Disclaimer: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly create. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront!
When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (my Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale.
A/N: So, yeah, what was just a couple more chapters turned out to be four. The breaks just didn't make sense otherwise! Have no fear, they are all done and just require simple edits before posting so you will have much to read and a whole new book starting soon :)
Thanks to my readers, reviewers and followers and my wonderful Lady Beta artemiskat!
Happy Reading!
-Frayed One
Chapter Fifty-One: Coronation and Compromise
The next few weeks passed in a blur. Elissa rotated her time between aiding in Alistair's preparation for his impending coronation (or doom if you asked him about it) and spending time with one or another of their companions. She had been thrilled to discover upon waking that all of them had agreed to stay around at least through Alistair's ceremony, though most were set to depart afterward for one place or another. She had not been surprised not to find Morrigan among them, considering that she woke from what should have been her final rest - but it still pained her to think that she might never see the woman again. Regardless of what had passed between them in the end, she had considered the witch to be a friend and it hurt to think they had somehow come to this place where they were more likely to end up as enemies.
Publicly Alistair and Elissa put on a brave face, convincing all those save their closest friends that they were the perfect adoring couple. Privately every moment was a struggle against their guilt and anger – both of which built a stronger thicker wall between them with each passing day.
Elissa had moved into the main bedroom with Alistair after her first night awake again, but though they shared a bed – they had not been intimate since before their ill spent night in Redcliffe Castle. They'd made several attempts as the attraction between them both from the mutual feelings they shared and the pull of their tainted blood kept them both in a state of unrequited desire on a daily basis – but each attempt ended the same. Alistair could not forget that she had last been with Riordan, and Elissa could not forget that he had last been with Morrigan. It was a problem, a big one – and they both knew it.
"Don't bite my head off for saying this, but it suits you…" Alistair said, standing in front of his mirror and doing the best he could to straighten the gold and red finery he was covered in.
"What?" Elissa replied, fidgeting again with the gold sash at the waist of her dress and thinking that Eamon had intentionally chosen to dress her in red velvet as it made her look as though she was covered in blood even out of her armor.
"Nobility… being a Queen… the dress… take your pick." he replied, unsurprised when she pursed her lips and rolled her eyes at him.
"I don't see what was so wrong about wearing my armor." Elissa complained, stepping away from her mirror and going over to help Alistair finish up before he managed to tear something with his nervous fingers. "It's brand new so it isn't as though it was going to have Archdemon bits on it or something."
"It is Archdemon bits, Elissa." Alistair laughed, relaxing a little when she did the same. "And Wade's crowning jewel of achievement no less."
"Let's get on with it then," she sighed, reaching up to tuck her hand into the elbow that he offered her on his way out the door. "The sooner we get done with this and get me out of this dress, the less homicidal I will feel."
"I can have you out of that dress right now if you'd like…" he muttered under his breath, watching her cheeks color and her eyes go wide with the thought that one of the numerous castle staff milling about might have heard him.
"Alistair!" Elissa hissed, covering her surprise with a smile that was a little too wide.
"What? Just because we aren't having sex, doesn't mean I'm not thinking about it all the time." Alistair replied, watching the color of her blush continue to travel from her cheeks down her neck and onto the swell of her breasts where they peeked out the bodice of her dress. "Especially when you look like that. Don't forget, I've never seen you in a dress before."
"You've seen me naked, Alistair… I'd think that to be far more tempting than some stupid dress." Elissa snorted, steering him roughly around the corner when he nearly went the wrong way in his distraction.
"Elissa! Now is not really the best time to talk about that!" he warned her, making a not so subtle gesture to his pelvis with his free hand before she swatted his hand down with an angry hiss, glancing around to make sure no one had seen. "This finery crap doesn't hide things the way my armor used to, and I've got to stand in front of a room of people in a few moments."
"You started it!" she said, unable to stop the laughter that began to bubble up inside her as they reached the outer doors to the Landsmeet hall.
Alistair lost it soon after, feeling - for the first time in a long time - that things between them might actually be okay one day.
The coronation ceremony though short and sweet, was delayed several times when either Alistair or Elissa lost themselves to the fit of laughter that had started outside the chamber doors. The Grand Cleric was not impressed, which only made them laugh harder – unable to contain themselves even when the woman moved back to stand next to Eamon, fixing them with the most unpleasant look either of them could imagine.
"My friends, though the Grand Cleric and my Uncle would have you believe that we are gathered here today to put a piece of shiny and highly uncomfortable metal on my head," Alistair said, managing to maintain himself even when Elissa started chuckling again as he thumped his crown hard enough to have it ding audibly, "what I actually called you all together for was to celebrate those responsible for the victory that made it possible for me to stand here today." He gestured down to the group of their companions gathered at the front of the crowd. "None of this would have been possible without this group of people, more family than friends, and no words I say will thank them enough for all they have done."
The crowd started to react for the first time that evening, Elissa leading the cheering with very un-queenly shouts of her own from behind where Alistair stood on the dais.
"But… of those who stood against the darkspawn in the siege of Denerim, there is one in particular who deserves commendation." He continued, hearing Elissa beginning to fall silent behind him when she realized what he was about to do. "The one who led the charge against the Archdemon remains with us still – in spite the odds. She is an inspiration to all of us whom she saved that day." He swung his arm back then, reaching for her hand with a wink and a smile – fully aware she'd have him later for tossing her in front of the crowd this way, but willing to suffer the consequences. "Ladies and gentlemen, may I formerly present my betrothed… soon to be your Queen, The Warden-Commander and Hero of Ferelden."
"Using my title instead of my name won't save you from the payback coming for this one, Alistair." Elissa muttered, covering her grimace with a smile as the cheers and catcalls welled up from the crowd – many of whom, like Alistair, had never seen her in a dress before. "And Hero of Ferelden? Really? Did Fergus come up with that one?"
"It may have come from a chat I had with your brother after one too many ales... but don't throw either of us to the darkspawn yet. Not when you haven't heard the good part!" Alistair whispered, smiling beside her and trying not to laugh at the look of abject horror on her face before he started projecting his voice out to the crowd again. "My love, it is hard to imagine how you could have aided Ferelden more. And so… I think it only appropriate that I give you a gift worthy of the sacrifices you have made. As a reward for your boundless loyalty to your country and its people, and as an engagement present, I offer you the boon of your choice."
"Alright, you sneaky bastard, two can play at this game." Elissa mumbled, smirking back at him before raising her own voice, "I ask only that the sacrifices of the Grey Wardens, not just my own, never be forgotten again."
"I think I can manage that." Alistair smiled, proud that she'd requested the very thing he had already intended to give and that he had been able to read her well enough to know what was coming. "We will begin with a monument erected here in Denerim for all the Grey Wardens who have fallen."
"I think that sounds like a wonderful idea, Your Majesty." Elissa said, eyes glittering with mischief as she curtseyed before him, turning to fade into the background once again at the assumption he was done.
"There is one more thing, my Queen…" Alistair said, watching Elissa swing back to him with a confused look. "Let it be known that from this day forward the arling of Amaranthine, formerly the lands of Arl Howe, is now granted to the Grey Wardens. You can rebuild the order there, following the example of those that went before them."
He beamed at her, waiting for the joyous reaction he was sure was coming his way. He knew how much what Arl Howe did to her family had eaten at her, and he couldn't think of a better way to begin reclaiming what he'd taken from her than to take over his family home the way he had attempted to take her own.
"Alistair… what… what are you doing?" Elissa asked, eyes wide – horrified that he would consider Amaranthine, of all places, an appropriate gift for her on any occasion. "We have Soldier's Peak… I can rebuild the order there perfectly well and you know that!"
"Well, now you have Soldier's Peak and Amaranthine." Alistair replied, trying his best to look unshaken as they whispered frantically back and forth and tried not to call any more attention to themselves than they already had. "This way you can keep The Peak mostly under wraps in case we need it again some day, and use Amaranthine as the public base of operations. I-I don't understand what the problem is, Elissa. I thought you'd like this."
"Well, you were wrong… again…" Elissa hissed, shaking her head and clipping off down the stairs to mingle – leaving a very confused Alistair in her wake.
Though Eamon kept reminding her that the crowd gathered outside wanted a glimpse of the Hero of Ferelden and future Queen – Elissa took her time speaking to each of their companions as she knew that most of them were leaving within the next few days. Even Fergus was heading out in the morning, making his way back to Highever to begin the efforts to rebuild and reclaim their childhood home. He had made her promise that she would visit soon and make her peace with it, but she knew that was unlikely to happen. Even if she did go to see him, Highever would never again be her home and she would never be at peace with the atrocities she had witnessed there.
Wynne and Shale were leaving in three days on a trip to Tevinter to make an effort to discover any information they could on how to reclaim her squishy human body, after which Wynne intended to return to the Circle and Shale intended to return to the palace and offer her continued services to Alistair and Elissa in whatever form she could give them.
Leliana was leading an expedition to further research and protect the Urn of Sacred ashes, and though she had no idea how long the massive undertaking would require, believed that she would one day return to the Chantry and reclaim her life as a Sister once again.
Oghren was in the middle of a pickle juice drinking contest with Teagan, which Teagan was winning - much to Elissa's immense amusement, but the dwarf stopped chugging the briny liquid long enough to assure her that he was staying topside back near Lake Calenhad with Felsi.
Zevran and Swiftrunner were sticking to the edge of the crowd near the back of the room with Sten – and Elissa was thankful for the generous mug of ale that the assassin shoved into her hand as she made her way over to them finally.
"Saving the best for last, are you?" Zevran smirked, winking at her cheekily.
"You know it." Elissa replied, knocking back half the mug in one pull. "I don't know about you lot, but I for one will be happy to see all this pomp and circumstance come to an end."
"While I have very much enjoyed seeing you in such a lovely garment, my lady, I will agree with your desire to see the event end." Swiftrunner offered, smirking at her when she glared at his reference to her dress.
"Such events are the perfect opportunities for assassins." Zevran said, running a thumb casually around the lip of his own mug. "I can't help but expect the Crows to appear at any moment… which would be a welcome break, mind you."
"I'd gladly take a bloodbath if it got me out of this nightmare!" Elissa laughed, allowing Sten to take her mug and fill it once again from the keg behind him.
"You see? This is why I like you, my Warden." Zevran laughed, sharing a grin with the others. "Always game for a little fun."
The group fell silent for a moment, laughter mixing with more serious undertones when they all thought about what lay ahead for them in the days to come.
"I have heard a rumor that you were returning to the Grey Warden fold soon." Zevran said, sharing a look with Swiftrunner that Elissa couldn't miss. "Is that true?"
"Well, Alistair named me Warden-Commander in his little pep-rally before the siege – which, the First Warden for some reason far beyond my ability to understand, is supporting… and now I've been given Amaranthine to convert… so… yes, I suppose it is." Elissa answered, glaring up at Alistair in frustration and turning away when he looked up from whatever he had been talking to her brother about and met her eyes.
"Then, I have a suggestion – if I may. I have been speaking with the wolf here, and we have decided that it is highly likely that there are remnants of the factions who supported either Loghain or Howe who would still aim to do either you or your King harm." Zevran explained, watching the entirely realistic possibility dawn in Elissa's eyes, as she looked first to him, and then to Swiftrunner. "We would like to remain in the service of the crown, bodyguards if you will, until such time that we are not needed or that you wish for us to go."
"You want to stay with us?" Elissa asked, looking at them both in surprise. It hadn't occurred to her that they would desire to remain now that everything was over.
"I have grown rather… fond… of you." Swiftrunner said, smirking at her over his mug.
"As have I." Zevran continued, laughing lightly. "Sad… but true."
"I have to say... I-I rather like the idea of you two sticking around." Elissa admitted, feeling as though a weight was lifted with the very idea that she might keep their highly entertaining, if not completely inappropriate, senses of humor nearby.
"Let us go and seek approval from your King, then." Swiftrunner said, squeezing her shoulder as he and Zevran left – giving her a chance to speak with Sten.
"You keep looking at me as though I've sprouted wings or something." Elissa said, stepping a bit closer to him.
"No." Sten replied, continuing to stare at her.
"What is it then?" Elissa asked, starting to worry. "You aren't going to challenge me to another battle royal for the right to lead are you? Because I only have a dagger under this dress and I don't think that's any match for your broadsword."
"No, kadan. You are a fit leader, for your order and your people." Sten replied, still looking mildly uncomfortable though he laughed at her joke.
"Then what? You look as though you might be ill and it's not like you to be at a lack of words for anything." Elissa prodded, reaching out and placing her hand on his arm.
"I have decided to return to my people." Sten said, watching Elissa shift uncomfortably. "Your quest is done, and thus – so is my reason for accompanying you."
"I could go with you, if you like." Elissa spat, the words popping out of her mouth before she even knew she was saying them. It had been a gut reaction to the thought of his departure, but made the offer no less genuine.
"Is that truly what you want?" Sten asked, violet eyes flickering up to hers and holding them. "There is much to hold you here, and it is a long journey to a land that will not be hospitable to you."
"I'm not saying I will stay forever… I can't stay forever, obviously… but, I would like to see your home – to learn more of your people… and I think I've earned a slight reprieve before I'm shipped off to the next battle." Elissa explained, realizing this was exactly what she wanted to do. "Besides, somebody has to make sure you don't lose your sword again."
"Funny." Sten replied, frowning in an attempt to cover his laughter. "If you truly wish to come, I have a ship preparing to leave tonight. Make the preparations and goodbyes you require, and then meet me there once this celebration is over." He continued, looking up to Alistair and then back to the small odd woman who had become his closest friend. "If I do not see you there, panahedan, kadan. May you always find the path you seek."
Alistair was completely drained by the time he made it back to the Royal Suite. Elissa had excused herself hours before, claiming to have a headache – but Alistair knew better. She was still fuming about his poorly chosen engagement gift. He'd had a lengthy and passionate discussion about it with her brother, who's idea it had been in the first place, and Fergus assured him that Elissa's mood would pass... eventually.
He sat down on the bed and began peeling off his exceptionally uncomfortable clothing, the muffled sounds of Elissa fumbling with her things in the room next door making it clear that she was in the suite even if she hadn't yet come to their room. He would have been content to simply let her come to him when she was ready, had there not been a loud clatter of metal followed by a long string of curses.
Panic drove him into the room, barreling through the door and expecting to find her fighting off assassins – not shoving the things that had clattered to the floor into her pack from where she crouched fully armed and armored in front of him.
"What's going on?" he asked, moving fully into the room.
"I-I'm leaving, Alistair." she replied, turning her back on him as she retrieved more of her belongings from the bed and shoved them into her pack. "Sten has a ship off the docks in Amaranthine. He's going home to report to the Arishok, and I'm... I'm going with him."
"What? To Par Vollen?" Alistair hissed, glaring at her as he moved over to the bed.
"Yes, to Par Vollen… do you know of any other qunari home land?" Elissa retorted irritably.
"Elissa… the qunari aren't exactly fond of outsiders… Sten himself has tried to kill both of us on a number of occasions and he's our friend." Alistair said, thinking this was just one of her crazy ideas she could be talked out of with the appropriate application of logic.
"Sten's told the Arishok about me – and he has guaranteed my safety himself." Elissa replied, not even bothering to meet his eyes.
"Is this about Amaranthine?" he started, reaching out to touch her arm.
"No… this isn't about Amaranthine, not entirely." she replied, yanking her arm away and running her fingers through her hair restlessly but still not looking at him.
"Then… it's about us…" Alistair said, swallowing hard and trying not to let the fear that was welling up inside him take over.
"It's not just that either. It's everything. It's all just too much to take – I-I can't wrap my head around it all and so I need to step away for a moment…" Elissa said, pacing as she tried to explain.
"Running away isn't the answer, Elissa." he assured her, noticing fearfully that she wasn't wearing his ring for the first time since he'd given it to her.
"I'm not running away… I just… I need time – away from this, and away from you." she said, finally looking up to meet his eyes as she walked over to him and reached for his hand and pressed the Theirin signet inside of it.
"So this is it, then? This is how it ends? Were you even going to tell me if I hadn't come back and found you here?" Alistair said, his voice breaking as the emotions started to become more than he could control. "Or were you just planning on disappearing without a word?"
"I was going to leave a note…" Elissa began, silenced when Alistair rushed forward and grabbed her furiously – shoving her roughly against the nearby wall.
"A note? All we've been through together, everything we've meant to each other and you were going to say goodbye to me in a bloody note!" he yelled, his shaking rattling her swords against the wall where they were pinned against her back.
"It's not goodbye, Alistair… not forever. I just need to go for a little while, and I need for you to let me… please!" her own voice broke then, tears starting to streak down her face, "I'll send you missives every day, and I won't stay gone longer than a month or two – you have my word. I just… I can't think here, I can't breathe, and I need to figure out some way to fix this because I can't take it any more."
"Fine, then go." Alistair said, his voice empty as he backed away from her and turned to head back to the main chamber of the suite.
"I love you, I really do…" Elissa started, stopping at the look in his eyes when he turned back.
"You say that, but you're still going to go… aren't you?" he asked, nodding and smiling sadly when her face told him everything he needed to know. "That's what I thought… Good luck, Elissa. I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for."
The sound of the door closing behind him was heartbreaking, and Elissa had to fight against the natural urge to go charging in after him to try and make it right with the false hope of another night spent lying there unable to say or do anything that would fix the damage they had done.
"I hope so too." Elissa whispered, shouldering her pack again and heading out the door.
