Chaoji Returns to the Order – FAILURE

"I have never been this happy in my life."

The entire table looked up in horror, wondering if they had actually heard those words come from Kanda's mouth. Had Kanda honestly just said happy? He snapped his chopsticks perfectly, a smirk forming at his lips.

"I don't know if I should laugh, or be scared," Lavi commented, although he was already laughing.

"It has been a relief, though," Noise agreed. "Do you realize that since he's left, I haven't had a single headache?"

"Yeah, now that the elephant's footsteps are gone, you have nothing to worry about!" Lavi snickered. "My shoulders haven't been aching as much, either, now that that Fat Ass isn't draping his freaking arms all over me anymore!" Imitating Chaoji's high, obnoxious voice, Lavi cried, "Best friend Lavi! Brother Kanda!"

"You can't forget Devil's Spawn Allen," Noise reminded him, shaking his head in disbelief.

"It's been nice being able to eat without someone picking at my plate," Allen admitted.

Lenalee smiled thoughtfully, glancing off in the distance. "I've felt a little safer walking alone in the halls now that he's gone."

"And it's finally quiet for a change," Kanda added. Appreciating the newly come silence, the group stopped talking for a moment and listening to the gentle hum of distant conversations and chirping of birds outside the cafeteria windows. A relaxed feeling settled over the group, and everyone fell into a trance.

Everyone except Noise, that was. At first, he had been serene, but then his eyebrows began to furrow and a crease formed in his forehead. He pressed a hand against his ears, cringing a bit…

"It really is nice," Miranda noted in a soft voice.

"JERRY!!! WHERE'S THAT USELESS COOK WHEN I NEED HIM? I WANT FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH LOTS OF MAYONAISE AND MUSTARD AND SALT AND CHOCOLATE!!!"

Kanda's chopsticks snapped in his grip. Lenalee's eyes flew open in horror. Noise leaned over, clutching his ears. Lavi let out a moan. Allen frowned, "I don't think that combination will taste too good…"

Somehow, Chaoji had heard him. "What do you know about food, Allen? You probably cook in a large caldron with your fellow demonic evildoers!"

Kanda stood up and left, kicking over his chair as he went.

"Brother Kanda!" Chaoji sang out, even though the door was already closed. "How I have missed thee and longed for your encouraging words and the sounds of your gentle laughter and warm embrace-"

"-Who the hell are you talking about-"

"-He's talking to a door-"

Chaoji continued to stand at the door, screaming out stupid shit. "HOW I LOVE THEE! THEE, OF WHOM I LOVETH! MY KIN!!!"

"That's a door, Chaoji!" Lenalee shrieked, unable to watch anymore.

Chaoji turned around to face all the solemn, downcast looks of disappointment that were on his friends' faces. A smile spread across his huge ass face.

"I think you guys need a hug," he decided.

And they tried to run, but no one could run faster than the Fat Ass could roll.

Failure.