds out a key. I'm a little stunned that he so effortlessly just offers me a key to his apartment. My mind keeps spinning with thoughts of what this means. "It's a key. To my apartment."
"Yes, I can see that," I say and take it. "Thank you." I kiss him and decide that this doesn't necessarily mean anything. He's just lending me a key. I will return it to him tonight.
"Please, be careful when you come and go. You can use the backdoor if you want to, probably less paparazzi there. And if anyone starts asking question just say that you're Mrs. Keane's nephew from Idaho. She talks about him all the time, but he never comes to visit, so nobody knows what he looks like. Okay?"
"Mrs. Keane's nephew. Got it."
"Again, I'm so sorry about all of this. I have to run now. We'll talk more tonight, okay?"
"Yes," I say, but Blaine stays and wraps me up in another kiss, and I find it hard to let him go. But I have to remind myself, this is only the beginning. We will have many, many days to talk and catch up and spend time together.
After a final lingering kiss, Blaine reluctantly lets go of me and runs out the door. I want to walk over to the window and watch him as he leaves, maybe get a chance to wave at him. I'm also slightly curious about the paparazzi outside. How many are there, and why are they so interested in us? We're just people like everyone else. Why would a relationship between two people be so interesting to others?
I know the answer to that, and that's why I stay away from the windows.
"I take these to dry cleaner." Maria says walking into the kitchen holding our suits, neatly folded on her arm. "I know the best dry cleaner in all of Manhattan."
I mean to protest, saying it's not necessary, that I can do it myself; but I'm too busy thinking about the fact that she's been up in Blaine's bedroom cleaning, and did I remember to throw away the condom last night? So I just nod instead.
"You like Mr. Blaine?" Maria asks, and I feel like I'm being interrogated by a parent.
"Yes, very much," I tell her.
"Good, because he likes you very much too, I can tell." Her voice softens for the first time when she addresses me. "You make Mr. Blaine very happy. You're the first person he's brought home."
"He makes me very happy, too."
"Good," She repeats and walks over to where I'm standing to give me a pat on the cheek. "He deserves to be happy." Then she's out the door with our suits still on her arm.
I pour myself a cup of coffee. Blaine has been thoughtful enough to put a mug for me on the counter beside the coffee machine, which saves me the trouble of going through all the cupboards until I find the one that contains coffee mugs. I take the coffee with me and move into the living room, where I sit down on the couch. I settle back against the armrest, wishing there were some cushions to rest on, with the mug between my hands, inhaling the coffee fumes with a delighted sigh. The apartment is filled with silence, and it feels nice. It gives me a chance to reflect.
Last night was… incredible. From the moment I understood what decision I wanted to make, throughout planning last night, and even preparing for and experiencing the first part of last night, I never really thought about what it would be like to be with Blaine again. It's not like I had forgotten what sex with Blaine was like - it's not like I've been with that many other guys to forget sex with Blaine. But I simply didn't remember it being like that. Maybe it had to do with us being older and more experienced. Maybe it was the long time apart. Or maybe it was just that we know each other, know our bodies, know what we like. Maybe we aren't afraid of expressing that anymore.
It can easily be said that last night far exceeded my expectations. But last night also came with some unexpected twists, not to mention this morning. I don't know how I feel about the sudden interest in me. I knew it would come - I just thought we'd have more time together first. Time to discuss how to deal with it, time to be comfortable with ourselves and us being together again. I know I love him and that he loves me, there's no doubt there, but am I really prepared to have my life scrutinized? Is it possible to keep our relationship a secret? For how long before we have to face the outside world? It would be so nice to just be us for a little while. To just reacquaint and build a strong foundation before we make our relationship public. I don't know how much of that is up for us to decide. Blaine has a contract that apparently dictates a great deal of his life, and I don't know how much his team will want to control what's going to happen.
My phone buzzes with an incoming message. I pick it up from where I left it on the coffee table, thinking that it's a message from Blaine. It's not. It's from Quinn. I see that I have dozen missed messages from not only Quinn but from Tina and from Ali, Rachel and Santana. All my girls. I know it must have to do with last night. Everything is viral now, and they must have seen what they are writing about Blaine. Ali, Rachel and Santana knew about my decision, and they knew about my plans for last night. I had to tell someone because my mind was going slightly crazy with nerves and doubts. I start with the texts from Ali, Rachel and Santana.
Ali
Wow, I just saw the videos from the restaurant. I'm sooo happy for you, but shit the internet is going crazy with these news. Hope you are ok. Call me.
Rachel
Kurt, OMG! I can't believe he did that for you. That is the sweetest thing I've ever seen. I'm so jealous. I wish someone would do something like that for me. Anyway, love you. Call me.
Santana
You better be tapping that ass or I'm so disappointed in you Kurt. Call me and tell me all about it. Also don't read comments online, and if you already have, don't listen to any of them. You deserve Blaine.
I answer them all that everything went according to plan, that I'm happy but trying not to freak out because of the paparazzi outside, and that I will call them later.
Then I move on to the texts from Quinn and Tina. I'm curious to know what they have to say about all of this.
Quinn
Please call me Kurt.
Quinn
Kurt I need to know if this is true. Call me!
Quinn
I'll only excuse you ignoring me if you're in bed with Blaine. All other excuses are not acceptable.
Tina
Please tell me this is you (link to YouTube). It's all over the internet. I really hope this is you with Blaine. It would make me so happy.
I click on the link, and I'm directed to a video taken last night. I can see Blaine sitting by the piano, talking to the people in the restaurant.
"My last song is a song I wrote a little over five years ago. It was also my very first single to be released. I wrote this song for him, and even though I haven't seen him in these five years, the words are just as true now as they were then."
I figured they would make the connection - they're the only ones that knew about us then and have heard Blaine perform that song for me. They seem happy though. There are more messages from them on the same theme.
I decide to make a group conversation with Quinn and Tina, thinking that they will talk to each other anyway.
Kurt
Hey girls! Stop harassing me. Where's the fire?
Quinn
You're alive! Thank god! *rolls eyes*
Kurt
Of course I'm alive :)
Tina
Are you and Blaine back together?
Kurt
Straight to the point as always Tina. Yes, I'm fine thank you. How are you?
Tina
Stop playing around Kurt. We're dying to know!
Quinn
Please tell me he's there beside you and that you're happy and worked everything out.
Kurt
He's not beside me… Not anymore at least. He had to work.
Quinn
And? Did you work it out? Are you back together? Come on Kurt!
Kurt
Yes and yes.
Tina
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!
Quinn
I knew it! Oh my God Kurt I'm so happy! Tell us all about it.
So I tell them everything that happened since I ran into Blaine a few weeks ago. About how he told me he wanted me back, about my doubts because of our history and because of Rafi. I tell them about last night. About people showing up outside the restaurant so that we had to flee. I tell them about the High Line, and the kiss, and the I love you's. I don't give them any details about our night together other than we talked a lot, but that there's still a lot to talk about. I tell them that I'm happy and in love. I ask them not to talk about this with anyone or write anything about it online because we haven't decided how we want to handle it yet.
They tell me again that they're happy for us. That this is the best news ever, and that they have secretly hoped we would find a way back to each other during all these years we've been apart. They hope that Blaine will want to talk to them, and they tell me to tell him that they all really miss him. That they're not mad that he hasn't kept in contact, but maybe that can change now.
Tina's final message throws me off guard.
Tina
I hope this means that you are bringing Blaine to our wedding Kurt. You have a plus one, don't make me start rearranging the seating arrangements now!
Tina and Mike are getting married in October, and in all this, I had totally forgotten that I was brining Rafi to their wedding. I want to bring Blaine, but I'm not sure he would want to go. I have to talk to him about it. The thought of going back home together and reuniting with our old friends is so very appealing though.
After texting with my friends, I feel even happier than before. All of their love and support really strengthens me. I should probably call Dad, but somehow I think Blaine wants to be a part of that conversation, and I want to wait until he comes home. Dad isn't the one who reads online gossip columns or anything on Twitter for that matter, so the chances that he knows what's happened is slim. Waiting until later feels like an okay decision.
There are also some thoughts about Rafi, wondering if he's read anything about last night. He said he knew it was coming when I broke up with him. Said he knew he didn't stand a chance against a first love that I obviously hadn't gotten over, but that he still hoped for a different outcome.
Putting away my thoughts, I go and take that shower I've been desperately needed for a while, styling my hair to perfection afterwards. If I'm caught on a photo, although I hope not, I want to look my best. I realize that I don't have clothes to put on as Maria walked away with my suit earlier. Even though I don't think Blaine will mind, it feels a little intrusive to go through his wardrobe in pursuit of something to wear. It's not easy to find anything that fits as Blaine is a few inches shorter than me, and it's giving me a headache. I am a fashion designer and ending up online in anything less than a perfect looking outfit feels unacceptable.
I give up after fifteen minutes, realizing that there's nothing in Blaine's wardrobe that even slightly resembles my style. I find one pair of pants that at least almost fits me (Blaine must be rolling up the legs when wearing these) and a shirt that goes with it. I also find a knitted cardigan that fits and that actually looks quite autumn chic.
I slip out through the backdoor, trying to act as normal and as nonchalant as possible even though my heart is beating frantically. I can't see any photographers hiding in the bushes, which is a relief. Maybe they left when they saw Blaine leave earlier. Hopefully. I hurry down the street and make it home to my own apartment. Sophie is nowhere in sight when I get inside, which is not a surprise. She's usually mad at me when I spend the night away. But I know how to lure her out of her hiding place. As soon as she hears me opening the package with her food, she comes running.
We bond over breakfast, me on the floor next to her with a bowl of yogurt. Then I change into my own clothes, fold Blaine's clothes neatly and put them in a bag together with a change for myself. I add a spare set of facial products that I can leave at Blaine's. I am hoping to spend many nights at his place, and being prepared for that isn't wrong, right?
I feel bad for leaving Sophie so soon again, but I have a few errands that I want to make, and then I want to go back to Blaine's place as soon as possible because I want to be there when he gets home.
I use the key that Blaine gave me to unlock his door. I used the backdoor to get into the building again, and I think I was successful in avoiding any unwanted attention. I place the key on the counter beside the door and drop the bags I've been carrying on the floor. I'm all sweaty from running around town in clothes that were warmer than necessary since the sun decided to reappear. I unpack the food I bought to make Blaine dinner tonight, and then I head upstairs for another, well-needed shower.
Having a day off after the crazy morning and a busy weekend was something I needed more than I realized. Staying away from the Twitter comments has been hard, not that I gave it much of an effort. Blaine didn't tell me much of what he read this morning, which made me think it was bad. Some of it kind of was, but there were also some really sweet comments from people expressing their hope that Blaine got what he hoped for last night. Many are happy for Blaine, saying they want nothing more than for him to be happy and in love. Some think that it is so sweet that Blaine had written Beautiful Mess for someone that meant something to him, and that made them see the song in a new light and made them love it even more. Mostly though, everyone is dying to know my identity, but no one seems to have figured it out yet.
As I step out of the shower, I hear the sound of an incoming text. I dry my hands before I pick up the phone to see that I actually have four texts from Blaine.
Blaine
On my way home now. Can't wait to see you.
Blaine
I didn't mean to assume that you're still at my place. I mean I would really like you to be. But if you're not, that's ok. Maybe we can see each other another day.
Blaine
I'm actually not okay with not seeing you tonight. I've missed you all day and I really would like to hug you. I want you to be at my place.
Blaine
Sorry about that. You can do be wherever you like, of course. But where are you? Why aren't you answering?
I shake my head and laugh a little at Blaine's rambling texts, but at the same time I'm a little concerned about his lack of faith in me. All four texts are sent within fifteen minutes. Blaine's insecurities shine through, and it makes me sad to think that he believes that there's any other place I'd want to be than right here waiting for him to come home so that we can spend more time together. But I have to remind myself that this is still new, and that we're still adjusting to it.
Kurt
Relax baby, I'm here, I was just in the shower. I missed you all day too, hurry home.
I put on Blaine's pajama pants again, I've come to like them a lot. They're comfy, and it feels somehow intimate to wear something of Blaine's. I find a new t-shirt in his wardrobe and put it on. It smells of him, and now it feels like I'm wrapped up in him even though he isn't here.
I wait for him downstairs. There's a beautiful window sill in the kitchen that looks so inviting - with a few cushions to sit on, it would be the perfect place to spend rainy afternoons - but I don't know if it is a good idea to sit there today. I don't know how visible it is from the street. But I'm drawn to it, and I can't resist to sit down and look out the window, down on the street below. It's a quiet street. A few children with their nannies are walking on the sidewalk. A man is walking his dog. A car drives slowly by. My fingers ache for my sketchpad. It's in my bag by the door, but I can't find it in me to leave this place and this view. I can picture myself living here. Sure this place needs a face lift, but that's easily fixed. This street, this apartment feels like home. Blaine feels like home.
I hear the door open, and my heart beats a little faster. Blaine is home. "In here," I call to him. It's silly how much I want to hold him again. We haven't been apart that long, but it's like my body wants to make up for all those missed years by holding him close to make sure he's actually here, that he's real. Last night I held my hand on Blaine's heart just to feel it beat. I had thought then that he's real. It's silly, I know it's silly, but today I feel the same. He's soon going to walk into this kitchen, he'll hug me and look into my eyes, and he will still be real.
"Well, well, if this isn't a surprise. Or not really actually."
Sebastian. My entire being freezes. What the hell is Sebastian doing here? This makes absolutely no sense. How did he even get into this apartment?
"Kurt, it's so good to see you again," Sebastian says in his usual annoying tone.
"Sebastian," I say dryly. "I wish I could say the same. What are you doing here? Does Blaine know that you're here?"
"Come on, Kurt, don't be like that. I'm nice, remember? And no, Blaine doesn't know I'm here. I wouldn't have to be here if he actually picked up his phone when I called him."
"He's busy," I tell him. "How did you get in?"
"Oh, I had a key made years ago. But don't tell Blaine that."
I'm not only going to tell him, I'm going to insist that he change his locks. I shake my head to say he's crazy. "What do you want?"
"I came to see if he's okay," Sebastian says, and he actually sounds concerned. "He made quite an impression on the internet yesterday, so I just wanted to see how he's holding up. I'm assuming yesterday was about you?"
I nod affirmatively. I remember that for some time Sebastian was the only one who cared about Blaine and was there to help him. I promise myself to make an effort to like Sebastian (even though he makes it hard sometimes). "And since you are here now, I'm also assuming things went well?"
"Yes."
"And you're what? Back together again?"
"Yes."
"Good. That's really good. He deserves some happiness in his life. God knows he hasn't had much of that lately."
"I know… I… I'm hoping I can change that."
"With you, there's no question he will have that. But if you ever hurt him…" Sebastian gives me a threatening glare - one which doesn't scare me at all. But it proves to me that Sebastian still has Blaine's best at heart.
"Sebastian, I know you care about Blaine, so trust me when I say that I have absolutely no intention of ever hurting him again. I'm not letting him go a second time. I love him too much to make that mistake twice."
"Good. Because I don't think he could survive it," Sebastian says seriously.
"Neither could I," I tell him equally serious.
After that Sebastian relaxes. He knows I'm real, and that's all he needs to know, to know that his friend will be safe. Safe from further breakdowns and beginning depressions. Safe from heartache and misery. Blaine is safe with me, and Sebastian knows it. It's okay for him to relax and take a step back. I will take over from here. Take over as the number one person who looks out for Blaine and his well being.
"Kurt?" I'm snatched out from my thoughts by the sound of Blaine's voice calling my name. I didn't hear the door open or close. I've must really have been deep in thoughts.
"In the kitchen," I call back and watch as Blaine walks into the kitchen with a big smile on his face. He's holding something that looks suspiciously like a pastry box. His eyes are surrounded by eyeliner, his hair is messy and styled so that he's looking like a rock star. He's sexy as hell and I can't take my eyes away from him. His smile falters though when he sees Sebastian.
"Seb?" Blaine says bemused and slightly guarded. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to check up on you. You're the name on everyone's lips today, and since you couldn't bother to pick up your phone, I came here instead. But I know now everything is as it should be, so I was just about to leave."
"Okay…" Blaine says perplexed.
"I'll call you tomorrow," Sebastian says. "And you better pick up your phone when I call next time."
Sebastian walks out of the kitchen, patting Blaine on the arm on his way out and giving him what I think is an I'm happy for you, but please be careful look. Blaine's gaze follows him as he leaves and walks out the front door. Then his eyes return to me.
"Okay, that was weird. Is everything okay?" Blaine asks worriedly.
"Yes, everything is perfect," I beam. Everything is perfect when I'm with him.
"He didn't bother you?" He's still standing perplexed at the other end of the kitchen.
"No."
"Did you let him into the apartment? Willingly?"
"No, he actually has a key of his own. Did you know that?"
"What? No, I didn't. How did he…?" Blaine's still too worried, and too wound up. I want him to relax.
"I suggest you change all your locks, or he'll soon be walking in on us having sex, and that is not something I'm willing to share with him.
Blaine laughs. "Okay, I'll have the locks changed. What did he want?" He seems to relax enough to let his shoulders down and to let the day's worries roll off of him. He puts down the box on the kitchen table and walks over to where I'm sitting while I answer him. He takes my hands in his, gently stroking his thumbs over my knuckles.
"He was worried about you after what happened last night, and then when he found me here, I guess he just wanted to make sure I wouldn't break your heart again. Which I never will, okay. I'm not letting you go again, just so that we're clear."
"I hear you, loud and clear," Blaine says and does a cute little salute. "And just so that we're clear, I'm never saying goodbye to you."
"Come here so that I can kiss you." I pull at his shirt to drag him closer so that I can place my lips on his. I don't know how it's possible, but his kisses - all of them back then and everyone we've shared so far - still taste like heaven. I've never experienced that with anyone else.
"I missed you today," Blaine breathes out blissfully when we break the kiss.
I smile, "I know, me too. Your eyes…" I start not finding the right words to say.
"I know," Blaine mutters. "It's too much. It's from the photoshoot, they wanted to give me a particular look. I'm just gonna go and wash it off."
"No, no," I tell him and trace one finger along his jawline. "I think you should leave it on," I say smugly. "I want to see you like this is in bed later."
"Really now." Blaine raises an eyebrow but looks very pleased.
Blaine ends up telling me about his day while I cook him dinner. During his meeting with the management team, he had been harshly asked if he knew the consequences of breaking a contract (a very high fine apparently), what was he thinking, how could he be so careless, did he think about the consequences at all, who was the guy, was he worth it? Blaine had answered truthfully to all questions, letting them know that I was in his life now, and I wasn't going anywhere. He wasn't single anymore, and they could handle it anyway they wanted. They hadn't been happy about it, but they had accepted it. Despite everything they loved the attention Blaine was getting today. Every gossip site, every pop culture magazine were buzzing about Blaine and his mysterious lover. They wanted to keep the buzz going for as long as possible. They made up a plan for how and when Blaine and I would reveal our relationship. Blaine told them to shove it because no one but he and I were going to decide when and where or if we were going public with our relationship.
Jeff had pulled him aside after the meeting, and although he was mad at him for being so reckless and not thinking things through before acting, he was mostly very happy for Blaine. He had said that he now understood Blaine's sudden change in mood, and that he hoped we could make it last this time because anyone who could bring Blaine out of his dark hole was someone he hoped Blaine could keep. He had witnessed first hand what missing me did to Blaine. He had hugged him and told him to bring me over for dinner sometime.
Blaine doesn't care about the fine, which again makes me question how much money he actually has. He's just happy that that part is over, and that the consequences weren't worse. Now it's up to us to decide what we want to do.
"How do you feel about this?" Blaine asks. "I know it's too soon to make this decision. I mean we've only been back together for less than 24 hours, but we have to start thinking about it. I understand it's a lot to consider, and that you maybe don't fully understand what it means to date me publically with all the attention and the possibility of being caught on camera wherever you go. Oh, and my team wants to do a thorough background check on you, but I told them it's not necessary because Kurt Hummel doesn't have any skeletons in his closet. Anyway, I'll do this whichever way you want us to."
It is a lot to take in. I think back to my thoughts this morning - that it would be nice to spend some more time together just him and me, before we share it with the outside world. I know though, that I'm willing to face all the gossip, all the cameras, all the vicious comments behind my back. As long Blaine and I can be open and honest with each other, and be there for each other when things get rough, I know I'll do anything for this man. I also start to worry that I do have some skeletons in my closet.
"You're right, it is too soon to make any kind of decision," I start and reach my hand across the table to take his. "Can we just spend the next couple of days or weeks together and be in our own little bubble? I would really like to enjoy being back with you for a little while before we invite the world to our relationship. Is that okay?"
"Of course, it is, Kurt. I think that sounds like the best thing I've heard today. I would keep you in this bubble forever if I could. I never want to share you with the world."
"Are you ashamed of me?" I tease.
"No, never," Blaine answers seriously. His serious face in combination with his makeup and hair makes him attractive beyond words. It's a kind of broody sexiness that turns me on. "What I mean is that I don't want to expose you to this world. It gets kind of crazy sometimes, and I wish I could spare you that."
"We'll be fine, won't we? We have each other, and as long as we're safe with each other, we'll be fine, right?"
"You'll always be safe with me." Blaine stands up and walks over to where I'm sitting. He crouches beside my chair and places his hands on my thighs. "So we'll keep this a secret for a little while longer?"
"We can at least try," I say and lean forward to kiss him. "But there is someone we need to tell."
"Who?"
"Dad," I say, and I see Blaine's face light up.
"You haven't told him yet?"
"No, I thought you'd want to be a part of that conversation."
"Can I be the one to call him?" Blaine asks. But then his happy face turns serious. "I haven't talked to him since we broke up. Do you think he will be mad at me?"
"I think if anything, he'll be happy to hear your voice. He misses you, you know. You're his son, and he hasn't talked to you in years. He'll be happy, I promise."
"Okay. Good," Blaine says still sounding a bit wary. "Okay, let's do it."
"First I want to know what's in that box." I point at the pastry box that is sitting by the end of the big kitchen table. The table is big enough to fit eight people. Why Blaine has such a big kitchen table is beyond me. But then again, most of the design in this apartment is beyond me. I've brought some things with me from my shopping spree earlier today that I think will improvement this place and make it feel more like a home and less like a furniture display.
"Ah, intrigued are we?" Blaine smiles as he stands up and moves to take the box. He places it in front of me and beckons me to open it.
It's the most delicious cheesecake I've eaten in a long time. I thought I had found the place in New York that made the best cheesecake, but it's apparent that my research hasn't been thorough enough. This cheesecake is almost orgasm worthy. At least the sounds I'm making while eating it are, according to Blaine. But then again, the man sitting next to me is also orgasm worthy, so if I'm making those sounds, it's not my fault.
"What?" Blaine asks and looks at me.
I have no idea what he's talking about, I've been too lost in enjoying the cheesecake and looking at my man. "What?" I ask in return
"You're looking funny at me. Like you want to eat me, too."
"Maybe I do. I can't get over how damn hot you look with eyeliner." I have of course seen pictures of him with eyeliner before, but seeing him up close and in person is… wow… so much hotter. I fan myself, and Blaine laughs and attacks my lips.
"After we talk to Burt, I might just show you how hot I am for you."
"Promises, promises," I snicker.
We clear the table, placing the dishes in the sink because we're too lazy to do the dishes right now, and then make ourselves comfortable on Blaine's couch. He takes his phone, dials Dad's number, and puts it on speaker.
"Hello?" Dad answers.
"Hi, Burt," Blaine says.
"Blaine?" Dad says sounding a little unsure and a lot surprised.
"Yes, it's me," Blaine says with a wide grin on his face. "How are you?"
"Oh my God, it's really you! How are you, son?"
"I'm good, Burt. I'm perfect actually," Blaine says, looking at me. His hand reaches out to find mine. I twine my fingers with his and squeeze lightly. Perfect sounds just about right.
"Oh, that makes me so happy to hear!" Dad says, genuinely excited. "It's been so long, and there's so much I want to say. I don't know where to start. But you're like a big star now, you made it, Blaine!"
"I'm still me, Burt," Blaine says and chuckles at Dad's excitement. But then he stops to smile and adds a bit more unsure. "I'm still your son."
"You bet you are!" Dad says. "Would it have hurt to call me and let me know how you were doing, once in a while?" Dad isn't mad, not even accusing; it's his way to attempt to joke. But I can see that Blaine doesn't take it that way.
"I'm sorry… I know I should have… but I…I…"
"Hey, none of that," Dad says, "you called now, that's what matters. Just don't wait another five years to call me again," Dad chuckles. "Now, tell me all about what's going on in your life."
Blaine is still beating himself up about cutting Dad, and everyone else, out of his life. He doesn't have to say it, I can see it in his eyes. I move a little closer and lean my head against his shoulder to remind him of my presence and that everything is good now. Things might have been messed up in the past, but we're moving forward. We're here now. Like Dad said, that's all that matters.
Blaine leans his head against mine and squeezes my hand, like he can hear my thoughts.
"Actually," he says, "I have someone here with me that wants to say hello to you."
"Hi Dad," I say.
Dad literally squeals in the other end of the phone. "No… no, this is… is this for real?"
"Yes, Dad, we're both here. Together," I say.
Dad begins to laugh and cry at the same time. "You guys… this makes me so happy." I hear his voice choking up.
"I'm the happy one," Blaine says and places a kiss on my forehead.
"Oh, I wish I could jump through the phone and hug you both," Dad says, still with tears in his voice. "This is the best news I've heard in a very long time. When are you coming home?"
I see the smile spreading across Blaine's lips when Dad says the word home. I so want to go home with Blaine, but with everything going on around us, I don't see us traveling together anywhere soon.
"I don't know, Dad. There is-" I start but Dad cuts me off before I can finish.
"You're bringing him home to the wedding, right? You have to Kurt, I can't wait longer than that."
Blaine sits up and looks at me, confused and curious. "What wedding?"
"Tina and Mike's," I say in passing, focusing on not getting my dad's hopes up. I would love to bring Blaine to the wedding, but after this day, I know Blaine's life isn't completely his own. He has obligations. And we did say we'd lay low for a while. "It's not that easy, Dad. Blaine can't just travel and-"
Again I'm cut off, this time by Blaine. "I'm coming. When is it?"
"It's the last weekend in October, right Kurt?" Dad says.
"Yes, but shouldn't you check with the record label first? Maybe you have something scheduled?" I say, because his contract seems kind of strict, and there are repercussions for breaking it. But also because I don't want to get my own hopes up if it then turns out he can't come with me.
"My friends are getting married. I will be there no matter what the label says. I've been applying to their rules for so long, it's about time I get a say in my life, too. Or do you not want me there?" He adds, a smile playing on his lips.
"You know I do, but-"
"We're coming home," Blaine says to Dad.
It's decided. Blaine pulls me in closer and wraps his arms around me. I tilt my head up to kiss him. He's happy. I'm happy. I don't want to worry about the details, we'll figure it out somehow. With Blaine in my life, nothing seems impossible. Besides, I'm taking Blaine home to Dad! And to meet our friends again!
We stay on the phone with Dad a little while longer before we say goodbye and hang up.
Blaine pulls me in for a long kiss, the kind that leaves me wanting more. When he pulls back, I'm not only breathless, but also a little flustered. Blaine smiles when he sees the look on my face. "I know I promised you I'd take you upstairs after we talked to Burt, but there's someone I want you to meet first."
