I stared in disbelief as Snake disappeared.

So I could keep the money. Bonus!

I drove home.

The first thing I got when I opened the front door is not, "Where have you been for so long?" or "I missed you," but just my stepdad grumbling about the carvings on the closet door.

I told him I had a breakthrough and I would probably never do that again, but it was no use.

I surprised dad with a hug, telling him I'm glad he's alive.

He just stared at me. "Are you taking your meds?"

I nodded.

Stepdad rubbed his face in frustration. "Tomorrow you're going to be sanding and painting that door until it looks like Better Homes and Gardens."

He made me do pushups again.

"What happened to your knife wielding assassin?"

On pushup thirty, I gasped, "We're cool. He didn't even make me pay for the damages."

"Great! Sounds like our little exercises have paid off!"

He made me block a couple rubber knives, but once I disarmed him a couple times, he just slapped me on the back and told me to get up. "We're out of toilet paper. Could you hop by the store real quick?"

I nodded. "You...want a Coke, too?"

Stepdad wrinkled his brow. "You're right. Maybe I'm drinking too much of that stuff. It's making me ...jittery. Try to find me some green tea."

I actually did run some real life battle scenarios by him, to see the ideal response from a seasoned pro. I couldn't get too detailed about it, though. He got this suspicious look on his face when my suggestions got too outlandish.

Considering how I would have to immediately go back to work and what have you anyway, I made a much more thorough inventory of my bedroom, deciding exactly what would be best for a dangerous adventure on another planet.

Pants, I decided. Lots and lots of pants. Underwear. As much as I could possibly bring. Sheets and blankets, too. I also packed all my Boy Scout knives, because that's as close to a cache of weapons I have.

A pocket mirror seemed like an idea, too. For the Ikran. You know, birds like that sort of thing.

Stepdad, of course, asked me if I were moving out.

"I'm definitely thinking about it. You never know."

At dinner, mom said, "Been working some overtime today?"

I smirked. "How did you guess?"

"Every bit helps!"

I lied to mom about the CVS Minute Clinic again. To be honest, the cheap bastards wouldn't treat a cough, if I came in for one more than once, but I didn't mention that to her.

I asked her if I could borrow one of her raincoats, the one that didn't look feminine looking. If I were going to get glop all over me, I figured I'd kind of not get it all over me.

After dinner, stepdad gave me more karate training, you know, because he thought he'd improved me so much.

No weird dreams, no sleepwalking. It seemed everything was right with the world.

The following morning, I did more packing, forgetting the precise sequence of events that led to my eventual employment at DOGOS. No big deal.

I drove to work with my car loaded with supplies, obeyed the note I found on my keyboard, marching straight to that little office near the front entrance. It was, of course, the alien with the German shepherd ears.

I was happy to not see mold spores were exploding from his head. "Hello, Mr. Vuembi," I said in a pleasant tone.

"So you've heard about me. Please. Have a seat."

I did so. "I've signed some non-disclosure forms already..."

This didn't phase him any. "I don't think you've signed these yet."

They looked identical to the other ones I'd signed, but lapses in communication were common in many corporations, so I filled them out anyway.

"Are you going to be busy at all the next fourteen days? Any pressing engagements?"

"No," I said. "I don't have anything better to do than help get the communication system restored to U.S. Bank."

He clapped his hands. "So you've been briefed. I assume you also know we'll need to get you a drug screening right away."

"I don't see how a cock sleeve can scan your urine. I really don't. But I guess if that's how you guys do things around here, I'll do what you ask."

Vuembi frowned. "I'm going to be really interested in those test results."

"I hope you aren't going to be taking videos."

Puppy Ears rolled his eyes. "I hear you had an altercation with Sharon Jones."

"Yeah. But he's cool. When you need someone to cover your back, he's there for you."

"I'm glad to hear you say that. You know, you may actually be working next to him at some point."

I feigned surprise. "No!"

"Mr. Finch, what do you feel about the idea of extraterrestrial life?"

"What don't I feel about it? Don't tell Ibira I said this, but me and her just made out. I'm just saying that because, well, I love aliens."

Vuembi stared at me. "Say that again?"

"I love aliens," I repeated.

"No. The other part."

"I love Ibira," I said, not wanting to be one of those guys that kiss and brag. "Well, maybe really love her."

He cleared his throat. "I see. Tell me, who do you live with?"

"My mom and stepdad. I don't have a wife...yet. And my girlfriends are...here. I'm fine with a little vacation away from the planet."

"Are your emergency contacts are still up to date?"

"Yeah."

Vuembi stretched his fins.

"Are those of any use?" I asked. "Like when you're swimming or anything?"

He looked surprised that I wasn't more shocked. "Somewhat."

He folded his fins and stuck one of those colorful bugs in his mouth, offered the bowl to me.

I munched a handful. My time with Sigma had given me an acquired taste for it.

"It's good, no?"

"It's all right..."

Vuembi cleared his throat. "You have a day to pack everything you need for the trip."

"I have my stuff already. I had a hunch we were doing this today."

"We're not quite ready yet. There's paperwork we need to file for you. System information that needs to be updated with your profile. Please come back in twelve hours, when we have everything prepared."

"While you're at it, do you want my measurements?"

He stared at me like I were speaking about something with a sexual connotation. "Excuse me?"

"For the uniform. And the diaper."

He relaxed somewhat. "Certainly."

I told him the information, and he jotted it down on a little pad. "Be here at five thirty. Sharp."

So that was that.

As I was leaving, he added, "Oh, and don't forget about the drug test. Go ask Gary where it is."

"I know how to find the lab."

He frowned. "Do you. That's very odd, because I've never seen you before today."

I just gave him a shrug.

He handed me a temporary security badge. "Here. You need this to unlock the door."

I walked to the medical lab.

As before, Sal and her purple salamander friend busied themselves with inventory.

I cleared my throat. "I need a drug test."

The petite elf woman ignored me at first, counting out loud.

I walked up to her desk. "Excuse me. I'm supposed to get a drug test."

She looked around in puzzlement. "Isn't there supposed to be someone escorting you?"

She had a slight alien accent. I had missed that chirping sound she made at odd times during conversations. It made me smile. "I guess Gary was. But I knew where to go. My name's Jason. I'm a new hire."

She frowned a little. "All right..."

She handed me the testing device. "Put this over your penis and urinate into it."

Again, all purely clinical. But from what clinic, on what planet, I couldn't guess.

"Right."

I wasn't sure if I could go.

"Would you like a soda? Pepsi? Mountain Dew? Azaoca? Apple juice?"

I swallowed. "Uh...what's Azaoca?"

"It's kind of like carbonated tartar sauce. It's all right."

"Doctor Pepper?" I asked. "Maybe? Coke?"

Her assistant handed me a container of something that tasted like Mr. Pibb. A few minutes after drinking, I was rushing to the bathroom.

Sal laughed. "Place the Sopolo in the cabinet when you're finished."

I gave her my sample to check.

"Congratulations. You're negative for illegal substances." She frowned at the results.

I remembered her having to deal with some kind of technical issue with the scanner last time, so I was not at all surprised.

I strolled back down the hallway.

Once more, I bumped into Brian Ross.

"Hello," I said.

"Hey! Goldfinch! What's shakin'?"

I rolled my eyes. Dork. "Uh, just the usual. Uh, I think I'm going to be working for DOGOS."

"It's a great company. Aliens everywhere. You'll absolutely love it."

"I...think I will."

I frowned as I thought about the peculiar circumstances surrounding his death. "Uh...I'd be really careful around Hell's Gate if I were you," I warned. "This is going to sound really weird, but I had a dream where you...got sick and died after you went there."

Brian gave me a nervous laugh, then slapped me on the shoulder. "C'mon, man. A dream is just a dream! Don't let stuff like that freak you out. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about."

"I hope you're right."

He laughed. "We're going to be working together! How awesome is that!"

"Pretty awesome."

He clicked his tongue, flicking his finger at me.

...And he dropped by the hospital.

It felt really weird going back to an ordinary job dealing with Sprint phone activations and other such work, but I pretended like nothing was wrong.

When I came home, stepdad had found some sort of wood varnish stuff, which he ordered me to apply to my closet door. I shrugged and did what he told me, though you could still see the markings if you looked closely enough.

I informed him about the trip to Pandora.

"I thought you were going yesterday," he said, implying that he couldn't wait to get me out of the house.

"I made the mistake of going too soon. It's tomorrow."

"Well that's a bummer!"

"We're going to be doing a leadership event for two weeks," I said. "It's crazy. I don't know exactly what we're going to be doing, but I guess it's going to be in the woods somewhere."

"Gives me less dishes to clean. Where are you going?"

"There's a place in Wichita," I lied. "I've seen pictures. It looks like a dump, but, hey, it's paid."

"Are you being promoted?"

"...Maybe."

I told mom about it over supper.

"Do you know what you'll be doing down there?"

"It's a little weird. There's going to be a lot of vigorous calisthenics. Rock climbing and stuff. I'm not sure what it has to do with the company, but it might be fun."

"It sounds fun to me."

"Yeah. I guess..."

I already had my stuff packed the night before, so I just did a last minute check, trying to see what else might be good to take.

I went to bed really early, but I got some melanin from the drug store, which knocked me out right away.

I discovered, much to my horror, that my alter ego had returned from the dead. And I'm not talking about Henry.

Once again, I dreamed myself in the arms of Big Bertha.

Not knowing what to expect from the timeline, I went about my adventure like I were starting from scratch.

I sneaked out of the tipi, made double certain to avoid the kids, darted into the jungle.

I crept through the foliage, eyes always searching for that sharp pointy thing that I stepped on during that one dream.

I caught the sexy blue female bathing, just like before, but now I didn't have an injury.

I decided to play it cool and go skinny dipping with her like it were something ordinary.

The female gasped, covering her chest.

"Hi," I said.

"Who are you!" she cried. "What are you doing here!"

"Me?" I chuckled. "I'm nobody."

The female harrumphed and swam away.

Oh well, no big deal. It's a lot less crushing to one's ego to awaken from a crappy dream.

Okay, let's rephrase that. Less crushing if you don't awaken to find myself up in a tree in my front yard.

Again I found the skinned deer, the fire, and the pelt.

I got dressed, dragged the dead deer in front of a house at the end of the block, then called roadside animal cleanup before leaving for work. I say the end of the block, because that's about what it took to not be noticed by a neighbor.

I brought my stuff to the designated door at work, carefully packed in trash bags so I could limit the amount of trips.

Victor, of course, greeted me, as my own personal bellboy. "C'mon. Hurry. We're moving in twenty minutes."

"How's Rupert doing?" I asked.

Victor chuckled. "So you've heard of Rupert, huh? You're just full of surprises. Rupert is doing just fine. He's a little cranky, though, which is why I suggest you hurry with your shit. C'mon. I'll show you to your sleeping quarters."

"I...think I have an idea where they are."

"Well then." He dropped my things on the floor. "Have at it. If you have a brain fart, come find me and I'll show you to your room."

"Thanks."

"You've also got a class that should be starting in a couple minutes. Room 117. I think if you hurry you can catch it."

Remembering how I'd missed things last time, I put a rush on lugging my possessions down to the room full of bunk beds, throwing them on the bottom bunk.

I hoofed it to Room 117, knocked on the closed door, and Vuembi let me in, seating me in the usual spot, with the alien computers.

I touched nothing, like a good boy. I just waited for him to lecture.

Like before, Ibira was curiously absent.

DOGOS history lesson again. Bla bla bla.

He introduced us to the Gezrot devices. Instead of experimenting like everyone else, I toggled menus, trying to see if I could find any sort of knowledge center or other useful system to help me do my job. It helped to know the password he was just about to give us.

Two classmates brought up alien porn with the device, and Vuembi disabled the screen, threatening them with termination.

He gave us a drill on button commands. I tried to skip ahead, but he scolded me, telling me to stay with the group. It seems the bell curve doesn't only exist on earth.

Next we had our Neepra language instruction. I did need a refresher in that. What he said made perfect sense, about how the alien earwigs are not a hundred percent reliable.

It was a long lesson, and one of the students complained about not getting a break. The answer was not surprising. In fact, I'd already put my diaper thing on before class. The language lesson continued.

We had our break at 11:40. As Vuembi was starting his tour, I said, "Sir, I know where the bathroom and the other stuff is. Can I go on to the lunch room?"

He frowned and gave me a nod. "Be back at 12:45 sharp."

I beat the others to the food, grabbing some Ikran steak. They said it would be charged to my employee account.

"You did it," a familiar voice said as a brown hand slapped mashed potatoes on my tray.

I peered through the spit guard. "I can only hope. How do you know me when no one else seems to?"

Osmifa grinned. "I've been around awhile."

"I understand why I might go back in time to fix stuff, but why am I being made to relive my own life?"

She shrugged. "It's not my doing, so I don't know. Maybe it's a gift from your friends. Surely, there are some things in your life you'd rather do over..."

"I suppose so."

I moved to the end of the `buffet', looked around the cafeteria, trying to decide where to sit.

I didn't see that many faces I recognized that much, since this apparently was the training class lunch period. I think I may have run into a couple of them in a hallway, or seen their fungus exploded heads, but other than that, I didn't know any of them from Adam. Juanita was upstairs with Harry, and I figured, Ibira, Sigma and the others had their own lunch schedule.

I seated myself at a table empty save for a dark skinned man with nictating eyelids.

He wasn't much company. His head continually stuck in the third Harry Potter book. Not being a fan of the series, I just ate in silence, watching as he occasionally opened his mouth to slurp up dead flies and cockroaches from a Tupperware container with his long frog's tongue.

When I had finished my alien mystery meat, I noticed a female with a furry neck and arms pulling up a chair next to me. My nose recognized her before my head did.

"Hi."

I rubbed my itching nose, trying to hide my unease and disgust. "Hello, Sigma."

Yes, I was glad to see her alive, but as a wife, who did disgusting things while having sex...and me committed until death do us part...

"You know my name?"

I nodded. "I'm psychic."

"I heard." She frowned. "Don't look so happy to see me."

"I'm sorry. I was just...thinking about something else."

Like my allergies.

"I hear you have a thing for my friend," she said.

I swallowed. "I might."

She gawked at me. "How do you even know who I'm talking about? Did she tell you, or have you been stalking me?"

"Ibira told me."

Sigma furrowed her brow. "I heard you totally freaked Vuembi out. He's even considering quitting after this training group."

"I don't know. I...Guess that's the price for being psychic."

"What am I going to say next?" she asked.

"It doesn't work that way. All I know is what will happen if I don't do something different."

She laughed. "You definitely did something different in the decompression tank."

"Yeah..."

"You really think your junk is fatal?"

"It was last time. I seriously doubt there's a way to make it safe."

"I'm sure there's a way to make it safe. But Qozisa don't believe in contraception."

"I suppose we can just be friends, then."

Sigma put her hand on my shoulder. "She doesn't want to just be friends."

I frowned. "So what then? Does she have a death wish or something? I don't want to have her death on my conscience again."

The Harfon bowed her head. "Neither do I. Maybe you should talk to her. About some things."

"Do you know where she is now?"

"I'm...not sure. She might still be in a class or something."

Sigma grinned. "She's right. You are kind of cute."

She left the table, walking out.

On the way back to the classroom, I heard the distinctive shrieking of Victor and the others trying to shoot down an Ikran.

Knowing the building layout by memory, I made sure to avoid that section of hallway, making a beeline straight for the classroom.

All of a sudden, I caught a glimpse of something hazy shimmering into being just a couple yards ahead of me.

I froze, just staring at the mysterious object as it steadily gained definition.

I soon wished I hadn't.

A blue figure with a wide mouth and hateful little yellow eyes appeared.

It clenched its fists, causing scimitars to flash from its wrists.

The mouth widened into a grin, baring a huge set of nasty looking shark's teeth.

And me without a weapon.

"Shit!" I cried in horror, turning to run.